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The 12-Hour Mommy Workout

Hey Mom, isn’t it crazy that you just can’t seem to find the time to exercise? It seems like it’d be no problem, what, with your long, relaxing days of lounging around at home with your kids. Or if you’re a working mom isn’t time to workout one of the many perks of that super-satisfying job where you barely have to work and just read Mom Blogs all day? Or at the very least, shouldn’t it be a breeze to fit it in right before dinner when your kids are inevitably on their best behavior after a long day with (or without) you? Well, then this Mommy Workout is tailor-made for YOU. Here are 7 moves you can do practically any time, anywhere, because you’re never off the clock!

What You’ll Need:

One to two children

A stroller

A bed

A diaper bag

Stool or bathtub

Herculean strength and a Buddhist-style sense patience.

Move 1: The Imagined Calamity

When to Do It: In the wee early morning hours while you’re still “sleeping”

How to Do It: Do these sit-ups every single time your child wakes you from sweet, soul-nourishing REM sleep when he screams for you in his sleep as if he is being murdered. As you wake up from a lovely dream about a particularly wild Spring Break getaway you had in college, quickly bolt upright in Pure Fear Mode from full recline position. Stumble to your child’s room and tell him that there is no such thing as a “sideways face” in his curtain but REMEMBER TO KEEP YOUR BELLY BUTTON PULLED IN to really fire up those core muscles. Repeat until the alarm buzzes.

Move 2: Solids Like a Rock

When to Do It: Breakfast

How to Do It: Turn mushy oatmeal dumped on the floor into an opportunity to strengthen your quads! Stand with feet slightly wider than hip-width apart (not your pre-children hips, your new and wonderful Birthing Hips. Wider. OK, that's perfect). Place hands behind the head so you don't cause any physical harm to your child (you still haven't had coffee), elbows out, and lower into a squat. Scoop oatmeal directly into your bare hands, then explode up, tapping heels together in the air. Land, dispose of oatmeal, and get ready to immediately squat again because DD's little sister just dumped her cheerios. Do 20 reps.

Move 3: The Apocalypse Now

When to Do It: On your “leisurely” stroll.

How to Do It: Say no to Mom Butt with this power move: Take your stroller (bonus points if it’s a double) and pack it with everything you might possibly need should the End of Days happen on your way to school drop-off (snacks, extra snacks, backup extra snacks, sippy cups for the kids, and an extra sippy cup in case your child has decided he “hates that one” today). Find the steepest hill possible, even if it is out of your way and can make you late for work. Push everything up the hill, as fast as possible. Do one set – unless you forgot your kid’s lunchbox when leaving the house – in which case you’re shit out of luck and will have to do this whole fucking thing all over again. Beast Mode: Place the family pet in the bottom part of the carriage for extra resistance!

Move 4: The Diaper Bag Destroyer

When to Do It: At your playdate. I mean, seriously, your kid’s BFF’s mom is BORING.

How to Do It: Who says a sandbag is the only gig in town for a boot-camp style workout? Use a diaper bag instead to tone your legs, back, and core! Stand with feet shoulder-width apart and grasp the top of an overstuffed (but zipped) diaper bag with both hands. Hinge forward to lower diaper bag between legs, then, in a thrusting motion, raise the diaper bag to chest height. If this sounds too complicated, just start drinking instead.

Move 5: Mommy in the Middle

When to Do It: Also on your playdate. These things can feel like they last forever!

How to Do It: Place your child (Child 1) and your kid’s BFF (Child 2) – who you begrudgingly agreed to have over after school even though you think her mother is a fucking whack job – about four feet apart. Give each child a desirable toy (e.g. Elsa dolls) and then wait. In about thirty seconds, Child 2 will throw her doll at you and whine that she HATES Sparkle Princess Elsa and wants to play with Birthday Party Elsa – which of course, is the one your child is enjoying. Begin to jog in a figure-8 pattern between both children, giving each a few seconds with the desired Elsa doll. Do four sets of one minute each before Birthday Party Elsa doll gets a time-out.

Move 6: Bathroom Breaker

When: During bath time or potty time.

How: Batwings be gone! Place hands on the edge of a bathtub or your child’s potty stool (make sure it is stable) with your arms straight. Lower chest and hips down, making sure to brace your core and to tuck your elbows close. Pause, then use your core to push yourself back to the starting position. Be mindful of rubber duckies or toilet paper rolls getting thrown in your face. Perform 12-15 reps.

Move 7: The SuperMom

When: At bedtime, when your child insists that you stay in his room until he falls asleep.

How: You’ve been in and out of your child’s room for the last 45 minutes fulfilling requests for graham crackers, a sippy cup with ice, and a “really good bedtime story that’s sad but also happy and a little bit scary.” Don’t despair. This is a great time to stretch! Lie face down on your stomach with arms and legs extended, like you are giving up on life itself. Keeping your arms and legs straight, lift them toward the ceiling to form a “u” shape with your body. Hold for two to five seconds and lower down. Do three sets of 12 or until your child finally falls the fuck to sleep.

