It’s almost an innate reflex, isn’t it? Asking our kids how their day was the second they walk in the door or get off the bus? Because of course we want to know how their day went—it’s a huge chunk of their day that we simply aren’t a part of, and we want to make sure all was well, or help solve what went wrong.

But one parenting expert is gently steering parents away from that question by giving us the tools to build on it.

Dr. Siggie, a parenting expert, has lots of helpful videos on the topic of gentle parenting on TikTok, but her most recent viral TikTok is on the subject of getting an authentic recap of your child’s day straight from the horse’s mouth.

How many times to we hear things like “I don’t know” or “I can’t remember” or “Fine” when we ask them about their day at school? Pretty much always, right? Well that might be because the question itself is overwhelming to answer.

Let Dr. Siggie explain why.

“Of course you want to hear that your child had a great day,” she affirms. “But your child just ended a long day full of effort. And that question is too big, too general for them to respond to.”

Rather than asking that big question, Dr. Siggie suggests making your inquiries more specific. “During snacktime, who did you sit next to?” or “Did your teacher say anything funny today?”

She says doing it this way helps your child break down their experience in a more detailed and balanced way. And it helps us get the answers we’re looking for—we just want to be part of their lives even when they’re away from us. Most of all we want them to know we care, and we always will. This is a great, simple way to do just that.