This stage, like so many others in childhood, will pass.

Does your child have separation anxiety? How to know

Nothing a parent does can "make" their baby develop separation anxiety. It's a perfectly normal and important developmental adaptation. Nearly all children experience separation anxiety between the ages of 7 and 18 months. Some have more intense reactions than others, and for some, the stage lasts longer than others, but almost all babies have it to some degree.

The development of separation anxiety demonstrates that your baby has formed a healthy, loving attachment to you. It is a beautiful sign that your baby associates pleasure, comfort, and security with your presence.

It also indicates that your baby is developing intellectually (in other words, they're smart!) They have learned they can have an effect on their world when they make their needs known, and they don't have to passively accept a situation that makes them uncomfortable. They don't know enough about the world yet to understand that when you leave you'll always come back.

They also realize they are safest, happiest, and best cared for by you, so their reluctance to part makes perfect sense especially when viewed from a survival standpoint. Put another way: You are baby's source of nourishment, both physical and emotional; therefore, baby's attachment to you is a means of survival, and when they reach a certain level of intellectual maturity, they realize this.

This stage, like so many others in childhood, will pass. In time, your baby will learn that they can separate from you, that you will return, and that everything will be okay between those two points in time. Much of this learning is based on trust, which, just as for every human being young or old, takes time to build.

How do I know if my baby has separation anxiety?

Separation anxiety is pretty easy to spot, and you're probably reading this section because you've identified it in your baby. The following are behaviors typically demonstrated by a baby with normal separation anxiety:

Clinginess
Crying when a parent is out of sight
Strong preference for only one parent
Fear of strangers
Waking at night crying for a parent
Easily comforted in a parent's embrace

How you can help your baby with separation anxiety

1. Allow your baby to be a baby

It's perfectly okay — even wonderful — for your baby to be so attached to you and for them to desire your constant companionship. Congratulations, Mommy or Daddy: It's evidence that the bond you've worked so hard to create is holding. So politely ignore those who tell you otherwise.

2. Don't worry about spoiling baby with your love, since quite the opposite will happen

The more you meet baby's attachment needs during babyhood, the more confident and secure they will grow up to be.

3. Minimize separations when possible

While you may need to head back to work or have to run an errand alone, try to bring your little when possible. It's perfectly acceptable for now to avoid those situations that would have you separate from your baby. All too soon, your baby will move past this phase and on to the next developmental milestone.

4. Give your baby lessons in object permanence

As your baby learns that things continue to exist even when they can't see them, they'll feel better about letting you out of their sight. Games like peek-a-boo and hide-and-seek will help her understand this phenomenon.

5. Practice with quick, safe separations

Throughout the day, create situations of brief separation. When you go into another room, whistle, sing or talk to your baby so they know you're still there, even though they can't see you.

6. Don't sneak away when you have to leave

It may seem easier than dealing with a tearful goodbye, but it will just cause the baby constant worry that you're going to disappear without warning at any given moment. The result? Even more clinginess, and diminished trust in your relationship.

7. Tell your baby what to expect

If you are going to the store and leaving baby home with Grandma, explain where you are going and tell them when you'll be back. Eventually, they'll come to understand your explanations.

8. Don't rush the parting, but don't prolong it, either

Give your baby ample time to process your leave-taking, but don't drag it out and make it more painful for both of you.

9. Express a positive attitude when leaving

If you're off to work, or an evening out, leave with a smile. Your baby will absorb your emotions, so if you're nervous about leaving, they'll be nervous too. Your confidence will help alleviate baby's fears.

10. Leave your baby with familiar people

If you must leave your baby with a new caregiver, try to arrange a few visits when you'll all be together before you leave the two of them alone for the first time.

11. Invite distractions

If you're leaving your baby with a caregiver or relative, encourage that person to get your baby involved with playtime as you leave. Say a quick goodbye and let your baby be distracted by an interesting activity.

