Need a minute,
mama?
Get the best of Motherly—delivered to your inbox.
(We thought so.)
Subscribe to the Motherly Minute
for need-to-know parenting
news + top product recommendations
delivered daily to your inbox.

By subscribing, you agree to our Privacy Policy
and Terms & Conditions

Welcome to
#Team Motherly.

Check your inbox for an email
to confirm your subscription
—we can’t wait to start bringing
the best of Motherly right to you.

x
Print Friendly and PDF

Our children are often the best mirrors. Over time, I have taken a step back and realized I needed to clean up my communication.

I replaced my judgmental, negative, threatening tone with a neutral, problem solving, empathetic, encouraging one (this took TONS of practice, and I'm still a work in progress) and my little girl's behavior improved dramatically.

The lesson was clear for me. Talk to mini-humans the way you'd like to be talked to and things will go a lot smoother. Easier said than done, so over the years, I've adopted the motto “Progress over perfection."

These 20 positive phrases are a great place to start if you'd like to make a fresh start with your communication, and help your kids to listen:

1. "What do you need to remember?"

Take a break from: "Be careful."

FEATURED VIDEO

Example: "What do you need to remember when you play at the park?" or "Please move slow like a careful turtle when walking on top of that wall."

Explained: Kids often ignore when we say the same thing again and again. Instead, engage their critical thinking skills and have them re-state the important precaution. Or give them specifics on what you want.

2. "Please talk softly."

Take a break from: "Stop yelling!" or "Be quiet!"

Example: "Please talk softly or whisper" (said in a whisper voice) or, "I love your singing, AND I need you to go outside or in the playroom if you need to sing loud."

Explained: Some kids are naturally louder than others. If they have trouble speaking softly, show them where they can go to be loud and also use the power of the whisper. In combination with a gentle touch and eye contact, whispering is an incredibly effective way to get kids to listen.

3. "Would you like to do it on your own or have me help you?"

Take a break from: "I've asked you three times, do it now!"

Example: "It's time to leave. Would you like to put on your shoes by yourself, or have me help you?" or "Would you like to hop in your car seat by yourself or have me put you in it?"

Explained: Most kids respond incredibly well to being empowered. Give them a choice and their critical thinking skills override their temptation to push back.

4. "What did you learn from this mistake?"

Take a break from: "Shame on you" or "You should know better."

Example: "What did you learn from this mistake?" or "What did you learn and how will you do it differently next time, so you don't get in trouble at school?"

Explained: Focusing on motivation to change behavior for the future will get you much better results than placing shame on past misbehavior.

5. "Please ______________."

Take a break from: "Don't!" or "Stop it!"

Example: "Please pet the dog gently" or "Please put your shoes in the closet."

Explained: Do any of us go through our day telling waitresses, baristas, friends, etc. what we DON'T want? No, right? We wouldn't get the best response if we said "Do NOT give us a whole milk latte" or "I don't want the chicken." That form of negative communication isn't perceived well and puts undue strain on relationships. Instead, try asking for what you do want.

6. "We are on cheetah time today and need to move fast!"

Take a break from: "Hurry up!" or "We are going to be late!"

Example: "We're on racehorse time today! Let's see how fast we can move!"

Explained: Be sure to let them be on turtle time sometimes! We could all use a healthy dose of slowing down, so provide mornings where everyone is relaxed and kids can move slow.

7. "Do you want to leave now or in ten minutes?"

Take a break from: "Time to go...now!"

Example: "Do you guys wanna leave now or play for ten more minutes, then leave?

Why it works: Kids love to be in charge of their own destiny, especially power kids! This takes a bit of proactivity, but it works like a charm: Give them a choice and they'll respond much better when you say, "Okay, 10 minutes is up, time to go."

8. "Let's add that toy you want to your birthday list."

Take a break from: "We can't afford that" or "No, I said no toys."

Example: "I am not willing to buy that, would you like me to put it on your birthday wish list?"

Explained: If we're being honest, we can technically afford the $5 lego at checkout, we're just not willing to purchase it (but then we'll buy a $5 almond milk latte). Instead of blaming our finances and creating feelings of scarcity, own your limit, then offer ideas to help them learn how to get it, such as a birthday gift or using allowance money.

9. "Stop, breathe, now ask for what you want."

Take a break from: "Stop whining!"

Example: "Let's stop, breathe together, now try again to ask for what you want."

