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Before I became a mom, I thought that feeding my child well was something I could just learn from experts. If I found the right lactation consultant, if I read the right books on baby-led weaning, it would all click into place.

Then my oldest daughter, Violet, was born with a rare congenital heart condition. The birth defects went undetected on my prenatal ultrasounds, so I spent the first month of her life snuggling, loving and most of all, feeding her—without any idea that she was dangerously ill. When our breastfeeding sessions went from 45 minutes to 20 minutes to 6 minutes, I thought we were getting more efficient. I didn't know my baby was starving.

The day before Violet's 1 month birthday, she went into heart failure and nearly died. We were rushed to the nearest children's hospital and they saved her life. But the unexpected side effect of their essential-yet-traumatic medical interventions was that Violet stopped eating.

She developed what's known medically as an oral aversion, where babies learn to associate anything coming near their mouth with pain and fear. And so, suddenly, all of the experts I'd found, all of the plans, all of the "common sense" advice about feeding kids (like "just let them get hungry!")... no longer applied.

We spent the next two years helping Violet heal from that early trauma and feel safe around food again. In the process, I realized just how many of us don't feel safe around food or have complicated relationships with how we eat and how we think our kids should eat that make it almost impossible to feel good about what's happening at our family dinner table.

Violet began eating again—began experiencing hunger again—when food once again offered comfort and pleasure, just as our early nursing sessions had in the first days of her life. That's when I understood that a healthy relationship with food isn't something that you can outsource. We have to start from a place of trusting our bodies and trusting our own instincts around food. And the best way to teach our kids to eat well is to encourage them to trust themselves too; to listen to their bodies' cues about hunger, fullness and comfort.

In fact, they're probably even better at it than we are. Here are nine ways you can help them stay connected to those essential eating instincts.

1. We are born knowing when we're hungry and when we're full.

Healthy newborns cry to be fed and fall asleep when satiated. We don't have to be taught to have these feelings, but we can be taught to ignore them. By age three, children have naturally disconnected a bit from their eating instincts because they've been socialized to eat with their families. But when parents push messages about "three more bites of broccoli" or "you're eating too much pasta and not enough chicken" on their kids, what we're really saying is "don't trust your body; trust me. I know more about how you should eat."

In fact, nobody can judge another person's hunger or nutritional needs. Research shows that kids eat best when we give them a degree of autonomy at the table; offer a variety of foods and let them determine how much to eat (and even whether to try everything on offer).

2. Food is more than fuel.

Eating is so essential to human survival that our bodies have evolved multiple mechanisms to ensure we eat—and feed our young. And hunger pangs are just the start; when parents feed babies, our heart rates slow, levels of stress hormones drop and oxytocin and other "feel good" hormones rise. Babies experience similar benefits. In this way, the need to eat isn't just about physical nourishment—it also ensures that babies form secure attachments. It's how we fall in love.

3. Fed is best.

This is true when you're feeding a baby and it will still be true when you're packing their elementary school lunch boxes: That PB&J with the crusts cut off that you know they'll eat is probably a better bet than the Instagram-inspired bento box full of unfamiliar foods. PS. "Fed is best" is also true when you're feeding yourself—if you're hungry, you are always better off eating something than depriving yourself because it doesn't feel like the "right" thing.

4. How your kid eats matters more than what they eat (or how much).

Food and love are inextricably linked in most families, but so are food and power. Children who are subjected to high-pressure feeding tactics grow up with more anxiety around food. You don't have to short-order cook, but you can serve family meals that offer at least one thing everyone can eat (it's fine if most nights, that's bread and milk!). Then trust everyone at the table to take it from there.

5. Don't apologize for your own hunger or your food choices.

Hunger is normal. Liking some foods and disliking others is normal. Model that for your kids by owning your own choices. When they hear us shame foods or ourselves for eating foods, they internalize those messages.

If you're stuck in a cycle of feeling negative about food and your body, it can be helpful to ask, "Is this how I'd want my daughter or son to eat? And is this how I'd want them to feel about food?" Then give yourself the same permission.

6. Remember that nutrition is not gospel.

In fact, it's more often an unsolvable Rubik's cube of conflicting advice and sketchy data. You can view the goals of health and a more sustainable food system as deeply worthwhile, but not so all-encompassing that they dictate how your family behaves at every meal. Sometimes we're going to eat a lot of cookies. Other days, we're going to eat salad. We're not better or worse people for making those choices and when you prioritize meals that taste good and truly satisfy your hunger, nutrition has a way of taking care of itself.

