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Self-care isn’t just good for moms—it helps protect your kids, too

New research suggests that practicing self-care and knowing when to ask for help is vital.

Self-care isn’t just good for moms—it helps protect your kids, too

As mamas, it’s easy to forget our own needs and ignore our stress levels, especially if we grew up in households where stress was common. Of course we want to put our kids first to make sure they have as stress-free a childhood as possible, but new research suggests that practicing self-care and knowing when to ask for help is vital to ensuring our kids inherit our smiles, but not our stressors.


A new study published this month in Pediatrics found that children whose parents experienced adverse childhood experiences—such as suffering abuse and neglect, witnessing domestic violence or watching parents go through divorce—were at a higher risk for developmental delays. Adverse childhood experiences, known as ACEs, can have long-lasting negative effects on a person’s mental and physical health, and mamas who’ve gone through them can benefit from therapy and other supports to ensure their kids don’t.

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For the study, researchers followed babies from 2 months old through 2 years old and analyzed the ACE exposures of more than 530 mothers and fathers. And what they discovered is that, for each additional ACE mothers endured, children were 18% more likely to have suspected delays; when it came to fathers, that risk jumped to 34%.

What’s more: Kids whose mothers suffered through at least three ACEs in childhood were far more likely to have several developmental issues, according to the study’s findings.

Study leader Alonzo Folger, an assistant professor at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Centers, tells Reuters that delays can restrict school readiness and emotional health, adding, “Childhood exposure to abuse, neglect and other forms of household dysfunction can have psychobiological effects that are toxic to the brain during sensitive time points of development.”

Another study, also published this month in Pediatrics, looked specifically at the effect of a mother’s childhood exposure to toxic stress, as well as health issues during pregnancy, on infant development. A team of Canadian researchers studied more than 1,900 mothers and their babies, and found that maternal ACEs contributed to about 12% of infants’ delays in communication, problem-solving, motor skills and social skills by 1 years old.

But a mama’s exposure to childhood trauma and stress doesn’t only impact whether or not their kid will reach their developmental milestones on time. A third study published in Pediatrics revealed that parents exposed to ACEs were less resilient and had a harder time coping with and caring for sick children.

Just because a parent has a high ACE score themselves doesn’t mean their child will, or that their child will experience delays. Taking care of ourselves helps us take care of children.

“The effect of a stable, nurturing relationship for a child is incredibly important to mitigating the effects of adversity, or ACEs,” lead author Anita Shah, a clinical fellow at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center, tells Reuters. “For a parent with high ACEs, this may mean reaching out to someone to help them learn how to cope with daily stressors as well as making sure their children can find ways to cope with toxic stressors.”

As moms and dads, we want to believe that we are superheroes who can get everything done without hiccups. But we all know the truth is that we can’t. We need help, and we shouldn’t feel ashamed to ask for it. Even if it’s hard for you to admit you’re struggling, do it. You deserve to be cared for the same way you take care of everyone else.

Be kind to yourself, mama

We all have flaws. We all have bad days. We all have stress and trauma that we’re still working through to this day. So be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself when you don’t like how you handled something, and think about the ways you can improve next time. On the other hand, realize when you’re being too hard on yourself. If you didn’t get the laundry done yesterday because you were exhausted, that’s okay.

“We don’t need to play the shame game. It doesn’t help,” pediatrician Dr. Nadine Burke Harris writes in her book, The Deepest Well: Healing the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Adversity. “If you’re someone with an ACE score of your own, learning to recognize when your stress response is getting out of whack can be hard. Taking the time and finding the resources to do self-care and get yourself on the path to healing can be even harder.”

It’s hard but it’s so worth it. Burke Harris believes that parents have the power to rewrite the story of adversity and break the intergenerational cycle of toxic stress. Parents who lived through adverse childhood experiences know that toxic stress in childhood can have a lasting effect, but when we take care of ourselves now, we’re making sure our children have a different kind of childhood.

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These are the best bath time products you can get for under $20

These budget-friendly products really make a splash.

With babies and toddlers, bath time is about so much more than washing off: It's an opportunity for fun, sensory play and sweet bonding moments—with the added benefit of a cuddly, clean baby afterward.

Because bathing your baby is part business, part playtime, you're going to want products that can help with both of those activities. After countless bath times, here are the products that our editors think really make a splash. (Better yet, each item is less than $20!)

Comforts Bath Wash & Shampoo

Comforts Baby Wash & Shampoo

Made with oat extract, this bath wash and shampoo combo is designed to leave delicate skin cleansed and nourished. You and your baby will both appreciate the tear-free formula—so you can really focus on the bath time fun.

Munckin Soft Spot Bath Mat

Munchkin slip mat

When your little one is splish-splashing in the bath, help keep them from also sliding around with a soft, anti-slip bath mat. With strong suction cups to keep it in place and extra cushion to make bath time even more comfortable for your little one, this is an essential in our books.

Comforts Baby Lotion

Comforts baby lotion

For most of us, the bath time ritual continues when your baby is out of the tub when you want to moisturize their freshly cleaned skin. We look for lotions that are hypoallergenic, nourishing and designed to protect their skin.

The First Years Stack Up Cups

First year stack cups

When it comes to bath toys, nothing beats the classic set of stackable cups: Sort them by size, practice pouring water, pile them high—your little one will have fun with these every single bath time.

Comforts Baby Oil

Comforts baby oil

For dry skin that needs a little extra TLC, our team loves Comforts' fast-absorbing baby oil aloe vera and vitamin E. Pro tip: When applied right after drying off your baby, the absorption is even more effective.

KidCo Bath Toy Organizer

KidCo Bath Organizer

Between bathing supplies, wash rags, toys and more, the tub sure can get crowded in a hurry. We like that this organizer gives your little one space to play and bathe while still keeping everything you need within reach.

Another great tip? Shopping the Comforts line on Comfortsforbaby.com to find premium baby products for a fraction of competitors' prices—and follow along on social media to see product releases and news at @comfortsforbaby.

This article was sponsored by The Kroger Co. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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