Explained: Be sure to model this too. Keep repeating it calmly while breathing with them, till they can self-calm and change the way they're talking.

10. "Respect yourself and others."

Take a break from: "Be good."

Example: "Remember to respect yourself and others when you're inside the bounce house today."

Explained: Be specific, as kids often don't absorb the general statements we throw at them. Ask for what you want and have them restate what is important to remember.

11. "Use your teamwork skills."

Take a break from: "Don't be bossy!" and "No one will want to play with you if you act like that."

Example: "You're a great leader. Remember to use your teamwork skills today. Ask your friends questions instead of telling them what to do, and let others have a turn leading too."

Explained: Many kids who have a strong desire to lead (or feel powerful) are often told they're bossy or that no one will want to be their friends if they act "mean." Instead, become a coach of your child and teach them how good leaders lead with integrity—asking instead of commanding, showing instead of telling and taking turns.

12. "I need you to _____________."

Take a break from: "Stop doing ___" and "It's not ok to ___."

Example: "I need you to pet the dog gently. He loves calming pets and will sit with you longer if you touch him that way."

"I need you to slow down and walk like a turtle right now instead of a racehorse since we're in a dangerous parking lot."

Explained: I statements come across very different than you statements, and kids respond much better when we communicate with them in non-accusatory ways. Also, asking for what you want is huge to guide kids in the direction you want (vs. focusing their brain on what you DON'T want).

13. "It's okay to cry."

Take a break from: "Don't be a baby," or "Don't cry."

Example: "It's ok that you feel sad, I'll be over here if you need me. I know you can find a way to take care of yourself."

Explained: It's incredible how well kids respond when we don't pressure them to "get over their feelings" or try to force them to stop freaking out. Empower and teach them they are capable of moving through the feeling on their own and they'll come out of the sadness sooner—and also build their self-esteem.

14. "How will you take care of yourself?"

Take a break from: Always fixing, i.e., "Do __________, and you'll be fine, it's not a big deal," or "Why are you always so emotional? Here, a cookie will make you feel better."

Example: "It's ok to be ____________. What are some things you can do to help yourself feel better?"

Explained: Empowering kids to take care of themselves is an incredible gift. Kids who learn to move through emotions with integrity and take self-calming action get into trouble less and have higher self-esteem. (A positive parenting curriculum like The Foundations Course can help you learn how to support them in this journey to develop intrinsic care, self-control methods and how to self-calm.)

15. "I'll stop, breathe and wait for you to finish."

Take a break from: "Just let me do it."

Example: "Looks like you need a moment, I'll sit down and wait for two minutes or put the dishes in the dishwasher while I wait."

Explained: Many times, it's us parents that need to chill. Slow down and let them try to tie their shoe themselves or figure out the elevator floor by reading the sign. Kids often do a great job of reminding us to be present. Be ok with a lumpy bed sometimes, or shoes on the wrong foot. The goal here is to let kids try, fail, try again and anchor feelings of capability—so they don't always depend on us to do everything!

16. "I love you no matter what."

Take a break from: "No one wants to be with you when you're bad," or "You're not getting hugs and kisses after acting like that."

Example: "I love you no matter what behavior you have, AND I'd like you to ask your brother for the toy next time, instead of grabbing it."

Explained: Unconditional love is at the core of Positive Parenting and means that our love for our kids does not depend on the level of good behavior they have in the day. We love them with all of our heart no matter what. Feeding this truth into our children pours into their need to belong, which is a key motivating factor that Dr. Rudolph Dreikurs (grandfather of Positive Parenting) helps us understand. When kids' basic needs are met, they misbehave less.

17. "I am not ok with ___________—yet."

Take a break from: "You're not old enough," or "You're too little to do that."

Example: "I'm not ok with you walking on top of that brick wall because I'm scared you'll fall and hurt yourself."

Explained: When we own our fears and worries, our kids respond and respect our limits a lot better. Kids often feel like they are old enough, strong enough, big enough and capable enough to do big things like ride bikes fast, climb high fences and carry big glasses of juice…but it's us that isn't ready to take the risk yet. Communicate this to your kids using the word I, and they will push back less.

18. "You care, so I'd love for you to decide."

Take a break from: "I don't care."

Example: "You know what? I'm flexible on this, so can you choose for us. I'd love your help."

Explained: When we really don't care, this is a great opportunity to empower our kids and let them lead! Good leaders are also good followers so teaching our kids this through letting them make decisions is good practice.

