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Why didn't anyone tell me how great motherhood would be?

I heard a lot about how hard it is, but not as much about how wonderful it could be.

Why didn't anyone tell me how great motherhood would be?

Dear non-mom, not pregnant former self,


One day, you're going to become a mother.

You kind of know that, you kind of feel that. But you can't really fathom it yet. You know that's what you want but you don't know if you'll get it when you'll get it or how exactly you'll get it.

The thought crosses your mind now, here and there—random, fleeting thoughts like, I love him so much! Won't it be so cute to see him with our kids one day? as you admire your boyfriend (who will later become your husband) or Awww! She just told her mom she looked beautiful! I want a little human to tell me I'm beautiful one day! as you watch the woman you babysit for interact with her kids.

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You feel it in your heart, but you don't feel it quite in your bones just yet. That kind of aching, beautiful love comes only with motherhood itself.

I wanted to tell you a few things about this #momlife you'll one day embrace.

Let's just get this part out of the way first. I feel like you should know that it's hard. It's really hard. You will—at times—wonder if it is ever going to work if you will ever get pregnant. And if you do, you'll wonder how exactly you will be able to do it; to be a mom. And if you don't, you'll wonder what your other options are and how you can get them moving.

You will—at times—be more tired than you could ever imagine. You will—at times—feel overworked and overlooked. You will—at times—want to escape, want to remember what life was like when you weren't tangled up with so many other people's lives.

But you know what else?

This is what I want to tell you the most.

You are going to LOVE it.

You're going to love being a mother. You're going to love hearing "mama" and "mommy" and even "moooooooooom!" Because these variations of your new pseudonym means that you are theirs and they are yours.

You're going to love taking care of tiny humans who look at you like you are Wonder Woman. You'll actually enjoy changing diapers (maybe not all the time, but most of the time), you'll enjoy drying your kiddos off after a bath, or gently placing a band-aid over a scrape. Because that reminds you of your greater purpose in this life: raising good people.

You're going to love the way it amplifies the love you have for your partner. There's nothing quite like watching the love of your life hold the other love of your life for the first time. That moment is absolute, pure magic—in every sense of the word—and never really goes away. Through this bond of parenthood, you two become a team, a crew… a family.

You're going to love the new sense of passion and purpose motherhood brings you. The transformation to 'mother' is ongoing and fluid and never-ending, really. We are constantly growing and changing and adapting to new parenting challenges and stages. To be a mother means to continuously evolve into better and stronger versions of yourself.

You're going to love how strong and capable you feel. You won't feel this every day, my friend. And that's because there are a lot of days that feel redundant, relentless and repetitive. You may question how capable you are when you can't find the keys because you left them in the freezer and you're now going to be late for preschool drop off (again). You may question your strength when you are crying in the shower after a day of feeling like a failure, trying to wash your mistakes and imperfections away.

But you will feel at your most capable when you can buckle three kids into their car seats and drive five hours to New York to visit your parents by yourself. Or when you bring your newborn to the doctor for their very first well visit and hear that your baby is strong and that you're doing a good job. Or when your toddler finally tries a bite of a new food after you've tried (what feels like) a hundred times.

You will feel your strongest when your child looks you in your eye and says, "I love you, Mom. You're the best." Or when your partner tells you how in awe they are of you. Or when you take a step back and look at your life and realize, This is exactly what I've always wanted.

So what I want to say to my former self and to all the women yearning to become a mother—you will get there. No matter what, your journey won't look the way you envision it at first. But that's okay. There is beauty and strength and resilience in the path that's specific to you.

To all the expectant mamas waiting to meet their little ones—oh, my heart jumps for you! You are in a very special moment in time. You are going to love this sisterhood of motherhood.

And to all the moms who are in it with me right now—you rule. You are an inspiration to me and you are everything to those kids of yours. They are loved, they are cared for and they are happy.

You are doing it.

And it's pretty great, right?

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Every week, we stock the Motherly Shop with innovative and fresh products from brands we feel good about. We want to be certain you don't miss anything, so to keep you in the loop, we're providing a cheat sheet.

