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Do you really know stay-at-home moms?


We asked our community for the biggest misconceptions about women who raise children full time, and you had so. Much. To. Say. TL;DR: It’s hard, rewarding and fulllll of surprises. ?

Here are the 10 biggest misconceptions about stay-at-home moms, according to our amazing community:

That we're not feminists

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“Automatically believing that choosing to be a stay-at-home mother is antithetical to feminism relies on several axioms about men, women... perpetuated by the very forces feminism fights against,” Jamie Kenney writes at Romper. ?

In other words—saying that full-time motherhood is anti-feminist is deeply unfair to women.

See also: No one’s worth is defined in any way by their job title or paycheck. By judging a woman’s accomplishments by her career or salary, we’re defining ourselves according to patriarchal values.

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So, no.

That we're lazy

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Only someone who has never taken care of kids full-time could accuse stay-at-home moms of laziness. It’s a 24/7, all-hands-on-deck, no-breaks kind of job.

NEXT.

That we can get work done while watching kids

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Lots of women juggle work and babies from home, but it’s not easy.

Kristen Cox explains:

“People think that I can work from home while my daughter plays next to me! Uhhh no. I'll type two sentences at a time before running to whatever precarious situation she’s gotten into.”

BRB baby’s eating the laptop cord.

That we can pick up all the slack

Stay-at-home moms have schedules and obligations just like everyone else—so don’t assume that we can just pick up all the slack in all of our community groups.

Jennifer, a mom of three, explains:

“People think that I have time to head every single volunteer thing for every kid at every activity and school.”

But in reality, she has tons of obligations. See also: three young kids.

That we're bored

Um, no. Between the antics of potty training, teaching ABCs, taking our little one to fun activities and getting to bond with these small souls, we keep ourselves quite entertained, thankyouverymuch.

One Motherly reader explains: “I get all the time, ‘You must be bored’ or ‘You must sleep late.’ HA. My kid rises at 5:30 before many are up to go to their 9 to 5. And he expects a fully participating mom who can keep up with him.”

That we don't care about our careers

Most stay-at-home moms plan to go back to work someday—we’re just planning to spend these years with our babies.

Millennial mothers are the most educated generation of moms ever. Full stop. And with more companies like The Mom Project and Après working to on-ramp women after their time staying at home, it’s clear that mothering full-time can be a pause in our career journeys, but not the end of the line. Onward!

That we don't need breaks

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O RLY?

Elizabeth, a mom of two, has been a working mama and a stay-at-home mom. She says:

“Either way, I feel I am busy, whether I am working or staying home with my kids. The misconception that SAHMs aren’t as busy as working moms is definitely not true. SAHMs are busy, just in a different way. I am just as exhausted come nighttime being a SAHM as when I worked.”

VACATIONS FOR EVERYONE. ?

That we're "just" moms

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Aside from being super offensive (what’s more impressive than making humans with your body and raising them to be good people?), it’s just not true that stay-at-home moms lack an identity outside of motherhood.

“Our identity isn’t only in being a mama. We desire a life and identity outside of motherhood, too!” fabulous mama Cole Portocarrero explains.

That we don't experience mom guilt

Mom guilt isn’t just something that working moms feel.

Motherly’s video editor, Juli Williams, says that she experienced mom guilt as a stay-at-home mom... for all kinds of reasons:

“By letting my kid watch TV—a little too much—so I can get a break. By being on my phone instead of reading that book for the 1,000th time. By falling asleep during nap time instead of washing the dishes, cleaning the bathrooms or switching that load of laundry. By saying no to that play date because I didn’t shower and blame it on the kids being sick. By ordering food instead of cooking at night. People think we shouldn’t really feel guilty because we’re supposedly at home with our babies, but at the same time, we have super-high expectations of all of the Pinterest projects we should be doing because of ‘all the time we have.’ In reality, we're just trying to make sure our children are alive,” she says.

Aren’t we all?

That staying at home is no fun

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Kids are hilarious, creative, adorable and fascinating.

Reader mama Whit has this to say:

“I think a big misconception is that it’s joyless. I’m sure lots of us have read the statistic that says most mothers enjoy housework more than childcare ? . I can tell you firsthand staying home with kids is sometimes SO HARD, but I feel that in order to validate our choice to stay home with our kids, we stay-at-home moms sometimes focus on how hard it is rather than how wonderful our opportunity to spend so much time with our kids is. And there are so many moments of fun and, yes, joy.”

