My first born baby,
I'm not quite sure how time has passed so quickly. So quickly in fact, that I am now preparing to give birth to my third child...when I feel like I just had you.
Some days it feels like I found out I was pregnant with you—pregnant for the first time ever—just days ago, not years ago. But then again, it feels like you've been around forever. That you've always been by my side.
You are the incredible gift who gave me my cherished title of 'mother.'
You and I have been partners in this since the moment I saw those little pink lines appear. We've navigated baby challenges like blow out diapers and sleepless nights and now we're navigating three-year-old challenges like understanding the importance of kindness, preschool and looking out for your little sister.
The cool thing about being a mom of multiple children is that you have a special bond with each of your kiddos. Part of what makes our relationship so exceptional is that you were my first.
You were the first time I did all of this “mom stuff."
The first time I wore maternity clothes, the first time I watched my body change and grow to accommodate a child, the first time I experienced the crazy ride of pregnancy hormones. The first time I nursed, the first time I puréed food for someone, the first time I planned a first birthday party.
Your heart was the first heart I created. And my heart's beat is the first you ever heard. ?
You have taught me so much.
You've given me the confidence I need to be a mother.
It didn't happen right away. But over time, through mothering you, I found out who I am in this role. My strengths and my weaknesses. My highs and my lows.
You've taken on the role of big sister so beautifully.
I truly had no idea what to expect from my two-year-old daughter when we brought our brand new baby home. I was scared. Scared you'd me mad at me, scared things would change too much, and scared that I'd miss my time with just you. But then you embraced your role of big sister so beautifully, it made most of my worries disappear. The love you two share fills my heart to the brim. It's pretty magical. And I'm pretty lucky that I get to watch it happen all over again soon.
You've opened my husband's heart even bigger than when I was his only girl.
When you came into our lives I watched your father, my husband, grow into his role of 'Dad.' It was wild to see him be this person. It was a new side of him I had never witnessed. And we fell even deeper in love than before you were in our lives. So, thank you.
You've opened my eyes.
I can see things with a different perspective now. Motherhood has made me a more compassionate person. I can put myself in someone else's shoes. I can notice small things more—the simple, beautiful everyday moments of life.
You've given me the courage to do this again (and again.)
Life as a parent is busy and tiring and frustrating and overwhelming and crazy. It's also fun and exciting and inspiring and amazing. That's why people keep having children. It's messy...but it's a beautiful mess. So with the confidence you helped me develop and the courage to trust our abilities as parents that we've gained—we decided to expand our family. (So, I guess your sisters have something to thank you for! ?)
You've changed me.
Having a child has changed me. In the best possible way. I'm fairly confident I was a pretty good person before having you...but I know I am a better person now because of you. And your sisters. I may not get to do anything I want on a whim anymore, or enjoy worry-free perfect-sleep nights...but I'd never trade my life now for anything in the world.
Because I have my children. Because we have our family.
We are so beyond lucky to have you in our lives. You have a hilarious sense of humor, a curious brain, an adventurous spirit and a heart of gold. You are cautious and clever. Brave and beautiful—inside and out.
Thanks for showing me the way, kiddo.