You can’t be a perfect mother. So be a ‘good enough’ mother.

Children are resilient and their emotional responses in the moment are not a measure of how good you are as a mother.

You can’t be a perfect mother. So be a ‘good enough’ mother.

“Am I a good enough mother?”  If you ask yourself that question, you have already taken a big step forward—away from the question, “Am I a good mother?”

An image of the “good mother,” all loving, all giving of self, unreal, and unattainable has been there for women, well, probably forever. A picture of perfection that has inspired feelings of guilt in countless mothers—you aren’t alone, mom.

This image was embellished by psychoanalytic and developmental theories with their emphasis on meeting children’s “needs.”  D. W. Winnicott, a pediatrician and psychoanalyst writing in the 1940s and ‘50s, attempted to deflate the evolving unrealistic picture of the perfect “good mother.”

He wrote about the ordinary good mother—the “good enough mother”—as the standard by which mothers should be viewed.

Winnicott was writing at a time when 24/7 maternal care was the norm. His idea of a good enough mother was based on a picture of mothers’ availability to their children that doesn’t quite match women’s lives today. But his goal of moving away from the image of the unattainable remains valid—and admirable.

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Our challenge is to redefine good enough mothering for the reality of our present day lives, because too many mothers are still trying to be perfect and worrying that they are coming up short.

The belief still lingers that maternal care is the gold standard for raising successful children. Yet as modern women we also believe that we, not only our children, have needs that have a right to be met. This means the ability to pursue responsibilities and interests beyond the care of our children.

The problem arises in trying to realize two sets of beliefs and meet two sets of needs that often seem to clash.

The obstacles that exist are based on both reality and feelings. The realities have become obvious and their solution requires social action.

But the emotional obstacles are the ones within ourselves that we can try to change. To do that means confronting the basic issue of living with others: how to consider the needs of others while also considering our own needs.

We face this question in all our interactions with others. It is most challenging with children, however, because they are just learning how to become social beings and start from a focus on themselves.

The feeling of not being a good enough mother comes, in part, from children themselves. They are not interested in good enough. They want a perfect mother, which for them means giving them what they want and letting them do what they want to do.

This is often neither possible or good for children but when frustrated they may respond with unhappiness.

Our culture has put a premium on happiness and many mothers measure their own success in terms of their children’s happiness. They worry when their children are unhappy. So a good enough mother has to be able to tolerate a measure of her child’s unhappiness.

Children also become angry when frustrated. They blame mothers for their frustration and tell them so in both words and behavior.

The words can be difficult to hear and the behavior difficult to manage. Both can lead mothers to feel that they are to blame in some way and to worry about whether something is wrong with their child or with themselves.

But in reality, children are going to be frustrated at times and the good enough mother is able to tolerate her child’s anger.

At times it is possible to reconcile the inevitable conflicts between parent and child needs or wishes through compromise. Other times compromise is not possible, and the question becomes whose needs or wishes will prevail. This is not a question that can be answered in general but has to be faced in individual contexts that arise daily or even several times a day.

How does a mother who is not perfect, but good enough, deal with this challenge?

A decision has to be made in each context as to which is the most important need to be met, knowing that there is no perfect answer. The important thing to remember is that mistakes will be made—but they will not damage your child.

Children are resilient and their emotional responses in the moment are not a measure of how good you are as a mother.

The good enough mother knows her child, is able to listen, and most importantly, to understand what he or she is saying in words or behavior.

Just as we are fortified by feeling heard and understood, so are our children. Knowing they are heard and understood is ultimately more important than getting what they want. It is the essence of good enough mothering.

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    These are only the vitamins I give my children and here's why

    It's hard to say who loves these more—my kids or me.

    When I became a mama five years ago, I didn't put too much thought into whether my son was getting the right vitamins and minerals. From breastfeeding to steaming and pureeing his first bites of solid food, I was confident I was giving him everything to support his growth and development.