To our fellow stay-at-home mamas rocking life on the home front: Motherhood looks so good on you. You’ve got this.

Psst: Want to get personalized tips for your life as a fabulous stay-at-home mom? Join Motherly + get inspiration emailed to you each week. Try it. You’ll like it.

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As a former beauty editor, I pride myself in housing the best skincare products in my bathroom. Walk in and you're sure to be greeted with purifying masks, micellar water, retinol ceramide capsules and Vitamin C serums. What can I say? Old habits die hard. But when I had my son, I was hesitant to use products on him. I wanted to keep his baby-soft skin for as long as possible, without tainting it with harsh chemicals.

Eventually, I acquiesced and began using leading brands on his sensitive skin. I immediately regretted it. His skin became dry and itchy and regardless of what I used on him, it never seemed to get better. I found myself asking, "Why don't beauty brands care about baby skin as much as they care about adult skin?"

When I had my daughter in May, I knew I had to take a different approach for her skin. Instead of using popular brands that are loaded with petroleum and parabens, I opted for cleaner products. These days I'm all about skincare that contains super-fruits (like pomegranate sterols, which are brimming with antioxidants) and sulfate-free cleansers that contain glycolipids that won't over-dry her skin. And, so far, Pipette gets it right.

What's in it

At first glance, the collection of shampoo, wipes, balm, oil and lotion looks like your typical baby line—I swear cute colors and a clean look gets me everytime—but there's one major difference: All products are environmentally friendly and cruelty-free, with ingredients derived from plants or nontoxic synthetic sources. Also, at the core of Pipette's formula is squalane, which is basically a powerhouse moisturizing ingredient that babies make in utero that helps protect their skin for the first few hours after birth. And, thanks to research, we know that squalane isn't an irritant, and is best for those with sensitive skin. Finally, a brand really considered my baby's dry skin.

Off the bat, I was most interested in the baby balm because let's be honest, can you ever have too much protection down there? After applying, I noticed it quickly absorbed into her delicate skin. No rash. No irritation. No annoyed baby. Mama was happy. It's also worth noting there wasn't any white residue left on her bottom that usually requires several wipes to remove.


Why it's different

I love that Pipette doesn't smell like an artificial baby—you, know that powdery, musky note that never actually smells like a newborn. It's fragrance free, which means I can continue to smell my daughter's natural scent that's seriously out of this world. I also enjoy that the products are lightweight, making her skin (and my fingers) feel super smooth and soft even hours after application.

The bottom line

Caring for a baby's sensitive skin isn't easy. There's so much to think about, but Pipette makes it easier for mamas who don't want to compromise on safety or sustainability. I'm obsessed, and I plan to start using the entire collection on my toddler as well. What can I say, old habits indeed die hard.

This article was sponsored by Pipette. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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Military families give up so much for their country, particularly when they have small children at home. Those of us who have never witnessed this kind of sacrifice first-hand could use a reminder of it once in a while, which is just one of the reasons we're so happy to see the beautiful photoshoot Mary Chevalier arranged for her husband's return home from Afghanistan.

The photoshoot was extra special because while James Chevalier was serving a nine-month deployment, Mary gave birth to their second son, Caspian.

Getting ready to meet Dad

"During the laboring and birthing process of Caspian, I was surrounded by family, but that did not fill the void of not having my husband by my side," Mary told InsideEdition.com. "He was able to video chat during the labor and birth, but for both of us, it was not enough."

While James had yet to meet Caspian, their 3-year-old son, Gage, missed his dad a whole lot, so this homecoming was going to be a big deal for him too. That's why Mary arranged for her wedding photographer, Brittany Watson, to be with them for their reunion in Atlanta.

Gage was so happy to see his Dad 

"[He] had no idea he was going to be getting to see his daddy that day," Watson wrote on Facebook. "The family met at the Southeastern Railway Museum for Gage to go on a special train ride... little did he know, he'd be doing it with daddy!"

Watson did a beautiful job capturing the high emotions of every single family member, from Gage's surprise, to the delight on baby Caspian's face. It's no wonder her Facebook post went viral last week.

"Caspian is natural, a very happy baby, but both James and I felt like Caspian knew who his father was almost immediately," Mary told Inside Edition. "He was easily comforted by me husband right off the bat and seemed to have an instant connection. It was very emotional."

