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You're in the home stretch. Dinner is done. Toys have been tidied. PJs are on. You have storybooks in hand, and there is just one more thing to do. "Time to brush your teeth," you tell your 5-year-old, who looks at you and yells, "NO!" then runs in the opposite direction.

You wonder why you are surprised since this happens most nights. You could pull them out from under the bed where you know they are hiding, and bring them kicking and screaming to the bathroom (reminding them how they need to brush their teeth to avoid cavities). You could give in and tell them their teeth have to be done tomorrow (and face the same argument all over again then.) You could offer a barter. An extra book and a song in return for compliance. However, you know they will string out negotiations and your frustration will hit new levels.

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But bribes, rewards and forcing a child do not work long-term.

When children resist doing things that need to be done, our options can feel limited. And none of the above strategies prove useful for long. Forcing a child to do something feels harsh and diminishes trust. Giving in shows a child that when they go off-track, you cave in, and puts them in a position of too much authority for their young years. And bartering and rewards have been shown to reduce children's intrinsic motivation; in addition, they continue the struggle between you.

When a child refuses to do what you ask, there are hidden reasons. Our kids don't deliberately say no just to push our buttons. When they do say no, it's because their feelings and emotions have overwhelmed their ability to think and cooperate. Saying "No!" is a signal that your attention on the subject is needed. The options above are temporary solutions based on wielding power over an already anxious child, or on giving up forging a healthy solution that pleases both of you.

Here's an approach that fosters trust, partnership and co-regulation. It involves discovering a supportive way to work with your child to dissolve the feelings driving their resistance, until they're happy to be part of the solution.

With some forward planning, your child will soon feel able to do more of the things you ask. You can think of it as the Seven C's For Holding An Expectation.

  1. Continuing process: When setting limits, adopt a long-term view
  2. Choose: Decide which request you want to work on
  3. Cultivate: Lay the groundwork with both yourself and your child
  4. Communicate/consent: Set the expectations limit when things are calm
  5. Confidence: Hold the expectation
  6. Calm: Calm and helpful responses to use when your child says no
  7. Care: Respond with listening and care when your child says no

1. Continuing process: Adopt a long-term view

We often think of limit-setting as something that has to happen quickly, when we ask and without delay. And we seek quick fixes when we don't get immediate obedience. In this fresh approach, it's important to see limit-setting as an ongoing project. We will be working not on the resistance itself, but the cause of the resistance. This requires a longer-term view, but will bring lasting transformation.

2. Choose: Decide which request you want to work on

If your child resists waking up, eating breakfast, going to school, picking up their belongings and going to sleep, it can be hard to know where to start. And it's tempting to want to work on everything at once, but don't! Pick one issue, and focus there.

Decide which limit is most important to you, and why, then find a good time to approach the subject when things are calm (and before you need it done).

3. Cultivate: Lay the groundwork

Approach the resistance from both sides.

Groundwork with your child: When we are getting along well with someone else, we are more trusting and able to answer to their requests, and so before holding an expectation you want to make sure you are feeling in touch, open, and close to your child. There are a few good ways to build this closeness.

Sharing time doing the things your child chooses, laughing often, and playing together are all helpful ways to build that connection. Using Hand in Hand Parenting's Playlistening and Special Time tools naturally builds opportunities to interact in a way that fosters closeness each day.

Special Time: An invitation to play in which you give your child a specific amount of time to choose what they want to play, and how you will be involved, is a brilliant tool to use often. It helps your child feel the warmth of your attention. Once you have identified a pattern of resistance around a task, you can boost connection further by offering five or 10 minutes of Special Time before you hold an expectation for them to do something. If your child's resistance to a task is linked to needing more of your attention, you may even see their resistance totally disappear after some intensive Special Time.

You can also try using Playlistening around tasks and expectations in these ways:

  • Reverse roles and become the one who doesn't want to do things. Make it exaggerated and playful, but only continue if you find it makes your child laugh.
  • Create a routine of a playful and physical play with lots of laughter. For example, while I was building toward addressing my son's frequent resistance, we played more roughhousing games, usually before we began our bedtime routine.

Playlistening helps you target resistance indirectly, using laughter and play, and can be a powerful way to shift your child's shouts of "No" to "Yes."

