Penn Badgley’s anti-sex scene comments spark a major debate online

In case you need to get caught up to speed, actor Penn Badgley, best known for his roles in “Gossip Girl” and “You,” recently shared that he requested “zero” sex scenes in the new season of “You.” He claimed it was out of respect for his marriage—and it was that comment that really started an online discourse about actors, professionalism, sex scenes, and why his comments are either heroic or problematic.

On a recent episode of his podcast, “Podcrushed,” Badgley spoke about his career trajectory. “I don’t think I have ever mentioned it publicly,” he said, “But one of the main things was: Do I want to put myself back on a career path where I’m always the romantic lead?”

One of his reasons is his wife, Domino Kirke-Badgley, whom he married in 2017.

“Fidelity in every relationship, including my marriage, is important to me,” Badgley said. “It’s got to the point where I don’t want to do that.”

Related: Penn Badgley requested ‘zero’ sex scenes in ‘You’ season 4 out of respect for his marriage

The comments here are interesting for myriad reasons. One, because I wouldn’t exactly characterize his character Joe, who is a serial killer, as a “romantic lead.” Two, he’s basically implying that every married actor who chooses to participate in intimate scenes is a big ol’ cheater.

A lot of people have shared their thoughts on his stance. Some people find it admirable that he’s so devoted to his wife. Others say it’s not great that he’s saying actors can’t be professional enough to separate their art from their life.

Obviously, no one knows what Penn Badgley and his wife’s marriage is like and it’s not cool to make assumptions. But when I first read and digested his remarks, I thought to myself, “This is giving Kirk Cameron vibes. But why?” Maybe Penn Badgley has similar beliefs to the fanatical, overzealous, primitive evangelical Cameron. Or maybe his relationship hasn’t always been solid and secure, and this is one way to ensure that it is. Maybe Penn Badgley is a Wife Guy™.

We could speculate all day about why he said what he said and why so many people have opinions on it. But let’s focus on why it’s not good, actually, to imply intimacy on-screen while performing in a work of fiction for one’s livelihood = infidelity in real-life.

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If you don’t want to do sex scenes anymore, hey man, that’s OK. As someone who once had to embrace a half-naked man to my bosom while wearing a negligee on stage in front of 200+ people (including my fiance at the time and the lead actor’s girlfriend), I know how unnatural it can feel! But at the end of the day, everyone was an adult who knew how to separate the fictional, mid-century world of Tennessee Williams from our real life as twentysomethings in committed relationships in 2013.

But Badgley’s comments give off a weird, “I don’t trust myself to not sexualize a colleague” vibe. It’s really not difficult, or at least it shouldn’t be, for an artist to distinguish work/life boundaries. It’s also not feminist to take this stance, either, because it makes you wonder what he’s really thinking and feeling when performing with his female coworkers if he thinks feigning intimacy with them is synonymous with cheating on his real-life wife.

Here’s hoping we’ve all misconstrued what he’s saying and that it’s not actually as off-putting as it seems. Because honestly, he’s a very likable person! Especially on TikTok.

TL;DR: Penn Badgley is totally OK with pretend-killing women, just not pretend-sleeping with them. He should be able to set personal boundaries with his work without moralizing his decisions.