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This woman and her wife are both pregnant—and due on the same day ❤️

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It's not unusual for a mother's spouse to be next to her during labor, holding her hand and encouraging her. But in almost all cases, that partner is not also recovering from giving birth themselves less than 48 hours earlier.

But when Anna and Renee McInarnay spoke to Motherly this week, that was their plan. The married couple were getting ready to go to the hospital, planning to spend their weekend supporting each other through the births of their daughters, Avonlea and Emma.

The two women share a love story, a home, a profession, and a due date (although their medical team is hoping to give them at least 36 hours between births).

"We actually we don't really know who's gonna go first, it's kind of whoever's ready to go first, but they're thinking it's Renee," Anna told Motherly the morning before the pair checked into the hospital where they would spend their first weekend as parents.

The McInarnays live in Mississippi, a state where they know their chances of having a child placed with them through adoption are not good. They both have stable jobs as elementary school teachers, and having been together for 17 years they certainly have a stable relationship, but adoption workers were honest with them about their chances of having a child placed in their home through foster care or adoption.

As Anna recalls, one worker was warm but frank, telling her "Mississippi I think would probably go through placing everyone else before they would place a same-sex couple", she recalls. "At that point I just appreciated the honesty."

With adoption off the table, the McInarnays started exploring fertility at the urging of Anna's brother, a medical professional who gently nudged the couple, at 35 and 36 years old, to explore the option sooner rather than later.

And so, the McInarnays found themselves in the waiting room at Audubon Fertility in New Orleans. At first, they just wanted to find out if either of them would be likely to conceive. When they found out that it was possible they both could, they didn't quite know how to answer the next question.

"They asked us, 'Okay so who wants to carry for your family?' And Renee and I, because we had so expected them to say 'neither one of you can conceive' or 'you waited too late,' or 'your eggs are dried up,' we didn't know the answer," Anna recalls.

The fertility clinic suggested both women move forward with the process if neither were opposed, as it typically takes multiple cycles for a patient to conceive. When Renee was diagnosed with PCOS, it seemed like Anna would likely be the one to carry the couple's child, but when both women ovulated at the same time, they continued to move forward.

Renee and Anna remember asking their nurse what the chances would be of them both actually conceiving at the same time. She told them it would be a first for the clinic and a statistical miracle. "'Of course it's possible,' she said" Anna recalls. "But that's not the possibility that you should bank on. What you should hope for is that one of you is gonna be able to carry for your family."

And then a statistical miracle happened.

The McInarnays were in their living room when the clinic called and told Anna she was pregnant. Thrilled and excited, Anna got a jolt when the voice on the other end of the phone asked her to sit down.

"I had this moment where I thought 'Oh my God they're gonna tell me that all three of them took and we are gonna have triplets, and I'm going to die.' That was literally what I thought. And so they said 'Are you sitting down?' We said 'Yeah.' I sat down, and they said 'Anna, you're pregnant. But so is Renee.'"

Tears of joy flowed that day, as they will this weekend when Avonlea and Emma enter the world, but before the girls entered the world, their families got to experience another magical moment.

Renee says both her mom and Anna's mom were thrilled to hear of the pregnancies, but as the couple was open about going through fertility treatments, it wasn't exactly a shock.

"There was not this big moment that you get to do where you give 'em a onesie that says 'you're gonna be a grandparent,'" says Renee, who was instead able to plan another surprise with the help of her twin sister.

That's who took the call from the fertility clinic to learn if Anna and Renee were expecting boys, girls, or one of each. Even Anna and Renee didn't know, so when they drove from Mississippi to Florida and shot off confetti cannons, everyone was surprised and thrilled.

As a lesbian couple, this wasn't a moment Anna and Renee—or their parents—were sure they would get to experience, and it was doubly special. "Our whole families, siblings, nieces and nephews, they all drove in and we all were in the yard together and popped [the cannons]. And then just the pink confetti falling, it was really great," Renee recalls.

Getting here wasn't easy.

