How I learned to stop worrying as a parent

At the heart of all my questions was one thing: Fear.

How I learned to stop worrying as a parent

Shortly after my first son was born, I knew something was "off." Our pediatrician dismissed my concerns and attributed my son's constant screaming, feeding difficulties, self-regulation issues and gross motor delays to his premature birth. She explained that he was "colicky" and had silent reflux. She reassured me that he would "catch up" in no time.

Though I could not put my finger on what exactly was wrong, our pediatrician's explanation did not sit well with me. I knew there was something else going on. I kept voicing my concerns until finally, at my son's 5-month check-up, our pediatrician referred us to a pediatric physical therapist.

I vividly remember the drive to the PT evaluation. I was terrified. I had no idea what to expect. Was there something seriously wrong with my child? Would he be okay? Would the PT be able to give me any answers?

By the time we arrived at the appointment, I was physically shaking. I managed to hold it together for the first half of the evaluation but then broke down in tears. When I voiced my fears, the PT shared her observations and explained that my son appeared to have "sensory processing issues."

As a former elementary teacher and therapist who had worked with children with Autism, I was familiar with sensory processing issues, but solely in the context of Autism. The PT explained that sensory processing disorder or SPD can exist separately from Autism; children with Autism have sensory processing challenges, but not all children with sensory processing challenges have Autism. This was the first I'd heard of the distinction.

After having a second evaluation with a neurologist to rule out other neurological conditions, we began weekly physical therapy to address my son's sensory-motor issues. He was 6 months old and I was still drowning in anxiety.

During each week's session, I'd bombard the therapist with questions:

What does it mean that he is having trouble crossing midline?

What happens to babies who have difficulty with bilateral coordination? Why does he cry all the time?

Why can't he sleep for more than a two-hour stretch?

Why does he always wake up screaming?

Why are his movements so stiff?

Why doesn't he interact with the other babies at our Mommy & Me class?

At the heart of all my questions was one thing: Fear.

Fear that my son was not going to be okay. Fear that he was not going to be "normal." Fear that his life was going to be difficult. Fear that motherhood was going to be vastly different and more difficult than I'd expected. The fear consumed me.

I worried about my son constantly. The more I read and learned about SPD, the more fear-based questions I had:

What's the impact of SPD on school-aged children?

Do they have friends?

Do they struggle in school?

Do they get picked on and made fun of?

Is my son going to be uncoordinated?

How will all of this affect his self-esteem?

Little did my son's PT know she was going to be my therapist too! I cried every week during his sessions.

Until one day I realized that it was time to rewrite my narrative.

There is nothing "wrong" with my son.

He is a deeply sensitive, hysterically funny, intensely curious little soul who experiences the world in a different way than most of us.

Yes, he processes sensory input less efficiently than your typical child, and this can definitely make parenting more challenging. But over the years I've learned that each challenge is an opportunity to move out of fear and move into love.

When he withdraws from social situations, I have the opportunity to deepen both my level of empathy and my ability to attune to his emotional needs.

When he has a massive meltdown for the umpteenth time in a row, I have an opportunity to work on my own self-regulation and to model how to stay centered in the midst of chaos.

When he struggles with transitions, I have the opportunity to slow down and simplify our sometimes over-scheduled lives.

When he strongly refuses to try something new, I have the opportunity to suspend judgment and think outside the box.

No, there is nothing "wrong" with my son.

He is navigating the world in his own special way and teaching me incredible lessons about love, empathy and acceptance along the way.

We all have expectations about how our lives are going to unfold. And when things don't turn out quite the way we expect them to, we have a choice. We can hold onto and lament our unmet expectations, feel sorry for ourselves, and shrink away.

Or we can rewrite our narrative, become empowered, open ourselves up to possibilities, and grow. Letting go of our fears allows us to be present, to live in the moment and to fully experience our lives. This lets our children fully experience their own lives because they have an attuned and connected parent.

No matter where you are in your journey with your child, it's not too late to rewrite *your* narrative, just like I did. Know that whatever your child is going through, you are both going to be ok. If you have been living in fear like I was, I invite you to take a deep breath, turn the page, and start a new chapter.

After 4 kids, this is still the best baby gear item I’ve ever purchased

I wouldn't be swooning over the BABYBJÖRN bouncer after eight years and four kids if it didn't work.

I have four kids 8 and under, so you might expect that my house is teeming with baby gear and kid toys.

