how to help kids make friends

COVID-19 has impacted family life in almost every way imaginable, including limiting children's social interactions. As we begin the 2020 school year, it's hard to not worry about how the past several months of social distancing and limited face-to-face time with friends might have affected our children's social and emotional development.

While some children, particularly those who were outgoing and social prior to the pandemic, may bounce back into socializing and play without skipping a beat, others may struggle. Also, new school policies about maintaining distance and wearing masks may make social interactions more confusing and complex for children, whether they're naturally outgoing or a little bit shy.

Here's what parents need to know about how to help children make friends and how to help boost their social skills, even during the pandemic.

How to tell if your child needs help making friends

Prior to the pandemic, we may have taken for granted the process of making and maintaining friendships. As parents, we might not remember how or when we made our first friend, or whether it required any effort at all.

The truth is, making new friends or maintaining existing friendships requires specific social skills, including eye contact, listening, turn-taking, cooperating and sharing, among many others. Some children grasp these concepts by interacting and observing others in social contexts. For other children, it's not that easy. They may need help from parents or other caregivers to develop and master these skills.

How do you know if your child needs help developing social skills? A few telltale signs that your child may need help:

  • Your child tells you they are struggling with friendships, expressing a desire to have more friends.
  • Your child has no friends or tends to isolate themselves.
  • Your child has difficulty initiating friendships. For example, they stare at other children but don't approach them, freeze or appear uncomfortable around unfamiliar children, or say inappropriate things when meeting others.
  • Your child has difficulty maintaining friendships. Sometimes a child may have no problems making friends but over time they tend to lose the friends they make—this may signal difficulty with social skills that help sustain friendships, such as cooperating or listening.

How to assess your child's social strengths and difficulties

If your child is having trouble making or maintaining friendships, try to gather specific information about what is and isn't working. What social skills does your child have and what areas can be improved upon? If they're struggling with a specific social skill, what emotional impact does that have? Think about how your child handles themselves in social situations, and reach out to teachers, relatives and other parents for their input.

Not sure what to focus on in these conversations? A few broad categories of social skills include knowing how to manage introductions to new children, listening, sharing, cooperating and following directions and rules. Observe whether your child is struggling with any of these skills, and ask other caring adults in their world what they may have observed. Children who have difficulties forming or maintaining friendships may demonstrate one or more of the following characteristics:

  • They may lack knowledge of one or more social skills.
  • They may have verbal knowledge of the skills and are able to communicate them, but lack the ability to put them into practice themselves.
  • They may experience social anxiety and freeze or become awkward due to fear of a negative outcome or reaction.
  • They may seem to lack an interest in social interactions, which may be a signal of shyness or a way of preventing rejection.

It's important to talk directly with your child about their social experiences, too: Ask how they feel when they are on play dates, meeting new faces or engaging with other kids on the playground or at school. These discussions can provide insight into your child's own perceived strengths and weaknesses, their motivation to have friendships, their self-confidence and the emotional impact of rejections or social difficulties.

Here are 4 strategies that can help you talk with your child about social skills:

1. Acknowledge their truth

It's important to find truth in what your child is saying, since it is their truth, and there is some aspect that must be true if your child is saying it. Instead of saying "I'm sure they didn't mean to" or even "everything's okay," find a way to validate your child's experience.

For instance, if your child says, "You didn't listen to me when I told you my friends didn't include me, and that really bothered me," a possible response might be, "You're right, there have been times when I haven't been a good listener." By acknowledging your child's statement, you assure them that you are in fact listening, which will make them more willing to open up and share with you, rather than defend their position.

2. Listen and repeat

As you listen to your child, rephrase and communicate what they're saying back to them. By asking them to confirm the accuracy of your understanding, you are letting them know that you are listening closely, and giving them an opening to clarify or elaborate.