When Anna and Renee fell for each other as teenagers, reconciling their attraction and love was difficult. It was the first time either had non-platonic love for another woman. "We were a young couple, we were from really conservative areas, and initially we really struggled with, you know, what is this going to look like in our lives, what does this even mean, does this mean we're gay? You know as young people back then really, you had no context for any of that," Anna recalls.

They stayed together, but briefly broke up a few years later, each wanting to protect the other from the discrimination they knew they would face. "I think we were just really scared to come out. I mean to tell you the truth, when we think about that time that we weren't together, it really wasn't because there was love lost between us, it was just fear, you know?" Anna told Motherly.

When they reunited they decided they would never live in that fear again, and would do what was best for themselves and now, their family.

This has meant correcting folks around Hattiesburg, Mississippi who mislabel them as roommates, sister or "really good friends." In a community where LGBTQ rights are a contentious topic, these two award-winning teachers have won the respect and admiration of many parents, and changed some minds in the process.

"That's not to say that we haven't received hateful comments, that's not to say that explaining this to parents every year is not really, really tricky, and the way that we kind of have to phrase things is not tricky," says Anna. "We have to be very clear and be very direct, and be just very loving, you know. And we also have had to accept that as deeply as we want people to understand us as a couple, and to be loving and supported, for some people it's going to take some time for them to open up their thinking a little bit."

And it's why they're being so open with the story of how they are starting a family. Besides, there's no hiding the fact that the two married, female teachers both have baby bumps.

The McInarnays want to give hope to anyone who is afraid of loving who they love, and they want to give hope to anyone going through the ups and downs of trying to conceive with reproductive assistance.

"In that [fertility clinic] there were gay couples, there were straight couples, there were interracial couples, there were every type of couple that you could imagine. Sitting there, all with the same goal, trying to start families, and some of them had been there for years," she recalls.

"It's not lost on us that we had this really rare experience in fertility where we got pregnant on the first try, and that that's something that the people that kind of became our friends, our family in the [fertility clinic] lobby, that they never got or that they're still waiting for."

The McInarnays are humbled by and so grateful for their double pregnancy. It takes a strong mama to be up and holding her wife's hand 36 hours after giving birth herself, but we've got no doubt that both these women have that strength in them.

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Sometimes it can feel like toys are a mama's frenemy. While we love the idea of entertaining our children and want to give them items that make them happy, toys can end up taking the joy out of our own motherhood experience. For every child begging for another plastic figurine, there's a mama who spends her post-bedtime hours digging toys out from under the couch, dining room table and probably her own bed.

Like so many other moms, I've often found myself between this rock and hard place in parenting. I want to encourage toys that help with developmental milestones, but struggle to control the mess. Is there a middle ground between clutter and creative play?

Enter: Lovevery.

lovevery toys

Lovevery Play Kits are like the care packages you wish your child's grandparent would send every month. Expertly curated by child development specialists, each kit is crafted to encourage your child's current developmental milestones with beautiful toys and insightful activity ideas for parents. A flip book of how-tos and recommendations accompanies each box, giving parents not only tips for making the most of each developmental stage, but also explaining how the games and activities benefit those growing brains.

Even better, the toys are legitimately beautiful. Made from eco-friendly, sustainable materials materials and artfully designed, I even find myself less bothered when my toddler leaves hers strewn across the living room floor.

What I really love, though, is that the kits are about so much more than toys. Each box is like a springboard of imaginative, open-ended play that starts with the included playthings and expands into daily activities we can do during breakfast or while driving to and from lessons. For the first time, I feel like a company isn't just trying to sell me more toys―they're providing expert guidance on how to engage in educational play with my child. And with baby kits that range from age 0 to 12 months and toddler kits for ages 13 to 24 months, the kits are there for me during every major step of development I'll encounter as a new mama.

So maybe I'll never love toys―but I will always love spending time with my children. And with Lovevery's unique products, mixing those worlds has become child's play.


