One year after the devastating loss of her son, Jack, Chrissy Teigen is marking the painful anniversary on Instagram. In her post, she shares a previously unseen hospital photo from last year and heartbreaking words about her journey after pregnancy loss.

Teigen and her husband, John Legend, are parents to Luna, 5, and Miles, 3. She honored both kiddos in sweet posts this week for National Sons/Daughters Day—and she also honored their brother, Jack.

“And to the son we almost had,” she begins. “A year ago you gave me the greatest pain I could ever imagine to show me I could survive anything, even if I didn’t want to.”

After experiencing weeks of pregnancy complications, Teigen and Legend lost their son about halfway through her pregnancy. Afterward, she shared heartbreaking photos documenting her experience and later wrote an essay about her grief.

In her anniversary post, Teigen acknowledges that her grief lead her down a path of sobriety and taking better care of herself overall.

“I didn’t get to take care of you but you came and went to get me to love myself and take care of myself because our bodies are precious and life is a miracle,” she concludes in the caption. “They told me it would get easier but yeah, that hasn’t started yet. mom and dad love you forever.”

She’s previously talked about ways she’s honored her son’s memory—back in May, she mentioned that the new Teigen-Legend family home features an indoor tree dedicated to Jack.

“The whole reason why I wanted it was so Jack’s ashes could be in that soil and he could be with us all the time and grow through the beautiful leaves on this tree, and always be a part of us,” she said. “Because… he wasn’t just a moment in time. He was real and he was real to us and we loved him.”

Earlier this month, Teigen reflected on how her postpartum body serves as a constant reminder of her loss.

“It’s really weird when you lose a baby and your body gets paused in time,” she wrote. “When you lose a baby halfway through, your body just pauses. It has nothing to do. No one to feed. And you’re just…stuck. Stuck with saggy boobs that were prepping to be milk bags, a belly that was ready to bake.”

Sending love and healing thoughts to Chrissy Teigen today, and to every mother and family who has experienced the devastating grief of pregnancy loss.