19. "I believe in you and am here to support you."

Take a break from: Rescuing, i.e., "I'll take care of this." or "Why do I have to do everything for you?"

Example: "I can see how this is tough for you and I believe in you to get through this. I am here to support you if you need ideas on how to handle the situation with integrity."

Explained: It's important that as parents we set our kids up for success in the world to take care of themselves, solve their own problems and have confidence that they are capable. Supporting instead of rescuing often takes more patience, but it builds kids' self-esteem and intrinsic motivation in the most beautiful ways.

20. "How are you feeling?"

Take a break from: "Chill out; you don't need to get so upset!"

Example: "I can see you're upset, what are you feeling?"

Explained: Helping kids identify their emotions and communicate them effectively is an important element of positive parenting. When children get comfortable actually feeling an emotion and communicating it to others (instead of denying it and trying to make it go away), behaviors have a tendency to be much more respectful.


The very best of Motherly — delivered when you need it most.
Subscribe for inspiration, empowering articles and expert tips to rock your best #momlife.

Subscribe for inspiration, empowering articles and expert tips to rock your best #momlife.

Thanks for subscribing!

Check your email for a confirmation message.

By subscribing, you agree to our Privacy Policy and Terms & Conditions

As a mid-Spring holiday, we never knew exactly what to expect from the weather on Easter when I was growing up in Michigan: Would we get to wear our new Sunday dresses without coats? Or would we be hunting for eggs while wearing snowsuits?

Although what the temperature had in store was really anyone's guess, there were a few special traditions my sister and I could always depend on—and it won't come as a surprise to anyone who knows me that my favorite memories revolved around food. After all, experts say memories are strongest when they tie senses together, which certainly seems to be true when it comes to holiday meals that involve the sounds of laughter and the taste of amazing food.

Now that I'm a parent, I'm experiencing Easter anew as my children discover the small delights of chocolate, pre-church brunch and a multi-generational dinner. While I still look forward to the treats and feasting, I'm realizing now that the sweetest thing of all is how these traditions bring our family together around one table.

For us, the build-up to Easter eats is an extended event. Last year's prep work began weeks in advance when my 3-year-old and I sat down to plan the brunch menu, which involved the interesting suggestion of "green eggs and ham." When the big morning rolled around, his eyes grew to the size of Easter eggs out of pure joy when the dish was placed on the table.

This year, rather than letting the day come and go in a flash, we are creating traditions that span weeks and allow even the littlest members of the family to feel involved.

Still, as much as I love enlisting my children's help, I also relish the opportunity to create some magic of my own with their Easter baskets—even if the Easter Bunny gets the credit. This year, I'm excited to really personalize the baskets by getting an "adoptable" plush unicorn for my daughter and the Kinder Chocolate Mini Eggs that my son hasn't stopped talking about since seeing at the store. (You can bet this mama is stocking up on some for herself, too.)

At the same time, Easter as a parent has opened my eyes to how much effort can be required...

There is the selection of the right Easter outfits for picture-perfect moments.

There is the styling of custom Easter baskets.

There is the filling of plastic eggs and strategic placement of them throughout the yard.

But when the cameras are put away and we all join together around the table for the family dinner at the end of the day, I can finally take a deep breath and really enjoy—especially with the knowledge that doing the dishes is my husband's job.

This article was sponsored by Kinder. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.


Our Partners

A few days before my first son was due to arrive, I asked my dad what it was like to be a parent.

After a (disturbingly) long pause, he quoted Martin Mull: "Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain."

Indeed. And when you are suddenly working from home with kids, it can feel like that bowling alley has suddenly gotten very loud and crowded, especially when the bowling pins go flying just as you are about to speak up on WebEx.

But now is the time to let go of the guilt we might feel from having a day go not quite as planned. You are already doing a great job, and we will all get the hang of it together a little more each day.

FEATURED VIDEO

In case it helps, I thought I might share a few of the tricks that have helped me over the past years as I've navigated working from home with three sons.

Tips for working from home with babies + toddlers

Keep your baby nearby

Babies and toddlers are programmed to want to be near you. It's their main mission in life. So, when my little ones weren't napping, I just embraced this fact. In fact, when my littlest was a baby, I would lay out a blanket or his little seat right next to me as I worked, put on some music, and do my thing.

Now that he is a toddler, I have little gated corners with toys right near my workspace, and as long as he isn't eating dirt or wailing, we have a pretty good time working together.