So, what's new this week?

Tenth & Pine: Gender-neutral and butter-soft basics for littles + bigs

In 2016, after a stage four endometriosis diagnosis and a 10 year battle with infertility, Tenth & Pine founder Kerynn got her miracle baby, Ezra Jade. As a SAHM with a Masters in Business, she wanted to create a brand that focused on premium quality, function, comfort, and simplicity.

She sought out premium, all natural fabrics and factories that shared her core values, practicing environmentally friendly manufacturing methods with fair and safe working conditions for employees. As a result, her made in the USA, gender-neutral designs check all the boxes. The sustainable, organic basics are perfect for everyday wear, family photos and any adventure in between.

Lucy Lue Organics: Sustainably and ethically-produced modern baby clothes

This family-owned and operated business was started by a mama who wanted out of corporate America after the birth of her son. Thoughtfully designed to mix-and-match, Lucy Lue's sustainably and ethically produced collection of modern organic baby clothes only uses fabrics that are "environmentally friendly from seed to seam." Their gorgeous, earthy tones and comfy, minimalist styles make the perfect addition to first wardrobes from birth through the first years.

Sontakey: Simple bracelets that speak your mind

Sontakey has been such a hit in the Motherly Shop that we knew it was time to expand the line. And since these beautiful mantra bands look so stunning stacked, more options = more fun.

Not sure where to start? Here's what we're adding to our cart:

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Sorry, you can’t meet our baby yet

Thank you for understanding. ❤️

In just over three weeks, we will become parents. From then on, our hearts will live outside of our bodies. We will finally understand what everyone tells you about bringing a child into the world.

Lately, the range of emotions and hormones has left me feeling nothing short of my new favorite mom word, "hormotional." I'm sure that's normal though, and something most people start to feel as everything suddenly becomes real.

Our bags are mostly packed, diaper bag ready, and birth plan in place. Now it's essentially a waiting game. We're finishing up our online childbirth classes which I must say are quite informational and sometimes entertaining. But in between the waiting and the classes, we've had to think about how we're going to handle life after baby's birth.

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I don't mean thinking and planning about the lack of sleep, feeding schedule, or just the overall changes a new baby is going to bring. I'm talking about how we're going to handle excited family members and friends who've waited just as long as we have to meet our child. That sentence sounds so bizarre, right? How we're going to handle family and friends? That sentence shouldn't even have to exist.

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Mothers wanted the president to condemn white supremacy—he didn't

What you need to know about the first presidential debate and the 'Proud Boys'.

Screenshot/CNN

[Editor's note: Motherly is committed to covering all relevant presidential candidate plans as we approach the 2020 election. We are making efforts to get information from all candidates. Motherly does not endorse any political party or candidate. We stand with and for mothers and advocate for solutions that will reduce maternal stress and benefit women, families and the country.]

For many American families, the impacts of systemic racism are a daily reality. This summer saw mothers and children go out and join Black Lives Matter protests in an effort to make the United States a safer place for Black children.

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Individuals across the country stood up and condemned white supremacy in 2020 and wanted the sitting President of the United States to do that Tuesday night, during the first presidential debate.

But he didn't.

When Chris Wallace of Fox News, the debate moderator, asked President Trump to condemn white supremacy, to ask militia groups to stand down and not escalate violence in cities like Kenosha and Portland, the president stated he was willing to...but when Wallace said "Then do it, sir," the president's answer was far from a clear condemnation.

First, Trump asked for a specific group to condemn, rather than simply condemning white supremacy as a whole. When the others on stage offered "white supremacy" and "Proud Boys" as the name to condemn, the President picked Proud Boys. But a condemnation didn't come.

"Proud Boys, stand back and stand by," Trump said. "But I'll tell you what, somebody's gotta do something about Antifa and the left. This is not a right-wing problem. This is a left-wing problem."

This followed a previous exchange in which Wallace asked President Trump why he ended a racial sensitivity training program. Trump responded that the training was racist and was teaching people to "hate our country."

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