Groundwork for yourself : Setting limits is as much about us as it is our kids. Although a child's refusal might appear to be their issue, it can trigger a rush of feelings for us too. It helps to start holding an expectation or a limit after getting grounded and comfortable about it ourselves.

For instance, when my son suddenly resisted going to preschool for a few consecutive mornings, I started doing my own groundwork. I checked to see if I still thought that the preschool was right for him, and thought once again about whether he was ready for it. Yes was my answer to both, so I continued holding the expectation that he would go.

I checked in with my best thinking using a Listening Partnership, which is a way to address what's going on in your head, check biases from your own upbringing, and experience the kind of emotional support that you'd like to offer your child. There are many places to find a parent who might like to do a free exchange of listening time with you, including this group, and the process is simple.

Having the space to clear out how you feel about limits in general, and to offload the feelings you have about the particular expectation you want to hold for your child, will help you get comfortable with setting the limit. Listening Partnerships give you a place to feel heard and held.

Here are some ideas to experiment with in your listening time when you are working on holding an expectation.

A Listening Partner role models holding expectation for you

A good place to begin with this is by sharing where you have difficulties meeting expectations in your own life. Taxes? Folding clothes? Being on time?

Ask your listening partner to hold the expectation that you are working on: "It's time to do your expense sheet now." Their role is to help you find the exact feelings that underlie your resistance. It's not to make you do the thing you resist!

Then you can say all the things you want to say, without any censorship:

"I don't want to!"

"You do it for me!"

"I'll do it later!'

Your listening partner can just listen with a full attention or if it is helpful, they can offer a phrase (You can set this up before your listening time begins.) Try, "It's time to do it now," or "Expense sheet!" or "I am sure you can do it… and right now show me how hard it is."

You will notice feelings bubbling up–you might feel embarrassed, guilty, insulted…the possible reactions are countless! If you feel safe enough, you will release the tension you feel in laughter, a tantrum, a light sweat, or in crying about how overwhelmed or exhausted you feel.

Once you have processed those feelings, go a bit deeper. Have them ask, "Tell me the first time you did not like doing things you are supposed to."

There's nothing like putting yourself in another's shoes to build empathy, and this time, you get to see the world from your child's point of view. You also get to experience the kind of limit setting that involves meeting expectations with a listener's support. You'll have a loving reminder of the expectation and permission to process feelings in the presence of caring person.

This makes it a whole lot easier to offer similar permission to your child.

Offload your feelings about your child's behaviors in your Listening Partnership

You can also ask your listening partner to role-play your resistant child, and then let loose with all the reactions you have inside. This gives you a chance to start processing them.

If setting limits this way feels hard, that's okay.

Many of us may have a hard time imagining what calmly and warmly holding an expectation looks like because it is such a departure from the way we were raised. It's natural to feel difficulty trying to do something we haven't experienced. Your listening partner can model what you may have a hard time imagining, by role-playing setting a loving limit with you, or around the tasks your child resists.

4. Communicate/consent: Set the expectations limit when things are calm

And so, with groundwork laid, you can begin work on your child's refusal. Begin by setting the limit when things are calm, and you feel well resourced. Announcing the expectation may sound like, "We will go to your school after Special Time and breakfast, at 8 am."

When we announce the limit ahead of time it gives a useful window.

If your child says "Sure!" and they can agree at least then, you might talk about ways that make it easier. "I noticed it was hard for us to get ready, what can I do for you so you can enjoy your preschool tomorrow?"

If they get upset about the very thought of the expectation, they are ready to work on the tension they carry.

You can choose to help them there and then. A first step might be a playful intervention. With a child that resists the idea of going to their preschool, you could playfully say, "I don't want to either! Let's stay here and snuggle forever and ever. No bathroom break, no lunch break, just snuggle and snuggle and snuggle," and give them a snuggle.

Watch how they respond. If your child responds to your playful approach with a smile or laughter, keep going. This loosens up the stuck feelings and sheds a little light on them, so when you hold the expectation next time it might not feel so stark.

When your child's feelings are really stuck, they may get agitated or upset at the mention of your expectation, or in response to your Playlistening. In that case, switch to Staylistening, where you stay close and listen quietly and with caring while your child rails and cries about the expectation.