7. Some foods serve us and some foods don't.

If your family is dealing with an allergy or a food intolerance, you can make choices to support that person's health without making a moral judgment about the food that isn't working for them. No matter what the wellness industry claims, gluten isn't evil. (Neither are eggs, dairy, peanuts… you get it.) There's no need to demonize foods or food groups just because it doesn't agree with someone in your house. Focus instead of everything they can eat.

8. All bodies are valuable and worthy of respect.

Even the ones that our culture deems unattractive or unhealthy. Talk to your kids about what their bodies can do, not how they look. Avoid talking negatively about your own body around them, and stop body shaming in its tracks when you encounter it in the world.

9. Remember that all of this is an ongoing process that we begin again at every meal.

Don't beat yourself up if you make a dinner nobody eats or find yourself falling back into old habits of pressure or food anxieties. You'll get to try again in a few hours. The only way to learn to eat is by eating.

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When you become a parent for the first time, there is an undeniably steep learning curve. Add to that the struggle of sorting through fact and fiction when it comes to advice and—whew—it's enough to make you more tired than you already are with that newborn in the house.

Just like those childhood games of telephone when one statement would get twisted by the time it was told a dozen times, there are many parenting misconceptions that still tend to get traction. This is especially true with myths about bottle-feeding—something that the majority of parents will do during their baby's infancy, either exclusively or occasionally.

Here's what you really need to know about bottle-feeding facts versus fiction.

1. Myth: Babies are fine taking any bottle

Not all bottles are created equally. Many parents experience anxiety when it seems their infant rejects all bottles, which is especially nerve wracking if a breastfeeding mom is preparing to return to work. However, it's often a matter of giving the baby some time to warm up to the new feeding method, says Katie Ferraro, a registered dietician, infant feeding specialist and associate professor of nutrition at the University of California San Francisco graduate School of Nursing.

"For mothers returning to work, if you're breastfeeding but trying to transition to bottle[s], try to give yourself a two- to four-week trial window to experiment with bottle feeding," says Ferraro.

2. Myth: You either use breast milk or formula

So often, the question of whether a parent is using formula or breastfeeding is presented exclusively as one or the other. In reality, many babies are combo-fed—meaning they have formula sometimes, breast milk other times.

The advantage with mixed feeding is the babies still get the benefits of breast milk while parents can ensure the overall nutritional and caloric needs are met through formula, says Ferraro.

3. Myth: Cleaning bottles is a lot of work

For parents looking for simplification in their lives (meaning, all of us), cleaning bottles day after day can sound daunting. But, really, it doesn't require much more effort than you are already used to doing with the dishes each night: With bottles that are safe for the top rack of the dishwasher, cleaning them is as easy as letting the machine work for you.

For added confidence in the sanitization, Dr. Brown's offers an incredibly helpful microwavable steam sterilizer that effectively kills all household bacteria on up to four bottles at a time. (Not to mention it can also be used on pacifiers, sippy cups and more.)

4. Myth: Bottle-feeding causes colic

One of the leading theories on what causes colic is indigestion, which can be caused by baby getting air bubbles while bottle feeding. However, Dr. Brown's bottles are the only bottles in the market that are actually clinically proven to reduce colic thanks to an ingenious internal vent system that eliminates negative pressure and air bubbles.

5. Myth: Bottles are all you can use for the first year

By the time your baby is six months old (way to go!), they may be ready to begin using a sippy cup. Explains Ferraro, "Even though they don't need water or additional liquids at this point, it is a feeding milestone that helps promote independent eating and even speech development."

With a complete line of products to see you from newborn feeding to solo sippy cups, Dr. Brown's does its part to make these new transitions less daunting. And, for new parents, that truly is priceless.

This article was sponsored by Dr. Brown's. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

[Trigger warning: This essay describes a woman's emotional journey with postpartum anxiety.]

I see you, mama.

I know you don't want to feel this way. I know you're terrified of everything in the world right now. I know you want to wrap your baby in a bubble and keep them safely in your arms forever. I know you can't "sleep when the baby sleeps" because you are too nervous to drift off in case they stop breathing. I know you don't want to let anyone near your little one because they could be carrying an illness. I know you've cried in the bathroom and begged for the voice to stop. And I know you love your child more than anything in the world.