Make busy boxes

I rolled my eyes the first time I saw this idea on Pinterest, but busy boxes have been lifesavers during really hectic workdays.

The key is to change the contents of the box up. Each week I make a new box with little toys, bubbles, crayons, letter tiles, new books, playdough (when I'm feeling brave) and so on. The other key is to put the box away as soon as your meeting is done, or the kids start to lose interest, so it seems like a special treat the next time you pull it out.

Have a lineup of sensory activities at the ready

Things that adults would never find entertaining can keep little bitty ones occupied for ages. Throwing ice cubes off the deck. Sitting in an empty bathtub (yes, I have brought my laptop into the bathroom) and drawing all over with bath crayons. Bubbles. Sorting blocks into different colored buckets. You name it. Have a series of engaging sensory activities for toddlers and babies lined up in the morning so they are ready, and you'll be thanking yourself later.

Tips for working from home with preschoolers + elementary-aged kids

Set expectations + reward kids for meeting them

At the beginning of each day, I suggest clearly communicating with your kids about the times when you have your most important meetings or deadlines. Those are the points in the day to bring out the big guns (you know what I'm talking about: YouTube, Roblox, iPads, TV). Challenge your kids to see if they can possibly hold out on electronics until those times and find little rewards for them if they succeed.

Give them their own "jobs" to do

Set aside cleaning supplies that are just for use by the kids—you might even put your kids' names on the supplies so they feel ownership. Throughout the day, ask the kids to be your housekeeping assistants and encourage them to go on a hunt for dirt spots on the floor or dust on surfaces. You would be surprised how much fun a spray bottle of water and a few rags can offer throughout the day. (My 11-year-old has caught on to this trick though, so don't be surprised if older kids don't buy into it.)

Hire them as temporary assistants

Speaking of assistants, you can also ask kids to assist you with work! For example, I sometimes have asked my son to sit in the background and "take notes" during a meeting. It keeps him busy for a while and the result is usually hilarious (one time he wrote a whole page of meeting notes that just said BLAH BLAH BLAH).

Tips for working from home with kids of all ages

It's okay if they're bored

Kids are actually pretty good at staying occupied if we give them the freedom to do so. Boredom is good for humans and can serve as the foundation for creativity. Don't feel like you have to fill every minute with activities, it's actually better for kids if you don't.

A few minutes of your attention can buy you many more minutes of work time

When kids come to you for attention, if you can, look away from the screen and listen for two minutes to what they have to say.

I know this sounds silly, but I schedule tea time every day with my kids. During those 10 minutes, we drink tea (okay, it's actually milk) and eat cookies and talk. It's often the best part of the day.

Pre-record read-alouds

At night, record yourself reading to your kids. Picture books, chapter books, comic books, whatever you have on hand—it's all good! Play those during the next day and you can both work and read to your kids. It's the next best thing to cloning.

Give older kids a project of their own

Long-term projects that can be done in chunks over time are great for kids in preschool on up. For example, if ever there was a time to have your kids start building a time capsule, it is now! This sort of project can buy you a few minutes each day and is a great learning experience.

Don't forget: You're getting a lot done (honest)

There are going to be times when everybody is cranky and nothing is going right and you feel like you are getting nothing done.

When you hit the wall, I suggest doing two things:

1. Remember that you ARE getting things done, even if it's not in the way you'd like

2. Have a pre-made list of very short mindless tasks that need to get done.

When you can knock those little annoying tasks off the list in between a kid crying because the brownies didn't have enough marshmallows and the washing machine breaking, you will be a winner.

Above all, I suggest being honest with yourself and your colleagues. This is a new, chaotic, stressful time with lots of changes for everyone. If things are tricky in any given moment at home, we all understand. We will flex to the moment, laugh, and adapt as we work together to keep things going.

You've got this.

Work + Money

We are in a very, very hard season of our lives. Plain and simple. The uncertainty and overwhelm is real. Running a household, homeschooling children, getting work done, being in a partnership (for some of us), taking care of older loved ones (either in our own homes or away from us) and managing our own fears and anxiety through all of this not knowing what the next day, week or month will look like—is very unfamiliar territory for all of us.

I am in the thick of this myself. Yesterday evening I went to bed with tears in my eyes after I returned from our local downtown and saw the impact firsthand this global pandemic is having on the small businesses we have fondly visited for years.

