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10 Ways to Better Love and Support Your Introvert Spouse

An introvert is someone whose social energy tank gets refilled by being alone. If you’re married to one, supporting them doesn’t always come easy

10 Ways to Better Love and Support Your Introvert Spouse

Is your spouse an introvert? Are you an introvert?


Or, maybe you don’t know what an introvert is. Imagine a really socially awkward person that’s shy and doesn’t like talking to other people. Okay, now completely erase that picture from your mind because that is absolutely NOT what an introvert is.

An introvert is someone whose social energy tank gets refilled by being alone. That’s it. I’m an introvert and whenever I’m around other people, I expend some of this social energy. As opposed to some of my extroverted friends who are pumped up by being around others.

Whenever I’m in a situation where I have to “be on,” I burn up even more of this energy. And if my tank ever runs empty, woe to those around me because I turn into a zombie, withdrawing emotionally and physically.

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If you’re married to an introvert, you probably know what I’m talking about. But there are ways to better love your introverted spouse. Things that will make your life – and their life – so much better:

Rescue them from small talk.

When my social energy tank is on empty, it’s almost unbearable to engage in small talk with a stranger. Even when my energy tank is full, I still really don’t like small talk. It drains me.

One of the best things you can do for your introverted spouse is to rescue them from small talk. If you do this for us, we’ll be forever grateful.

Give them the freedom to take time to themselves.

Sometimes we introverts feel drained and just need time to ourselves. It isn’t that we don’t like being with you, with our friends, or with our family, it’s just that we need to get re-energized in order to be fully present around you.

This lesson can be tough, but it’s also one of the most important. Give us the freedom to take time to ourselves without judgment or resentment.

Take a lead role at social events.

Introverts need human connection just like everyone else. However, our social energy tanks need to be full going into social events. Otherwise, you can expect us to be hiding in dark corners, or robotically responding to everyone around us. Even when our tanks are full going in, we can still feel drained quickly.

The more that you can take the lead role at social events, the longer we can last, and the more we appreciate and respect how you can handle the situation. Oh, and major bonus points if you check in with us during the event and, if we are feeling run down, be the one to make excuses for leaving.

Build alone time into your weekly routine. 

Take a look at your spouse’s weekly schedule. Do they have alone time built in or are they constantly surrounded by people all day, every day?

Ask your spouse and, if needed, set up a night or morning into your weekly schedule where they can be alone for a few hours. 

Encourage them to voice their need for alone time.

Taking alone time sometimes means more stress on those around us. If your introverted spouse is a people-pleaser to the core (like me), they may not want to ask for alone time because they know it will inconvenience others.

You can help by reminding us that it’s okay to do things for ourselves, especially when it results in our being happier and more energized.

Talk about deep things with them.

While we introverts may hate small talk, we also love talking deeply with others. To us, it’s the essence of life, and it can serve to re-energize us.

It doesn’t have to be something emotionally draining like your worst childhood memories. It can just be something you’re passionate about. 

When on trips, help them create alone time.

Going on vacations can be difficult for introverts if we can’t find time to ourselves. Help us find that time. In the end, it’ll be better for everyone.

Take a test to confirm introversion/extroversion.

If you don’t know if you or your spouse is an introvert, take a free online test. You can also take a quick 10-question test but these are less accurate. 

Read about how introverts work.

Read a book about an introvert’s strengths and weaknesses. It can be incredibly helpful for understanding how to help and also how to interact with us.

Encourage them to be mindful of their social energy tank.

I didn’t know I was an introvert for 20-something years. When I used to get drained, I’d chalk it up to some character flaw and criticize myself for it. Once I learned that I just needed some time to myself, characteristics I perceived as flaws or failures were resolved with this self-knowledge.

But even now, I need the occasional reminder to re-fuel my own tank.

When it comes to registering for baby products, there's one word we love: convertible.

In contrast to items you use for a short period of time, convertible (or multi-use) products are made to grow with your baby… and trust us, that makes them worth their weight in gold.

Convertible items allow you to reap the benefits of your baby registry for years to come—and that's just savvy shopping, mama. Also savvy shopping? Creating your baby registry with Target and enjoying their Year of Benefits registry program for expectant parents. Just by starting your registry, you will get a welcome kit with more than $100 in coupons and samples, two 15% off coupons to complete your registry, and a full year of returns. And Target's newest registry perk, the Year of Exclusive Deals, gives you discounts on essentials for your baby's whole first year when you sign up for Target Circle as well.

If you prioritize value and longevity when creating your registry, here are 10 items you'll love from day one through day 1,000… and beyond!


A crib that can grow through childhood + beyond

Simmons Kids Slumbertime Monterey 4-in-1 Convertible Crib

A crib is a necessity as you plan for life with your baby—you know that already. But what about in a couple of years when they need a toddler bed? Or a few years beyond that when they graduate to a bigger bed? Well, you're in luck: With the right attachments, this bed can be the only one they need until college.

$299.99

A cozy blanket for snuggles + security

Plush Velboa Baby Blanket I Love You - Cloud Island\u2122 White/Black

Blankets have earned their spot on millions upon millions of registries for good reason: They function as stroller covers or play mats during the early days, then become beloved security items in the toddler years.

$14.99

A comfy spot for feeding + stories

Baby Relax Addison Swivel Gliding Recliner

During your first months of motherhood, a comfortable gliding chair will be your second home as you spend time feeding and bonding. As your child grows (and mobility makes those snuggles harder to catch), you'll discover a new love for this cozy spot for stories and bedtime snuggles.

$329.99

https://goto.target.com/YJj2e

Sealy Cozy Rest Extra Firm Crib and Toddler Mattress

Fun fact: A standard crib and toddler bed actually use the same size mattress. That's why it's smart to get a quality crib mattress right out of the gate: One less thing to change up in a few years!