3. Ask and empathize

Make it clear, through your words and actions, that you truly care about their feelings and want to hear more about how they feel. Sit close, cuddle or hold hands (if they'll let you), turn off the TV and put aside the phone. If your child opens up and tells you how they feel, use the "listen and repeat" method to communicate that you're hearing them and understanding. If your child has a harder time expressing their feelings, you can make suggestions or educated guesses as to how you think they may be feeling, and ask them if you got it right.

For example, you could say, "You told me that your friends didn't include you. I wonder if you are feeling upset, frustrated or angry? Is that how you are feeling? Is there anything that I missed? I would love to hear more about it."

You can then communicate genuine care by letting them know how you feel about what they share: "I am also feeling sad that you felt excluded by your friends." By providing empathy, you show that you are interested in your child's perspective. This will likely lead to insight about your child's specific struggles with friendship difficulties, insecurities, and what might help change the situation.

4. Relate

Share your own stories about social challenges you've experienced—either as a child or as an adult. Letting your child know that you understand—and that you've been in a similar situation yourself—can give them hope while also helping them feel more connected to you. Talk about difficulties you experienced in your own friendships when you were younger, and share how you overcame those difficulties. There are also lots of books to read on this subject, including Jake the Howling Dog by Samantha Shannon and Strictly No Elephants by Lisa Mantchev.

How to teach friendship skills

After assessing your child's strengths and determining the reasons for your child's difficulties, you can begin to implement strategies to teach them social skills in a comfortable environment: at home with you.

1. Practice social skills step-by-step

Break down the social skills your child needs help with into small, concrete steps that can easily be implemented. For instance, if they're struggling with how to introduce themselves to new classmates, that skill can be broken down into steps like so:

Looking at the other person
Walking up to them
Making eye contact
Waiting for them to look at you
Saying "Hello, my name is..."
Asking for their name
Waiting for them to speak
Saying, "It's nice to meet you"

Each step can then be taught and practiced—be sure to offer plenty of praise and positive feedback for accomplishing each step.

2. Model and talk about prosocial behavior

Our children are always watching us and how we interact with other adults and children. Through our normal daily interactions, we as parents can demonstrate appropriate social behavior in and outside the home.

While the pandemic has changed the way we interact with others—"elbow bumps" have replaced handshakes, and facial expressions are harder to read when everyone's wearing a mask—you can still model and talk about the social behaviors that help people make and maintain friendships.

Your child will learn by watching you, and you can also reinforce that learning by discussing the social interactions they observe, answering their questions and even letting them "re-enact" those interactions with you at home.

3. Address your child's anxieties and fear of rejection

It's common for anxiety to play a role in children's social difficulties. Children who have a harder time initiating or maintaining friendships may have had negative experiences in social situations, and in many cases have already begun to expect to be rejected. The pandemic also comes with its share of anxiety-producing challenges for children, from concerns about getting sick to concerns about not social distancing properly. Even if your child hasn't shown signs of anxiety previously, they may be doing so now, and that is perfectly normal. The good news is that this anxiety can be addressed in a number of ways.

Help your child to identify and discuss their fears. Ask, "What do you think would happen if you talked to Johnny?" You can also ask about worst- and best-case scenarios, for example, "What is the worst thing that you can think of that would happen if you talk to Johnny?" and "What would you want to happen if you talk to Johnny?" You can then talk about these different possibilities and assess the likelihood that any of them will happen.

Use role-playing to practice having conversations. Try play-acting through different scenarios to help your child see that they can handle any outcome that emerges.

Teach them deep breathing to manage anxiety in the moment. For instance, they can be taught to take a deep breath in through her nose, hold it for 5 seconds and breath slowly out through their mouth. The most important step to helping your child get over their fear of social situations is to provide them with opportunities to have positive social interactions. The positive outcomes will ultimately dispel fears.

How to set your child up for success with making friends

1. Build their motivation

Children (like all of us!) gravitate toward things that they find fun and enjoyable and shy away from boring, stressful and uncomfortable situations. Try to get your child excited about interacting with peers by talking with them about how to include other children in activities or hobbies they already enjoy, or safe group activities that they might participate in.