    But then the toddler years—and the suddenly picky palate that accompanied them—came along. Between that challenge and two additional children in the mix… well, I knew my oldest son's eating plan was falling short in some vitamin and mineral categories.

    I also knew how quickly he was growing, so I wanted to make sure he was getting the nutrients he needed (even on those days when he said "no, thank you" to any veggie I offered).

    So when I discovered the new line of children's supplements from Nature's Way®, it felt like a serious weight off my chest. Thanks to supplements that support my children's musculoskeletal growth, their brain function, their immune systems, their eyes and more, I'm taken back to that simpler time when I was so confident my kids' vitamin needs were met.*

    It wasn't just the variety of supplements offered by Nature's Way that won me over: As a vegetarian mama, I'm the picky one in the family when it comes to scanning labels and making sure they meet our standards. The trick is that most gummy vitamins are made with gelatin, which is not vegetarian friendly.

    But just like the other offerings from Nature's Way that I've already come to know and love, the children's supplement line is held to a high standard. That means there's no high-fructose corn syrup, gelatin or common allergens to be found in the supplements. The best part? My two oldest kids ensure we never miss their daily vitamins—they are so in love with the gummy flavors, which include tropical fruit punch, lemonade and wild berry.

    Nature's Way Kids Mulitvitamin

    Meanwhile, my pharmacist husband has different criteria when evaluating supplements, especially when it comes to those for our kids. He appreciates the variety of options from Nature's Way, which gives us the ability to rotate the vitamins based on our kids' daily needs. By keeping various children's supplements from Nature's Way on hand, I can customize a regimen to suit my kids' individual requirements.

    Of course, high-quality products often come at a higher price point. But (to my immense gratitude!) that isn't the case with Nature's Way, which retails for a competitive value when compared to the other items on the shelf.

    Like all mamas, my chief concern is supporting my children's health in any way I can. While I see evidence of their growth every time I pack away clothes they've outgrown, I know there is much more growth that doesn't meet the eye. That's why, for my oldest son, I like stacking the Brain Builder gummy with the Growing Bones & Muscles gummy and the Happy & Healthy Multi. My 3-year-old also enjoys getting her own mix to include the Healthy Eyes gummy. And both of my older kids are quick to request the Tummy Soothe tablet when something isn't sitting right in their stomachs.* And I'll admit it: I've tried it myself and the berry blast flavor really is tasty!

    Although my current phase of motherhood may not be as "simple" as it once was, there is so much to appreciate about it—like watching my kids play and sing and create with their incredible imaginations. Along the way, I've eased up on some of my need for control, but it does help to have this range of supplements in my motherhood tool kit. So while I may not be able to convince my son to try kale, having the Nature's Way supplements on hand means I do know he's right on track.*These statements have not been evaluated by the Food & Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.

    This article was sponsored by Nature's Way. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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    14 toys that will keep your kids entertained inside *and* outside

    They transition seamlessly for indoor play.

    With fall in full swing, most parents are fresh out of boxes to check on their "Fun Concierge" hit list. It's also the point of diminishing returns on investing in outside-only toys. So with that in mind, we've rounded up some of our favorite toys that are not only built to last but will easily make the transition from outdoor to indoor play. Even better, they're Montessori-friendly and largely open-ended so your kids can get a ton of use out of them.

    From sunny backyard afternoons to rainy mornings stuck inside, these toys are sure to keep little ones engaged and entertained.

    Wooden doll stroller

    Janod wooden doll stroller

    Take their charges on a stroll around the block with this classic doll stroller. With the same versatility they're used to in their own ride, this heirloom quality carriage allows their doll or stuffy to face them or face the world.


    Detective set

    Plan Toys detective set

    This set has everything your little detective needs to solve whatever mystery they might encounter: an eye glasses, walkie-talkie, camera, a red lens, a periscope and a bag. Neighborhood watch? Watch out.