The moment this dad had been waiting for 

If we're sobbing just looking at the photos, we can't even imagine what it was like in real life.

"We are all so blessed and take so much for granted," Watson wrote. "I cannot contain the joy I feel in my heart when I look at these images, and I hope you feel it too!"


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During both of my pregnancies, I was under the care of an amazing midwife. Every time I went to her office for check-ups, I was mesmerized by the wall of photos participating in what may be the most painfully magical moment of a woman's life: giving birth. But there was a painting that always drew my attention: a woman dressed in orange, holding her newborn baby with a face that could be described as clueless. The line above the canvas read, "Now what?"

I felt like the woman in the painting as I kissed my mother goodbye when my daughter was born. She came from my native Colombia to stay with us for three months. When she left, I realized that my husband had been working as usual during those first 90 days of our new life. My baby was born on a Friday and on Monday he was back at the office. (No parental leave policy for him.)

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Now what? I thought. The quote "It takes a village to raise a child" suddenly started to hit home, literally.

After a few years in Miami, I had some friends, but it truly didn't feel like I had a village. Some were not mothers yet, most of them worked full-time and others didn't live close by. My nomad life left my best friends spread out in different places in the world. I found myself signing up for "mommy and me" classes in search of new mothers, immigrants like me, alone like me.

It seemed like a utopian dream to think about when my grandmothers became mothers. Both of them had 6 and 10 children and they were able to stay sane (or maybe not? I don't know). But at least they had family around—people cooking, offering help. There was a sense of community.

My mother and father grew up in "the village." Big families with so many children that the older siblings ended up taking care of the little ones; aunts were like second mothers and neighbors became family.

When I was about to give birth to my second baby, my sister had just had her baby girl back in Colombia. Once, she called me crying because her maternity leave was almost over. My parents live close to her, so that was a bonus. Hiring a nanny back there is more affordable. But even seeing the positive aspects of it, I wished I could have been there for her, to be each other's village.

The younger me didn't realize that when I took a plane to leave my country in search of new experiences 19 years ago, I was giving up the chance to have my loved ones close by when I became a mother. And when I say close by, I mean as in no planes involved.

It hasn't been easy, but after two kids and plenty of mommy and me classes and random conversations that became true connections, I can say I have a mini-village, a small collection of solitudes coming together to lean on each other. But for some reason, it doesn't truly feel like one of those described in the old books where women gathered to knit while breastfeeding and all the children become like siblings.

Life gets in the way, and everyone gets sucked into their own worlds. In the absence of a true village, we feel the pressure to be and do everything that once was done by a group of people. We often lose perspective of priorities because we are taking care of everything at the same time. Starting to feel sick causes anxiety and even fear because it means so many things need to happen in order for mom—especially if single—to lay down and recover while the children are taken care of. And when the children get sick, that could mean losing money for a working mother or father, because the truth is that most corporations are not designed to nurture families.

In the absence of that model of a village I long for, we tend to rely on social media to have a sense of community and feel supported. We may feel that since we are capable of doing so much—working and stay at home moms equally—perhaps we don't need help. Or quite the opposite: mom guilt kicks in and feelings of not being enough torment our night sleep. Depression and anxiety can enter the picture and just thinking about the amount of energy and time that takes to create true connections, we may often curl up in our little cocoon with our children and partners—if they are present—when they come home.

Now what? was my thought this week while driving back and forth to the pediatrician with my sick son. I can't get the virus, I have to be strong, my daughter can't get ill, my husband needs to be healthy for his work trip next week, we all need to be well for my son's fifth birthday. And so, it goes on. I texted one of my mom friends just to rant. She rants back because her son is also sick. She sent me a heart and an "I'm here if you need to talk."

I am grateful to have talked to her at that random postpartum circle when I first became a mother. She's a Latina immigrant like me and feels exactly like me. I will do it more, get out of my comfort zone and have—sometimes—awkward conversations so I can keep growing my own little village.

It may not look like the one I'd imagined, but still may allow me to be vulnerable even through a text message.

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Halloween is around the corner, but if you are like me you are still trying to figure out what to dress your family (especially the little ones), so here are some cute ideas inspired by famous characters. There's something for everyone—from cartoon lovers to ideas for the entire family!

Here are some adorable character costumes for your family:

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