FEATURED VIDEO

And often what many of us end up doing at 8:30 pm once the kids are finally in bed is binge watch TV or scroll through social media (or both at the same time!), simply to tune everything else out. There are moments when that comedy show you're looking forward to watching is just the thing you need to relax before getting ready for a good night's sleep.

And there may be other moments when that isn't the best thing for our hearts and bodies. When our heart might be craving something else, something more soulful—but we are too tired, depleted and overwhelmed to even pay attention to that voice inside of us, let alone act on it.

Fear, anxiety and uncertainty can be incredible levers to tap into our purpose, creativity and contribution. It is hard to make space and time for acting on and processing your emotional energy when we are already feeling so maxed out—I fully get it and experience it myself too, almost daily. Yet in so many ways, valuing the parts of ourselves that want to feel seen, nurtured and cared for which may give us more energy and space to attend to our work, families and everything in between.

Here are some ways we can try to attend to that creative, purposeful and joyful part of ourselves during quarantine.

1. Reflect on what you may be called to do

Think of your life before COVID-19 or perhaps even before you had kids. Don't add any constraints yet—simply go into daydreaming mode.

What are the problems in the world that need to be solved? Where, inside those problems, do you feel called to contribute? What messages does the world need to hear more loudly? What do you feel like creating and making (I am not referring to mac and cheese for your toddler, FYI)?

You don't need to go on a retreat to answer these questions. Just grab a journal and spend five minutes writing down or reflecting on these questions in the shower or while brushing your teeth. Keep it simple yet give yourself permission both to dream and to feel all parts of yourself—without judgment.

2. Now narrow down the list

You can add some constraints and get more specific here. Pick something from your list that you can make progress on with only one to two hours a week to start. Pick something that makes you feel alive but won't feel like one more thing on your list.

Here are some ideas to help you get started:

Volunteer: Find an opportunity to lend a (virtual) hand in your community.

Make art: You may have always wanted to paint or build something. Remember that scrapbook you always wanted to create? Time to go for it now. All you have to do is start by dedicating a few minutes two nights a week.

Write: No, I am not talking about writing the next NYTimes bestseller. Maybe a blog post or even a simple yet meaningful social media post. Your voice matters now more than ever.

Cooking: Did you always want to learn more about Thai cooking or how to make pizza from scratch? If so, the weekends may be your chance to nurture that part of yourself. And who knows—it may turn into a fun date night with leftovers your kids will actually enjoy.

Movement: Note, I didn't use the word 'exercise' as I'd encourage you to think about this in terms of movement that helps you experience joy and connection to yourself. Dance for 10 minutes between meetings or do a restorative yoga session before bed.

Strengthen relationships: Sure, you can't grab dinner with your best friend this week, but perhaps you can send her a handwritten note or set up an intentional video chat at night with your favorite beverage once all kids are in bed so you can connect over something meaningful from the week.

3. Plan in advance

Now here's the thing, you need to prioritize and plan somewhat in advance so when the kids are all tucked in, you don't just pick up your phone to read the latest news. Create a list of five-minute, 10-minute and 30-minute activities so you have options to choose from.

Planning is what will help you execute. You'll be prepared with yeast in your pantry so you can try out that new bread recipe you found because of planning. Yes, I know the laundry and dishes are piling up and it may feel more efficient to get those done once the kids are in bed, taking the time to write one note a week or to try one new recipe a month may give you that much-needed dose of joy and connection that you might be craving.

4. Hold yourself accountable

Find a friend or join an online community to find the momentum you need to keep going toward something that feels meaningful to you and brings you joy.

There will likely be weeks with no room for anything outside of your to-do list—but in between the busy days, I hope that you also find days and weeks with a few small moments of calm and purpose to remind you of your own power, wisdom and brilliance in making our world a better place.

We are all in this together and collectively we will come out braver, kinder and more connected as a human species—forever.

Life

Just weeks ago, I was busy with gym classes, music classes, make-ups for gym and music classes, storytime, tummy time, outdoor time, quiet time, playtime, Play-Doh time, exercise time. It seems I had time to do everything except stay-inside-time. Chill-time. Relax-time. Unplanned-time.

Two weeks ago I had a 23-month-old daughter and a 5-month-old daughter who didn't spend more than 20 minutes at home without being shifted to the next activity, birthday, meet up, play date or playground. They would melt down, fall apart, sometimes hit and were constantly on the move. I was always the one saying, "Stay-at-home mom? More like never-staying-at-home mom! We are always on the go."

FEATURED VIDEO

And we were.