Any game your child already likes can be used to teach and reinforce prosocial skills, too. For instance, if your child enjoys board games, use your time playing games together to practice social skills like turn-taking, sharing, cooperation and following instructions.

2. Schedule and structure play dates

Play dates provide opportunities for positive social interactions, especially if they take place in a familiar setting (your backyard, for example, or a neighborhood park), and with some structure (a menu of preselected activities your child enjoys and that their guest would like, too). A few more guidelines for play date success:

Start with short play dates. 30 minutes to an hour is a great place to begin. Increase the length of play dates gradually as your child grows more successful.

Make it one-on-one. Start with one child initially, and increase the number of children based on your child's comfort, interest and skill.

Plan it together. Involve your child in planning: Talk about which children they want to have play dates with, and which specific fun activities should be on the agenda.

Make it structured. When you do reach out to another child with your invitation to come by and play, be sure to mention the time limit and the specific activities that will make up the play date. That way both children can be prepared in advance for a more structured (rather than free-form) play date.

Offer praise. Make positive statements to the children throughout their play. If your child needs some coaching, have them step away for a moment so you can offer suggestions in private.

Plan to be present. For initial play dates, plan to be fully present and involved in the play. As your child's social skills progress, allow for increasingly less structure and more autonomy.

Given concerns regarding play date safety during the pandemic, families will need to make decisions based on their personal comfort and which strategies to employ to mitigate risk. This may include using masks, social distancing, selecting playmates who are taking pandemic precautions or creating online social opportunities.

3. Encourage social risk-taking and provide praise

Anxiety about fitting in and fears of rejection are commonplace, and may get in the way of your child pursuing social interactions. When a potential opportunity for social interaction arises, such as on the playground, help your child to take a chance on approaching potential friends.

Start gradually: Encourage your child to watch the other children who are playing. Next, encourage your child to approach the other children, offering your support. Ask them if they would like to practice what to say, and perhaps role-play a few different responses. Whatever happens, be sure to tell your child how proud you are and that they did well.

Helping your child develop friendships and social skills may seem daunting, time-consuming or overwhelming, even in non-pandemic times. The current environment makes things even more challenging—we're all concerned about the safety of our families, and we're all adjusting to new changes every day.

But working on your child's social skills can be an opportunity to grow your relationship through sharing, playing and having a good time. By putting the time and effort in now, you will be building life-long skills that will result in years of happiness—for both you and your child.

14 outdoor toys your kids will want to play with beyond summer

They transition seamlessly for indoor play.

With Labor day weekend in the rearview and back-to-school in full swing, most parents are fresh out of boxes to check on their "Fun Concierge" hit list. It's also the point of diminishing returns on investing in summer-only toys. So with that in mind, we've rounded up some of our favorite toys that are not only built to last but will easily make the transition from outdoor to indoor play. Even better, they're Montessori-friendly and largely open-ended so your kids can get a ton of use out of them.

From sunny backyard afternoons to rainy mornings stuck inside, these toys are sure to keep little ones engaged and entertained.

Meadow ring toss game

Plan Toys meadow ring toss game

Besides offering a fantastic opportunity to hone focus, coordination, determination and taking turns, lawn games are just plain fun. Set them up close together for the littles and spread them out when Mom and Dad get in on the action. With their low profile and rope rings, they're great for indoors as well.


Balance board

Plan Toys balance board

Balance boards are a fabulous way to get the wiggles out. This one comes with a rope attachment, making it suitable for even the youngest wigglers. From practicing their balance and building core strength to working on skills that translate to skateboarding and snowboarding, it's a year-round physical activity that's easy to bring inside and use between Zoom classes, too!


Detective set

Plan Toys detective setDetective Set

This set has everything your little detective needs to solve whatever mystery they might encounter: an eye glasses, walkie-talkie, camera, a red lens, a periscope and a bag. Neighborhood watch? Watch out.


