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‘I will never tie my shoes again’—and other hilarious thoughts pregnant women have

8. I am the most pregnantist woman who has ever walked the face of the earth. I will never tie my own shoes again. 

‘I will never tie my shoes again’—and other hilarious thoughts pregnant women have

1. Oh. My. God. We did it! We made a human! This is magical. This changes everything. I’m going to be the BEST mom. I’ll be the CHICEST mom. I’m going to do ALL THE PRENATAL YOGA. I’m going to eat nothing but organic kale and the eggs of fair trade, free-range chickens! I’m going to nurture my baby in a mystical maternal cloud of pregnancy fairy dust. Everything will be amazing.


2. I’m dying. I’m going to dieeeeeee. I’m going to die in a pile of my own vomit. I hate everything. I hate my husband. YOU DID THIS TO ME. I can’t go on. I can’t make it. Why did I ever think this was a good idea? Why is a fetus the size of poppy seed making me want to throw up everything I ate in the last year? I’m surviving on a diet of Preggie Pops, Gatorade and air. Can I go on maternity leave now?

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3. ... I ... think? I’m feeling bet-VOMIT.

4. No seriously, I think I’m feeling better. I’m 13 weeks! Here we come, second trimester! I can eat again! I can sleep again! We’re going to make it, baby! Now to share my baby news in the most amazing way on Facebook. Wait... my mom already did???

5. I’m 3-6 months pregnant! I’m an adorable pregnant lady! I cleared out the maternity section at Target! I bought the cutest stuff from Zulily! And maybe I’ll even make it to prenatal yoga. At least once. Gotta get there at least one time. Must plan the most perfect baby nursery! Must buy all the things! And, wow, I can feel the baby! Here--you feel the baby. HEY! Stop touching me, crazy lady!

6. Woah. I’m still pregnant. And I’ve grown out of my maternity clothes. I couldn’t POSSIBLY get any bigger than this... could I? And am I really ready to be a mom? Why do pickles taste better with ice cream? Why is my scale lying to me? Why does life have so many existential questions?

8. I am the most pregnantist woman who has ever walked the face of the earth. I will never tie my shoes again. I will never put my own pants on again. I’ll never roll over in bed again. Is prenatal yoga still a thing? Ha! So not happening. I’m not moving from downward facing sleeping lady. I don’t think these bad boys even count as cankles anymore. They’re like swollen knees on top of my feet. Can I self-induce labor? Does that make me a bad mom? Am I failing at being a mom before I’ve even become one? It’s harder to be 9-months pregnant than to have a newborn, right? Because this is already really freaking hard.

9. It’s a baby! I’m a mom. This is magical. This child is 7 pounds 10 ounces of newborn perfection. Those crazy nine months? Totally worth it. I’m in <3 with my little one. (And I’m sure it gets easier from here... RIGHT?!?!)

*There is no #7. Because THE MOM BRAIN STRUGGLE IS REAL.

There is rightfully a lot of emphasis on preparing for the arrival of a new baby. The clothes! The nursery furniture! The gear! But, the thing about a baby registry is, well, your kids will keep on growing. Before you know it, they'll have new needs—and you'll probably have to foot the bill for the products yourself.

Thankfully, you don't have to break the bank when shopping for toddler products. Here are our favorite high-quality, budget-friendly finds to help with everything from meal time to bath time for the toddler set.

Comforts Fruit Crisps Variety Pack

Comforts fruit snacks

If there is one thing to know about toddlers, it is this: They love snacks. Keeping a variety on hand is easy when the pack already comes that way! Plus, we sure do appreciate that freeze-dried fruit is a healthier alternative to fruit snacks.

Comforts Electrolyte Drink

Comforts electrolyte drink

Between running (or toddling!) around all day and potentially developing a pickier palate, many toddlers can use a bit of extra help with replenishing their electrolytes—especially after they've experienced a tummy bug. We suggest keeping an electrolyte drink on hand.

Comforts Training Pants

Comforts training pants

When the time comes to start potty training, it sure helps to have some training pants on hand. If they didn't make it to the potty in time, these can help them learn their body's cues.

