Why I prioritize self-compassion as a new mom

There I was: staring at two lines on a little white stick. A stick that for years delivered me bad news in the form of a singular line or the words “not pregnant” or “negative.” But this time that little white stick felt like Willy Wonka’s golden ticket. 

But what happens after your biggest wish comes true?

When I discovered that I was pregnant with my rainbow baby, I had no idea what to expect. For over six years I was so focused on getting pregnant that once it happened, I was clueless on what to actually expect when pregnant. Motherhood felt like a distant dream for so long, but suddenly, it was my reality. 

Related: The new mama’s guide to pregnancy symptoms

Before becoming a mother, I thought motherhood was unconditional love, sacrifice and unwavering support. While all of that is still true, since becoming a mother, I have learned that motherhood also requires a commitment to self-compassion and that it can also be messy and beautiful. 

Once I had my daughter, Amalia on March 16, 2022, I learned the truths of motherhood pretty quickly. She was born via an emergency C-section after a grueling 30+ hours in labor. As my daughter was whisked away to the NICU with my husband and I was rolled back to my room from the OR, all I felt was heartbreak and guilt. In what should have been a joyous moment, I blamed myself for my infertility and emergency C-section and I blamed myself that I couldn’t be there for my daughter when she and my husband were in the NICU. I was only given a few brief minutes with my daughter to finally meet her, before she was rushed back to the NICU and I could only see her via Facetime while I recovered. I felt consumed with guilt. I believed that it was all my fault. I gave myself endless permission to feel shame and embarrassment over things outside of my control. Yet I didn’t give myself what I needed most: relentless understanding and self-compassion.

Related: Your postpartum recovery kit: Feel your best after a C-section

A few weeks later, the lesson came back in the form of my milk supply. I remember being so excited waking up one morning and seeing large wet circles on my pajamas perfectly covering my nipples. I Facetimed my mother and older sister with pride and announced that my milk factory was officially open for business. I got in a rhythm pumping and multitasking when I began using a new cord-free, in-bra breast pump called Willow Go, but I quickly learned that my production level was far less than I anticipated. The mothers I knew both IRL and online had freezers stocked with an overflow of milk, I was producing a few ounces of milk per session. Rather than give myself what I needed most, I sat in the familiar feelings of guilt and shame. Willow connected me to their Mom Care team (a support service offered to all Willow moms!) and I was met with so much love and understanding and kindness.  With their support, guidance and the hands-free pump that allowed me to pump throughout the day, I was able to shift my mindset and be confident in what I DO produce.

A few weeks into my fourth trimester, during my 6 week PP checkup, I was diagnosed with postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety. Through consistent bi-weekly therapy and the help of my incredible support system of family, friends and the most gracious team, I began to discover just how impactful self-compassion can be. In moments of despair, I asked myself “What would you tell your best friend in this moment?” I celebrated my wins more than my perceived “losses.” And I made a commitment to focus on what is going right, rather than fixate on what wasn’t working. I chose to be kind to myself and to surround myself with a compassionate support system and tools. 

Related: Mom Guilt is a symptom of a much deeper problem

As I came off the heels of my maternity leave and began to acclimate myself to my new role as both an entrepreneur and new mom, I felt the feelings of shame and guilt creep back in. But this time, I knew better than to listen to that pull of negativity and self-doubt. Again, with support and therapy I filled my cup with tender self-love and gentleness. I prioritized self-care, leaned on fellow mamas for guidance, practiced gratitude over self-criticism and traded in comparison for inspiration. I chose to empower myself with the truths that uplifted me, not the stories in my head that were committed to making me feel small. The reality was, I was back to work doing what I love, documenting my #pocketsofpeace on my Instagram, @NabelaNoorHome while being able to provide for my new daughter who I loved even more. By empowering all parts of my identity, I was actually being a better mother for Amalia, not a “bad” one. I led my journey of motherhood with self-compassion.

I am so thankful for this new chapter in my life, and grateful for those who have empowered me along the way. But most importantly, I am thankful for the new mindset motherhood has offered me, one that chooses to see the good at all costs. A mindset that will influence how my daughter treats and loves herself. Because every time I choose self-compassion and self-love for myself, I will inspire her to do the same.