Wooden doll stroller

Janod wooden doll strollerWooden Doll Stroller

Take their charges on a stroll around the block with this classic doll stroller. With the same versatility they're used to in their own ride, this heirloom quality carriage allows their doll or stuffy to face them or face the world.


Sand play set

Plan Toys sand set

Whether you're hitting the beach or the backyard sandbox, this adorable wooden sand set is ready for action. Each scoop has an embossed pattern that's perfect for sand stamping. They're also totally suitable for water play in the wild or the bathtub.


Water play set

Plan Toys water play set

Filled with sand or water, this tabletop sized activity set keeps little ones busy, quiet and happy. (A mama's ideal trifecta 😉). It's big enough to satisfy their play needs but not so big it's going to flood your floors if you bring the fun inside on a rainy day.


Mini golf set

Plan Toys mini golf set

Fore! This mini golf set is lawn and living room ready. Set up a backyard competition or incorporate into homeschooling brain breaks that shift focus and build concentration.


Vintage scooter balance bike

Janod retro scooter balance bike

Pedals are so 2010. Balance bikes are the way to go for learning to ride a bike while skipping the training wheels stage altogether. This impossibly cool retro scooter-style is built to cruise the neighborhood or open indoor space as they're learning.


Wooden rocking pegasus

plan toys wooden rocking pegasus

Your little will be ready to take flight on this fun pegasus. It gently rocks back and forth, but doesn't skimp on safety—its winged saddle, footrests and backrest ensure kids won't fall off whether they're rocking inside or outside.


Croquet set

Plan Toys croquet set

The cutest croquet set we've ever seen! With adorable animal face wooden balls and a canvas bag for easy clean up, it's also crafted to stick around awhile. Round after round, it's great for teaching kiddos math and problem-solving skills as well.


Wooden digital camera

fathers factory wooden digital camera

Kids get the chance to assemble the camera on their own then can adventure anywhere to capture the best moments. With two detachable magnetic lenses, four built-in filters and video recorder, your little photographer can tap into their creativity from summertime to the holidays.


Wooden bulldozer toy

plan toys wooden bulldozer toy

Whether they're digging up sand in the backyad or picking up toys inside, kids can get as creative as they want picking up and moving things around. Even better? Its wooden structure means it's not an eye sore to look at wherever your digger drops it.


Pull-along hippo

janod toys pull along hippo toy

There's just something so fun about a classic pull-along toy and we love that they seamlessly transition between indoor and outdoor play. Crafted from solid cherry and beechwood, it's tough enough to endure outdoor spaces your toddler takes it on.


Baby forest fox ride-on

janod toys baby fox ride on

Toddlers will love zooming around on this fox ride-on, and it's a great transition toy into traditional balance bikes. If you take it for a driveway adventure, simply use a damp cloth to wipe down the wheels before bringing back inside.


We independently select and share the products we love—and may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.


9 products that will help baby sleep better (and longer!)

For many parents, attempting naps and bedtime can seem like a never-ending cycle of rocking, shushing and hoping for some kind of magic sleep solution.

How do I get my baby to sleep? This is one of the most commonly asked questions among new parents, and it makes sense, given that babies are born with their days and nights mixed up. For many parents, attempting naps and bedtime can seem like a never-ending cycle of rocking, shushing and hoping for some kind of magic sleep solution.

And while that might not exist (yet), we have found some of the best products out there that can help baby fall asleep faster and for longer durations. Because when baby is sleeping, so are you!

Dreamland Baby weighted sleep sack and swaddle

Designed by a mama, parents swear by this weighted sleep sack. It mimics your hug to give your baby security and comfort that helps them get to sleep faster and stay asleep longer. The detachable swaddle wing makes it easy to transition as they grow.

It's also super easy to get on and off, and includes a bottom-up zipper for late night changes, so you don't have to wake your baby in the process.


Yogasleep Hushh portable sound machine

Yogasleep hushh sound machine

With three soothing options, this is a perfect solution to help your baby settle when naps are on the go and during travel! I love how compact this noise machine is and that it can run all night with one charge.