This article was sponsored by Lovevery. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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Who would have thought Target could get any better? Apparently the folks in charge of store design and policy. While moms in America continue to face pushback for simply breastfeeding their babies in public, Target has taken an amazing stance on the issue.

Through its policies and remodel plans that include dedicated nursing rooms, Target is sending an important message to mamas: Whether you want to nurse in full view of everyone in housewares or prefer to feed your baby in a private spot, Target's got your back.

"At Target, you are free to nurse wherever and whenever you like..." 

We love Target's nursing policy, which straight up states that moms rock (we do) and mamas can feed wherever they need to in the store.

"At Target, you are free to nurse wherever and whenever you like while you shop because we think #momsrock. But, if you would like a comfy (or more private) spot to nurse or change a diaper, please ask our Fitting Room Attendant about our Nursing Room!" reads the sign, which was posted in Target stores and shared online by a happy shopper.

Moms in the comments section of the Breastfeeding Mama Talk Facebook page are attesting to how Target lives into this policy, swapping stories about how supportive team members in red polos have been about infant feeding.

"I nursed in the outdoor furniture section, and had a couple staff members make sure I was comfortable," one mama wrote.

Making mamas a space, too. 

Target is obviously super supportive of moms nursing wherever they need to in the store, but not every mom is comfortable nursing in the outdoor furniture section or the food court. That's why Target included nursing rooms in store remodel plans. Comfy chairs and locking doors are exactly what mama needs sometimes.

The nursing rooms were originally added to about 40 remodeled stores, but moms loved them so much that Target decided to include that in every store remodeling plan.

Basically, no matter what kind of Target run you're doing—a mad dash to the Drive Up service, means you won't have to get out of your car (or unbuckle your sleeping baby) to pick up your online order, a hands-free walk-and-nurse with a baby in a wrap and a frap in your hand, or even one that includes a private nursing session, moms and babies are welcome at Target.

We love it and hope other businesses are taking notes!

[A version of this post was originally published November 16, 2017. It has been updated.]

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We're not only at the beginning of a new year, but the start of a new life for those due in 2019. If you're expecting a baby this year you've got plenty of celebrity company, mama.

Here are some fellow parents-to-be expecting in 2019:

Catherine and Sean Lowe are expecting baby no. 3! 🎉

She won season 17 of The Bachelor, and now Catherine Giudici (now Catherine Lowe) is entering a new season of life. Along with her Bachelor—turned—husband, Sean Lowe, Catherine is about to become a parent to three kids under four!

The couple welcomed their oldest, 3-year-old Samuel, in July 2016 and baby brother Isaiah followed in May 2018.

This week the Lowe's announced baby no.3 is on the way.

"The first two have been pretty cool, so why not a third?" Sean captioned an Instagram photo in which Catherine is holding her bump.

Catherine's caption was more concise. Under a different but similar pic posted to her own account, the proud mama left an emoji family and telling hashtag.

"👱🏻♂️👩🏻👦🏼👶🏻🥚 #PartyofFive" she wrote.

[A version of this post was originally published October 21, 2018. It has been updated. ]

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[Editors note: While this article is about fathers in heterosexual relationships, we extrapolate that the positive impacts described are consistent among same-sex and gender non-conforming relationships. This is based on research that has shown that children have similar outcomes no matter the gender of the parents raising them. Unfortunately, at this time there is a lack of research on non-traditional family structures—but things are changing, and we support the continuation of efforts that support all families.

We also acknowledge that single parents work exceptionally hard to ensure that their children have the best outcomes and that the absence of a father or partner does not automatically preclude children from healthy and happy lives. We stand behind all families.]

First-time dad Michael Pylyp describes new fatherhood as a "completely transcendent experience." When his daughter, Adrianna, was born 15 months ago it was the realization of a dream that was a long time coming. Holding her as she slept on his chest, Pylyp was grateful for something that too few American parents have: Parental leave. He got eight weeks of it.

