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Breastfeeding is normal, natural and instinctual, but it's also a learned process for both moms and babies.


It's normal to have questions. It's to be expected that new moms will need information as breastfeeding unfolds after birth. Along with some loving care and guidance, and a good dose of trust in the process and your body, it's vital to have good information about what to expect in the first few days of breastfeeding, especially since so much changes that first week—from birth to colostrum to “milk in"!

This article provides an overview of what happens over the course of the first week and beyond of breastfeeding, but the keys to remember are:

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—Keep baby close with skin-to-skin.

—Nursing every 2 hours is normal.

—Rooting, fist-to-mouth and lip-smacking, are baby's hunger signs.

—Check diaper output: Generally 3 to 5 poopy diapers and 5 to 6 wet diapers per day.

—Your latch shouldn't be painful. Get help if needed.

“A mother's milk is liquid love."

Here's a breakdown of the first week: what's normal + what to do if something goes wrong.

1. Breastfeeding the first few hours after birth

Maintain skin-to-skin.

Unless you or your baby has a medical condition that requires immediate attention, it's important to spend a good few hours with your baby skin-to-skin directly after birth. Even babies born via C-section can be placed in a mother's arms after birth.

Check your early latch.

Most babies (especially ones born to mothers who didn't have pain medication) will crawl up to the breast and latch on themselves. Numerous studies have shown the importance of these first few hours ( here's one). Babies are most alert and primed to nurse in these post-birth hours.

Remember baby's deep sleep.

After the first few hours, babies often fall into a deep sleep and are less able to nurse well. There is also evidence that nursing in the first few hours leads to long nursing duration in the long-term. Babies are learning as soon as they are born, so give them the chance to learn to nurse. If you aren't able to, or if something goes wrong, don't worry—with help, almost all babies can learn to latch later.

2. Breastfeeding on days 1 to 3

Nurse frequently.

For the first few days after birth, expect your baby to nurse very frequently. There is absolutely no schedule yet. If you are in a hospital, have your baby room-in with you. Keep your baby skin-to-skin with you for most of the day. This way, anytime your baby looks for the breast, it will be right there! Rooting, head bobbing, fist sucking, mouth fluttering—these are all signs your baby is ready to nurse.

Avoid artificial nipples.

You can't nurse too often. Ask that the hospital give your baby no artificial nipples—no bottles or pacifiers. You are all the food and comfort your baby needs.

All hail colostrum.

During the first three days, you are producing a kind of milk called colostrum. It's small in amount, but rich in vitamins, proteins, antibodies and antiviral agents. It's your baby's first inoculation. It also acts as a laxative and helps your baby clear out his first poop (meconium).

Keep an eye on baby's weight loss.

It is normal for breastfed babies to lose a bit of weight in the first three days of life. Five to 7% is in the normal range. Part of this is the passage of the first poop and other fluids from birth.

You don't need to supplement your baby. In fact, your baby's stomach is about the size of a marble right now, so feeding a few ounces in a bottle will most likely make your baby spit up. The colostrum your body produces is small in amount for a reason—it's just the right amount for your baby's stomach to hold.

Having latching issues?

What if your baby is not latching? While rare, it does happen that some babies have trouble latching in the first few days. If this is the case, get some help from a lactation consultant or trusted helper right away.

In the meantime, keep your baby skin-to-skin, hand express your colostrum (pumps don't work as well in these first few days before your milk “comes in") and feed your baby the colostrum with a small spoon or a medicine dropper.

3. Breastfeeding on days 3 to 5

Sometime between the third and fifth day after birth, your milk will become more abundant.

Milk letdown arrives.

It can often happen suddenly, but is sometimes more gradual. Some women just feel fuller, and might notice their baby swallowing more milk (not everyone can hear a baby swallow, and that doesn't mean the baby isn't getting milk!). Other women become quite engorged when their milk comes in, which can be a challenge in itself.

Overfilling is possible.

The key is to make sure your baby is deeply latched on, and to nurse frequently to empty your breasts and prevent them from overfilling.

Try hand expressing.

If your breasts are so full that your nipples become flattened, your baby may have trouble latching on. Hand expressing a little milk to soften the nipple, or trying a technique called Reverse Pressure Softening, can make the nipple more pliable and make latching easier.

Gently massage.

Get some help with these techniques if necessary. If you are so engorged that your milk isn't flowing, gentle massage can help. Cold packs or chilled cabbage between feedings can also be helpful.

Do a diaper check.

Soon after your milk comes in, your baby's poops will transition to a greenish-brownish color, and will take on a mustard yellow color soon after. Wet diapers will become more abundant as well.