Bebe au Lait muslin crib sheets

Burt's Bees Organic Crib Sheets

With a variety of print options to choose from, these breathable sheets are *so* soft and smooth, even through multiple washes. The luxury fabric keeps little ones warm without overheating—a formula that helps ensure more sleep for everyone.


The Simple Folk perfect pajamas

The Simple Folk perfect pajamas

You know what's going to help baby have their best sleep ever? Some quality, super soft pajamas. The timeless (and aptly named!) Perfect Pajama from The Simple Folk are some of our favorites. They last forever and they're made from organic pima cotton that is safe on baby's precious skin. They come in a wide range of sizes so siblings can match and feature fold-over hand covers on sizes up to 12 months.


The Snoo bassinet


Designed by expert pediatrician and sleep guru Dr. Harvey Karp, the Snoo bassinet gently rocks your baby to sleep while snuggled up in the built-in swaddle. Not only does it come with sensors that adjust the white noise and movement based on your baby's needs, there is also an app that allows you to adjust the settings directly from your phone.

While this item is a bit on the expensive side, there is now an option to rent for $3.50 a day, which is a total game changer!


Hatch Baby Rest sound machine + nightlight

best baby sound machine

The Hatch Baby Rest is a dual sound machine and nightlight that will grow with your family. Many parents use this product with their infants as a white-noise machine and then as a "time to rise" solution for toddlers.

The thing I love most about this product is that the light it gives off isn't too bright, and you can even select different color preferences; giving your toddler choices at bedtime.


Crane humidifier

Crane Humidifier

The only thing worse than a sick baby is a baby who is sick and not sleeping well. The Crane humidifier helps take care of this by relieving congestion and helping your baby breathe better while sleeping.

Personally, I think the adorable design options alone are enough of a reason to purchase this product, and your child will love watching steam come out of the elephant's trunk!


Naturepedic organic crib mattress

Naturpedic Lightweight Organic Mattress

In the first few months of life, babies can spend up to 17 hours a day sleeping, so choosing a mattress that is safe (read: no chemicals!) and comfortable is incredibly important.

Naturepedic uses allergen-friendly and waterproof materials with babies and children in mind, making them easy to clean and giving you peace of mind.


Happiest Baby sleepea 5-second swaddle

best baby swaddle

There are baby swaddles and then there is Sleepea. Similar to the brand's swaddle that is built into the Snoo, the Sleepea is magic for multiple reasons. First, it's got mesh panels ensuring baby never overheats. Second, the zipper zips from the top or the bottom, so you can change the baby's diaper in the middle of the night without ever waking them. Third, it's hip safe. Fourth, the patterns are SO cute. And fifth, the interior swaddle wrap that keeps baby's ams down has a "quiet" velcro that won't wake baby if you need to readjust while they're asleep.


We independently select and share the products we love—and may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.


20 baby names that mean miracle—and will never go out of style

In these extraordinary times, we could all use some small miracles.

Meaningful baby names will never go out of style. Whether you decide to name your newborn after a beloved family member, or are simply searching for a name that reflects the journey that led you to parenthood, whatever you choose will stick with you for the rest of your—and your child's—life.

Almost every parent, at some point, refers to their child as a "miracle," though the meaning of the word itself might differ depending on who you're talking to. Miracle is a beautiful word that can double as a name, but there are many other thoughtful baby names to choose from if you're considering giving your baby a name that suggests an extraordinary event, a gift from above or a rare wonder.

Whether you're looking for a familiar name with a miraculous history, such as Aaron, or you're searching for a unique name that means "rare miracle," such as Ender, there are so many choices for both girls and boys that are equally as meaningful as they are interesting. Choosing a baby name with the special meaning of "miracle" is a signal of hope and optimism—and in these extraordinary times, we could all use some small miracles.

Putting a unique twist on a beautiful classic isn't hard with these baby names that mean "miracle."

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