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Most of us were not explicitly taught social skills. We picked them up along the way, perhaps by observing our parents' interactions with others. But, our littles can benefit from our teaching moments, learning how to appropriately express emotions in different circumstances.

From a very young age, we're told to not be angry or sad. This only results in repressed feelings. We may be concerned when our child acts aggressively, but the American Psychological Association tells us that this is the natural human response to anger. We can't prevent anger, but we can teach ways to express it assertively without harming others.

While it is sometimes necessary to temporarily suppress anger (to avoid confrontations that may lead to physical aggression, for example), unexpressed anger can turn inward, possibly resulting in mental or even physical concerns, such as high blood pressure, depression, anxiety, and sleep and digestive issues. It can also lead to violent or passive-aggressive behavior and can hinder interpersonal relationships.

Anger itself isn't the problem, but like other intense emotions, it can cause us to make poor decisions. When angry, we experience physical changes: Our heart rate and blood pressure rise and adrenaline surges. We may also experience muscle tension and vocal changes, sometimes without our being aware of it.

In some cases, anger can mask more difficult emotions. It is easier to feel anger than the more vulnerable sadness or powerlessness. Misplaced or mismanaged anger can lead to violence.

By teaching our children to recognize and deal with their anger, we may be able to prevent its negative impacts before they happen. Children need to learn to be assertive, not aggressive, and to express themselves without getting emotional or defensive. Fortunately, proven techniques exist, and like other skills, these need to be practiced.

1. Use your words

From the time our children are toddlers, we should be putting names to feelings. Having a word to express an emotion is the first step in dealing with it. Frustration, disappointment, embarrassment, and anger often manifest themselves similarly, but people react to them differently. While disappointment is generally met with empathy, anger can be met with scorn.

By giving these emotions a name, it is possible to encourage children to “use your words" to help you help them feel better. It is okay to feel angry, but it is not okay to behave aggressively.

Don't just tell them; model this behavior. Verbalize your own feelings. This may feel silly, but it can help your child work through the process. In some cases, it may also help you feel less frustrated and angry as well.

2. Visualize yourself in another person's situation

Remind your child that people are unique. Everyone's expectations and life experiences are not universally shared. People from different parts of the world have different customs and may find yours unfamiliar, even rude sometimes.

Children of different ages and abilities vary in their level of emotional maturity. Others don't always share your opinions. By getting angry at their behavior, you may be imposing your own values on them.

3. Consider the “whys"

Question the intent of the supposedly hurtful action. Did a classmate intentionally embarrass your child or did she misconstrue an innocuous comment? If a friend didn't respond when your son waved, was it because he was mad or because he was distracted? If your teen is left out of a group chat, was it intentional or merely an oversight? Sometimes our perceptions are not in tune with reality so this is something we should communicate with our children.

4. Practice relaxation techniques

While this sounds simplistic, it is almost impossible to be relaxed and angry at the same time. There are multiple ways to teach relaxation. You can use personal cues, such as words, phrases, or images to bring to mind in a difficult situation.

For younger children, thinking of a favorite song or story can be calming. As your child gets older, you can teach other techniques, such as breathing, imagery, or meditation. Kids can be taught to breathe from their belly button or practice “elevator breathing." Tell them to close their eyes and go to a “happy place." Have them slowly repeat a calm word or phrase while breathing deeply.

5. Use cognitive restructuring

Cognitive therapy works by helping people look at things in a new way. Instead of saying everything is awful, think everything is awesome (maybe even sing it in your head).

Rephrase situations: It is not “the end of the world" but a “frustrating situation."

Put someone else in your situation. Insert some logic. Anger is sometimes irrational. Your teacher is not “out to get you"; you are simply having a hard time with a concept.

Drop the entitlement: Say “I want," not “I deserve."

6. Plan/practice alternate ways to handle situations

Focus on steps to take to face the issue, recognizing that not every problem has a tidy answer and that some problems take time to resolve. Encourage your child to think before acting.

Search for solutions together. Talk about how things could have been different and what your child might do differently next time. If there is a conflict with another person, see if a compromise can be reached. Suggest an apology if it is warranted. Practicing this first can help alleviate anxiety.

7. Work on communication skills

Don't jump to conclusions. Learn to express what you want appropriately. Stop and listen to what others are saying. Learn active listening skills (mirroring ensures you are hearing others correctly) and think before speaking. Avoid the temptation to get defensive. Ask questions so you know what others are trying to say. Avoid name calling. Keep cool.

Talk about the source of the anger. In children, frustration and disappointment often bring on angry outbursts. Look for the underlying concern. The source may be a skill not mastered or a difficulty in school. There may be issues of self-esteem or problems getting along with peers. Anger and sadness can be intertwined in childhood.