4. Breastfeeding on days 5 to 7

Once you've gotten over the hump of the first few days, you might be starting to find a groove with breastfeeding. Your baby will still be nursing very frequently, about 10 times in 24 hours. Some will have a slightly longer stretch (though not always at night!), but most will need to nurse every two hours or so.

Learn baby's hunger cues.

Once your milk is in and you know that your baby is gaining weight, you can let some longer stretches happen, but remember to always nurse when your baby shows cues like rooting, head bobbing and fist sucking. Even a baby making light sucking motions is a cue to nurse!

Schedules vary.

Some babies will seem to have an erratic eating schedule, wanting to nurse every hour for a few hours, and then being passed out for a few hours after that ( cluster feeding). All of it is normal.

Continue checking diapers.

Babies generally have three to five poopy diapers per 24 hours. The poops should be at least the size of a quarter, yellow in color and sometimes seedy in texture. Variations in color are normal too. Some babies will poop after every feeding, and some will consolidate the poops more. Pee diapers vary, but five to six wet diapers per day is normal.

Check baby's weight.

Diapers only tell half the story of how much milk a baby is getting. The most reliable test is a weight check (no clothes or diaper, and on the same scale each time if possible).

Get help if you need it.

It can take up to two weeks for a baby to get back to his birthweight, but by the end of the first week, a baby should be gaining rather than continuing to lose weight. If your baby isn't gaining weight, get help right away!

Supplement if needed.

If you need to supplement, pump your milk and feed it to your baby. Here is a post I wrote about supplementing the breastfed baby, and the importance of doing so early on if your baby is losing too much weight.

Tenderness should subside.

Nursing should be pain free by the end of the first week. Some mild tenderness when your baby first latches is within the spectrum of normal, but pain that is severe, lasts more than a few seconds, lasts between feeds, or that is accompanied by broken or cracked skin, is not normal.

Get help!

If this is the case, get help sooner rather than later because these problems only tend to get worse with time. Often all that you need is a quick adjustment to your latch, or positioning. Some moms and babies need a little more help. Find a lactation consultant or other trusted helper. This type of thing usually requires in-person help.

“Birth is not only about making babies. Birth is about making mothers— strong, competent, capable mothers who trust themselves and know their inner strength."
Barbara Katz Rothman

5. Beyond the first week

You just had a baby and your body needs to heal after birth.

Relax + snuggle.

Your baby will want to nurse a lot and be near you. Now is the time to clear your schedule and let yourself be lazy and snuggly with your baby! Lots of new moms have trouble with this because they are used to getting things done and feeling independent. But this time is brief and you will thank yourself later for taking the time to rest and establish breastfeeding.

Ask for help.

Remember, you don't have to do everything alone. Get help! Your partner, your family, your neighbors—accept all offers of help. Let others keep house and feed you so you can rest and nurse.

Find support + find your tribe.

Do you love breastfeeding? Hate it? Feel overwhelmed? All these feelings are normal, and it's normal to feel all of them all at once. ( Here is a good article to help you distinguish these normal feelings from postpartum depression or anxiety.)

Once you have recovered from birth and breastfeeding is established, join a local breastfeeding support group. Meeting other breastfeeding moms will help you feel normal. Plus, more concerns come up after that first week, and it's great to have the wisdom and support of other mothers.

Wendy Wisner is a mom of two, a freelance writer and a lactation consultant (IBCLC).

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So far 2020 has been a year of big changes for Meghan Markle and her husband, Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex. Earlier this month the royal couple announced their plans to step back as senior members of the royal family. Initially, the plan was for the couples to retain their royal tiles and raise their "son with an appreciation for the royal tradition into which he was born" while also give themselves the space to work and live in North America. Sometimes young parents have to make tough choices to do what's best for their new family and that can mean making changes that impact your family of origin.

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On Sunday, during a speech at a charity event for Sentebale (an organization Prince Harry co-founded to get support children living with HIV in Southern Africa), the Duke of Sussex explained that stepping back from being a senior royal wasn't easy but had to be done.

"The UK is my home and a place that I love," he explained. "That will never change...The decision that I have made for my wife and I to step back is not one I made lightly," he said. "It was so many months of talks after so many years of challenges. And I know I haven't always gotten it right, but as far as this goes, there really was no other option."

This follows the Queen's announcement earlier this weekend. She stated that her family has found a way for Harry and Meghan to move forward, and it means they're not only not senior royals anymore, they do not have HRH titles (His Royal Highness or Her Royal Highness) anymore and "are no longer working members of the Royal Family."

The statement from the Queen reads, in part: "Following many months of conversations and more recent discussions, I am pleased that together we have found a constructive and supportive way forward for my grandson and his family.

"Harry, Meghan and Archie will always be much loved members of my family.

