How to handle difficult school drop-offs, according to a maternal wellness expert
Validating feelings, dispelling fears and incorporating secret handshakes (!) can help all involved.

I thought it was a brilliant idea at the time: I signed my 2.5-year-old up for two weeks of summer camp at the preschool where he'd be attending in the fall. He'd get to explore the grounds, meet a few teachers, establish some friendships, and get a preliminary glimpse of what school life was like before heading into the classroom in September. He bought into the idea, too: He was thrilled to pick out a backpack and elated to stick nametags on his water bottle and shoes just like his big brother, who was also heading off to a day camp for a few weeks.
At pickup, a blissful three hours later, his teachers told me that an hour and a half in, he turned around to look for me, and discovered I was nowhere to be found. That meant instant tears that lasted for the remaining hour and a half until I came to collect him. That night, when we talked about his day, he seemed excited—if a bit nervous—to go back. The following morning, the second day of camp, we had a happy ride in, but he was inconsolable once we walked up to the drop-off line. As he screamed, cried and clung to me with all the strength in his (surprisingly strong) toddler body, I tried to stay optimistic and upbeat as I unfurled his fingers from my arms and handed him into the care of his also optimistic and upbeat teachers. But my heart was breaking. I actually drove the 10 minutes back to our house in the wrong gear—I was that distraught. His teachers shared with me at pickup that he cried the entire time. (I wish they had called me to come early!) This memory still haunts me. With time, and some crucial new tactics (more below), camp drop-off got a little smoother every day. But he'll be starting preschool soon, and I'm already anxiously anticipating how drop-off will play out. At least now we'll (hopefully) both be more prepared. You've probably guessed that the culprit behind those difficult drop-offs is separation anxiety—it's perfectly normal and *highly* common. But those big emotions bubbling up can result in everything from clinginess to tears to full-on tantrums, which can be distressing, no matter how "normal" it is. The kicker is validating your child's feelings, dispelling any fears—and managing your own anxieties, as well. My youngest son and I have had the rest of the summer to talk about the start of preschool and run through routines, but I know the big day is a whole new ballgame. I spoke with maternal wellness expert and licensed therapist Marcella Kelson, LMSW, MSc about how to make drop-off easier for everyone involved. Here's what she shared.
The first drop-off was a breeze. He waltzed right in and barely waved goodbye to me, running over to hop on a silver tricycle. I skipped off, almost in disbelief of how smoothly the transition went.
At pickup, a blissful three hours later, his teachers told me that an hour and a half in, he turned around to look for me, and discovered I was nowhere to be found. That meant instant tears that lasted for the remaining hour and a half until I came to collect him. That night, when we talked about his day, he seemed excited—if a bit nervous—to go back. The following morning, the second day of camp, we had a happy ride in, but he was inconsolable once we walked up to the drop-off line. As he screamed, cried and clung to me with all the strength in his (surprisingly strong) toddler body, I tried to stay optimistic and upbeat as I unfurled his fingers from my arms and handed him into the care of his also optimistic and upbeat teachers. But my heart was breaking. I actually drove the 10 minutes back to our house in the wrong gear—I was that distraught. His teachers shared with me at pickup that he cried the entire time. (I wish they had called me to come early!) This memory still haunts me. With time, and some crucial new tactics (more below), camp drop-off got a little smoother every day. But he'll be starting preschool soon, and I'm already anxiously anticipating how drop-off will play out. At least now we'll (hopefully) both be more prepared. You've probably guessed that the culprit behind those difficult drop-offs is separation anxiety—it's perfectly normal and *highly* common. But those big emotions bubbling up can result in everything from clinginess to tears to full-on tantrums, which can be distressing, no matter how "normal" it is. The kicker is validating your child's feelings, dispelling any fears—and managing your own anxieties, as well. My youngest son and I have had the rest of the summer to talk about the start of preschool and run through routines, but I know the big day is a whole new ballgame. I spoke with maternal wellness expert and licensed therapist Marcella Kelson, LMSW, MSc about how to make drop-off easier for everyone involved. Here's what she shared.