It's something that was on his mind long before Adrianna was on his chest, and he's not alone. According to a recent survey by Indeed, 51% of future dads consider a company's paternity leave policy when considering job offers, and Pylyp was certainly thinking about that when he accepted his position as an Associate Brand Manager at Degree.

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"Just having the ability to take time and knowing that it was something that was available to us was very comforting and reassuring," says Pylyp, who, like most dads today, wanted to be as much of a hands on father as possible. He didn't want the entire burden of childcare to fall on his wife's shoulders while she was recovering from giving birth.

Pylyp is hardly alone in this. As Motherly recently reported, a new report from Dove Men+Care and Promundo found that 85% of dads would do anything to be very involved in the early weeks and months after their child's birth or adoption, but there is so much stopping them and inadequate paid leave policies and attitudes are a huge factor.

Dads want to take leave, but it needs to be paid, unstigmatized, and can't come at the expense of their partner's leave. These are all things we need to be thinking about as America presses on in the fight for paid leave. Several states have moved forward with various paid family leave laws, but as a nation, the United States of America remains the only member country of the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD) without a national paid leave policy.

America's moms and babies need paid leave like yesterday, and American's fathers need it today if they're going to be the kind of men we need tomorrow. American employers will also benefit from paid leave because it is going to help them attract and keep women and men.

Here are five important ways leave for dads and partners makes moms, babies + companies stronger:

1. Paid leave for fathers improves moms' postpartum health

If we want to help moms stay healthy in the postpartum period we have to give them help. Having a partner at home to share in caring for the baby—and also care for mama—is proven to improve moms' mental and physical health.

A new study out of Stanford looked at what happened in Sweden in 2012 when laws changed so that both of a baby's parents could take their paid leave at the same time, and allowed dads to take up to 30 days of paid leave on an intermittent basis within a year after their child was born.

When researchers crunched the data they learned that moms are 14% less likely to be admitted to a hospital for birth-related issues within the first six months of childbirth.

This is huge.

Fewer cases of mastitis, fewer moms needing to see specialists, fewer moms on antibiotics and fewer moms suffering mental health issues. The researchers found that when dads took leave there was a 26% drop in anti-anxiety prescriptions during the first six months of motherhood.

"Our study underscores that the father's presence in the household shortly after childbirth can have important consequences for the new mother's physical and mental health," says study co-author Petra Persson, an assistant professor of economics.

According to Persson, most dads didn't even take the whole 30 days, but having the flexibility to take some time off when they were most needed at home made a world of difference for these families.

"The key here is that families are granted the flexibility to decide, on a day-to-day basis, exactly when to have the dad stay home," says Persson. "If, for example, the mom gets early symptoms of mastitis while breastfeeding, the dad can take one or two days off from work so that the mom can rest, which may avoid complications from the infection or the need for antibiotics."

Maternal mortality is a growing concern in the United States and 1 in 100 American moms are being readmitted to the hospital in the first 100 days after birth. We need support and our partners desperately want to provide it. Letting them could save lives.

2. There are so many benefits for babies when dads get paid leave 

The benefits of paternity leave for babies are substantial. Bonding with parents is crucial for a baby's brain development, and moms do need to sleep sometimes. When dads feel more engaged in fatherhood, infant mortality rates go down.

Fathers aren't babysitters, they're parents and their babies need them.

It is important for mothers to have support from a partner, friends or family in those early days and weeks of motherhood, but it's also important that dads aren't just seen as a stand-in for moms.

Studies suggest that skin-to-skin contact with dads can benefit babies immensely, and 8-week-old infants can tell the difference between mom and dad. As they grow, those babies are able to form strong attachments with two capable caregivers, and research has proven that when dads do things like change diapers, bathe and feed their babies, the infants are more socially responsive than infants who only get that kind of physical care from mom.

Simply put: Dads matter to babies' development and we have to stop acting like they don't. When dads have the chance to bond with their babies the babies learn to trust dad and the dads learn to trust themselves as caregivers.