5. Confidence: Hold the expectation that the request will happen

Now comes what you have no doubt been waiting for. Setting and holding a limit. The process is essentially the same whichever limit you want to hold.

  1. Move in close and set the limit, warmly and firmly, using eye contact.
  2. Listen to your child's feelings
  3. Re-state the limit, calmly.

Here are a few examples:

Holding an expectation around taking a bath: You did the groundwork. You are quite certain that you want a bath to happen and you are clear on your reasons why. You both agree your child will take a daily bath, but when you tell your child that it's time, they protest. You listen for a minute. Then you come close, hold their hands, make eye contact and point to the direction of the bath. "Time for a bath," you say. Then you listen to their upset, making sure they don't distract themselves with another activity. "Nope, no coloring now. Bath time."

Holding an expectation around brushing teeth: If your child has agreed to a morning and evening brushing, you can show the toothbrush and say, "Ready? Time to brush." If they flail, sit quietly with them, with the toothbrush and toothpaste. When the crying or tantrum slows down, bring the child's attention back to the expectation, "Time to brush your teeth." If your child gets upset or cries because of your expectation, you know that they are shedding the feelings that cause them to react. It's a sign that there's something good taking place. Tension releases. Your caring pours in. It takes time, but you'll get results!

6. Calm: Responses to use when your child says 'no'

When the expectation is held with kindness, your child's job is to show you fully how they feel inside. All you need to do is to give your child your time and your presence. These are some steps to consider when your child cannot meet the expectation after they have initially agreed, and when they have begun to cry or get angry.

1. Listen with your eyes as much as your ears and try to offer your whole presence.

2. Make sure everyone stays safe. If your child attacks the toilet tissue and tears it up, for instance, you can regard this as a safe way for them to express their feelings, but picking up a chair with the intent to throw it needs to be stopped. Tell them immediately, "No, I can't let you do that. Not safe." Stop them quickly but calmly, with your body.

3. Check internally if you have the time and patience to keep Staylistening. If you do, use Step 4, if not, skip to Step 5.

4. As your child's outrage calms, gently remind them of your expectation. This is not to win their immediate compliance, but is an invitation to them to keep sharing how they feel about it. Your gentle reminder guides your child's mind to refocus on the feelings that cause their resistance.

The image I use in my mind during this process is of the child digging a tunnel through a sand dune. Their job is to keep digging (shedding their feelings) until they get through the tunnel and out into the light. For them to get to the other side, my job is to hold the flashlight, showing them, "This way! You can make it to the other side." Your child does the work while you support them and show them the way.

Each time they work on these feelings they make it farther through the dune. They may regain their talent for cooperation within one Staylistening session, or it may take a few different times of shedding feelings while you hold the expectation. All work shedding feelings is good work. If the dune always stays undug, your child will continually try to avoid it, and their resistance to the task will remain. They will take a very very long time to reach "the light."

5. If you find yourself out of time and patience, stop your Staylistening. Rest assured that you have helped your child begin breaking down the resistance they feel to the task and that you will return to that work the next time you hold the expectation on the limit.

6. Whenever your child works on their resistance, watch to see how they express their feelings physically. Yawning, crying, laughing, sweating, moving their body around and even saying mean things are signs that they are digging deeper through the sand dune. Once their tunnel is in place, their resistance disappears. When you hold the expectation in the future, they'll move freely through the open tunnel to fill your request.

7. Remind yourself that this way of setting limits is not about compliance. You did not fail or do something wrong if your child's crying doesn't immediately give way to compliance, although that may happen sometimes. How long it takes for your child to dissolve his emotional reaction to your expectation depends on the depth of feelings or fears they have about what you want them to do. In my case, I had to work on the same issue with my son for days, even weeks, and once or twice, when his fears were deeply held, for months. Always, after a ground-shaking show of feelings, things shifted.

For example, when it was time to leave the house for the preschool as we had agreed, my son would not put on his socks, or he would drag his feet all the way. These signs showed me that we need to pause the "going-to-preschool" protocol so I could pivot, move in, and connect by offering eye contact and my full attention.