I know because I was you.

I was in the 10% of estimated women who are affected by Postpartum Anxiety (PPA) but had no idea what I was experiencing. I worried about EVERY little thing but just brushed the fears aside, thinking this was just normal of first-time motherhood. But it was something more.

I lived in constant fear that my son was either going to get hurt or he was going to die.

It started the first week of being home from the hospital. I was so scared of SIDS that I actually googled "How much sleep do I need in order to survive?" I would only get two to three hours, not because my child was keeping me up, but because I was scared he would stop breathing and I wouldn't be awake to save him.

I would religiously wash all of his clothes with baby detergent and if I thought I mistakenly used regular detergent, I would rewash everything. I was afraid he would get a skin rash if I didn't. If my husband had the slightest hint of a cold, I would banish him to the guest room and handle all of the baby duties on my own until he was fully recovered.

I would wash and rewash bottles because I was afraid they weren't clean enough and convinced myself if I didn't then he would catch a rare illness. When we supplemented with formula, I wasted multiple cans because I was so scared I didn't measure it correctly, so I would dump it and start over.

I didn't want to be this way. I didn't want to let PPA be the thief of my joy, but anxiety doesn't care who you are or what you've been through. I knew my previous miscarriages attributed to my PTSD, which manifested into anxiety.

I knew I needed help.

I cried so many nights as my husband and baby boy slept because I just wanted to feel "normal." I didn't want to overanalyze every bump or rash or cough, I wanted to enjoy being a first time mom, but I felt like I was drowning.

On top of the anxiety was guilt. I had wanted this baby so badly—I wanted to feel joy, happiness, and gratitude, and yet I felt overwhelmed, sad, and miserable. What was happening?

I would tell myself not to worry, I'd try to convince myself a regular cold was just a cold. But then a voice would come into my head and make me second guess myself. What if it was a serious infection and became fatal if I ignored it? So I rushed my baby boy to the doctor every time I thought something was wrong.

I went to the pediatrician over 20 times in my son's first year of life. One time I went because I thought he had a cancerous mole, which turned out to be a piece of lint stuck to his hair. I felt like I was losing control of myself.

Eventually, when my son was 3 months old, I went to a therapist for help. I needed someone to hear me and give me the tools to overcome this. I am not without daily anxiety, I still have many fears and I have to bring myself back to reality, but I work on it every day. I cope and I make an effort to continue with my therapist so I can beat this.

Even though this topic is hard to write about, I have no shame in my story. Carrying a child is hard, giving birth is harder, and jumping onto the roller coaster of motherhood is one hormonal, wild ride.

Mamas, we are allowed to not be okay and we have every right to make that known. I wasn't okay and it took every ounce of strength I had to get myself out of the darkness.

If I could tell you anything about struggling with this, it is this: PPA is real, it is not normal, and getting help is okay. Do not feel ashamed, do not feel embarrassed, and don't for one second think you owe anyone an explanation.

Do not let a single person make you feel like you are less of a mother. You are a magnificent human being, a loving mama bear, and you will get through this.

I see you, and I'm holding space for you.

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Ready to bring a baby on board? Feelings of excitement can often be met with those of financial concern as you prep for this milestone. According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, as of 2015, the cost of raising a child is $233,610—a number that can make anyone's jaw drop to the floor.

But before you start to worry, here are ways you can become more financially savvy before the baby is born:

1. Budget for healthcare costs

The cost of delivering a baby can vary by state, but suffice it to say it can be thousands of dollars. Castlight Health found that the lowest average cost of delivery was $6,075 in Kansas City, MO and the highest average cost $15,420 in Sacramento, CA. Costs are even higher for a Cesarean delivery.

The first thing you want to do is check your insurance and see what they will cover so what you will be responsible for. Then create a separate savings account so that you can cover any costs that you're on the hook for. You can set up automatic savings after each payday up until the baby is born to help assist with any healthcare costs associated with delivery.

2. Cut your expenses

Before the baby arrives, do a spending audit and see where you can slash some expenses. Free up any leftover money to help cover the increased costs that will come, such as food, clothes, and formula.