It was more to do with me than with my children. I didn't want to slow down. I didn't want to take a breath. I didn't want to stop. Because if I did, how would I get through the morning? The next activity? The weekend? Dinner? The whole day?

I once read that being extremely busy (by choice) is actually a sign of anxiety. Well, hello. That was me. If I moved fast enough, I wouldn't have to sit with myself and my feelings.

Then came the quarantine forcing us all to shut down for weeks on end due to the spread of the extremely contagious and dangerous coronavirus. I was devastated and exasperated, thinking words I probably can't write down in an article.

I went through the five stages of grief.

Denial: This isn't happening. People will fight back. Tomorrow we will be back to our normal schedule.

Anger: Why is this happening? Am I being punished for something? Is this because I didn't let that person in front of me at the red light?

Bargaining: Okay, okay, I'll do this for two weeks, but that's it. This is going to really suck. I get why we are doing it. But still.

Depression: This is heavy.

As the hours turned into days then into weeks, we started to fall into a quarantine routine. We moved a bit slower at first, filling our usual gym or music classes with outdoor play or walks outside. Then the rain came and we were forced to spend time inside our house. My. Worst. Fear. I had to sit still and I had to be the one to interact with my children. It's not that I didn't want to before, it's just that I didn't think I was good enough or exciting enough. I mean, I don't want to sit at home all day, why would my toddler or infant?

But I learned something about myself and my children through this stage. I am more than they need.

Because when they roll over my stomach or bounce on my knees, I am their gym class.

When we sing every song from Frozen, Frozen 2 and Moana, I am their music class.

When we make spaghetti with Play-Doh and lick ice cubes, I am their cooking class.

When we stop to go outside in the rain and purposefully get wet, I am their science class.

I have learned more about my kids in these past few weeks than in most of their lifetime. I learned that my daughter has a wide gap in between her two front teeth, just like I had as a kid and my grandma had as a kid. I learned my infant daughter is going to have green eyes like her dad and his mom. I learned that my older daughter thrives when she is home with me and her sister. I learned that the less she interacts with technology, the more calm she is.

I learned that maybe all the "problems" she was having before was her way of telling me that it was all too much. Too loud. Too many rules. Too many people.

She just needed to slow down.

These lessons brought me to my final stage: Acceptance.

I have to say, I'm enjoying this forced time with my kids. Not every minute of it. Not even every hour—but most days, I am really finding time to enjoy it. And if it weren't forced upon me, I don't know when or if I would have ever slowed down.

The quarantine will end eventually, but I can't say when exactly. What I can say with certainty that once the ban is lifted, many of these lessons we've learned during this time will stay with us forever. We will stay home more. We will be present. We will quit some or all of our activities.

Because you know what? I have stopped moving long enough to learn that the present moment is often just what my child needs.

Life

DIY beauty products have been used as an alternative to big name beauty brands for years. Their effectiveness is powerful and you can get the same results—if not better—from household items. As we continue to quarantine for the foreseeable future, mamas are looking to homemade alternatives to keep their hair healthy. The good news is that you don't have to be a DIY enthusiast to create hair care products. They are easy to create and inexpensive.

Here are a few DIY hair mask and oil recipes we love—no stove or mixer required:

1. Moisturizing hair mask

Benefits: Adds moisture, antioxidants, reduces breakage and is rich in vitamins.

Ingredients:

  • 1/2 cup of whole milk
  • 1 banana
  • 2 tbsp of honey
  • 3 tsp of avocado oil
  • 5 drops of Gotu Kola extract

Directions:

  1. Blend all ingredients into a bowl and apply on gently shampooed hair. Work from the ends up the hair shaft and scalp.
  2. Leave on for 30 minutes with a plastic cap. Shampoo for a second time and style as usual.

Mask from Ona Diaz-Santin, celebrity hairstylist + salon owner of 5 Salon + Spa

FEATURED VIDEO

2. No-frizz hair oil treatment

Benefits: Instantly adds shine and prevents frizz and flyaways.

Ingredients:

  • 2 tbsp argan oil
  • 1 tbsp jojoba oil
  • 5 drops rosemary essential oil
  • 5 drops ylang ylang essential oil
  • 2 drops lavender essential oil
  • Optional: 1⁄8 teaspoon sea buckthorn oil

Directions:

  1. Combine all ingredients in a measuring cup and stir with a spoon.
  2. With funnel, pour into a glass bottle and close with an eyedropper.
  3. Use on wet or dry hair or as needed.