"I recognise the challenges they have experienced as a result of intense scrutiny over the last two years and support their wish for a more independent life.

"I want to thank them for all their dedicated work across this country, the Commonwealth and beyond, and am particularly proud of how Meghan has so quickly become one of the family.

"It is my whole family's hope that today's agreement allows them to start building a happy and peaceful new life."

The Queen's statement explains that Harry and Meghan have "shared their wish to repay Sovereign Grant expenditure for the refurbishment of Frogmore Cottage, which will remain their UK family home."

Basically, they're serious about being financially independent and they're going to pay rent on the cottage.

Untangling family issues can be hard, and it is difficult for anyone to imagine what it must be like to live this out on the world's stage. In her statement, the Queen said she understands the role the intense press scrutiny has played in the couple's decision to forge a new path, and that they will always be her family.

Whether you're leaving the royal family to move to Canada, or just trying to explain to your parents that your own family needs to move to another state, the challenges are real.

Here's to a new chapter for Harry and Meghan and all the other new parents writing their own stories.

[This post was originally published January 18, 2020. It has been updated.]

News

Motherhood is a juggling act. Whether you have one child or many, work outside the home or don't, have a partner or are doing this whole thing solo, you are always juggling something. So how on earth do we keep up the act? How do we ensure no ball gets dropped?

We don't.

All of us, every single one, lets something slip through our fingers on some occasion or another. And that's totally okay.

A friend from college recently commented on Instagram how peaceful and sweet my children seemed. I laughed out loud, and not an endearing chuckle, a wholehearted cackle. What a glorious and erroneous idea that my children are peaceful and sweet. I have three of these beautiful monsters, ages 12, 5 and 4 months. Our house sounds more like a child run circus than a zen meditation retreat.

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It is true that my children are sweet at times. And I will admit I try very hard to create a peaceful life and home, but those are not the two words I would ever use to describe our family. I might choose words like rambunctious, spirited, passionate and intense.

What I realized as I simultaneously smiled and snorted in laughter, was that I put a lot of work into creating a life on social media that looks just like that. Peaceful and sweet. I choose my words carefully, I edit my photos and of course choose only the best ones, the ones where everyone is smiling and we appear to love each other. The pictures of my children pulling each other's hair, stealing snacks and shouting that they hate each other don't get quite as many likes.

Don't get me wrong—my children often smile and we do love each other very much. But by carefully curating the life I post on social media I have unintentionally created something laughable. What a jolt to realize the very thing I'm striving for makes me laugh out loud when someone names it. Is there anything more inauthentic than that?

I am working to strive for authenticity and perfect imperfection.

I make mistakes, hurt those I love, burn dinner and that is what makes me human.

I drop the ball every single day in some large or small way—and that's okay. It is to be expected really.

It's what can give us the gift of connection. We can connect with one another via our faults and our vulnerabilities. We starve ourselves of this by pretending to be perfect.

As I write this I'm sitting in the front seat of my car in the parking lot of our local skate park, my youngest is napping in his car seat, my oldest is wearing a helmet and pads and is driving his new BMX bike as fast as he can up and down hills and ramps set at odd angles with weird curves among them.

This moment feels ideal t. The breeze blows through my open windows as my oldest is getting a great workout and my youngest slowly wakes up cooing.

We can only enjoy the moment if we are present within it. When I live my life constantly in a state of distraction, constantly keeping my eyes on all the balls I'm juggling, I'm not enjoying any of it.

I am not a master juggler at this moment in life. I don't think what I'm doing even looks like juggling. I do not have my eyes on all the balls, I am not even attempting to catch or toss them all in that perfect arc that looks so magical.

I prefer to relish these kinds of moments, soak up their joy, their peace, their sweetness and to do that I have to let go of the charade, I have to accept imperfection in the form of letting some balls drop.

I want to live a life full of authenticity and joy in the simple moments.

I want to live without the pressure of doing it all.

I want to give myself the gift of not doing everything the way it should be done by the imagined deadlines that cannot be met.

I want to enjoy my rambunctious, passionate children.

So I let the ball drop—and I'm okay with that.

Life

Feeding your new baby can be a beautiful experience, but it can also be really hard. We at Motherly have talked about it. Amy Schumer has talked about it. And now Kate Upton is talking about it, too.

Upton and her husband Justin Verlander became parents when their daughter Genevieve was born in November 2018, and in a new interview with Editorialist, Upton explains that while she loves motherhood she didn't always love breastfeeding.

"Having VeVe has changed my life in such a wonderful way," she explains, adding that in the early days of motherhood she felt "so much pressure"..."to be doing all these things, like breastfeeding on the go—when the reality, for me, was that breastfeeding was sucking the energy away from me. I realized I needed to calm down, to allow my body to recover."