If you're struggling with how to do that, take a look at all of your expenses and write next to each either"want" or "need." Look at your "want" list and see which expenses are ones you can either eliminate or cut back on. If it doesn't bring you joy or add value, ditch it! You might even find subscriptions that you didn't know you had.

3. Go for second-hand goods

Of course, there are some things you definitely want to buy new for baby, but things like clothes and toys you can get second hand and save a lot of money. Your baby will grow so fast and buying new clothes every few months can add up. If your family members or friends have old baby clothes or toys they're willing to part with, it will save money and you can pay it forward down the line.

4. Look for sales or coupons

Clothes and toys are items that you can buy second hand, but products, like a car seat and crib are best new. You want to be up-to-date with safety and know what you're getting. Before going shopping, search for sales or coupons before you head out. A little research online can go a long way and save you hundreds.

5. Have a garage sale

If you need to make room for baby, it's time to get rid of items that you no longer use or need. Take all of the stuff you are planning to get rid of and have a garage sale to make extra money. You can also try selling online on Craigslist, Poshmark and OfferUp too.

Take the money you earn from selling your stuff and put it in your savings account earmarked for your baby.

6. Get a 529 plan

It's never too early to save for your baby's college. You can open a state-sponsored 529 plan which is a tax-advantaged savings account for education-related costs. Instead of asking for gifts or toys from family and friends, you can request money to go toward a 529 plan. It will be an impactful gift that will help your child in the future and help lessen the financial burden on you.

7. Prep now instead of later

Your whole world will change when your baby arrives, so in order to save money, time and stress, create a plan now. Is there a family or friend close by who can babysit if you need some rest or have to run an errand? Ask them now if they can help out.

Start preparing meals in bulk that can be in the freezer and easily made so you don't have to think about food. Put your bills on autopay so that you don't miss any payments and get hit with late fees. Know how long you can get maternity or paternity leave and understand how that will affect your income and budget. Getting all of this ready ahead of time can help you in the long run.

8. Purchase life insurance

While thinking about why you need life insurance can be a bit stressful, preparation is essential, especially when you're adding another member to your family. Life insurance will provide financial support if you had a loss of income due to something happening to either you or your partner.

9. Understand any tax benefits

The birth of your baby will affect your taxes, which can actually end up putting more money back into your pocket. Do some research online and see how a dependent will change your taxes in your state, such as new exemptions available. Or, find a trusted accountant or tax specialist in your area who can walk you through your options.

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We've had some struggles, you and me. In my teens, we were just getting to know each other. It was a rocky road at times, like when people referred to you as "big boned." I was learning how to properly fuel you by giving you the right foods. How to be active, to keep you strong and in good shape. I wish I knew then what I do now about you and what a true blessing you are. But that's something that has come with the gift of motherhood.

In my 20's, we became more well-acquainted. I knew how to care for you. After I got engaged, we worked so hard together to get into "wedding shape." And, looking back now, I totally took that six pack—okay, four pack—for granted. (But I have the pictures to prove it.)

Now that I'm in my 30's (how did my 30's happen so fast, btw?) with two kids, I'm coming to terms with my new postpartum body.

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If there are two things a mama is guaranteed to love, it's Target plus adorable and functional baby products. Target's exclusive baby brand Cloud Island has been a favorite destination for cute and affordable baby clothing and décor for nearly two years and because of that success, they're now expanding into baby essentials. 🙌

The new collection features 30 affordable products starting at $0.99 and going up to $21.99 with most items priced under $10—that's about 30-40% less expensive than other products in the market. Mamas can now enjoy adding diapers, wipes, feeding products and toiletries to their cart alongside clothing and accessories from a brand they already know and love.


The best part? The Target team has ensured that the affordability factor doesn't cut down on durability by working with hundreds of parents to create and test the collection. The wipes are ultra-thick and made with 99% water and plant-based ingredients, while the toiletries are dermatologist-approved. With a Tri-Wrap fold, the diapers offer 12-hour leak protection and a snug fit so parents don't have to sacrifice safety or functionality.

So when can you start shopping? Starting on January 20, customers can shop the collection across all stores and online. We can't wait to see how this beloved brand expands in the future.

Motherly is your daily #momlife manual; we are here to help you easily find the best, most beautiful products for your life that actually work. We share what we love—and we may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.

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