12. Allow your baby the separation that they initiate

For example, if they crawl off to another room, don't rush after baby. Listen and peek, of course, to make sure they're safe, but let them know it's fine to go off exploring on their own.

13. Encourage their relationship with a special toy if they have one

These are called transitional objects or loveys. They can be a comfort to baby when they're separated from you. Many babies adopt blankets or soft toys as loveys, holding them to ease any pain of separation. The lovey becomes a friend and represents security in the face of change.

14. Don't take it personally

Many babies go through a stage of attaching themselves to one parent or the other. The other parent, as well as grandparents, siblings and friends can find this difficult to accept, but try to reassure them that it's just a temporary and normal phase of development and with a little time and gentle patience it will pass.

This article is an excerpt from Gentle Baby Care by Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)

1. Allow your baby to be a baby

It's perfectly okay—even wonderful—for your baby to be so attached to you and for them to desire your constant companionship. Congratulations, Mommy or Daddy: It's evidence that the bond you've worked so hard to create is holding. So politely ignore those who tell you otherwise.

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Kristen Bell and Jackie Tohn have been best friends since they met as young singers and actors more than 15 years ago, and now they're collaborating on a new Amazon Original animated kids series called Do, Re & Mi. The show, which follows best birds Do, Re and Mi as they navigate the world around them while also belting out catchy tunes, is just as educational as it is entertaining.

On the latest episode of The Motherly Podcast , Bell and Tohn talk to Motherly co-founder Liz Tenety about how they're "sneak teaching" kids with their new show and why music is such an important focal point.

"It was basically our mission from the very beginning to 'sneak music education' into kids' lives, hands, brains, all of it," Tohn admits.

"There's so much science and data to support that [music] helps kids, their brains grow with math, with social skills. It literally can change your neuroplasticity. You can put music of their favorite genre or timeframe on, in an Alzheimer's ward, and they will come back online for a couple minutes. I mean, it's crazy," Bell, who has two daughters of her own, adds. "You know, music can bind a lot of families together. It can bind friendships together. And it's just a show that you can feel really good about. We want to get it in front of as many kids as possible, because I don't like the fact that some kids won't have exposure to music. Their brains deserve to grow just as much as everyone else's."

The first season of Do, Re & Mi premiered on September 17th and its creators recorded 52 different songs for the show that range from reggae and pop to country, blues and jazz.

"That's what's so exciting about this show," Tohn gushes. "Not only are the lessons we're teaching for everyone, but every episode has a musical genre, a musical lesson and an emotional lesson. And so there really is so much to learn."

Elsewhere in the episode, Bell tells Tenety about how she made literal toolboxes that carry different regulation tools to help her kids calm down (one is "find a song you love and sing out loud") and why having a village is crucial to surviving motherhood, especially in a pandemic, while Tohn details her special friendship not only with Bell, but with her daughters, too.

To hear more about the show, Bell's experiences in motherhood, and her enduring friendship with Tohn, listen to The Motherly Podcast for the full interview.

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12 baby registry essentials for family adventures

Eager to get out and go? Start here

Ashley Robertson / @ashleyrobertson

From carriage mode for newborn through world-view seated mode for bigger kids, this 5-in-1 children's travel system truly will help make travel possible. We appreciate the adjustable handlebar, extended canopy with UV protection and locking abilities when it's folded. Your child will appreciate the plush cushions, reclining seat and smooth ride.

Add to Babylist

$599.99

Buy Now

Ready for some family adventures? Start by exploring Maxi-Cosi.

This article was sponsored by Maxi-Cosi. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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This incredibly soft comforter from Sunday Citizen is like sleeping on a cloud

My only complaint? I've slept through my alarm twice.

When it comes to getting a good night's sleep, there are many factors that, as a mama, are hard to control. Who's going to wet the bed at 3 am, how many times a small person is going to need a sip of water, or the volume of your partner's snoring are total wildcards.