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Breastfeeding can take up a lot of a mama's time and energy in those early weeks and months, and while Upton doesn't explicitly say whether she switched to formula, combo fed, pumped or what, it's clear that she did give herself some grace when it came to breastfeeding and found the right parenting pace by taking the pressure off of herself.

Upton took the pressure off herself when it came to her demanding breastfeeding schedule, and she's also resisting the pressure to keep up with a social media posting schedule.

"I want to be enjoying my life, enjoying my family, not constantly trying to take the perfect picture," she says. "I think my husband wants me to throw my phone away. We talk about it in the house all the time: 'Let's have a phone-free dinner.' We don't want [our daughter] thinking being on the phone is all that life is."

Whether the pressure to be perfect is coming from your phone or from society's conflicting exceptions of mothers it's a force worth rejecting. Upton is loving life at her own pace, imperfect as reallife can be.

News

After the treat-filled sugar rush of holidays and birthdays, it can be hard to get back on track with eating healthy as a family. (What can I say, I love cake—and my kids do, too.) It's totally okay to hold your boundary for sugar in your kid's diet, no matter what that boundary is. And you can do it without being the bad guy.

Putting a positive spin on "the sugar issue" (letting kids know that they can have treats sometimes, but not all. the. time.) will help prevent sugar becoming an ongoing power struggle, which nobody wants.

Here are a few phrases that can help your kids eat less sugar, without creating a power struggle over treats:

1. "Holiday and birthday treats are so fun, but they're not for every day."

Acknowledge that all of the extra treats were fun (they were!). You can talk about how some foods are for special occasions and others are the ones we eat every day to have strong bodies and feel good.

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2. "I feel so much better when I eat lots of fruits and vegetables."

Instead of putting the emphasis on why sugar is bad, try focusing on all the good reasons to eat healthy foods. You can talk about how eating carrots gives us strong eyes, eating oranges keeps us from getting sniffles, or eating kale helps us feel good and have lots of energy for playing.

3. "Which fruit would you like to have with your lunch?"

Keep it fun by letting your child choose which healthy foods to eat. Two or three choices are fine. You can let them help pick at the grocery store or let them pick from the options you've selected—the important thing is to offer choice.

4. "Let's see if we can make a rainbow on your plate!"

Who doesn't love rainbows, especially among the under-six crowd? Use their universal appeal to your advantage and encourage kiddos to make their own edible rainbows.

Make it extra fun by writing a checklist with colored pencils, one checkbox for every rainbow color, and bringing it with you to the grocery store. Let your child choose one item from the produce section for every color.

5. "You can choose one treat with dinner, but candy isn't a choice for snack today."

Make sure kids know that they will still be able to enjoy treats sometimes. Instead of saying "candy makes you crazy," or "sugar rots your teeth," just let them know when you're okay with them having a treat. It may be every night after dinner, only on Friday nights, or it may not be until Valentine's Day, but having a clear boundary will help reduce the constant pleas for sweet treats.

6. "I think treats feel more special when we don't have them every day."

Talk to your child about how part of the fun of holiday treats is that they're out of the ordinary. They are special traditions we get to enjoy each year and they help make the holidays feel magical. Just as it wouldn't be as fun if we had a Christmas tree up all year or wore a Halloween costume every day, treats aren't as fun if we eat them nonstop.

7. "I hear that you really want candy. I can't let you have it right now, but it's okay to be disappointed."

Let your child know that you empathize with their feelings about not being able to eat what they want all of the time.

Sometimes children just need to be heard. It might be more important to them to know that you understand their feelings about treats than to actually get a treat.

8. "Let's think of a healthy treat we could get at the grocery store next week."

Brainstorm with your child and come up with a list of healthy treats you could bring home from your next grocery shopping trip. This might be a kind of fruit they haven't had in a while, a granola bar you don't usually buy, or the makings of a fun trail mix.

Part of the fun of treats is the ritual—you can still enjoy the sweetness without the extra sugar.

9. "Would you like to bake with me?"

Carry those fond memories of making Christmas cookies together into the new year to help wean kids off the holiday high of constant treats. Just find something you're okay with your child eating regularly, like a healthy muffin recipe, baked oatmeal, or energy bites—whatever meets your own nutritional guidelines for your family!

10. "I noticed you didn't sleep well when you ate those treats before nap time. Let's think of a better time for treats together."

You can explain the effects of sugar on the body without vilifying it. Sometimes just saying sugar is bad makes it all the more desirable or pits you against your child. But that doesn't mean you can't give them the facts. Just tell them plainly that sugar makes it harder for them to sleep well, makes it harder for them to concentrate, or whatever other effects you've seen.

Here's to a healthy 2020—you've got this, mama!

Learn + Play
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