$59.99

A changing table that doubles as a dresser

Simmons\u00ae Kids Monterey 4 Drawer Dresser with change top

If space is at a premium in your baby's nursery, look for a combination changing table and dresser. That way, you can keep using the dresser long after your little one is potty trained.

$319.99

A car seat that converts to a booster

Safety 1st Grow and Go 3-in-1 Convertible Car Seat

The safest place for your child is in the backseat of your car, in either a car seat or (later) booster. But instead of buying a new seat for each phase, you can check off multiple boxes at once by adding a convertible car seat to your registry.

$159.99

A stroller that accommodates big kids, too

Graco FastAction Jogger LX Stroller

The need for a good stroller doesn't end when your little one learns to walk, so look for a stroller that can accommodate bigger kids, too. We recommend a jogging stroller that allows you to attach an infant car seat and is still perfectly spacious for toddlers.

$146.99

A place to dine for years to come

Ingenuity SmartClean Trio Elite 3-in-1 High Chair - Slate

From first bites to family dinners around the table, one single high chair can be the solution you need. That is, if you look for a version that adapts into a booster seat when your child is ready for a plate at the table.

$99.99

A white noise machine + alarm clock in one

Hatch Rest Sound Machine, Night Light & Time-to-Rise

After spending months listening to ambient noise in the womb, white noise remains incredibly comforting for your child. It's nice to have a sound machine that can transition to a time-to-rise clock down the line. By cueing with sounds and colors, these clocks reinforce healthy sleep habits.

$59.99

A baby carrier that can haul a toddler, too

Infantino Flip 4-in-1 Convertible Carrier

A carrier is a major help when your baby loves being held, but you need use of your hands. But even months or years down the line, you can still get use out of that carrier. To maximize longevity, look for one that can be used with your child facing outward or even carried on your back as they grow.

$29.99

Enjoy building your registry with Target, mama! The Year of Benefits is calling your name with a Year of Exclusive Deals available via Target Circle, two 15% off coupons, a year of hassle-free returns, a free welcome kit and more! 😉

This article was sponsored by Target. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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I never wanted to be a mom. It wasn't something I ever thought would happen until I fell madly in love with my husband—who knew very well he wanted children. While he was a natural at entertaining our nephews or our friends' kids, I would awkwardly try to interact with them, not really knowing what to say or do.

Our first pregnancy was a surprise, a much-wanted one but also a unicorn, "first try" kind of pregnancy. As my belly grew bigger, so did my insecurities. How do you even mom when you never saw motherhood in your future? I focused all my uncertainties on coming up with a plan for the delivery of my baby—which proved to be a terrible idea when my dreamed-of unmedicated vaginal birth turned into an emergency C-section. I couldn't even start motherhood the way I wanted, I thought. And that feeling happened again when I couldn't breastfeed and instead had to pump and bottle-feed. And once more, when all the stress from things not going my way turned into debilitating postpartum anxiety that left me not really enjoying my brand new baby.

As my baby grew, slowly so did my confidence that I could do this. When he would tumble to the ground while learning how to walk and only my hugs could calm him, I felt invincible. But on the nights he wouldn't sleep—whether because he was going through a regression, a leap, a teeth eruption or just a full moon—I would break down in tears to my husband telling him that he was a better parent than me.

Then I found out I was pregnant again, and that this time it was twins. I panicked. I really cannot do two babies at the same time. I kept repeating that to myself (and to my poor husband) at every single appointment we had because I was just terrified. He, of course, thought I could absolutely do it, and he got me through a very hard pregnancy.

When the twins were born at full term and just as big as singleton babies, I still felt inadequate, despite the monumental effort I had made to grow these healthy babies and go through a repeat C-section to make sure they were both okay. I still felt my skin crawl when they cried and thought, What if I can't calm them down? I still turned to my husband for diaper changes because I wasn't a good enough mom for twins.

My husband reminded me (and still does) that I am exactly what my babies need. That I am enough. A phrase that has now become my mantra, both in motherhood and beyond, because as my husband likes to say, I'm the queen of selling myself short on everything.

So when my babies start crying, I tell myself that I am enough to calm them down.

When my toddler has a tantrum, I remind myself that I am enough to get through to him.

When I go out with the three kids by myself and start sweating about everything that could go wrong (poop explosions times three), I remind myself that I am enough to handle it all, even with a little humor.


And then one day I found this bracelet. Initially, I thought how cheesy it'd be to wear a reminder like this on my wrist, but I bought it anyway because something about it was calling my name. I'm so glad I did because since day one I haven't stopped wearing it.

Every time I look down, there it is, shining back at me. I am enough.

I Am Enough bracelet 

SONTAKEY  I Am Enough Bracelet

May this Oath Bracelet be your reminder that you are perfect just the way you are. That you are enough for your children, you are enough for your friends & family, you are enough for everything that you do. You are enough, mama <3

$35

We independently select and share the products we love—and may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.

Life

It's science: Why your baby stops crying when you stand up

A fascinating study explains why.

When your baby is crying, it feels nearly instinctual to stand up to rock, sway and soothe them. That's because standing up to calm babies is instinctual—driven by centuries of positive feedback from calmed babies, researchers have found.

"Infants under 6 months of age carried by a walking mother immediately stopped voluntary movement and crying and exhibited a rapid heart rate decrease, compared with holding by a sitting mother," say authors of a 2013 study published in Current Biology.

Even more striking: This coordinated set of actions—the mother standing and the baby calming—is observed in other mammal species, too. Using pharmacologic and genetic interventions with mice, the authors say, "We identified strikingly similar responses in mouse pups as defined by immobility and diminished ultrasonic vocalizations and heart rate."

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