Once the problem is identified, it is possible to provide help, possibly through getting help in school, explaining how things work, or guiding them through social skills.

8. Step away

Remove your child from a difficult situation. Used properly, time outs are not punishment, but a way to remove an individual from a situation, providing time to reflect. It allows the individual time to calm down and collect him- or herself, and to regain control. It also is acceptable to put yourself in a “time out." Doing so retains some control over the situation, making one less likely to feel trapped.

Teach older children to make a conscious effort to not act – to remove themselves from the situation and take a break to cool down. Advise waiting before sending an email or text. Suggest walking away when someone antagonizes your child, creating time to think before deciding the next step.

If your child is sick, tired, or otherwise stressed, feelings of anger are more likely to erupt. If possible, don't put him or her into a difficult situation at these times. Teach older children to pay attention to these cues themselves. Those in an “emotionally-compromised state" are more likely to react in an extreme manner.

9. Encourage empathy

Encourage your child to see things from another point of view. Even young children can understand when someone else feels sad or angry. If they don't want to talk about their feelings, try inserting a favorite character from a book into the story. Ask questions to prompt your child to see another side of the issue and relate it to the situation at hand. How would the characters feel and react?

Remind them to forgive themselves and others. Even good people sometimes behave badly. Losing your temper once doesn't mean you can't change. Children especially need to believe that they will not be forever judged for their actions.

10. Use humor

When we are in the middle of an emotional situation, we can't always find the humor in it. Often disagreements are over rather silly things. Pointing these out in a gentle way can diffuse tension and lead to a solution. The use of silly words, like Doodyhead, can send the conversation in a new direction and the source of the anger may be forgotten.

11. Be generous with hugs and praise

Physical contact can help defuse a challenging situation. A well-timed hug can ward off feelings of jealousy or frustration that can lead to anger. A gentle touch on an arm can help calm escalating nerves.

Remember to praise your child for their attempts, not just their achievements. Sometimes people fail, and there is much to be learned when things go wrong. Remind your kids of their strengths and what they have accomplished thus far. Pointing out your own failures can help your children see that they can move forward and try again.

12. Encourage exercise

Exercise can be an effective way to work off negative emotions or “burn off steam." A good workout can make you realize that an annoyance is just that and nothing more. Regular physical exercise may also reduce frustration, a frequent anger trigger. Exercise increases endorphins, and that feel-good feeling from regular exercise may carry over and keep a minor annoyance from growing unto something more.

13. Self-reflection, literally

Encourage your child to look in a mirror when angry. In all likelihood, he or she will not like the image. Anger is not an attractive emotion. It is said that watching video of his tantrums on the tennis court caused Roger Federer to stop his notorious behavior.

14. Be a good role model

Be aware of your own anger. Studies show that parental emotions influence their children. If you think you don't exhibit anger often, pay attention to how many times you yell or otherwise show anger (maybe keep a journal), noting what triggers it and how you react (yelling, punching the wall, hitting the steering wheel).

While anger is a normal part of life, it is sometimes indicative of a more serious issue. When anger falls outside developmental norms—for example, if a teacher reports your child's anger is out of control, or if it's impacting your child's and possibly your family's life—it is time to seek help.

Several developmental and mental health issues can contribute to emotional outbursts. A professional evaluation can help diagnose and find the proper approach for your child.

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We're a busy people, this family of mine. And we like it that way. But we're still always looking for simple ways to reconnect.

And most of the time, those moments happen around the dinner table.

I'm not embarrassed to admit we've become homebodies—we vastly prefer nights in watching movies and meals at home to the stress and cost of evenings out. While my husband and I still try to schedule a few legit date nights out now and then, by the end of our busy days, we like relaxing at the table as a family, then putting our daughter to bed to spend time together catching up on our shows or watching a movie. Most of our dates happen on the couch, and we're okay with that.

Dinner itself is a tradition I grew up valuing. As one of five kids, it seemed to be the only time our family was really all together, catching up on our days, making plans, or even just being physically present together. (This reminds me so much of the table we would gather around every night!)

Now that I'm my family's connector, I make sure to prioritize that time (even if most nights it's all I can do to get my wiggly toddler to sit still long enough to get a few bites of her dinner).

Whether we're relishing a home-cooked meal or simply noshing some pizza (because mama is tired, folks), nothing can replace the feeling of reconnecting—or leaving the table with satisfied bellies.

Because something strange happens when you have kids. Suddenly, time seems to enter a warp. One day (usually the days when nap time is short and the tantrums are long), time will drag on endlessly, making each minute feel like an hour until my husband gets home and can help with the kids. But most of the time, when I stop and really think about where we are in this busy season of life, I feel like time is flying by.