One thing you can control? Tricking out your bed to make it as downright cozy as possible. (And in these times, is there anywhere you want to be than your bed like 75% of the time?)

I've always been a down comforter sort of girl, but after a week of testing the ridiculously plush and aptly named Snug Comforter from Sunday Citizen, a brand that's run by "curators of soft, seekers of chill" who "believe in comfort over everything," it's safe to say I've been converted.

Honestly, it's no wonder. Originally designed as a better blanket for luxury hotels and engineered with textile experts to create this uniquely soft fabric, it has made my bed into the vacation I so desperately want these days.

The comforter is made up of two layers. On one side is their signature knit "snug" fabric which out-cozies even my most beloved (bought on sale) cashmere sweater. The other, a soft quilted microfiber. Together, it creates a weighty blanket that's as soothing to be under as it is to flop face-first into at the end of an exhausting day. Or at lunch. No judgement.

Miraculously, given the weight and construction, it stays totally breathable and hasn't left me feeling overheated even on these warm summer nights with just a fan in the window.

Beyond being the absolute most comfortable comforter I've found, it's also answered my minimalist bed making desires. Whether you opt to use it knit or quilted side up, it cleanly pulls the room together and doesn't wrinkle or look unkempt even if you steal a quick nap on top of it.

Also worth noting, while all that sounds super luxe and totally indulgent, the best part is, it's equally durable. It's made to be easily machine washed and come out the other side as radically soft as ever, forever, which totally helps take the sting out of the price tag.

My only complaint? I've slept through my alarm twice.

Here is my top pick from Sunday Citizen, along with the super-soft goods I'm coveting for future purchases.

Woodland Snug comforter

The bedroom anchor I've been looking for— the Snug Comforter.

$249

Buy Now

Braided Pom Pom Throw

Because this degree of coziness needs portability, I'm totally putting the throw version on my list. It's washable, which is a must-have given my shedding dog and two spill-prone kiddos who are bound to fight over it during family movie night.

$145

Buy Now

Lumbar pillow

What's a cozy bed without a pile of pillows?

$65

Buy Now

Crystal infused sleep mask

Promoting sleep by creating total darkness and relaxation, I've bookmarked as my go-to gift for fellow mamas.

$40

Buy Now

We independently select and share the products we love—and may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.

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10 Montessori phrases for kids who are struggling with back to school

The first day of school can be hard for everyone, mama. Here's how to use the Montessori method to help your child adjust.

No matter how excited your child was to pick out a new lunchbox and backpack this year, there will likely be days when they just don't want to go to school. Whether they're saying "I don't like school" when you're home playing together or having a meltdown on the way to the classroom, there are things you can say to help ease their back-to-school nerves.

More than the exact words you use, the most important thing is your attitude, which your child is most definitely aware of. It's important to validate their feelings while conveying a calm confidence that school is the right place for them to be and that they can handle it.

Here are some phrases that will encourage your child to go to school.

1. "You're safe here."

If you have a young child, they may be genuinely frightened of leaving you and going to school. Tell them that school is a safe place full of people who care about them. If you say this with calm confidence, they'll believe you. No matter what words you say, if your child senses your hesitation, your own fear of leaving them, they will not feel safe. How can they be safe if you're clearly scared of leaving them? Try to work through your own feelings about dropping them off before the actual day so you can be a calm presence and support.

2. "I love you and I know you can do this."

It's best to keep your goodbye short, even if your child is crying or clinging to you, and trust that you have chosen a good place for them to be. Most children recover from hard goodbyes quickly after the parent leaves.

If your child is having a hard time saying goodbye, give one good strong hug and tell them that you love them and know they can do this. Saying something like, "It's just school, you'll be fine" belittles their feelings. Instead, acknowledge that this is hard, but that you're confident they're up to the task. This validates the anxiety they're feeling while ending on a positive note.

After a quick reassurance, make your exit, take a deep breath and trust that they will be okay.

3. "First you'll have circle time, then work time, and then you'll play on the playground."