But it turns out that for me, the more kids I have, the more I simplify our stuff. At this point, I'm down to the absolute essentials, the gear that I can't live without and the toys my kids actually play with. And so when a mama-to-be asks me what things are worth registering for, there are only a few must-haves on my list.

The BABYBJÖRN bouncer seat is on the top of my list—totally worth it and an absolute must-have for any new mama.

In fact, since I first splurged on my first BABYBJÖRN bouncer eight years ago (it definitely felt like a splurge at the time, but the five star reviews were really compelling), the bouncer seat has become the most-used product in our house for baby's first year.

We've actually invested in a second one so that we didn't have to keep moving ours from the bedroom to the living room when we change locations.

BABYBJÖRN bouncer bliss

baby bjorn bouncer

The utility of the seat might seem counterintuitive—it has no mechanical parts, so your baby is instead gently bounced by her own movements. In a world where many baby products are touted for their ability to mechanically rock baby to sleep, I get that many moms might not find the "no-motion" bouncer that compelling. But it turns out that the seat is quite reactive to baby's little kicks, and it has helped my kids to learn how to self-soothe.


Lightweight + compact:

The BABYBJÖRN bouncer is super lightweight, and it also folds flat in a second. Because of those features, we've frequently stored it under the couch, in a suitcase or in the back of the car. It folds completely flat, which I love.

Entertainment zone:

Is the toy bar worth it? The toy bar is totally worth it. Not only is the toy bar adorable, but it's one of the first toys that my babies actually play with once they discover the world beyond my boobs. The toys spin and are close to eye level so they have frequently kept my baby entertained while I cook or take a quick shower.

Great style:

This is not a small detail to me–the BABYBJÖRN bouncer is seriously stylish. I am done with baby gear and toys that make my house look like a theme park. The elegant European design honestly just looks good in my living room and I appreciate that parents can enjoy it as much as baby.

It's adjustable:

With three height settings that let you prop baby up to be entertained, or lay back to rest, we get years of use. And the bouncer can actually be adjusted for bigger kids and used from newborn to toddler age. It's that good.

It just works:

I wouldn't be swooning over the BABYBJÖRN bouncer after eight years and four kids if it didn't work. But I have used the seat as a safe space to put baby while I've worked (I once rocked my baby in it with my foot while I reported on a breaking news story for the Washington Post), and as a cozy spot for my second child to lay while his big brother played nearby. It's held up for almost a decade with almost-constant use.

So for me, looking back on what I thought was a splurge eight years ago, was actually one of the best investments in baby gear I ever made.

We independently select and share the products we love—and may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.


Sorry, you can’t meet our baby yet

Thank you for understanding. ❤️

In just over three weeks, we will become parents. From then on, our hearts will live outside of our bodies. We will finally understand what everyone tells you about bringing a child into the world.

Lately, the range of emotions and hormones has left me feeling nothing short of my new favorite mom word, "hormotional." I'm sure that's normal though, and something most people start to feel as everything suddenly becomes real.

Our bags are mostly packed, diaper bag ready, and birth plan in place. Now it's essentially a waiting game. We're finishing up our online childbirth classes which I must say are quite informational and sometimes entertaining. But in between the waiting and the classes, we've had to think about how we're going to handle life after baby's birth.

I don't mean thinking and planning about the lack of sleep, feeding schedule, or just the overall changes a new baby is going to bring. I'm talking about how we're going to handle excited family members and friends who've waited just as long as we have to meet our child. That sentence sounds so bizarre, right? How we're going to handle family and friends? That sentence shouldn't even have to exist.

Keep reading Show less

It's science: Why your baby stops crying when you stand up

A fascinating study explains why.

When your baby is crying, it feels nearly instinctual to stand up to rock, sway and soothe them. That's because standing up to calm babies is instinctual—driven by centuries of positive feedback from calmed babies, researchers have found.

"Infants under 6 months of age carried by a walking mother immediately stopped voluntary movement and crying and exhibited a rapid heart rate decrease, compared with holding by a sitting mother," say authors of a 2013 study published in Current Biology.

Even more striking: This coordinated set of actions—the mother standing and the baby calming—is observed in other mammal species, too. Using pharmacologic and genetic interventions with mice, the authors say, "We identified strikingly similar responses in mouse pups as defined by immobility and diminished ultrasonic vocalizations and heart rate."

Keep reading Show less