Right now, our love is little.
Our love has made it six years and survived four moves and here we are knee-deep into parenthood with a feisty toddler and a teething baby.
Our love is only little right now because we don't have the time or energy for big love right now. The excitement and the adventures that fueled our dating years has now morphed and grown into a deeper understanding of what it means to be entirely known by another soul. And it's the little love that has helped us get there.
Throughout some of the most transformative years of my life—when I became a mother, when I took the first steps of self-discovery and learned how to love myself throughout my body stretching with each pregnancy, when I matured from girl to woman—somehow, we have found ways to connect and to love each other more and more throughout all of life's ups and downs.
Right now, our lives are lived in a routine.
Your alarm goes off before the sun rises and you're showered and dressed in a half hour. That kiss before you walk out the door is quick, and sometimes it's the only bit of closeness we'll feel until the next morning.
I scramble around the house feeding tiny mouths and dressing tiny humans and sometimes that quick late-morning phone call just to say "hello," can be the difference between a good day and a bad day.
Our love is little right now but it's not weak.
Our love is in those moments where we dance around the kitchen and sway our hips back and forth. It's that love note left in your lunchbox and it's that short back rub in bed before we fall asleep.
Our love is little right now, but it's oftentimes the little things that are actually the big things in life. It is never being too old to hold hands. It is never going to sleep angry. It is standing together and facing the world. It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.
And I know that loving me must feel like a marathon at times. As a woman who struggles with mild depression and anxiety, my highs and lows can be unpredictable and my temper difficult.
I imagine you feel taxed and heavy sometimes. I know I require a lot and I know that isn't always easy. But it's that hug you give me, feeling your strong embrace after a long day that restores me. You are my harbor, the port in the storm, for even my worst temperament. The way you love me—just as I am—makes me believe that I have the greatest treasure of all.
Our love is little right now, and on the surface, it may look ordinary to others. But it's anything but. It's well-worn, but not worn out. It's idle, but not insignificant. We're learning how to balance our relationship, our personal independence, and our children—every single day.
We're learning from the trenches the true meaning of give and take, of what it means to parent young children together. Like what kind of morals and values we want to instill in them, what kind of family we want to raise.
Our love may be little right now, but it actually is big. Huge. It's creating humans together big, it's running a home and schedule together big, it's finding time for romance whenever we can big, it's raising a family together big, it's pushing through the hard times big.
It's figuring all of this out together BIG.
Marriage can be hard and marriage with children can be even harder. Our love looks different than it once did—but we're thriving in big ways and little ways—together, every day.