Talk your child through the daily schedule at school, including as many details as possible. Talk about what will happen when you drop them off, what kinds of work they will do, when they will eat lunch and play outside, and who will come to get them in the afternoon.

It can help to do this many times so that they become comfortable with the new daily rhythm.

4. "I'll pick you up after playground time."

Give your child a frame of reference for when you will be returning.

If your child can tell time, you can tell them you'll see them at 3:30pm. If they're younger, tell them what will happen right before you pick them up. Perhaps you'll come get them right after lunch, or maybe it's after math class.

Giving this reference point can help reassure them you are indeed coming back and that there is a specific plan for when they will see you again. As the days pass, they'll realize that you come consistently every day when you said you would and their anxieties will ease.

5. "What book do you think your teacher will read when you get to school this morning?"

Find out what happens first in your child's school day and help them mentally transition to that task. In a Montessori school, the children choose their own work, so you might ask about which work your child plans to do first.

If they're in a more traditional school, find an aspect of the school morning they enjoy and talk about that.

Thinking about the whole school day can seem daunting, but helping your child focus on a specific thing that will happen can make it seem more manageable.

6. "Do you think Johnny will be there today?"

Remind your child of the friends they will see when they get to school.

If you're not sure who your child is bonding with, ask the teacher. On the way to school, talk about the children they can expect to see and try asking what they might do together.

If your child is new to the school, it might help to arrange a playdate with a child in their class to help them form strong relationships.

7. "That's a hard feeling. Tell me about it."

While school drop-off is not the time to wallow in the hard feelings of not wanting to go to school, if your child brings up concerns after school or on the weekend, take some time to listen to them.

Children can very easily be swayed by our leading questions, so keep your questions very general and neutral so that your child can tell you what they're really feeling.

They may reveal that they just miss you while they're gone, or may tell you that a certain person or kind of work is giving them anxiety.

Let them know that you empathize with how they feel, but try not to react too dramatically. If you think there is an issue of real concern, talk to the teacher about it, but your reaction can certainly impact the already tentative feelings about going to school.

8. "What can we do to help you feel better?"

Help your child brainstorm some solutions to make them more comfortable with going to school.

Choose a time at home when they are calm. Get out a pen and paper to show that you are serious about this.

If they miss you, would a special note in their pocket each morning help? If another child is bothering them, what could they say or who could they ask for help? If they're too tired in the morning, could an earlier bedtime make them feel better?

Make it a collaborative process, rather than a situation where you're rescuing them, to build their confidence.

9. "What was the best part of your school day?"

Choose a time when your child is not talking about school and start talking about your day. Tell them the best part of your day, then try asking about the best part of their day. Practice this every day.

It's easy to focus on the hardest parts of an experience because they tend to stick out in our minds. Help your child recognize that, even if they don't always want to go, there are likely parts of school they really enjoy.

10. "I can't wait to go to the park together when we get home."

If your child is having a hard time saying goodbye, remind them of what you will do together after you pick them up from school.

Even if this is just going home and making dinner, what your child likely craves is time together with you, so help them remember that it's coming.

It is totally normal for children to go through phases when they don't want to go to school. If you're concerned, talk to your child's teacher and ask if they seem happy and engaged once they're in the classroom.

To your child, be there to listen, to help when you can, and to reassure them that their feelings are natural and that they are so capable of facing the challenges of the school day, even when it seems hard.

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Back to School

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Research suggests diet rich in dairy fat could lower your risk of heart disease

So...cheese is good for you, actually?

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A higher consumption of dairy fat could potentially lower your risk of heart disease, according to new research that studied people who live in countries that consume lots of dairy products. So basically, if you like cheese and yogurt—keep reading.

An international team of scientists studied the diets of 4,150 60-year-old adults in Sweden to make the determination about dairy fat and cardiovascular disease. They measured the blood levels of a specific fatty acid most commonly found in dairy foods to make the determination. Researchers followed up with study participants regularly for 16 years in order to observe how many individuals had heart attacks, strokes, and how many of them died.