    Sand play set

    Plan Toys sand set

    Whether you're hitting the beach or the backyard sandbox, this adorable wooden sand set is ready for action. Each scoop has an embossed pattern that's perfect for sand stamping. They're also totally suitable for water play in the wild or the bathtub.


    Water play set

    Plan Toys water play set

    Filled with sand or water, this tabletop sized activity set keeps little ones busy, quiet and happy. (A mama's ideal trifecta 😉). It's big enough to satisfy their play needs but not so big it's going to flood your floors if you bring the fun inside on a rainy day.


    Mini golf set

    Plan Toys mini golf set

    Fore! This mini golf set is lawn and living room ready. Set up a backyard competition or incorporate into homeschooling brain breaks that shift focus and build concentration.


    Vintage scooter balance bike

    Janod retro scooter balance bike

    Pedals are so 2010. Balance bikes are the way to go for learning to ride a bike while skipping the training wheels stage altogether. This impossibly cool retro scooter-style is built to cruise the neighborhood or open indoor space as they're learning.


    Wooden rocking pegasus

    plan toys wooden rocking pegasus

    Your little will be ready to take flight on this fun pegasus. It gently rocks back and forth, but doesn't skimp on safety—its winged saddle, footrests and backrest ensure kids won't fall off whether they're rocking inside or outside.


    Croquet set

    Plan Toys croquet set

    The cutest croquet set we've ever seen! With adorable animal face wooden balls and a canvas bag for easy clean up, it's also crafted to stick around awhile. Round after round, it's great for teaching kiddos math and problem-solving skills as well.


    Wooden digital camera

    fathers factory wooden digital camera

    Kids get the chance to assemble the camera on their own then can adventure anywhere to capture the best moments. With two detachable magnetic lenses, four built-in filters and video recorder, your little photographer can tap into their creativity from summertime to the holidays.


    Wooden bulldozer toy

    plan toys wooden bulldozer toy

    Whether they're digging up sand in the backyad or picking up toys inside, kids can get as creative as they want picking up and moving things around. Even better? Its wooden structure means it's not an eye sore to look at wherever your digger drops it.


    Pull-along hippo

    janod toys pull along hippo toy

    There's just something so fun about a classic pull-along toy and we love that they seamlessly transition between indoor and outdoor play. Crafted from solid cherry and beechwood, it's tough enough to endure outdoor spaces your toddler takes it on.


    Baby forest fox ride-on

    janod toys baby fox ride on

    Toddlers will love zooming around on this fox ride-on, and it's a great transition toy into traditional balance bikes. If you take it for a driveway adventure, simply use a damp cloth to wipe down the wheels before bringing back inside.


    Balance board

    Plan Toys balance board

    Balance boards are a fabulous way to get the wiggles out. This one comes with a rope attachment, making it suitable for even the youngest wigglers. From practicing their balance and building core strength to working on skills that translate to skateboarding and snowboarding, it's a year-round physical activity that's easy to bring inside and use between Zoom classes, too!


    Meadow ring toss game

    Plan Toys meadow ring toss game

    Besides offering a fantastic opportunity to hone focus, coordination, determination and taking turns, lawn games are just plain fun. Set them up close together for the littles and spread them out when Mom and Dad get in on the action. With their low profile and rope rings, they're great for indoors as well.


    We independently select and share the products we love—and may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.


    Cameron Diaz on having a baby at 47: 'You really have to work hard for it'

    "The only pressure for me now is I have to live to be, like, 107, you know? No pressure!"

    This is the decade that saw the face of first-time motherhood change. The number of first-time mamas under 30 is shrinking, while more and more women are becoming moms after 40.

    Cameron Diaz is one of them. The actress and businesswoman, now 48, became a mom in January at the age of 47. In a new episode of Naomi Campbell's YouTube series, No Filter, Diaz opens up about what it's like to become a mom in your fourth decade.

    "A lot of people do it the other way around ... they get married [and] have a family in their youth," says Diaz."I'm kind of doing it in the second half of my life."

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