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It’s not ‘daddy duty’—it’s fatherhood

I often gush about how amazing fatherhood has been for me. Because being a dad is the best. Yes, getting married to the woman you love feels incredible—and it was, without a doubt the best day of my life—that is, until I watched her give birth to our daughter.


Awestruck is a pretty good word to describe it, but it still doesn’t do the big event justice.

But let’s be real, being a parent is challenging too. (Not that this is a surprise for anyone to hear.) Sometimes it seems that a lot of the things that make being a dad challenging you can’t do anything about.

I mean, nobody can make baby poop smell better, or make waking up at all hours of the night any less tiring. But there are some aspects of being a dad that are challenging mainly because of the society we live in.

And these are the challenges that, as a society, we need to think about and correct.

Historically, men have been less involved in child rearing. However, I think at this point, our generation has decided that these stereotypical gender roles have no place in our lives, in our world. People should be free to do what they want with their life, regardless of gender. (Amirite?!)

It seems to me that attitudes around parenting are shifting now as work roles have shifted, and I am so happy about that. Look at Mark Zuckerberg taking two months paternity leave off for both of his children, or the parental leave policies of Netflix, where parents of both genders are encouraged to take as much time as they need and not just for biological children, but for adopted children as well.

Men should shoulder more of the burden of child care than society expects them to. More and more studies are coming out showing that children and parents benefit from more heavily involved fathers—i.e. when dads read to their children, they may see an improvement in their kiddos behavior and in their parenting skills. (Businesses often see positives of having generous paternity leave policies in place as well.)

The point is—most fathers, like me, really want to be more involved and spend more time with their children.

That said, I don’t need a high-five or a pat on the back when I’m doing my job—being a father.

When I am at the park with my daughter, I don’t want to hear, You got stuck babysitting today, huh?”

I am NOT babysitting. I am my daughter’s primary caregiver and it is called parenting, thank you very much.

When I make dinner for my daughter, I don’t need to be told that I am an amazing husband and father.

I do it all the time because it is one of the responsibilities I shoulder for our family. Nobody would say that my wife is amazing if she cooks dinner, because the expectation is that cooking for the family is a “woman’s work.” Which is sexist and unfair.

When I am running errands with my daughter, I don’t need you to congratulate me on being able to handle my kid and shop at the same time.

It isn’t something unusual. I do it every week.

While I love compliments as much as the next guy, compliments grounded in inappropriate expectations are annoying and I don’t want them.

They end up feeling like backhanded compliments because they make it seem like I am doing better than this very low expectation they have set for me as a dad.

Many comments I hear end up being the equivalent to, “Youre not bad at this parenting thing...for a dad, anyway.”

So I ask you, please help shift the cultural expectations around fatherhood.

Before you say something to a dad out and about with his kids, ask yourself if you would say the same thing to a mom. And then if you wouldn’t, just don’t. It’s simple.

Shift your own expectations to one where dads are supposed to take equal care of the kids, and it isn’t unusual for a dad to do more than half of the child care. That’s just fatherhood, and it is awesome.

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Starting your child on solids can be a daunting process. Between the mixed advice that seems to come from every angle ("Thanks, Grandma, but pretty sure one dessert is enough…") to the at-times picky palates of our little ones, it can be tough on a mama trying to raise a kid with a sophisticated palate.

But raising an adventurous eater doesn't have to be a chore. In partnership with our friends at Raised Real, here are eight tips to naturally encourage your child to nibble and taste with courage.

1. Keep an open mind. 

As the parent, you set the tone for every bite. So stay positive! Raised Real makes it easy to work new and exciting ingredients into every meal, so you'll have plenty of opportunities to practice modeling open-minded eating. Instead of saying, "You might not like this" or "It's okay if you don't like it" from the start, keep your tone upbeat—or simply serve new dishes without any fanfare at all. (Toddlers can smell a tough sell from a mile away.) Either way, let your child decide for themselves how they feel about new dishes.

2. Show mealtime some respect. 

Spend less time in the kitchen and more time together at the table with Raised Real meals, which come prepped and ready to steam and blend. They're even delivered to your door—because they know how busy you are, mama. Think about it: Do you enjoy a meal you've had to rush through? Keep meals relaxed and let your child savor and taste one bite at a time to take any potential anxiety out of the equation. (This may mean you need to set aside more time than you think for dinner.)

3. Serve the same (vibrant) dish to the whole family.

Don't fall into the "short-order cook" trap. Instead of cooking a different meal for every family member, serve one dish that everyone can enjoy. Seeing his parents eating a dish can be a simple way to encourage your little one to take a bite, even if he's never tried it before. Since Raised Real meals are made with real, whole ingredients, they can be the perfect inspiration for a meal you serve to the whole family.

4. Get kids involved in prepping the meal.

Raised Real's ingredients are simple to prepare, meaning even little hands can help with steaming and blending. When children help you cook, they feel more ownership over the food—and less like they're being forced into eating something unfamiliar. As they grow, have your children help with washing and stirring, while bigger kids can peel, season, and even chop with supervision. Oftentimes, they'll be so proud of what they've made they won't be able to wait to try it.