I look at my daughter, and I feel like someone has snuck in during the night and replaced her with this big-little girl because I swear she was just born a few months ago. I hug my son, unsure where the time has possibly gone because didn't I just take that positive pregnancy test yesterday? And I marvel at this rapidly growing family my husband and I have built because, really, wasn't he just asking me to be his girlfriend a year or two ago? (Try 10, self. That was 10 years ago.)

As fast as time races by, I don't have any answers for how to slow it down. If anything, the pendulum seems to swing quicker and quicker as our days fill with new activities. With jobs and responsibilities, with more and more activities and play dates for the kids.

But at the dinner table, I feel like time slows down enough for me to pause and look at this little family. I imagine us two, five, 10 years down the road (gathering around a table just like one of these). More little (and then not so little) faces peering at me over the table, asking for another piece of bread or more milk as my husband makes them giggle with a silly face or story.

I imagine them as teenagers, telling me about an upcoming test or asking if they can borrow the car after dinner. I even see them as adults, coming back to visit with their own kids for the occasional family dinner. (Hey, a mom can dream, right?)


No matter where life takes us—or how quickly—I'm grateful for this time and this place where we can always come back together.

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It happens to the best of us. Even to the GOAT. When you have a baby it's so easy for your home to just fill up with brightly colored plastic. Just ask Serena Williams.

Her 1-year-old daughter Alexis Olympia Ohanian Jr.'s things seem to be taking over the house, as Williams shared with her Instagram followers.


"Sometimes I have to throw my hands up in the air. #thismama used to have a living room. Now I just have a play room. When did that happen?" she captioned the relatable pic.

We've all been there, Serena. As Motherly's minimalism expert, Juli Williams, previously wrote, when so many kind family and friends gift your child with playthings, it's easy to forget where the toys taking over the living room even came from.

"By the time my daughter was 8 months old she had so many toys that we had filled two huge chests with them," she explains. "Plus the activity gym, bouncy seat, swing and walker that were sitting in our living room. Oh, and don't forget the bag of bath toys hanging to dry in our bathroom tub."

The clutter began to get to Williams, who was tired of picking up toys her daughter wasn't even playing with. When she got rid of almost all of her toys, she found herself "more at peace, with less to clean" and she noticed her daughter was playing more with the toys she did have.

Williams isn't the only one to notice this: Scientists have, too.

As Motherly reported last year, researchers at the University of Toledo found that toddlers play longer and more happily when there are fewer toys around. Their study involved setting toddlers up in a room with either four or 16 toys. It turned out, the kids with just four toys engaged "in longer periods of play with a single toy, allowing better focus to explore and play more creatively."

Bottom line: You don't have to sacrifice your living room (and your sanity) to bright bits of plastic when you become a mama. If you're overwhelmed by the number of toys in your space, your baby probably is, too.

If you are feeling the same way Serena is, consider Team Motherly's tips for keeping toys from taking over:

1. If you're moving soon, don't take all those toys 

When Motherly's co-founder, Elizabeth Tenety, packed up her playroom for an interstate move, she didn't bring 75% of the toys to her new house. She had the same problem as Serena, and didn't want to bring it with her.

"Our playroom was often unusable because—you guessed it!—the toys were E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E and all over the floor, all the time. (No room to play.)," Tenety previously wrote.

Before the big move, she donated a ton of toys and found it has been "absolutely incredible to see the impact of living with radically less—on me, our home, and especially our kids."

2. Consider packing even if you're not moving 

Take a look at your living room or play room (wherever the toys replicate in your home) and consider what you would bring with you if you were moving (even if you're absolutely not).

Pack up anything you wouldn't take, and move it to Goodwill or another charity.

3. Prioritize experiences over material goods 

As our children grow, they're going to remember the memories we make together—not the toys cluttering up the house. If you can let grandparents and aunties in on this secret, you can keep your living room from looking like Serena's.

When Tenety decluttered her kids' toy stash, she asked her family not to gift the kids with any more toys, suggesting a weekend at grandpa's house, some art supplies or swimming lessons would be more meaningful.

Minimalism expert Juli Williams did the same. "For my daughter's second Christmas, we asked our family to gift us a registration to a toddler class instead of toys—and my daughter loved it," she previously wrote. "I took photos at the class and sent them to our family every week to show them the exciting new things she was learning—and so they truly understood that it was a gift that kept on giving."

4. Consider a no-toy Christmas this year

For a lot of families, a pile of toys under the Christmas tree is a holiday tradition, but more and more parents (including Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher) are opting for no-toy Christmas celebrations.

Motherly's own Rachel Gorton has also opted for this minimalist tradition. "Christmas in our household represents so much more than toys under the tree. I don't want our children to be distracted from the real reason we celebrate this holiday by a shiny new toy they don't need," she previously wrote.

