Viral TikTok shares ‘unpopular’ Mother’s Day opinion: Moms shouldn’t feel obligated to visit Grandma
@sophiraft/TikTok
This mom's "unpopular" opinion on Mother's Day may not be that unpopular after all.
Table of Contents
Anyone who has ever had young children is keenly familiar with the holiday struggle of packing up the kids, the car, and yourself and making the rounds to visit your extended family. But what about Mother’s Day? Should moms with young kids feel obligated to visit Grandma on that day, too?
According to one viral TikTok, it’s time to set some Mother’s Day boundaries—and prioritize the mom in the middle of motherhood.
Why this TikTok on Mother’s Day boundaries is resonating with moms
And this viral TikTok says…NOPE.
That’s not to say we don’t love our mothers and mothers-in-law who are now, proudly, the best grandmas. Of course we do! The role grandmothers play in our family makeup is invaluable. But one mom is asking us all to hear her out on her “unpopular” opinion about Mother’s Day—and honestly, it may not be that “unpopular” at all.
“Regarding Mother’s Day, if you’re a grandparent, you need to step down,” TikTok user @sophiraft begins in her now-viral video. And while that may sound harsh initially, she does an excellent job of explaining the nuances of this stance.
Related: 24 last-minute Mother’s Day gifts you can get from Amazon
“If your daughter has babies, let her partner or the father of her kids spoil her for the day,” she continues. “And if your son has babies, let him spoil his wife or partner or mother of his kids that day. It is not about you anymore.”
Why more moms are setting Mother’s Day boundaries with family
“You always should send, like, flowers or maybe make an effort to celebrate it on a different day,” she says. “But, to somebody that has very young kids, and wants to finally get to enjoy Mother’s Day, it’s really frustrating to have to have all these obligations.”
Something so many of us can relate to is that feeling of obligation, and being “fair.” If you go to one side of the family for a holiday, you feel like you have to do the same for the other side. She says that when we do this, especially for Mother’s Day, we never really get a day to celebrate ourselves.
“So step down, grandmas,” she concludes. “It’s time.”
Related: You have every right to set boundaries with your kids’ grandparents
When Mother’s Day feels like a chore for moms of young kids
One of the biggest contributors to mom burnout is the emotional labor that comes with holidays. Research shows that mothers still carry the bulk of planning, preparing, and emotional caretaking in families—especially on occasions meant to celebrate them.
Personally, one of the biggest stressors and anxiety triggers for me (and my husband as well) is packing up the entire family to go somewhere, especially if it disrupts our usual routine. Mealtimes are off, nap times are missed, other people’s houses aren’t baby- or toddler-proofed, and it can be so stressful.
And when you’re in the trenches of parenting young children, even a simple outing can feel like a marathon. So when a holiday like Mother’s Day rolls around, the idea of choosing yourself can feel more radical than restful.
Related: Flowers are great, but here’s what moms really want for Mother’s Day
How one family set clear Mother’s Day boundaries with an open-door policy
Years ago when my oldest daughter was one, we decided that we were going to have an “open-door policy” for holidays—our door is always open, and anyone is welcome to come by and visit, but we won’t be going anywhere else. It’s too difficult and not worth it for us to expend our energy that way—unless we choose to because we want to.
It’s not about the relationship—it’s about the day
In some follow-up TikToks, Sophi assures commenters that she’s close with her mother and her mother-in-law, and even sees them and speaks to them multiple times per week. She’s just sharing her thoughts about the One Day.
She also reminds her audience that it’s easy to forget what it’s like to raise young children in the “trenches” of motherhood, and that we don’t often get moments (let alone days) that are about us at all.
And that’s the real heart of this message—Mother’s Day boundaries aren’t about disrespect. They’re about carving out space for the moms who are actively doing the hard work of parenting right now.
Related: These brands are offering to mute Mother’s Day content—and here’s why
When Mother’s Day is emotionally complicated
I don’t have a relationship with my own mother, so the holiday itself is complicated for me and my own emotions. My mother-in-law is a beloved Nana to my girls, and we will celebrate her too—sometimes we celebrate together, sometimes we don’t—and that’s okay!
When my daughters are grown and if they choose to become mothers themselves, I will understand and respect their wishes for how they want to spend their special day. Just daydreaming about the faraway scenario of being a grandmother fills me with so much joy that I couldn’t fathom getting upset over Mother’s Day. Because I love them, and I know they love me. And we can celebrate each other anytime we want to.
Related: Mom perfectly nails the issues at the core of ‘mom rage’ in viral TikTok
A version of this article was published in May 2022. It has been updated in May 2025.
Related Stories
Related articles