5. Minimize snacking and calorie-laden drinks before meals. 

Serving a new ingredient? Skip the snacks. Hungry kids are less picky kids, so make sure they're not coming to the table full when you're introducing a new flavor. It's also a good idea to serve in courses and start with the unfamiliar food when they're hungriest to temper any potential resistance.

6. Don’t be afraid to introduce seasoning!  

Raised Real meals come with fresh seasonings already added in so you can easily turn up the flavor. Cinnamon, basil, turmeric, and cumin are all great flavors to pique the palate from an early age, and adding a dash or two to your recipes can spice up an otherwise simple dish.

7. Make “just one bite” the goal. 

Don't stress if your toddler isn't cleaning their plate—if he's hungry, he'll eat. Raised Real meals are designed to train the palate, so even a bite or two can get the job done. Right now the most important thing is to broaden their horizons with new flavors.

8. Try and try and try again. 

Kids won't always like things the first time. (It can take up to 20 tries!) If your child turns up her nose at tikka masala the first time, that doesn't mean she'll never care for Indian food. So don't worry. And be sure to try every ingredient again another day—or the next time you get it in your Raised Real meal box!

Still not sure where to start? Raised Real takes the guesswork out of introducing a variety of solids by delivering dietician-designed, professionally prepped ingredients you simply steam, blend, and serve (or skip the blending for toddlers who are ready for finger foods)—that's why they're our favorite healthy meal hack for kids.

Raising an adventurous eating just got a whole lot simpler, mama.

This article is sponsored by Raised Real. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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Jessica Simpson will soon join the mom of three club! The singer-turned-fashion mogul announced on Instagram today that she is expecting a baby girl.

"This little baby girl will make us a family of five," said Simpson, who shares 6-year-old Maxwell and 5-year-old Ace with husband Eric Johnson. "We couldn't be happier to announce this precious blessing of life."

The news may come as a surprise to Simpson's fans, considering she's been pretty vocal about feeling as though her family was complete. "I have two beautiful children, and I'm not having a third," she told Ellen DeGeneres in 2017. "They're too cute. You can't top that."

Earlier this year, Simpson revealed to Entertainment Tonight she had developed a case of baby fever, but said it would "definitely have to be a miracle" to have a third baby. Today's joyful announcement is proof that plans can change and that's part of the fun of life. All that really matters is that Simpson's family—including the two big siblings—certainly seem excited.

Besides, the designer of a line for Motherhood Maternity shouldn't have any problem with being just as fashionable as ever through her third pregnancy. 😉

Congrats to the growing family!

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In the moments after we give birth, we desperately want to hear our baby cry. In the middle of the night a few months later it's no longer exactly music to our ears, but those cries aren't just telling us that baby needs a night feeding: They're also giving us a hint at what our children may sound like as kindergarteners, and adults.

New research published in the journal Biology Letters suggests the pitch of a 4-month-old's cry predicts the pitch they'll use to ask for more cookies at age five and maybe even later on as adults.

The study saw 2 to 5-month olds recorded while crying. Five years later, the researchers hit record again and chatted with the now speaking children. Their findings, combined with previous work on the subject, suggest it's possible to figure out what a baby's voice will sound like later in life, and that the pitch of our adult voices may be traceable back to the time we spend in utero. Further studies are needed, but scientists are very interested in how factors before birth can impact decades later.

"In utero, you have a lot of different things that can alter and impact your life — not only as a baby, but also at an adult stage," one of the authors of the study, Nicolas Mathevon, told the New York Times.

The New York Times also spoke with Carolyn Hodges, an assistant professor of anthropology at Boston University who was not involved in the study. According to Hodges, while voice pitch may not seem like a big deal, it impacts how we perceive people in very real ways.

Voice pitch is a factor in how attractive we think people are, how trustworthy. But why we find certain pitches more or less appealing isn't known. "There aren't many studies that address these questions, so that makes this research especially intriguing," Hodges said, adding that it "suggests that individual differences in voice pitch may have their origins very, very early in development."

So the pitch of that midnight cry may have been determined months ago, and it may determine part of your child's future, too. There are still so many things we don't know, but as parents we do know one thing: Our babies cries (as much as we don't want to hear them all the time) really are something special.

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Pumpkin spice lattes are here and the weather is getting chillier. That can only mean one thing—Halloween is near! Whether you're a fan of the holiday or not, there's simply nothing more precious than dressing up your baby or toddler in an adorable costume.

Today only, Target has up to 40% off Halloween costumes for the entire family. We rounded up the cutest picks from the baby + toddler departments—check 'em out. 😍

Toddler Halloween Costumes: Shark

Shark costume, $15.00 (was $25.00)

BUY

Motherly is your daily #momlife manual; we are here to help you easily find the best, most beautiful products for your life that actually work. We share what we love—and we may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.