Oil treatment by Jana Blankenship, author of Wild Beauty.


3. Strengthening hair mask

Benefits: Relieves dry scalp, minimizes frizz and encourages hair growth.

Ingredients:

  • 1 banana
  • 1 avocado
  • 1 cup olive oil

Directions:

  1. Crush up a banana, avocado and some olive oil and smash it into an oily cream.
  2. Apply to the ends and the mid lengths sparingly to dry or damaged hair. A little goes a long way! The best way to apply is rub through with your fingertips.
  3. Wrap your hair in a damp tea towel to stop the goop from drying out.
  4. Leave the masque on as long as you can, it looks yucky but does the job.
  5. Shampoo out and condition as normal.
  6. This is a one every couple weeks mask because it is so concentrated and not as simple as a store-bought mask. Apply now, and your hair will be radiant and soft as you head into the long weeks ahead.

Mask from hair stylist Kevin Murphy, founder of Kevin Murphy.

4. 2 in 1 exfoliating hair mask

Benefits: Repairs dry, brittle hair, helps balance ph level and removes product build up.

Ingredients:

  • 2 large eggs
  • aloe vera stem
  • castor oil
  • 1 lemon juice
  • 2 tbsp brown sugar

Directions:

Hair repair mask:

  1. Crack the 2 large eggs into a blender, add the stem of aloe vera, add 2 tbsps of castor oil.
  2. Apply to hair from mid-shaft to ends. Let it sit for 30 minutes.
  3. Rinse off and use a fiber towel to limit the frizz and not damage the strands.

Exfoliating scalp mask:

  1. Use the same ingredients mentioned above and add the lemon juice and brown sugar.
  2. Gently massage into the scalp and let it sit for 15 minutes before rinsing it off.
  3. Shampoo and condition as normal.

Mask from Ada Rojas, founder of Botanika Beauty.

5. Rosemary + mint hair oil treatment

Benefits: Antibacterial and helps control dandruff.

Ingredients:

  • sterile glass jar
  • unrefined cold-pressed coconut oil
  • fresh or dried rosemary
  • fresh or dried mint

Directions:

  1. Sterilize your jar by pouring in boiling water, then letting it air dry completely.
  2. Gather your herbs, if they are fresh—make sure that they are fully dry.
  3. Fill your container with the herbs and top off to fully cover with the coconut oil.
  4. Seal and set in a warm spot for two weeks, shaking often to release the essential oils.
  5. Strain out the herbs and reserve your oil to use in hair treatments.

Oil treatment from Ada Rojas, founder of Botanika Beauty.

Now that you've created your masks + oil treatments, here are a few additional hair care tips from the pros:

1. Do as little as possible.

"The best way to take care of your hair at a time like this is to do as little as possible. No tension, not too much washing, no styling. We should all take this time to give our hair a breather. It will really help with overall health, in addition to doing deep conditioning treatments and even hot oil treatments for the curly girls with dry hair."—Celebrity hairstylist Sabrina Porsche.

2. Let hair masks sit.

"After applying a hair mask, allow it to sit for 20 minutes with a processing cap. The heat from your head will help to open your cuticle and maximize the penetration of the treatment. Rinse these with cool water to jump start the sealing of the hair cuticle. Treatments help fill porous portions of your hair shaft." — Emerald Fox, a stylist at Ian McCabe Studio.

3. Be kind to your body first.

"Whatever you put into your body reflects your outsides. Drinking plenty of water, and eating proper foods such as fish, nuts and eggs helps to keep hair shiny. Biotin is a natural supplement that many people don't get enough of and that could be a contributing factor to dry, brittle hair. I always tell my clients to take biotin year round to maintain a strong, healthy glow to their hair and it also helps with split ends." —Lucy Garcia Planck, a stylist at John Barrett Salon at Bergdorf Goodman.

4. Use argan oils, too.

"Argan oil moisturizes the ends of your hair without leaving your hair oily. Use only a very tiny amount (pea-sized). If your hair is fine, use a static guard sprayed in your hairbrush and brush your hair to keep static away. For those with thicker hair, the argan oil will help keep your hair moisturized and reduce flyways."—Lucy Garcia Planck

Lifestyle
Motherly provides information of a general nature and is designed for educational purposes only. This site does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Your use of the site indicates your agreement to be bound by our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. Information on our advertising guidelines can be found here.