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Nearly a third of millennial moms are having postpartum sex before they feel ready (and that's not okay)

Having a baby changes a lot—your relationships, your life and your body. In the earliest days when you're dealing with sleep deprivation and finding your feet as a new parent, having sex with your partner is likely pretty far down your list of concerns.

That's why we are concerned that the results of our 2019 State of Motherhood survey revealed that nearly a third of Millennial moms (31%) say they had sex with their partner before they felt ready to do so.

When it comes to postpartum sex, no specific waiting period is right for everyone, but many doctors and midwives recommend waiting four to six weeks after a birth, or until the mother feels comfortable resuming sexual activity. The Mayo Clinic says that when it comes to postpartum sex, you should "set your own timeline". Some moms want to have sex at six weeks postpartum, but many don't just yet.

Our survey found that 53% of moms start feeling interested in sex again by the six week mark, and 11% of moms find they're interested in getting intimate before they are six weeks postpartum. Mothers under 30 are more likely to report being ready for sex by six weeks—with 67% reporting they were—while 54% of moms between 30 and 34 felt ready by six weeks, and 44% of moms over 35 did.

But for a large number of mothers, nearly 40%, it takes a lot longer than six weeks—between six months and a year—to want to have sex again and there is nothing wrong with that. Whether you wait six weeks or six months, what's important is that you feel ready.

"Resuming your sex life, on your terms, after giving birth can be empowering, and let's be honest, fun! If a woman feels ready both mentally and physically to have sex, she should listen to her body and all that she knows about it, and go for it," says Diana Spalding, midwife and Motherly's Digital Education Editor.

After reviewing the findings of our survey (which saw 6,457 respondents answer questions online between March 28 and April 11, 2019, and was weighted to align with US Census demographic data), Spalding is concerned about why so many millennial moms are having sex before they want to.

"Having sex after birth before she is ready is troublesome. First, if she has sustained any pelvic floor dysfunction or vaginal, anal, or vulvar injuries from pregnancy and birth, she needs proper medical attention before engaging in sex, which could further injure her," she explains, adding that a lack of education around and attention to birth injuries is an unacceptable shortcoming of our healthcare system.

Spalding wants women to talk to their medical providers about any postpartum healing concerns they may have, and for our partners and society to put less pressure on new mothers to resume sexual activity.

"The emotional ramifications of having sex without feeling ready are significant. Feeling pressured into sex is simply not okay. Healthy and fulfilling postpartum sex is a wonderful thing, but we have to do a better job of conveying to women that they matter."

Yes, mama. You matter. Your comfort matters. Your pleasure matters. Your postpartum recovery matters and your partner and medical providers should understand that.

Research published in the journal Obstetrics & Gynecology suggests about 17–36% of mothers report experiencing painful sex at six months postpartum and that only about 15% of new moms bring this concern up with their doctor.

Here's the truth: When women are ready for postpartum sex, it can be really fun, but being ready is the key. If sex hurts it is a sign that something is wrong. If a medical provider tells you that this is just normal or the way sex is after a baby, that's unacceptable and you should seek a second opinion.

And if sex isn't painful, but just not something you want to do right now, that's just fine. Resuming sexual intimacy after a baby can be wonderful (if you have the energy for it). If you would rather just cuddle or go to sleep tonight, that's okay, too, mama.

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Without camps and back-to-school plans still TBD, the cries of "I'm bored!" seem to be ringing louder than ever this summer. And if you're anything like me, by August, I'm fresh out of boxes to check on my "Fun Concierge" hit list. It's also the point of diminishing returns on investing in summer-only toys.

With that in mind, we've rounded up some of our favorite wooden toys that are not only built to last but will easily make the transition from outdoor to indoor play.

From sunny backyard afternoons to rainy mornings stuck inside, these toys are sure to keep little ones engaged and entertained.

Meadow ring toss game

Plan Toys meadow ring toss game

Besides offering a fantastic opportunity to hone focus, coordination, determination and taking turns, lawn games are just plain fun. Set them up close together for the littles and spread them out when Mom and Dad get in on the action. With their low profile and rope rings, they're great for indoors as well.

$30

Balance board

Plan Toys balance board

Balance boards are a fabulous way to get the wiggles out. This one comes with a rope attachment, making it suitable for even the youngest wigglers. From practicing their balance and building core strength to working on skills that translate to skateboarding and snowboarding, it's a year-round physical activity that's easy to bring inside and use between Zoom classes, too!

$75

Sand play set

Plan Toys sand set

Whether you're hitting the beach or the backyard sandbox, this adorable wooden sand set is ready for action. Each scoop has an embossed pattern that's perfect for sand stamping. They're also totally suitable for water play in the wild or the bathtub.

$30

Water play set

Plan Toys water play set

Filled with sand or water, this tabletop sized activity set keeps little ones busy, quiet and happy. (A mama's ideal trifecta 😉). It's big enough to satisfy their play needs but not so big it's going to flood your floors if you bring the fun inside on a rainy day.

$100

Croquet set

Plan Toys croquet set

The cutest croquet set we've ever seen! With adorable animal face wooden balls and a canvas bag for easy clean up, it's also crafted to stick around awhile. Round after round, it's great for teaching kiddos math and problem-solving skills as well.

$45

Mini golf set

Plan Toys mini golf set

Fore! This mini golf set is lawn and living room ready. Set up a backyard competition or incorporate into homeschooling brain breaks that shift focus and build concentration.

$40

Vintage scooter balance bike

Janod retro scooter balance bike

Pedals are so 2010. Balance bikes are the way to go for learning to ride a bike while skipping the training wheels stage altogether. This impossibly cool retro scooter-style is built to cruise the neighborhood or open indoor space as they're learning.

$121

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