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[Note: This post was written by a woman who's been a working mom, a stay-at-home mom, and a work-from-home mom. She's felt the unique joys and challenges of each, and is here to scream from the rooftops: none of them were easy. None were perfect. And definitely, none came without guilt.

There's always greener grass somewhere, and always will be. Don't forget to look down at your feet from time to time–the ground you're standing on right now is actually pretty awesome.]


Dear Stay-at-home mom,

Can I be honest? Sometimes, I get jealous of you.

Like, when I picture your mornings, minus the chaos of hustling kids out the door to daycare. I picture breakfasts eaten without staring at the clock, maybe a morning kids' show, everyone still in PJs.

I see you taking the kids to the zoo or the park or the lake mid-morning, snapping selfies with them and texting your husband the funny thing your oldest said.

I see you throwing a load of laundry in the dryer when you get home (or whenever you WANT!), playing goofy games with the kids over lunch, eating food you didn't have to pack at 11pm the night before.

When the youngest goes down for a nap, I see you getting things done around the house, or working on your in-home business, or bonding with your oldest over a craft project. I see you witnessing every milestone and every funny moment, amassing memories that will make you smile years from now.

I see you, glowing and healthy from days spent outside, chatting up the other moms at the park or the library or the gym, wearing whatever the heck you want, never going to boring department meetings, never realizing mid-day that you forgot to put deodorant on and can't do a thing about it…

It all seems so nice, as I sit in my cramped, sunless office, stressing about the project I'm way over my head in and wondering what my kids are doing right now (that I'm missing).

But don't worry. I know there's more to it than that.

I know you also deal with meltdowns, and picky eaters and fighting over toys (over everything), and long, lonely days where you're way over-touched and you don't talk to a single person over the age of four.

I know there are rainy days, snowy days, teething days, and inexplicably-crazy-kids days.

I know you go to the same park a bazillion times a week, repeat the same phrases to your kids all day, play the same games over and over, and prepare and clean up SO MUCH food.

I know you're desperate for alone time and adult time, and I know you feel guilty when you take that out on the kids. I know you think about your education and your pre-kids career, and you wonder if you're doing the right thing. I know you wish you could contribute more financially. I know you worry that you're pouring so much of yourself into your kids that you might lose sight of who you are.

I guess I just wanted to let you know that I see you, and I recognize the sacrifices you're making for your family. It's easy for me to focus on the highlights of your life—the things I'm personally missing out on—but I know that's not the full picture.

The truth is, neither of our lives is perfect or easy, but they're both pretty dang awesome—just in slightly different ways.

I see you, and I support you. Keep it up, girl!

Love,

Working Mom

Dear Working mom,

Can I be honest? Sometimes, I get jealous of you.

Like, when I picture your mornings, sipping a still-hot latte, alone at your quiet desk. I see you going to important meetings, talking to important people about important things (or at least, talking to adults about adult things).

I see you grabbing lunch with your coworkers, gossiping about the office, maybe on an outdoor patio, maybe over some giant salads and still-cold iced teas.

I see you giving presentations, in that cute tailored blazer you have, speaking eloquently and confidently to a room of people who respect your ideas.

I see you planning out your days (and having that actually be a useful endeavor), working on projects that interest and challenge you, getting recognized for your hard work from your peers and superiors. I see you traveling for work—sitting on a plane (ALONE!), staying in a nice hotel room, eating dinner on someone else's dime. I see how proud you are of your career, how good it makes you feel. I see how extra special the time you spend with your kids is—the way you're eager to pour into them in the evenings and on weekends, the way you treasure every minute…

It all seems so nice, as I sit here eating leftover cold chicken nugget bits off my son's plate, half-heartedly yelling at the kids to stop tackling each other and preemptively beating myself up for all the TV I know I'm going to let them watch later.

But don't worry. I know there's more to it than that.

I know that you still feel guilty sometimes after dropping off your kids, especially when they cling to you and cry. I know you envy the person who gets to spend their days with your children, seeing the funny things they do and hearing the funny things they say. I know you hate being stuck in your office on a beautiful day, wondering what your kids are up to and wishing you could be part of it.

I know it's hard at the end of the day, when everyone's tired and hungry and cranky, and you're desperately cobbling dinner together before the frantic rush of baths and bedtime, and you SO wish it could be different because those are the only precious hours you get together as a family. I know it sucks to have to cram all the housework and errands into the weekends. I know you get lonely when you travel, and all the nice dinners and hotel rooms in the world can't compete with those little faces at home that you can't kiss goodnight. I know you miss your kids, and you wonder if you're doing the right thing.

I guess I just wanted to let you know that I see you, and I recognize the sacrifices you're making for your family. It's easy for me to focus on the highlights of your life—the things I'm personally missing out on—but I know that's not the full picture.

The truth is, neither of our lives is perfect or easy, but they're both pretty dang awesome—just in slightly different ways.

I see you, and I support you. Keep it up, girl!

Love,

Stay-at-Home Mom

Originally posted on Madison Moms Blog.

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