I laid some more groundwork by starting our morning routine 20 minutes or so earlier. Not having to rush helped me to stay calm and patient. When I said, "It's time to put on your socks," I held the socks. This is often the moment I started hearing voices in my head, saying things like, "We agreed to do this yesterday, and if you don't we will be late!" or "Son, if you don't put these on, you won't get your…" These are often things we heard growing up, or we hear others say. But these are not helpful motivators, so I held back. I sat down and held the sock in my hand and stayed there while my child cried and protested. He squirmed but I stayed with him, holding his little body in my arms.

He would say, "No! I don't want to!" and I would say, "I know you don't. You can put on a sock. Let's do it—here I come!"

I didn't force the socks on, but suggesting it and gauging my son's reactions guided me to what he needed.

Holding an expectation when others are listening

When there are other adults involved, it can get tricky. This kind of waiting for a child to work through their feelings with a few words here and there from the parent can be highly frustrating for grown-ups. If their idea of an outcome means fulfilling the expectation—in my case this would have looked like getting out the door without fuss and skipping off to preschool—my "long-term view" approach did not appear to be "working."

My mother would watch me and get upset. Luckily, we were on the same page about sending him to the preschool, and so I would say, "Thanks for your concern, but I can handle it. He's working very hard to get to a space where he can enjoy his school. I have seen him work through some hard things before. It will be okay."

When will a no become yes?

We worked on him not wanting to go to preschool for several mornings, often arriving late, with an impatient brother tagging along glumly. And then one morning his father Staylistened to our son's vigorous crying and struggles. My son got sweaty and cried hard with lots of wild movements. Then he fell asleep.

We decided that it was so late for preschool, and he wouldn't go. But when he work up, he opened his eyes and he said, "I am ready." From that day on, he went to preschool everyday with little resistance. A couple of years later, he experienced a similar fear response about starting Kindergarten, and I listened to his feelings in very much the same way. He refused and refused to go, but after a long and deep cry and struggle with me listening to him one morning, he was able to start going to school happily and willingly.

I still don't know what he was afraid of or he was working on emotionally, but I know that after he worked hard on his emotions, he has been able to function extremely well in a school setting.

What to do if the problem behavior is persistent

When the problem behavior is persistent, it can be a good strategy to take a break and come back to the issue later, if you possibly can. For example, if getting to school in the morning is challenging, try fixing your schedule so that you can take a wellness day with your child and spend a connecting day together without going to school.

7. Care: Responding with care when your child still says no

Use your time to play, have fun and lay a little extra groundwork. To find out what might be underneath their behaviors, consider:

Your Child: When does your child does want to go to school? Is it about missing you? Is there something that your child doesn't like at school? Are there health or learning concerns that have not been addressed? Did something change in your child's life recently?

How about you? What comes up for you when they don't want to go? Is it hard kissing you baby goodbye or seeing her grow up? Did you like going to school, or do you have less-than-sunny remembrances? How did the adults in your life respond when you did not want to do things?

Once you have reconsidered and reconnected, you'll be ready to start the process once again. Your child can go back to digging through their sand dune—and sooner or later, you'll both scamper through that tunnel and into less resistance and more fun.

Keiko Sato-Perry is a Hand in Hand Parenting Instructor based in Redwood City, USA. Originally posted on Hand in Hand Parenting.

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Pop quiz, mama! How many different types of car seats are there? If you guessed three, you're partially correct. The three main types are rear-facing car seats, forward-facing car seats, and booster seats. But then there are a variety of styles as well: infant car seats, convertible seats, all-in-one seats, high-back booster seats, and backless boosters. If you're not totally overwhelmed yet, keep reading, we promise there's good stuff ahead.

There's no arguing that, in the scheme of your baby and child gear buying lifetime, purchasing a car seat is a big deal! Luckily, Walmart.com has everything you need to travel safely with your most precious cargo in the backseat. And right now, you can save big on top-rated car seats and boosters during Best of Baby Month, happening now through September 30 at Walmart.com.

