The internet exploded over this 7-year-old’s spray tan—but the parenting debate runs deeper

My daughter is the only girl in a family with four brothers, and whether through nature or nurture, she’s determinedly girly. Even without much prompting from me, she seeks out all things pink and sparkly. For her eighth birthday, I took her and a friend for manicures. Our house was recently awash in pink for a summer Taylor Swift–themed sleepover. She even has her own tube of mascara she sometimes swipes on, even though she’s not yet nine.

Related: A one-word hack that changes how we teach kids about makeup

I know it can make people uncomfortable to see a little girl wearing makeup—there’s this sense that it’s not “appropriate,” that it’s rushing childhood. But for me, I try to see it as a phase, a form of play. I don’t lavish praise on her for looking pretty, but I also don’t want to shame her for enjoying these things. That’s why when I read about a mom who took her 7-year-old daughter for a spray tan and got torn apart online, it felt surprisingly relatable.

Because honestly? Deciding when (or if) to let our daughters dabble in these “grown-up” beauty rituals isn’t black and white. Makeup. Shaving. Hair blowouts. Highlights. Even nail polish. All of these are little milestones moms navigate. And in a world that will judge our girls no matter what they do—too much makeup, not enough, too plain, too flashy—what if we just let them choose what makes them feel best?

Every family will be different. I’ve chosen to follow my daughter’s lead, and keep the focus on fun and play.

Why this one spray tan ignited such a firestorm

When New Jersey mom Noel LaPalomento posted a TikTok of her daughter Giada’s first spray tan, she probably didn’t expect to go viral. But with more than 2 million views, it became an instant battleground.

@_the1stnoel Replying to @catmom_az she's just a girllllll!!!! 🤭 #beforeandafter #momanddaughter #fypシ ♬ Pink Friday Girls – Nicki Minaj

Some commenters were appalled. @thalia wrote, “Why are we normalizing this?”. Another @Charley said, “(Cough she doesn’t need a spray tan cough)”.

But others rushed to defend her, saying it was safer than sunbathing and a sweet mom-daughter memory. “It’s so good to teach her she can get a spray tan and not damage her skin with sun exposure! Sunscreen and spray tans!!” said @Cailtyn.

LaPalomento herself didn’t seem too bothered by the uproar. She told TODAY: “There was no specific reason for it other than just letting her experience what it’s like for fun — it’s completely harmless.”

Play vs. pressure: Where do we draw the line?

Related: Mom thought her toddler was playing quietly—then he did the ‘unthinkable’

This debate goes deeper than one little girl getting a temporary tan. It’s about a bigger, trickier issue: How do parents encourage self-expression in our daughters without pushing adult beauty standards too early?

LaPalomento argued the haters were overreacting: “In all honesty, I think the internet gets triggered quite easily these days, especially when it comes to the way people choose to parent their children.”

And let’s be honest: there is a generational divide here. Plenty of us remember being kids who raided our mom’s makeup drawer, slathered on Bonne Bell lip gloss, and strutted in plastic heels. But we also know the world our daughters are growing up in is more image-obsessed than ever.

What experts say about “harmless beauty fun”

Pediatricians and child psychologists generally agree that there’s no harm in a single spray tan—especially when precautions are taken. Dr. Elizabeth Houshmand told TODAY that spray tans are generally considered safe for children, though she does not necessarily recommend spray tans for kids.

Experts also emphasize the developmental value of pretend play.

Child development experts note that pretend play offers children a rich opportunity to express creativity while building key social and emotional skills. Research shows that kids who regularly engage in imaginative play tend to develop stronger emotional awareness and regulation over time. And honestly? Both my sons and my daughters have LOVED playing with mommy’s makeup.

The impossible double bind for moms

This viral debate also exposes just how impossible the standards are for modern moms.

We’re supposed to let our kids express themselves—but not too much. Encourage confidence—but not vanity. Preserve their childhood—but prepare them for the world.

And we’re supposed to make these judgment calls while the entire internet stands by, ready to pounce.

What one mom sees as a fun, silly memory, another sees as a step toward adultification. What one kid experiences as play, another might interpret as a sign she has to change herself to be “pretty.”

It’s not that there’s a right or wrong answer. It’s that parenting—especially parenting girls—means constantly walking this tightrope.

So how do we talk to our kids about beauty?

If you’re navigating this yourself (or know you will be), here are some recommendations:

• Emphasize play. Make clear beauty routines are just for fun.
• Discuss messages. Talk about where ideas of “pretty” come from, and who profits off them.
• Avoid shaming curiosity. Don’t make it taboo or dirty.
• Model balance. Let kids see you caring for yourself without obsessing over flaws.
• Set thoughtful boundaries. Saying “not yet” can be an act of love, too.

Because ultimately, it’s not about banning beauty treatments. It’s about helping kids see their worth in a world that keeps trying to sell them “fixes.”

The final line

Parenting decisions like this aren’t easy. They’re full of nuance, family values, and kid-by-kid judgment calls.

My own choice is to let my daughter take the lead, seeing beauty play as just that—play. I don’t want her to think she has to look a certain way. But I also don’t want to shame her for wanting sparkles and mascara.

So when I saw that mom get flamed online for a single spray tan trip with her daughter? I didn’t see a scandal. I saw another mom, trying her best to navigate this messy, contradictory, image-obsessed world, one moment at a time.

And maybe that’s the most honest part of all.