For 1 in 3 new moms, motherhood begins without a mother’s support—and it’s reshaping how we understand postpartum care
Credit: Canva/Motherly
These statistics tell a story of absence—of mothers longing for guidance that once felt guaranteed.
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When a baby arrives, so often the first person we imagine calling is our own mother. She’s the one who might know exactly how to soothe the baby, what to cook, or how to make the world feel a little more manageable. But for many new moms, that familiar comfort isn’t there.
A new global report from The Motherless Mothers and Peanut found that 1 in 3 new moms enter motherhood without their mother by their side, because of death, illness, distance, or estrangement. The findings were striking: among more than 2,300 respondents, 81% reported experiencing a perinatal mental health condition. These statistics tell a story of absence—of mothers longing for guidance that once felt guaranteed, and of a system still learning to recognize what that loss really means for new parents.
Related: How I’m learning to mother–without my mom
Why maternal presence matters more than we realize
A mother’s presence during early parenthood offers both practical and emotional stability. Her help might come through small gestures: folding laundry, sharing a meal, or reminding you that every new mom questions herself. These small gestures can make a big difference, helping new moms feel more confident and at ease.
“During pregnancy and postpartum, a mother can provide normalization when everything feels uncertain,” Kiana Shelton, LCSW, a licensed therapist with Mindpath Health, told Parents, “When that maternal presence is missing, there’s not just a lack of support, but a loss of grounding. This absence can intensify feelings of isolation, anxiety, and identity confusion, all of which can increase the risk of perinatal or postpartum depression.”
Experts say maternal support affects more than emotions. Dr. Catherine M. Cunningham, M.D., section chief of psychiatry at Hackensack Meridian Ocean University Medical Center, told Parents that mothers often provide both instrumental support like meals, childcare, and help with household tasks, and emotional scaffolding, such as reassurance and modeling of the caregiver role. When either is missing, the transition into motherhood can feel more fragile and isolating.
Related: 16 celebrities who have shared their postpartum depression stories
The invisible grief of mothering without a mom
For many women, becoming a mother reopens old grief. The Motherless Mothers and Peanut report found that 85% of participants said motherhood rekindled their feelings of loss.
Even mothers who thought they had processed their grief described being overwhelmed by memories or longing during pregnancy and postpartum.
“The grief of mothering while motherless is rarely acknowledged in our culture,” Emily Guarnotta, PsyD, psychologist and founder of Phoenix Health, told Parents, “When a new baby arrives, society focuses on the baby, not the mother. But grief can quietly shape how a parent experiences this entire season.”
Why experts say we need grief-aware care
Experts agree that care systems need to better recognize grief as part of the postpartum experience. Dr. Nona Kocher, a Miami-based psychiatrist, defines this approach as grief-aware care, a model that invites providers to ask new mothers about their support networks and acknowledge emotional loss as a factor in recovery.
“Grief-aware care means recognizing that grief isn’t a side issue,” Dr. Kocher told Parents, “It’s part of the whole picture, especially in big life transitions like birth or loss.”
In The Motherless Mothers and Peanut study, 74% of respondents said their healthcare providers never asked if they had maternal support. Those who were asked said the question alone offered comfort because it validated their experience. Listening without judgment, validating complex emotions, and adjusting care to meet patients where they are emotionally can make a meaningful difference. As Dr. Kocher notes, this kind of care helps mothers feel seen and supported, which can improve both mental and physical recovery.
Finding support when your mom can’t be there
Even when your mother can’t be part of this chapter, you don’t have to move through it alone. Experts say connection and compassion, both from others and yourself, can help soften the edges of grief.
1. Start with honesty.
If sadness or anxiety begin to feel heavy, Dr. Catherine M. Cunningham encourages moms to speak with a provider early. Early support can make recovery smoother and less isolating.
2. Build your circle.
Kiana Shelton reminds new moms that “a village” can take many forms: friends, doulas, online communities, or even one person who listens without judgment.
3. Care for yourself with the same tenderness you give your baby.
Dr. Emily Guarnotta calls this “mothering yourself,” offering your own heart the comfort you wish you could still receive.
4. Honor what’s missing while holding what’s here.
Grief and joy often arrive together, says Dr. Nona Kocher, and allowing both is a quiet kind of strength.
Related: Groundbreaking blood test could revolutionize how postpartum depression is diagnosed AND treated
A reminder for every mom navigating this season
Motherhood has always relied on connection. When your own mother can’t be part of that experience, it can bring a unique ache, but it can also reveal the depth of your own resilience.
You may build your village differently. You may carry your mom’s love in memory or spirit. Either way, you’re still creating something beautiful: a new foundation of care that begins with you.
Missing your mom doesn’t make you less of one. Grief and joy can share the same space, and both belong in your story.
Related: Spotting postpartum depression can be difficult. Here’s why you should enlist your partner’s help
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