As if that wasn't enough, Walmart will even take the carseat your kiddos have outgrown off your hands for you (and hook you up with a sweet perk, too). Between September 16 and 21, Walmart is partnering with TerraCycle to recycle used car seats. When you bring in an expired car seat or one your child no longer fits into to a participating Walmart store during the trade-in event, you'll receive a $30 gift card to spend on your little one in person or online. Put the money towards a brand new car seat or booster or other baby essentials on your list. To find a participating store check here: www.walmart.com/aboutbestofbabymonth

Ready to shop, mama? Here are the 9 best car seat deals happening this month.


Safety 1st Grow and Go Spring 3-in-1 Convertible Car Seat

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From rear-facing car seat to belt-positioning booster, Grow and Go Sprint's got you covered through childhood. Whether you choose the grey Silver Lake, Seafarer or pink Camelia color palette, you'll love how this model grows with your little one — not to mention how easy it is to clean. The machine-washable seat pad can be removed without fussing with the harness, and the dual cup holders for snacks and drinks can go straight into the dishwasher.

Price: $134 (regularly $149)

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Baby Trend Hybrid Plus 3-in-1 Booster Car Seat in Bermuda

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When your toddler is ready to face forward, this versatile car seat can be used as a five-point harness booster, a high-back booster, and a backless booster. Padded armrests, harness straps, and seat cushions provide a comfy ride, and the neutral gray seat pads reverse to turquoise for a stylish new look.

Price: $72.00 (regularly $81)

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Baby Trend Hybrid Plus 3-in-1 Booster Car Seat in Olivia

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Looking for something snazzy, mama? This black and hot pink car seat features a playful heart print on its reversible seat pad and soft harness straps. Best of all, with its 100-pound weight limit and three booster configurations, your big kid will get years of use out of this fashionable design.

Price: $72.00 (regularly $81)

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Evenflo Triumph LX Convertible Car Seat

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This rear- and forward-facing car seat keeps kids safer, longer with an adjustable five-point harness that can accommodate children up to 65 lbs. To tighten the harness, simply twist the conveniently placed side knobs; the Infinite Slide Harness ensures an accurate fit every time. As for style, we're big fans of the cozy quilted design, which comes in two colorways: grey and magenta or grey and turquoise.

Price: $116 (regularly $149.99)

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Disney Baby Light 'n Comfy 22 Luxe Infant Car Seat

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Outfitted with an adorable pink-and-white polka dot Minnie Mouse infant insert, even the tiniest of travelers — as small as four pounds! — can journey comfortably and safely. This rear-facing design is lightweight, too; weighing less than 15 lbs, you can easily carry it in the crook of your arm when your hands are full (because chances are they will be).

Price: $67.49 (regularly $89.99)

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Graco 4Ever 4-in-1 Convertible Car Seat

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We know it's hard to imagine your tiny newborn will ever hit 100 lbs, but one day it'll happen. And when it does, you'll appreciate not having to buy a new car seat if you start with this 4-in-1 design! Designed to fit kids up to 120 lbs, it transforms four ways, from a rear-facing car seat to a backless belt-positioning booster. With a 6-position recline and a one-hand adjust system for the harness and headrest, you can easily find the perfect fit for your growing child.

Price: $199.99 (regularly $269.99)

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Graco SlimFit All-in-One Convertible Car Seat

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With its unique space-saving design, this 3-in-1 car seat provides 10% more back seat space simply by rotating the dual cup holders. The InRight LATCH system makes installation quick and easy, and whether you're using it as a rear-facing car seat, a forward-facing car seat, or a belt-positioning booster, you can feel confident that your child's safe and comfortable thanks to Graco's Simply Safe Adjust Harness System.

Price: $149.99 (regularly $229.99)

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Graco Snugride Snuglock 35 Platinum XT Infant Car Seat

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Making sure your infant car seat is secure can be tricky, but Graco makes it easy with its one-second LATCH attachment and hassle-free three-step installation using SnugLock technology. In addition to its safety features, what we really love about this rear-facing seat are all of the conveniences, including the ability to create a complete travel system with Click Connect Strollers and a Silent Shade Canopy that expands without waking up your sleeping passenger.

Price: $169.99 (regularly $249.99)

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Graco Snugride Snuglock 35 Elite Infant Car Seat

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With just one click, you can know whether this rear-facing car seat has been installed properly. Then adjust the base four different ways and use the bubble level indicator to find the proper position. When you're out and about, the rotating canopy with window panel will keep baby protected from the sun while allowing you to keep your eye on him.