3. Fathers who take paid leave are more likely to be involved in childcare years later

When dads take paternity leave there is a long-lasting impact on the division of unpaid labor among heterosexual couples.

Research shows that even short paternity leaves impact how much housework dads do years later. This link is super important for nations to take notice of, because right now no nation is on target to meet gender equality goals adopted by 193 United Nations member countries back in 2015.

Twenty-seven countries are outpacing America in efforts to meet that goal, but research suggests that if men just did 50 more minutes of care work a day, and women did 50 minutes less, we could get closer to gender equality because the burden of unpaid work would be more fairly distributed.

But right now, most men aren't doing those 50 minutes. Motherly's 2019 State of Motherhood survey found than 60% of mothers say they handle most of the household chores and responsibilities themselves, with just 32% saying responsibilities are shared equally and just 5% say their partner does the household lift.

We know that millennial men want to be equal partners at home, but when they don't get to take parental leave, they don't gain confidence in care work and they don't see all the effort it takes. Studies show that when dads get paternity leave they're more aware of how hard it is to be a family manager, and they're more willing to help.

4. When fathers take paid leave moms get paid more

Paternity leave doesn't just help equalize unpaid work, it helps close the wage gap at our paid jobs, too. Data from the World Economic Forum suggests that countries with the best paternity leave policies are also the closest to achieving pay parity for women.

There's a lot of factors behind this. For one, when men also take parental leave, parental leave becomes less stigmatized and women are not seen as less committed than men. That's how it impacts us at work, but what happens at home closes the gap, too. A Swedish study found that for every month of paternity leave a mother's partner takes, her future income rises by 7%. Why? Because of the lasting impact paternity leave makes on the distribution of unpaid care work at home. When dads are free to learn how to care for children, mothers become free to earn more, and that's good for the whole family.

5. Paid leave for all parents will change work culture 

It takes a village to raise a child and it takes a village to distribute work in a way that makes sense. Parental leave continues to be stigmatized in part because our society has very rigid ideas about how work should be structured, and it hurts parents (and non-parents, too).

Supporting and encourage parents of all genders to take parental leave won't just have a lasting impact on family dynamics but on workplace dynamics. The more men take parental leave, the more destigmatized leave and flexibility will become in the workplace and the more workplaces will respect responsibilities outside the office.

This will give employees more balanced lives, and allow employers to keep their employees.

It's true that moms are more likely than dads to make changes to their careers following the birth of a baby, but dads leave their jobs after babies, too. A new survey from Indeed finds 88% of dads say the way they view their career changes after the become a dad, and research suggests that new dad attrition is a bigger problem than employers realize. Even in male-dominated fields like STEM, nearly a quarter of new dads switch careers or cut their hours in an effort to find a more flexible, family-friendly way to work.

As paternity leave advocate Josh Levs, author of "All In: How Our Work-First Culture Fails Dads, Families, and Businesses--And How We Can Fix It Together" tells Motherly, it is not surprising that fathers start looking for the exit in companies where family leave and flexibility aren't valued.

"All the stats and studies show that men want more time at home. It's true in America and it's true all over the world, but they can't get it. They are punished. It starts with paternity leave and continues all the way through the kid's life. If they need to take the kids to the doctor, or if they seek a flexible schedule, they are punished in the workplace," Levs explains.

But when everyone starts parental and family leave, companies and societies have to adjust, and the way we structure work changes. We know research shows that when companies encourage and support working parents to spend time with their families retention rates are higher, and we know that the current, "always-on" work culture that is prevalent in America is leading to employee burnout.

As Ellen Bravo, the co-director of Family Values @ Work tells Motherly, support for parental leave for all parents is going to help moms and dads not just when their babies are babies, but as they grow, too. Because when companies are forced to structure work in a way that allows for parental leave, it allows parents to leave work for big milestones, too.

She recalls how she was speaking with a group of OB-GYNs about flexibility at work when one of the doctors told her they had missed their own daughter's high school graduation because they were delivering a baby, and that doctor supposed that had it been Bravo's baby she would have wanted them to make the same call.

