Low libido during pregnancy? Science says it’s totally normal
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One mom’s experience—plus what an OB-GYN and fertility specialist wants you to know about libido during pregnancy, trimester by trimester.
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The morning I turned 14 weeks pregnant, I woke my husband up with a passionate kiss that led to a quick romp under the sheets. It was the first time we had sex in, well, almost three months. It was a joyous, exciting pregnancy—except when it came to my sex drive
Why couldn’t I get lost in kissing my husband anymore? We’d tried every trick we could think of: mood lighting, relaxing baths, [date nights] and new lingerie. My husband was doing his fair share (and then some) around the house and with the kids. My lack of desire had nothing to do with resentment.
It’s just that tiny spark, the longing for sex—it was nowhere to be found.
It turns out that low libido during pregnancy is not only normal, it’s extremely common. And according to the experts, the reasons are more layered than most of us realize.
What happens to your libido in early pregnancy
If you’re in your first trimester and wondering where your sex drive went, you’re not alone. A 2020 study in the Journal of Clinical Medicine found that pregnant women reported the least amount of sexual desire during those initial weeks, while their partners’ desire levels stayed higher throughout pregnancy.
Surprisingly, the hormones themselves aren’t actually the culprit. “From a purely hormonal standpoint, this environment would be expected to support, not suppress, libido,” says Dr. Shilpi Agrawala, an OB-GYN and reproductive endocrinology and infertility specialist at Dallas IVF, an Ivy Fertility center. Estradiol, progesterone and testosterone all rise during early pregnancy—so the dip in desire isn’t coming from a hormone deficit.
So what is tanking your libido in early pregnancy? According to Dr. Agrawala, it’s the whole-body experience of first trimester life: nausea, vomiting, crushing fatigue, heightened smell sensitivity and mood disruption. “Female sexual desire is not linearly hormone-dependent,” she explains. “Attributing first-trimester libido changes to hormones alone oversimplifies a biopsychosocial process.”
In other words, the reason you can’t stomach the thought of sex right now is probably the same reason you can’t stomach your morning coffee. Your body is doing something massive. That tracks.
Does libido come back in the second trimester?
For many people, yes. The second trimester is when nausea resolves, energy returns and the body feels more stable. Hormone levels continue to rise smoothly, and without the physical misery of the first 14 weeks, desire often comes back online.
I experienced a few bursts of desire during my second trimester—welcome but unpredictable, like a guest who shows up unannounced and leaves before you can offer them a drink.
But Dr. Agrawala is quick to point out that there’s wide individual variability. “No timeline is wrong or pathological in isolation,” she says. “What matters most—clinically—is normalizing the experience and reframing it as a temporary phase, not a failure of desire or attraction.”
Why libido drops again in the third trimester
A [2019 study in Aten Primaria] found that many pregnant people in the third trimester set aside their sexual appetite and focused on preparing for the arrival of their baby.
In my third trimester, I couldn’t even roll over in bed without groaning. Heartburn, back pain, pelvic pressure, fatigue—you name it. I wanted to want sex. I just didn’t.
And once again, the hormones aren’t the issue. “In the third trimester, estradiol, progesterone and testosterone levels are at their highest, so low libido at that stage is almost never hormonal in origin,” Dr. Agrawala explains. The physical discomforts—pelvic pressure, reflux, shortness of breath, sleep disruption—are the dominant drivers. “Validating that reality prevents unnecessary testing and misplaced self-blame.”
When you and your partner aren’t on the same page
Research consistently shows that partners often maintain higher desire levels throughout pregnancy. That gap can create friction, guilt or both—even in the strongest relationships.
Dr. Agrawala’s advice to couples? Center the conversation on education and empathy. “Mismatched libido is common, not dangerous, and not a personal rejection,” she says. For partners, the best approach is flexibility, emotional support and non-sexual intimacy. “Pressure or guilt, however, reliably worsens desire.”
Is sex safe during pregnancy?
One of the most common concerns Dr. Agrawala hears from patients is whether sex during pregnancy could harm the baby. Her reassurance is clear: in an uncomplicated pregnancy, sex is safe. The fetus is protected by the uterus, cervix and cervical mucus.