The good news? Researchers found that those who had high levels of the fatty acid actually had the lowest risk of cardiovascular disease.

These participants also had no increased risk of death from all causes. The researchers then compared the results of the Swedish participants against 17 other studies conducted in the U.S., Denmark, and the UK—with participants totaling over 43,000.

"While the findings may be partly influenced by factors other than dairy fat, our study does not suggest any harm of dairy fat per se," Matti Marklund, senior researcher at the George Institute for Global Health in Sydney and joint senior author of the paper, said in a statement.

"We found those with the highest levels actually had the lowest risk of CVD (cardiovascular disease). These relationships are highly interesting, but we need further studies to better understand the full health impact of dairy fats and dairy foods," he said. "We found those with the highest levels actually had the lowest risk of CVD (cardiovascular disease). These relationships are highly interesting, but we need further studies to better understand the full health impact of dairy fats and dairy foods."

Many health organizations have touted the benefits of a low-dairy diet for a long time. While the results of this study aren't indicative of how all individuals would fare with a diet rich in dairy fats because correlation doesn't always mean causation—genetics, age, exercise and nutrition are varying factors in everyone's overall health—this study is a very good reminder of the benefits of full-fat dairy.

Full-fat dairy allows for absorption of fat-based vitamins (like good ol' Vitamin D), and it also helps with calcium and mineral absorption. The American Academy of Family Physicians recommends children ages 1-2 years old consume whole milk products rather than reduced-fat in order to promote better Vitamin D and calcium absorption from food.

Does this mean we can all eat our favorite gourmet cheese without a side of guilt? Well, for starters, feelings of guilt and morality shouldn't be associated with nutrition. Aside from that, a lecturer at the Department of Health and Nutritional Sciences at Ireland's Institute of Technology says this study validates that it's time to re-think what we know about food and disease.

"Dairy products do not need to be avoided," Brian Power tells CNN. "This is largely lost in its translation when communicating what we know about healthy eating."

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Boppy recalls millions of newborn loungers after products linked to infant deaths

The recall comes just weeks after the Consumer Product Safety Commission warned caregivers about the risks of using the products for infant sleep due to rising cases of infant death.

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Boppy is officially recalling over 3 million newborn loungers after the products were recently tied to a string of infant deaths. An investigation by the Consumer Product Safety Commission earlier this month urged parents to stop using the products immediately after eight infant deaths were linked to the use of the loungers and nursing pillows for sleep.

All three models of the Boppy Newborn Lounger have been recalled: the Boppy Original Newborn Lounger, the Boppy Preferred Newborn Lounger, and the Pottery Barn Kids Newborn Boppy Lounger.

"In cooperation with the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, The Boppy Company is conducting a voluntary recall of its Newborn Lounger to address a risk of infant suffocation," the company writes in a statement on its website. "Infants can suffocate if they roll, move, or are placed on the lounger in a position that obstructs breathing, or roll off the lounger onto an external surface, such as an adult pillow or soft bedding, that obstructs breathing."

Eight reports of infant deaths have now been associated with the Boppy Newborn Lounger due to suffocation during sleep, each death occurring between December 2015-June 2020.

In October of 2020, the Consumer Product Safety Commission warned caregivers about letting their infants sleep on lounging pillows and nursing pillows. The federal agency is responsible for overseeing thousands of home goods, and they declared these pillows unsafe for infant sleep.

The Boppy nursing pillow and newborn lounger are incredibly popular, and are staples to just about every expecting parent's baby registry—including my own, twice. They are supposed to help support a breastfeeding mama and make nursing her little one easier. The lounger is great for propping babies up while they're awake, so you can coo at them from a cushion instead of the floor. And while these items are great, amazing even, for those (supervised) uses, they can present a grave danger to a sleeping infant.