Image source.

Who says you have to wait for birthdays or holidays to give your bestie a great gift? A sweet surprise that tells her you've been thinking of her might be the pick-me-up she needs in these more-than-trying times. We've rounded up some of our favorite go-to gifts that are certain to be a bright spot in her week. But be warned, you may want to snag a few for yourself. (You deserve it, mama.)

Here are some our favorite "just because" gifts to give our hardworking mama friends.

New Mother face + body care duo

volition face + body care duo

This correcting oil and stretch mark minimizer is perfect for the pregnant mama looking to keep her pregnancy glow. The correcting oil brightens the skin while reducing dark spots, and the stretch mark minimizer works to smooth her ever-growing belly.

$70

Allover roller

esker allover roller

This jade roller goes beyond your typical face roller and can be used anywhere on the body. It works to increase stimulation and reduce puffiness and is perfect for applying any oils to the face or body. Plus, it feels like a mini spa treatment.

$65

Kombucha making kit

farmsteady kombucha making kit

What could be a more perfect gift for the health-obsessed friend? This kombucha making kit comes with everything you need to brew your own homemade green tea kombucha. They'll think this is the tastiest gift ever.

$45

Laetitia lipstick

cupid & psyche laetitia

This red lipstick is perfect for your makeup enthusiast bestie who is looking to spruce up her life in quarantine. Crafted in the United States, these bee and vegan-friendly and cruelty-free lipsticks are created to flatter all complexions. Cupid and Psyche Beauty makes finding the perfect red lip way too easy!

$23

Jigsaw puzzle

inner piecec jigsaw puzzle

Mamas need to destress now more than ever during quarantine. This adorable jigsaw puzzle is perfect for the mama who needs a brain break! The 500-piece puzzle designed by artist Ray Oranges features an abstract gradient design that fits a standard frame when completed. Bonus: It's printed on recycled paper and the company donates $1 from every puzzle sold to youth mindfulness programs.

$30

Matilda's Bloombox

matilda's bloombox

If we have to be stuck inside, we might as well have some gorgeous florals to brighten up the space. Matilda's Bloombox locally sources blooms, delivers them to her door and provides simple tips on how to arrange it into a beautiful bouquet.

$39

'I Am Enough' bracelet

I Am Enough bracelet

Let this dainty bracelet serve as a constant reminder to your bestie that she is enough. She'll wear this on her wrist and read this daily oath to herself, "I Am Enough."

$35

Glow assorted teas

vahdam low assorted teas

This tea gift box set covers the entire spectrum of flavors from sweet to spicy. Individually packaged in beautiful tins, your gal pal will feel like a queen sipping her morning tea. Originally $40, this set is currently on sale for just $24. We'll take two, please.

$24

Find your voice journal

find your voice journal

Journaling is a great way to ease anxiety and will slow your bestie's racing mind before bed. This gift is perfect for first time journalists and includes prompts, daily quotes and coloring pages to help her unlock her potential and find her voice.

$22

Premium frother

shore magic premium frother

This gift is fitting for your latte-sipping bestie who can't go a day without her coffee. All she has to do is add two scoops of collagen to her favorite drink, and she'll have a perfectly foamy drink ready in seconds. Skipping the drive-thru line has never been so easy!

$25

Bath soak infusion kit

maude bath soak infusion kit

Say hello to hydration! She'll be feeling smooth and relaxed as ever after a long bath soaking in these salts. This vegan + cruelty-free set incorporates dead sea salt and dehydrated coconut milk powder for an ultra hydrating experience.

$32

Tiny Tags 'mama' necklace

Tiny Tags 'mama' necklace

It's a hard-earned title she answers to a hundred times per day. Whether she's new to the club or a seasoned professional, this delicate script 'mama' necklace is guaranteed to be a perfect fit.

$105

Superfood honey

Beekeeper's Naturals B.Powered honey

With a lack of sleep and jam-packed days, getting through the afternoon can be a real challenge. Send her a powerful pick-me-up in the form of a therapeutic blend of royal jelly, bee pollen, propolis and raw honey. It makes the ideal companion for tea, smoothies, yogurt or even on its on.

$17

Calming midnight mask with melatonin

Who doesn't deserve a reminder to pamper themself every once in awhile? Even better, this mask does all its work at night while you're sleeping with no extra effort needed. It's an amazing plant-powered antioxidant-packed mask that has melatonin, wild dandelion leaf and hyaluronic acid to rehydrate, repair and reset facial skin. It's so good, you might want to gift it to yourself. We won't tell, mama.

$68

We independently select and share the products we love—and may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.

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