Orgasm can cause uterine contractions, which is normal but can be alarming if you’re not expecting it. There is no evidence that sex can cause or induce a miscarriage, though Dr. Agrawala acknowledges the psychological weight that concern can carry: “The psychological impact of a miscarriage occurring after one of those acts is important to consider.”
There are some situations where your provider may recommend avoiding vaginal penetration, including vaginal bleeding, use of hormonal vaginal suppositories, placenta previa, preterm labor or ruptured membranes. If your doctor has given you specific guidance, follow it.
When low libido might signal something more
Low libido on its own is not a red flag. But Dr. Agrawala says it’s worth paying attention when it shows up alongside other changes: persistent low mood, anxiety, loss of interest in activities you used to enjoy, withdrawal from people you care about, or a sense of dread or hopelessness.
“Libido changes alone are not diagnostic, but when they occur alongside other [mental health] red flags, they may reflect prenatal depression or anxiety rather than a typical pregnancy adjustment,” she says. “Patients should be encouraged to mention these patterns early, as perinatal mood disorders are common, treatable and often underrecognized.”
How to keep intimacy alive during pregnancy
In the meantime, my husband and I have learned to get creative in the romance department to break up the long dry spell.
Intimacy is important, even if sex is currently off the table.
Try massage.
I wore my new lingerie and relaxed in a comfortable position next to him, and he rubbed my shoulders and feet while we watched a rom-com. It was a way for me to enjoy physical touch in a way that made me feel closer to my husband—instead of anxious and frustrated like sex had been making me feel.
Shower together.
This started as a way for my husband to help me relax by washing my hair, and we quickly realized how intimate it was to soap each other up. Although my body felt strange, heavy and painful most of the time, the heat of the shower relieves some of the pressure I feel, making it an enjoyable experience.
Focus on date nights.
We’ve jumped into trying new restaurants and shopping centers, gone to musicals and surprised each other with flowers and chocolate. When we can’t go out, we’ll wait until the kids go to bed, light some candles, and slow dance in the living room to soft music. It’s so much easier to forget about the mundanity of daily living or the stresses of the kids when we’re simply swaying in each other’s arms.
What about sex drive after the baby is born?
If you’re hoping your libido will bounce back the moment you’re cleared for sex postpartum, it might take longer than you expect. Dr. Agrawala says that the sharp drop in estradiol, progesterone and testosterone after delivery, combined with elevated prolactin during breastfeeding, sleep deprivation, physical recovery and identity shifts, all interact to suppress desire—often for months.
“For some, interest begins to return as sleep consolidates and feeding patterns stabilize; for others, it lags until breastfeeding decreases or stops,” she explains. “Framing this as a physiological and situational recalibration, rather than a deficit, helps patients avoid unnecessary anxiety and pressure.”
After my first two babies, my sex drive did come back naturally once I was cleared by my OB-GYN. That’s what I was counting on this time, too.
At the end of the day, a relationship is about support, trust and connection. Sex is a part of that—but it’s not the whole thing. And if pregnancy has temporarily changed that equation, it doesn’t mean anything is broken. It means your body is doing something extraordinary, and it’s asking for a little grace while it does.
Sources
Dr. Shilpi Agrawala, OB-GYN and reproductive endocrinology and infertility specialist at Dallas IVF, an Ivy Fertility center
Fernández-Carrasco FJ, Rodríguez-Díaz L, González-Mey U, Vázquez-Lara JM, Gómez-Salgado J, Parrón-Carreño T. Changes in Sexual Desire in Women and Their Partners during Pregnancy. J Clin Med. 2020;9(2):526. Published 2020 Feb 14. doi:10.3390/jcm9020526
Panea Pizarro I, Domínguez Martin AT, Barragán Prieto V, Martos Sánchez A, López Espuela F. Comportamiento y actitud frente a la sexualidad de la mujer embarazada durante el último trimestre. Estudio fenomenológico [Behaviour and attitudes towards the sexuality of the pregnant woman during the last trimester. Phenomenological study]. Aten Primaria. 2019;51(3):127-134. doi:10.1016/j.aprim.2018.02.003
A version of this article was originally published on February 10th, 2022. It has been updated.
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