"I want them to learn about giving without the concept being tied only to possessions in their mind. I want them to understand that giving doesn't always come in the form of an object."

Like Kunis and Kutcher, (and Tenety and Williams) Gorton emphasizes meaningful gifts and gifts of experience in her family's holiday rituals. Serena might want to hop on this trend, too.

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As the royal tour of Australia continues, it seems the Duchess of Sussex is feeling some jet lag—but it's not necessarily from traveling.

During a visit to Bondi Beach to participate in an "anti-bad vibe circle" with members of the OneWave surf community mental health support group, Markle talked with circle participant Charlotte Connell who is also pregnant, about 23 weeks according to news reports.

Cornell says Markle told her that her own pregnancy has been making her tired, and keeping her up at odd hours. Mamas around the world are nodding in agreement.

"Meghan told me that pregnancy was like having jet lag," Sky News quotes Cornell. "She said she was up at 4:30 a.m. this morning doing yoga in her room as she couldn't sleep."

It's not surprising that (on a two-week tour with a mind-boggling 76 planned engagements) Markle is feeling a bit tired. Fatigue is so common in pregnancy, we hope someone on the tour is making sure Markle can sneak in a nap now and then (seriously, research suggests pregnant women who regularly nap are less likely to have a baby with a low birth weight).

As for being up at 4:30 in the morning doing yoga? Well, if you can't sleep (and so often pregnant mamas-to-be struggle with this) self-care though yoga may be the next best thing.

It's a great way to relax, and a recently published study found working out during pregnancy can cut your labor time down significantly.

Meghan may have pregnancy-induced jet lag, but it sounds like she knows how to take care of herself, something all pregnant mamas should remember to do.

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Although my youngest is approaching a year, I'm still inspired by cozy, but minimal nurseries—especially those that can grow into toddlerhood and beyond. One that has always caught my eye was my sweet friend Lauren's little sweet space for her darling little boy, Graham. Graham's nursery is clean, modern and has just the right amount of warmth added to it.

I asked Lauren what inspired her with this little space, what some of her favorite items were and what feeling she was trying to evoke with the space. Here's what she had to say...

1. What inspired your nursery?

Lauren: I wanted to create a modern, neutral and warm space. His room honestly doesn't stray too far from the rest of our house, which is where I pulled the colors from when I set out searching for a rug with burnt orange, gray and green in it.

I also knew I wanted to include some house plants—again like the rest of our home!—and a few cacti. But I was careful not to get too theme-y, as I knew I would regret it. Rather, I stuck to a color scheme to go with the white walls, natural wood and modern furniture I had in mind.

2. What was the first item you bought for the nursery?

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The first item I purchased was a bassinet basket from Design Dua, which actually lives in our room now, but is probably my favorite piece for baby. I also already had a large sheepskin rug given to me as a birthday gift and knew I wanted to save it for the baby's room to do layered rugs since it is a small cozy space.

3. What is the most meaningful piece included in the room?

The most meaningful items in his nursery are the crocheted play blanket made by my mom. It was technically for my oldest, June, but perfect for all those early baby days spent playing on the floor around the house. And the heirloom Willaby blanket, as they are such a beautiful keepsake. I guess I really like blankets!

4. How does the space make you feel when you spend time there?

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Relaxed and cozy.

5. What "must have" items did you decide to go without?

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With him being our second, we already had all the necessary baby gear, so my nesting was mostly all about creating his modern little nursery. I prefer not to have a crowded home with baby stuff everywhere, so we chose not to invest in a pack 'n' play, baby swing, baby activity center, double stroller or even a true changing table—or any other baby furniture really, besides the affordable IKEA crib! Rather, I got pieces I can arrange around the house in the future.

6. What are the most-used elements of the nursery?

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The rocking chair and the sheepskin rug. I discovered with my daughter you spend a lot of time playing on the floor, so a fluffy rug was a must—as is a comfortable and stylish rocking chair for rocking those babes to sleep daily for the next couple years. And, currently, his handmade baby gym is a hit daily!

Although I was inspired to create a baby gym that matched, I was mostly motivated by wanting one that was foldable to set out the way in his small room when not in use. We made one by combining a couple Pinterest DIYs, using leftover wood from our garage and a few leftover pieces from his DIY mobile.

7. What advice would you give any pregnant mamas planning a nursery?

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It's easy to impulse buy or get overwhelmed with giant lists of must-have baby items, so it helps to plan it out. Or, at least, that is what I enjoy doing as I tend to be an online shopper. That way you can take advantage of sales or coupon codes after you've thought about what will work well in your space. Also, pick items that can grow with your baby or have multiple uses.

Thank you so much to Lauren for giving us a peek inside her adorable nursery! Graham sure is one lucky guy.

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