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10 calming phrases for children afraid of the dark

3. “How can I help you feel safe?”

10 calming phrases for children afraid of the dark

Let’s be honest, the dark is kind of scary. I spent most of my childhood and many of my adults years with the fear of the dark. Frankly, I still don’t love it.


It’s not the dark that scares me, it's the unknown that lurks in the dark.

Fortunately, as adults we are skilled at deciphering this unknown. That means we can distinguish fantasy from reality. We can watch a scary movie and know (fairly) confidently that there is no such thing as zombies.

However, the brain of a young child is not fully developed and this is a skill that comes with time. In the early years of life, the line between fantasy and reality is blurry. So when you tell them there is no such thing as monsters living under the bed, they won't completely believe you.

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As young children grow, their imagination is expanding. But so is awareness of the world. As they grow older they are exposed to more "scary." It’s not just horror movies either. As a child of the ‘90s, I can vividly recall being terrified by Ursula in The Little Mermaid and Cruela de Vil in 101 Dalmatians. Books and seemingly harmless movies can be sources of fear—because they hover over this blurry line: What is real versus fantasy?

As children get older, they start to see some scary things. They also start to notice that the world is a scary place.

He notices how you grab his hand tighter when you walk by a speeding car. She overhears you talking to your neighbor about a local burglary. Despite wanting to sugarcoat reality for our children—it’s impossible to hide the fact that the world is full of scary.

As parents, it’s not our job to remove every risk and source of fear. Instead, it is our job to answer the questions and provide reassurance. Here are 10 ways to talk with kids to ease fears of the dark:

1. “You are brave.”

Research shows that positive affirmations rewire our brains to think differently. That means that when we tell ourselves something positive, we start to believe it. When it comes to fears, we need to rewire our children to believe that they are brave and capable of handling it.

2. “I promise to keep you safe—that is my job.”

As a parent, we have a laundry list of duties. But high on the list is to safeguard our children. Although we might take this duty for granted, we can't assume that our children know how important this is to us. So reassure them often—it's your job to keep them safe and you take your job very seriously.

3. “How can I help you feel safe?”

I grew up in a very small, safe town, As a result, my parents never locked the doors on our house. As a child this brought me a lot of anxiety. I believe that if my parents had asked me the question “What would help you to feel safe?”, we may have been able to devise a plan together. Let's listen to our kid’s fears and hear their ideas on conquering them.

4. “Let’s breathe together.”

Fear has a physical effect on the body. Heart rate increases and breathe shortens. I believe in teaching young children to recognize when their bodies go into this alert mode—then encouraging them take simple, slow deep breaths to bring themselves back out of it.

5. “Let’s investigate.”

Sometimes we need to look for evidence. If there is a monster hiding in the closet, let's dig through the closet and check it out. Perhaps he is under the bed—let's look there too. Instead of just dismissing your child's fears, help them gather evidence to prove that they are in fact safe.

6. “That sounds really scary, can you tell me more?”

Sometimes our kids are exposed to scary stuff, but what if we could change the story? My daughter was so upset when the father died in the Little Dinosaur. Instead of telling her that her own dad was safe and out of harm, I retold her the story with a new ending. In our new story, Arlo's dad was super strong and swam out of the river like a boss.

7. “You’re right, the dark is a little scary.”

Even if the fears seem really silly, they are often very real to our children, That means we need to validate these feelings rather than undermine them.

8. “Give me a hug.”

Physical connection can calm the body and help to relax children and adults. Instead of letting frustration mount around common bedtime fears, try to hug it out and calm yourself and your child.

9. “I can hear everything.”

This is a truth. When I became a mother, I instantly started sleeping lighter. As a result, I hear everything in our house. We can reassure our children that although we might be sleeping—mamas have a special superpower to hear any noises in the house that might be a sign of trouble.

10. “I can’t wait to see you in the morning.”

Kids have a gift of being able to live in the present moment. But sometimes, it makes them very caught up in fear. When they are scared, we can encourage them to focus on the future—like talking about what they are going to eat for breakfast or a school function coming up soon.

After 4 kids, this is still the best baby gear item I’ve ever purchased

I wouldn't be swooning over the BABYBJÖRN bouncer after eight years and four kids if it didn't work.

I have four kids 8 and under, so you might expect that my house is teeming with baby gear and kid toys.

But it turns out that for me, the more kids I have, the more I simplify our stuff. At this point, I'm down to the absolute essentials, the gear that I can't live without and the toys my kids actually play with. And so when a mama-to-be asks me what things are worth registering for, there are only a few must-haves on my list.

The BABYBJÖRN bouncer seat is on the top of my list—totally worth it and an absolute must-have for any new mama.

In fact, since I first splurged on my first BABYBJÖRN bouncer eight years ago (it definitely felt like a splurge at the time, but the five star reviews were really compelling), the bouncer seat has become the most-used product in our house for baby's first year.

We've actually invested in a second one so that we didn't have to keep moving ours from the bedroom to the living room when we change locations.

BABYBJÖRN bouncer bliss

baby bjorn bouncer

The utility of the seat might seem counterintuitive—it has no mechanical parts, so your baby is instead gently bounced by her own movements. In a world where many baby products are touted for their ability to mechanically rock baby to sleep, I get that many moms might not find the "no-motion" bouncer that compelling. But it turns out that the seat is quite reactive to baby's little kicks, and it has helped my kids to learn how to self-soothe.