Comforts Nite Pants

comforts nite pants

Even when your toddler gets the hang of using the toilet during the day, nighttime training typically takes several months longer than day-time training. In the meantime, nite pants will still help them feel like the growing, big kid they are.

Comforts Baby Lotion

comforts baby lotion

Running, jumping, playing in sand, splashing in water—the daily life of a toddler can definitely irritate their skin! Help put a protective barrier between their delicate skin and the things they come into contact with every day with nourishing lotion.

Another great tip? Shopping the Comforts line on Comfortsforbaby.com to find premium baby products for a fraction of competitors' prices—and follow along on social media to see product releases and news at @comfortsforbaby.

This article was sponsored by The Kroger Co. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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I never wanted to be a mom. It wasn't something I ever thought would happen until I fell madly in love with my husband—who knew very well he wanted children. While he was a natural at entertaining our nephews or our friends' kids, I would awkwardly try to interact with them, not really knowing what to say or do.

Our first pregnancy was a surprise, a much-wanted one but also a unicorn, "first try" kind of pregnancy. As my belly grew bigger, so did my insecurities. How do you even mom when you never saw motherhood in your future? I focused all my uncertainties on coming up with a plan for the delivery of my baby—which proved to be a terrible idea when my dreamed-of unmedicated vaginal birth turned into an emergency C-section. I couldn't even start motherhood the way I wanted, I thought. And that feeling happened again when I couldn't breastfeed and instead had to pump and bottle-feed. And once more, when all the stress from things not going my way turned into debilitating postpartum anxiety that left me not really enjoying my brand new baby.

As my baby grew, slowly so did my confidence that I could do this. When he would tumble to the ground while learning how to walk and only my hugs could calm him, I felt invincible. But on the nights he wouldn't sleep—whether because he was going through a regression, a leap, a teeth eruption or just a full moon—I would break down in tears to my husband telling him that he was a better parent than me.

Then I found out I was pregnant again, and that this time it was twins. I panicked. I really cannot do two babies at the same time. I kept repeating that to myself (and to my poor husband) at every single appointment we had because I was just terrified. He, of course, thought I could absolutely do it, and he got me through a very hard pregnancy.

When the twins were born at full term and just as big as singleton babies, I still felt inadequate, despite the monumental effort I had made to grow these healthy babies and go through a repeat C-section to make sure they were both okay. I still felt my skin crawl when they cried and thought, What if I can't calm them down? I still turned to my husband for diaper changes because I wasn't a good enough mom for twins.

My husband reminded me (and still does) that I am exactly what my babies need. That I am enough. A phrase that has now become my mantra, both in motherhood and beyond, because as my husband likes to say, I'm the queen of selling myself short on everything.

So when my babies start crying, I tell myself that I am enough to calm them down.

When my toddler has a tantrum, I remind myself that I am enough to get through to him.

When I go out with the three kids by myself and start sweating about everything that could go wrong (poop explosions times three), I remind myself that I am enough to handle it all, even with a little humor.


And then one day I found this bracelet. Initially, I thought how cheesy it'd be to wear a reminder like this on my wrist, but I bought it anyway because something about it was calling my name. I'm so glad I did because since day one I haven't stopped wearing it.

Every time I look down, there it is, shining back at me. I am enough.

I Am Enough bracelet 

SONTAKEY  I Am Enough Bracelet

May this Oath Bracelet be your reminder that you are perfect just the way you are. That you are enough for your children, you are enough for your friends & family, you are enough for everything that you do. You are enough, mama <3

$35

We independently select and share the products we love—and may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.

Life

Every parent can relate to these funny tweets about the presidential debate

If you've refereed siblings you can relate to Chris Wallace.

Wendi Aarons/Screenshot

The first presidential debate was painful to watch for many reasons. The sitting president of the United States failed to condemn white supremacy when asked, and while both President Trump and Joe Biden spoke nearly constantly, they didn't say much of value.

It was disappointing for stressed parents who would have rather heard more about policy and the future of America instead of watching two men interrupt and insult each other.

The candidates spent a significant amount of time talking over each other, asking the other to shut up and deflecting questions from moderator Chris Wallace, whose position was instantly relatable to any parent who has had to ask their children to stop squabbling at the dinner table.

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These viral tweets sum up the debate perfectly:

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