"I said 'I certainly want you to be able to be at your daughter graduation and I want a doctor when I deliver who knows me and cares about me, but we can do it differently,'" she recalls. "We can have a team of 2 or 3 doctors and they all know me and whoever's daughter isn't graduating from high school when I go into labor will show up."

According to Bravo, a collaborative approach to work will allow for family leave in infancy and family time for a lifetime.

"There are lots of companies that have figured this out and they have a more collaborative approach, It doesn't mean the client or the customer isn't cared about, it just means there isn't one person who is the repository of all the information about that customer," she explains.

Her philosophy is similar to Levs' who says "the truth is everyone has a whole life outside of work and we need our businesses to be aware of that."

He wants businesses to start measuring employees based on how much work they get done, not how many minutes they are sitting at a desk.

Bottom line: Fathers need flexibility and parental leave to be the fathers they want to be. It's time to make this change because it is good for dads, moms, babies and America.

When Michael Pylyp took paternity leave from his job at Degree, he took eight weeks in multiple two-week chunks over the course of a year because that was what worked best for his family. He inadvertently copied the Swedish flexibility model, and his family was healthier and less stressed because of it.

Pylyp tells Motherly he is grateful he got those eight weeks, because he had "the time, and frankly, the energy," to really bond with his daughter and support his partner. He learned how "emotionally and physically exhausting" stay-at-home parenting truly is. He has a better understanding of the challenges his partner faces and a close relationship with his baby girl. Every father in America should get that chance.

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Mom of two Misty Daugereaux was breastfeeding her 10-month-old, Maxx, at a swimming pool earlier this month when, astonishingly, pool staff reportedly told her she could not be breastfeeding in public.

According to the Washington Post, Daugereaux and the pool staff had an "emotional exchange" and the police were called. Daugereaux was at the pool with her 4-year-old son and 4-year-old nephew, and as they were escorted out of the pool one of the little boys asked her, "Mama, why won't they let you feed Maxx?"

We have the same question as that preschooler. This is not okay, because (as we've said before) American mothers "have the right to breastfeed your baby wherever and whenever your baby is hungry," according to the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services' Office on Women's Health.

That includes swimming pools, malls, restaurants and wherever a mom and baby happen to be. Literally, every single state now has laws protecting a mom's right to breastfeed in public, because public health experts want to encourage, not discourage moms from breastfeeding if it's right for them.

Breastfeeding has a lot of benefits, which is why, according to the CDC, 63.74% of Americans believe women should have the right to breastfeed in public places, and 57.75% say they are "comfortable when mothers breastfeed their babies near me in a public place."

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Those numbers should be higher. Everyone should be fine with babies eating however they eat, and lifeguards, security guards, police officers and everyone else needs to understand that they don't have any authority over where women feed their babies.

In Texas, the law states, "A mother is entitled to breast-feed her baby in any location in which the mother is authorized to be." It doesn't mention anything about needing covers or blankets, but that didn't stop a police officer from saying to someone (looks like pool staff) "You can't just have your titties out everywhere. I mean I get that you got to feed your kid, that's all fine and dandy, but go sit under a blanket or something," as is seen in the body cam video from that day.

Some moms like to have nursing covers, but some moms (or babies) don't like to use them (it can get hot under a blanket, and it was a hot day in Texas). And if you're playing with your kids in the water, you might not have a cover handy when the baby gets hungry. It's time for the whole country to get on board and understand the rules, because right now moms have police officers saying one thing and the CDC telling them something different.

The CDC says right on its website, "the law protects your right to feed your baby any place you need to. You do not to respond to anyone who criticizes you for breastfeeding."

But many women feel like they do need to respond, and in Daugereaux's case at least she's got a lot of backup in her response. Moms in her community have been standing up for her, holding a nurse-in protest outside at the pool.

Babies get hungry everywhere. Mamas have to breastfeed everywhere. It's time for everyone to understand that.

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