Should I wait to be happy?
If your child asked you this question what would you tell them?
"Yes, honey, wait to be happy. You're about to be three, and when you're three everything will be different. You'll have more time, less stress and things will just be easier then."
No. I don't think you would.
If your child told you they were going to wait until (insert arbitrary time here) to choose to be happy I'm sure you'd pull over and tell your child something like this:
"Honey, the time is never right. There is never some magic perfect time, and life is never going to create the time for you. YOU create the time, my sweet baby. If you keep on waiting, then you'll blink and life will completely pass you by. If I teach you nothing else in this life, I want you to know that whatever you want—do it NOW. The days are long but the years are short and I want you to have the courage to go live your dreams."
Waiting can be the death of our dreams. There are moments where it can feel like a long shot—to get to that life that you so deeply wish for, the one you're working so hard for. There are days I sometimes think "Why do I even bother? It's never going to be the way I dream."
But what if it can be that way?
What if you had the power within you to make your dream life happen?
We so often think we have to do it all ourselves and I want to remind you that you don't. We can easily feel alone because we think we are supposed to handle it all—to be Super Wife, Super Friend, Super House Cleaner, etc.
But the weight of that pressure slowly chips away at our soul.
When I had my firstborn I instantly started to carry the titles of Super Fiancé, Super Mom, Super Daughter-in-law and Super Daughter. If someone asked if there was anything they could do to help I would quickly respond "No, I got it!" as I was trying to hide my exhaustion while I stuffed my overwhelm down with pecan pie every night.
I would clean everything as it was used. At times, I became obsessed with the house being clean while being home with my newborn because that it what a Super Mom and Super Wife do …right?!
It wasn't until I broke down to my mom. She said, "You're trying to be perfect when you don't have to be. You are going to wear yourself down real quick if you continue in this way." And I instantly knew she was right.
But I know there are so many women out there who don't receive that message. That we might not be "happy" necessarily, but we are doing what we are "supposed to" do. There is easily a long list of supposed to's and loads of mom guilt that we can carry.
But it is no longer your burden to carry those around, because there is a way to dissolve that list, and here is the secret.
By putting your needs first, by taking action and by asking for help.
There is a community around you that is untapped. We have neighbors, spouses, family friends, school friends, people at your church, family, best friends, siblings. Start asking them for what you need and want and I promise people are just waiting for the opportunity to be there for you.
I have seen many women in my life (10 years as a hairstylist) put their needs and wants last over and over and it's painful to see them now spinning in circles not knowing how to care for themselves. Or even worse, to see them feeling resentful toward motherhood and their spouses.
Mamas, the time is now. We have to stop waiting to create the life we desire and so deserve. We have to speak up and ask for what we want and need.
Take the advice you would give to your kids and choose happiness now. Don't delay it. Go after what you want today, not weeks or months from now.
It's time to do a little mothering on ourselves. We aren't meant to do this life alone, we are meant to have a village, to feel supported, and to thrive.