Price: $129.99 (regularly $219.99)

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This article was sponsored by Walmart. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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If I ever want to look alive before dropping my son off to school, there are two things I must put on before leaving the house: eyeliner and mascara. When using eyeliner, I typically use black liner on my top lid, a slightly lighter brown for my bottom lid, and then a nude liner for my water line. It works every time.

My mascara routine is a bit different. Because my natural lashes are thin and not the longest, I always opt for the darkest black I can find, and one that's lengthening and volumizing. For this reason, I was immediately drawn to It Cosmetics Lash Blowout Mascara. The new mascara is developed in partnership with Drybar (the blow dry bar that specializes in just blowouts) and promises to deliver bold and voluminous lashes all day long. I was sold.

Could this really be the blowout my lashes have been waiting for? It turns out, it was much better than most volumizing formulas I've tried.

For starters, the wand is a great size—it's not too big or small, and it's easy to grip—just like my favorite Drybar round brush. As for the formula, it's super light and infused with biotin which helps lashes look stronger and healthier. I also love that it's buildable, and I didn't notice any clumps or flakes between coats.

The real test is that my lashes still looked great at dinnertime. I didn't have smudges or the dreaded raccoon eyes I always get after a long day at work. Surprisingly, the mascara actually stayed in place. To be fair, I haven't compared them with lash-extensions (which are my new go-to since having baby number two), but I'm sure it will hold up nicely.

Overall, I was very impressed with the level of length and fullness this mascara delivered. Indeed, this is the eyelash blowout my lashes have been waiting for. While it won't give you a few extra hours in bed, you'll at least look a little more awake, mama.

It Cosmetics Lash Blowout Mascara

It Cosmetics Lash Blowout Mascara
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Here's how I apply IT Cosmetics Lash Blowout Mascara:

  1. Starting as close to lash line as possible (and looking down), align the brush against your top lashes. Gradually turn upwards, then wiggle the wand back and forth up and down your eyelashes.
  2. Repeat, if needed. Tip: Be sure to allow the mascara to dry between each coat.
  3. Using the same technique, apply mascara to your bottom lashes, brushing the wand down your eyelashes.
Motherly is your daily #momlife manual; we are here to help you easily find the best, most beautiful products for your life that actually work. We share what we love—and we may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.

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Life

Having children isn't always as easy as it looks on Instagram. There's so much more to motherhood than serene baby snuggles and matching outfits. But there's a reason we've fallen so deeply in love with motherhood: It's the most beautiful, chaotic ride.

Every single day, we sit back and wonder how something so hard can feel so rewarding. And Eva Mendes just managed to nail the reality of that with one quote.

Eva, who is a mama to daughters Esmerelda and Amada with Ryan Gosling, got real about the messy magic of motherhood in a recent interview.

"It's so fun and beautiful and maddening," the actress tells Access Daily. "It's so hard, of course. But it's like that feeling of…you end your day, you put them to bed and Ryan and I kind of look at each other like, 'We did it, we did it. We came out relatively unscathed.'"

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Eva Mendes Admits Parenting Two Girls With Ryan Gosling Is 'Fun, Beautiful And Maddening' www.youtube.com


And just like that, moms all over the world feel seen. We've all been there: Struggling to get through the day (which, for the record is often every bit as fun as it is challenging), only to put those babies to sleep and collapse on the couch in sheer exhaustion. But, after you've caught your breath, you realize just how strong and capable you really are.

One thing Eva learned the hard way? That sleep regressions are very, very real...and they don't just come to an end after your baby's first few months. "I guess they go through a sleep regression, which nobody told me about until I looked it up," she says "I was like, 'Why isn't my 3-year-old sleeping?'"

But, at the end of the day, Eva loves her life as a mom—and the fact that she took a break from her Hollywood career to devote her days to raising her girls. "I'm so thankful I have the opportunity to be home with them," she says.

Thank you for keeping it real, Eva! Momming isn't easy, but it sure is worth it.

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My labor and delivery was short and sweet. I started feeling contractions on Monday morning and by Tuesday night at 8:56 pm my handsome baby boy was born. Only 30 minutes of pushing. Afterward, I was still out of it, to be honest. I held him and did some skin to skin and handed him off to my husband, my mother held him next.