When babies are left unattended or sleeping on these pillows, they can roll over or their heads can fall in a way that blocks their airway—which leads to suffocation. Last fall, the CPSC linked 28 infant deaths from 2012 to 2018 to these pillows made by a variety of companies, including Boppy.

Consumer Reports found that seven additional deaths have occurred since the CPSC warning in 2020, due to unsafe sleep practices with nursing pillows and loungers made by Boppy.

The data, listed in the saferproducts.gov database, found that most of the fatalities happened after parents put their babies to sleep while they were propped up by the pillow or lounger. The babies rolled over into the soft, cushy fabric and were unable to breathe.

The American Academy of Pediatrics has long recommended babies be put to sleep alone, in their own space, while flat on their backs and lying on a firm surface. No crib bumpers, no blankets, no stuffed animals, and no pillows—at least not until a baby reaches toddlerhood, and are able to move things away from their airway if necessary.

"We are devastated to hear of these tragedies," a Boppy spokesperson told Consumer Reports. "Boppy is committed to doing everything possible to safeguard babies, including communicating the safe use of our products to parents and caregivers, and educating the public about the importance of following all warnings and instructions and the risks associated with unsafe sleep practices for infants. The lounger was not marketed as an infant sleep product and includes warnings against unsupervised use."

If you've purchased a Boppy Newborn Lounger recently, you can apply for a refund here.

An earlier version of this story focused on the Consumer Reports story and was published on September 10, 2021. It has been updated to reflect the current news of the recall.

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This stage, like so many others in childhood, will pass.

How do I know if my baby has separation anxiety?

How you can help your baby with separation anxiety

1. Allow your baby to be a baby

2. Don't worry about spoiling baby with your love, since quite the opposite will happen

3. Minimize separations when possible

4. Give your baby lessons in object permanence

5. Practice with quick, safe separations

6. Don't sneak away when you have to leave

7. Tell your baby what to expect

8. Don't rush the parting, but don't prolong it, either

9. Express a positive attitude when leaving

10. Leave your baby with familiar people

11. Invite distractions

12. Allow your baby the separation that they initiate

13. Encourage their relationship with a special toy if they have one

14. Don't take it personally

You might also like:

1. Allow your baby to be a baby

In This Article

The best friends created a musical animated show that's just as educational as it is entertaining

On the latest episode of The Motherly Podcast, Bell and Tohn talk to Motherly co-founder Liz Tenety about how they're "sneak teaching" kids with their new show and why music is such an important focal point.

Eager to get out and go? Start here

My only complaint? I've slept through my alarm twice.

Here is my top pick from Sunday Citizen, along with the super-soft goods I'm coveting for future purchases.

The first day of school can be hard for everyone, mama. Here's how to use the Montessori method to help your child adjust.

Here are some phrases that will encourage your child to go to school.

1. "You're safe here."

2. "I love you and I know you can do this."

3. "First you'll have circle time, then work time, and then you'll play on the playground."

4. "I'll pick you up after playground time."

5. "What book do you think your teacher will read when you get to school this morning?"

6. "Do you think Johnny will be there today?"

7. "That's a hard feeling. Tell me about it."

8. "What can we do to help you feel better?"

9. "What was the best part of your school day?"

10. "I can't wait to go to the park together when we get home."

So...cheese is good for you, actually?

The good news? Researchers found that those who had high levels of the fatty acid actually had the lowest risk of cardiovascular disease.

The recall comes just weeks after the Consumer Product Safety Commission warned caregivers about the risks of using the products for infant sleep due to rising cases of infant death.

All three models of the Boppy Newborn Lounger have been recalled: the Boppy Original Newborn Lounger, the Boppy Preferred Newborn Lounger, and the Pottery Barn Kids Newborn Boppy Lounger.

On the latest episode of The Motherly Podcast , Bell and Tohn talk to Motherly co-founder Liz Tenety about how they're "sneak teaching" kids with their new show and why music is such an important focal point.