$200

Lightweight + compact:

The BABYBJÖRN bouncer is super lightweight, and it also folds flat in a second. Because of those features, we've frequently stored it under the couch, in a suitcase or in the back of the car. It folds completely flat, which I love.

Entertainment zone:

Is the toy bar worth it? The toy bar is totally worth it. Not only is the toy bar adorable, but it's one of the first toys that my babies actually play with once they discover the world beyond my boobs. The toys spin and are close to eye level so they have frequently kept my baby entertained while I cook or take a quick shower.

Great style:

This is not a small detail to me–the BABYBJÖRN bouncer is seriously stylish. I am done with baby gear and toys that make my house look like a theme park. The elegant European design honestly just looks good in my living room and I appreciate that parents can enjoy it as much as baby.

It's adjustable:

With three height settings that let you prop baby up to be entertained, or lay back to rest, we get years of use. And the bouncer can actually be adjusted for bigger kids and used from newborn to toddler age. It's that good.

It just works:

I wouldn't be swooning over the BABYBJÖRN bouncer after eight years and four kids if it didn't work. But I have used the seat as a safe space to put baby while I've worked (I once rocked my baby in it with my foot while I reported on a breaking news story for the Washington Post), and as a cozy spot for my second child to lay while his big brother played nearby. It's held up for almost a decade with almost-constant use.

So for me, looking back on what I thought was a splurge eight years ago, was actually one of the best investments in baby gear I ever made.

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Motherly editors’ 7 favorite hacks for organizing their diaper bags

Make frantically fishing around for a diaper a thing of the past!

As any parent knows, the term "diaper bag" only scratches the surface. In reality, this catchall holds so much more: a change of clothes, bottles, snacks, wipes and probably about a dozen more essential items.

Which makes finding the exact item you need, when you need it (read: A diaper when you're in public with a blowout on your hands) kind of tricky.

That's why organization is the name of the game when it comes to outings with your littles. We pooled the Motherly team of editors to learn some favorite hacks for organizing diaper bags. Here are our top tips.

1. Divide and conquer with small bags

Here's a tip we heard more than a few times: Use smaller storage bags to organize your stuff. Not only is this helpful for keeping related items together, but it can also help keep things from floating around in the expanse of the larger diaper bag. These bags don't have to be anything particularly fancy: an unused toiletry bag, pencil case or even plastic baggies will work.

2. Have an emergency changing kit

When you're dealing with a diaper blowout situation, it's not the time to go searching for a pack of wipes. Instead, assemble an emergency changing kit ahead of time by bundling a change of baby clothes, a fresh diaper, plenty of wipes and hand sanitizer in a bag you can quickly grab. We're partial to pop-top wipes that don't dry out or get dirty inside the diaper bag.

3. Simplify bottle prep

Organization isn't just being able to find what you need, but also having what you need. For formula-feeding on the go, keep an extra bottle with the formula you need measured out along with water to mix it up. You never know when your outing will take longer than expected—especially with a baby in the mix!

4. Get resealable snacks

When getting out with toddlers and older kids, snacks are the key to success. Still, it isn't fun to constantly dig crumbs out of the bottom of your diaper bag. Our editors love pouches with resealable caps and snacks that come in their own sealable containers. Travel-sized snacks like freeze-dried fruit crisps or meal-ready pouches can get an unfair reputation for being more expensive, but that isn't the case with the budget-friendly Comforts line.

5. Keep a carabiner on your keychain

You'll think a lot about what your child needs for an outing, but you can't forget this must-have: your keys. Add a carabiner to your keychain so you can hook them onto a loop inside your diaper bag. Trust us when we say it's a much better option than dumping out the bag's contents on your front step to find your house key!

6. Bundle your essentials

If your diaper bag doubles as your purse (and we bet it does) you're going to want easy access to your essentials, too. Dedicate a smaller storage bag of your diaper bag to items like your phone, wallet and lip balm. Then, when you're ready to transfer your items to a real purse, you don't have to look for them individually.

7. Keep wipes in an outer compartment

Baby wipes aren't just for diaper changes: They're also great for cleaning up messy faces, wiping off smudges, touching up your makeup and more. Since you'll be reaching for them time and time again, keep a container of sensitive baby wipes in an easily accessible outer compartment of your bag.

Another great tip? Shop the Comforts line on www.comfortsforbaby.com to find premium baby products for a fraction of competitors' prices. Or, follow @comfortsforbaby for more information!

This article was sponsored by The Kroger Co. Thank you for supporting the brands that supporting Motherly and mamas.

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Becoming a mother has been life-changing. It's been hard, tiring, gratifying, beautiful, challenging, scary and a thousand other things that only a parent would ever understand.

It is these life-changing experiences that have inspired me to draw my everyday life as a stay at home mom. Whether it's the mundane tasks like doing laundry or the exciting moments of James', my baby boy's, first steps, I want to put it down on paper so that I can better cherish these fleeting moments that are often overlooked.

Being a stay-at-home-mom can be incredibly lonely. I like to think that by drawing life's simple moments, I can connect with other mothers and help them feel less alone. By doing this, I feel less alone, too. It's a win-win situation and I have been able to connect with many lovely parents and fellow parent-illustrators through my Instagram account.

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