When he was in my mother's arms, I knew he was safe. I started to drift off, the epidural had me feeling drowsy and I had used up all my strength to push this 7 lb baby out. My son's eyes were open and then I guess he went to sleep too. My mother swayed him back and forth. The nurses were in and out, cleaning me up and checking in on us.

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When yet another nurse came in, my mom said to her, "He wasn't latching because he wanted to sleep."

The nurse yelled, "He's not sleeping!"

The next 25 minutes happened in slow motion for me.

After the nurse said these words, she flung my son onto the little baby bed. I looked over and he looked a little blue. Then I heard the loud words of CODE PINK. In matters of seconds about 30 nursing staff descended into my room and crowded around my baby.

I couldn't even see what was happening. I tried to get out the bed but they wouldn't let me and after a couple of failed attempts one of the nurses look at me and said, "He's fine, he's breathing now."

Breathing now? He wasn't breathing before? Again, I tried to push my way to my baby, but once again I was told to not move. They had just performed CPR on my 30-minute old newborn and I couldn't understand what was happening even after a pediatrician tried to explain it to me.

I just started crying. He was fine in my stomach for 39 weeks and 6 days and now I bring him into this world and his heart nearly stops?

I was told he needed to go to the neonatal intensive care unit. I was confused, as I thought the NICU was only for preemies and my son was full term.

After what felt like an eternity we were finally allowed to see our son. My husband wheeled me there and we saw him in the corner alone. I saw the incubator and the wires, he's all bundled up.

The nurse explained all the beeping and showed me the heart rate monitor. He's doing fine. We go over the feeding schedule. I'm exhausted still. I stay with him until about 1 or 2 am. They all suggest I get some sleep. There's no bed in the NICU, so I head back to my room.

The next day was better, he doesn't have to be in the incubator anymore, but the wires remain. By that night or early the next morning, the wires in his nose come out and I try feeding him. I try pumping. It was painful.

He gets his first bath and he loves it. The nurse shampoos his hair (he had a lot!) and he seems so soothed. The nurse explains that because he's full term he doesn't need the same type of support in the NICU. She tells me my baby's strong and he'll be fine.

I look around. I see the other babies, the other moms. They could be there for weeks. And unlike me, the moms have to go home—without their baby.

Friday comes and by now he's done all his tests, blood work came back normal, all tubes have been removed and I get it. I get my going-home package. Finally. I get my instructions on doctor follow-ups and we finally get to go home.

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Life

There have been a lot of iconic entertainment magazine covers featuring pregnant women over the years. Who can forget Demi Moore's bare baby bump on Vanity Fair or Britney Spears' similar nude pose on Harper's Bazaar?

Pregnant women on a magazine covers is nothing new, but a visibly pregnant CEO on the cover of a business magazine, that's a first and it happened this week.

Inc. just put The Wing's CEO Audrey Gelman on the cover and this is a historic moment in publishing and business.

As Gelman told Today this week, "You can't be what you can't see, so I think it's so important for women to see that it's possible to run a fast-growing business and also to start a family."

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She continued: "It's so important to sort of burst that bubble and to have new images of women who are thriving and working professionally while balancing motherhood … My hope is that women see this and again feel the confidence to take greater professional risks while also not shelving their dreams of becoming a mother and starting a family."

The Wing started in 2016 as a co-working space for women and has grown rapidly. As Inc. reports, The Wing has eight locations in the U.S. with plans for more American and international locations by 2020.

Putting Gelman on the cover was an important move by Inc. and Gelman's honesty about her early pregnancy panic ("I can't be pregnant. I have so much to do." she recalls thinking after her pregnancy test) should be applauded.

Gelman says pregnancy made her slow down physically, and that it was actually good for her company: "I had this realization: The way to make my team and my employees feel proud to work for me and for the company was actually not to pretend to be superhuman or totally unaffected by pregnancy."

We need this. We need CEOs to admit that they are human so that corporate leadership can see employees as humans, too. Humans need things like family leave and flexibility, especially when they start raising little humans.

There are a lot of iconic covers featuring pregnant women, but this one is different. She's wearing clothes and she's changing work culture.

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