Stay-at-home mom describes the uneasy shift from earning to ‘our money’—and why so many relate

When a stay-at-home mom shared that spending “our money” still feels uncomfortable, millions of parents nodded along.

For many parents, this discomfort stems from the way our culture still ties worth to income. Stepping away from paid work often means navigating systems that undervalue caregiving, even though it sustains every household and community. Jessie, a Melbourne mother, went viral on TikTok with over 76,000 views, after opening up about this transition. Hundreds of parents commented that they felt the same way, showing how common this experience is for families trying to balance caregiving and financial partnership.

@jessieledlin A vulnerable chat from me but please tell me I’m not the only one? #sahm #relationships #mumlife #mumsoftiktok #fyp ♬ original sound – jessieledlin

Learning to navigate shared finances 

Jessie always imagined herself as a “boss mom,” running her own business and maintaining financial independence. After welcoming her 18-month-old son, she realized balancing everything left her drained. 

“I tried, and personally, it was exhausting trying to stay on top of everything,” she told Kidspot. Eventually, she chose to close her business and restructure their finances so both partners’ efforts—paid and unpaid—supported the family together. 

Even small purchases can became emotionally loaded. “It almost takes me back to being a kid, asking your parents if they can buy you something and sitting in the discomfort that they may say no,” Jessie explained. Her story resonated deeply with parents who recognized the same tension — that quiet recalibration between independence and partnership.

One commenter @auren_mc3 wrote, “Yeah its hard and I go without a lot of things I used to buy without giving it second thought. But not even for a second think its my partners money, its our money.” — Another @tegan_jenna shared, “It was so hard for me I absolutely hated it.”

If you’ve been through this shift, you know how long it can take to find a new kind of balance. The work at home carries deep purpose and complexity, yet traditional measures of success don’t always reflect that.

The unseen costs of caregiving

Jessie isn’t alone. In a video that’s been viewed 1.4 million times, creator Ely (@eleycaps_) summed up the quiet emotional cost of stepping away from paid work. Her video’s text reads: 

“People say: She’s so lucky her husband works so hard she can stay home with the kids. No one ever says: She gave up her career, paused her ambitions, let go of financial independence, and lost part of herself—so their kids could grow up in a safe and happy home.”

The comments poured in, many saying it was the first time they’d seen someone name the unseen costs that shape how families function.  

One user @claudsaxiak, “Ugh. I am navigating this too and it is rough. Why do I feel guilty for buying groceries??”  Another @maddieconlan added, “This is like us and the worst part is my husband never buys anything / isn’t a big things person.” 

@eleycaps_ #sahm #momsoftiktok #momoftwoboys #momlife ♬ i say hoooooo – bestspedup

Creator Luv Neptune (@mrs.122.200) sparked a similar conversation with her clip captioned, “What I meant to say is WHY does it feel so belittling to ask for things.” In it, she describes how “being a SAHM means you have to ask your husband to buy you clothes or basic necessities,” a sentiment that echoed Jessie’s unease and sparked nearly one million views in agreement. 

These stories remind many of us to rethink what equality really looks like inside our own homes. They highlight the need for shared visibility and voice in financial decision-making, regardless of who earns an income.

@mrs.122.200 What I meant to say is WHY does it feel so belittling to ask for things #fyp #sahm #sahmlife #sahmsoftiktok ♬ original sound – dannyvarr

Rethinking money and contribution

Financial therapists say that openly acknowledging the discomfort around money—and building routines that reflect shared values—can help couples feel more secure. As licensed financial therapist Lindsay Bryan-Podvin explained in an interview with BBC Worklife,  systems that align with both partners’ priorities help keep financial decisions transparent and collaborative. 

You don’t have to overhaul everything overnight. Small steps — shared budgets, personal funds, even monthly “money check-ins” — can make both partners feel seen and secure.

Some families also build equality into daily money management by:

• Joint budgeting with equal access for both partners
• Personal discretionary funds to preserve autonomy 
• Automatic retirement or super contributions covering caregiving years
• Recognizing unpaid labor within the household budget 
• Regular “money check-ins” to revisit shared goals

For single parents, queer couples, and blended families, these systems may look different but serve the same purpose: ensuring care work and financial work are both visible and valued.

Experts also point out that valuing caregiving at home is only part of the picture. When policies, employers, and communities start recognizing care as a form of economic contribution, it reinforces equality far beyond individual households.

Redefining work and value

As more parents like Jessie, Ely, and Luv Neptune publicly share their experiences, they’re helping expand how society understands caregiving, ambition, and partnership. Their stories show how equality grows from transparency, trust, and the recognition that care itself is an economic contribution.

Parenthood today is increasingly fluid. Careers and care intersect in different seasons of life, and a stay-at-home chapter can strengthen skills that carry into future opportunities.

When families recognize all forms of work — emotional, logistical, and financial — they build systems grounded in respect and shared responsibility. That awareness doesn’t just change how couples manage money; it changes how they value each other.

Source:

1. BBC. 2021. “Can financial therapy untangle our relationship with money?”