“I did this with my first baby—but never again”: 10 real lessons from second-time parents

When I had my firstborn, my entire world shifted on its axis. I was consumed by the weight of doing everything “right.” I wouldn’t let anyone help. Not really. If a family member offered to rock him to sleep or feed him a bottle so I could rest, I smiled politely and declined. I felt a deep, unspoken pressure to be everything for him, every minute of the day. And yet, because of financial constraints, I had to return to work just eight weeks postpartum. I was physically and emotionally depleted, and still, I couldn’t let go.

Before I had my second child, I swore it would be different. I promised myself I would accept help, ask for it even. I wouldn’t measure my worth by how much I could carry alone. Ironically, my second was born early, during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic. Support was scarce. And yet, despite the isolation, I learned to extend myself more grace. I stopped trying to do it all perfectly. I learned, like so many second-time parents do, that growth often comes through grief—letting go of what we thought parenting had to look like.

A recent viral thread on Reddit asked parents to share what they did with their first kid that they would never do with their second. The answers struck a chord—and reminded me how deeply we evolve with each child. Here are some of the most powerful lessons, paired with expert-backed resources and tips from Motherly to help you navigate these second-time revelations with compassion.

1. Letting go of breastfeeding guilt

“I struggled so much breastfeeding them both but with my second I gave myself a lot more grace.” — u/YorkshireDuck91

Related: Breastfeeding is a full-time job—and this viral TikTok gets it

Tip: If you’re feeling stuck, talking to a lactation consultant early on can help—but having formula options on hand doesn’t mean you’re giving up. Combo feeding isn’t failure; it’s flexibility.

2. Ditching the tracking apps and trusting your friends instincts

“I tracked feedings and naps, then overanalyzed and compared my days… Now I just follow cues and go with the flow.” — u/ericandid

Related: Viral video shows why ‘sleep when the baby sleeps’ is a hilarious myth

Tip: It’s okay to use tracking tools—but only if they serve you. Your baby’s cues and your own intuition are just as valid as any chart.

3. Releasing the pressure to be everything, always

“Encourage self play… Now our youngest plays with her dolls by herself for ages.” — u/Fredmarklar

Related: 5 ways to support your toddler’s independent play

Tip: Start small with independent play. Set up a cozy space nearby, and stay connected by commenting gently on what they’re doing—no need to hover.

4. Redefining what “safe” means

“Instead of ‘be careful,’ I say ‘do what feels safe.'” — u/Fragrant_Summer_7223

Related: 12 powerful parenting phrases that make talking to kids easier

Tip:Try phrases like “show me how you’re doing that safely” or “listen to your body.” You’re still keeping them safe—while helping build their self-trust.

5. Setting boundaries with toxic relatives

“I excused their behavior a lot with my first… I’ve realized I’d rather he have fewer healthy people in his life than a bunch of toxic ones.” — u/Aggressive_Plant7983

Related: Dad’s viral Reddit post reveals why setting boundaries to protect kids—even from toxic family dynamics—is so hard

Tip: Boundaries don’t have to be confrontational. Try, “We’re doing things differently this time,” or “This is what works best for our family right now.”

6. Accepting that milestones aren’t the whole story

“I don’t think I’ll have another but if I did I would stop stressing about milestones.” — u/FattyMcButterpants__

Related: 5 ways to help your baby reach developmental milestones, according to a physical therapist

Tip: Milestone charts can be helpful—but they’re not the whole picture. Trust your pediatrician and your gut if something feels off. Otherwise? Your pace is just fine.

7. Relaxing around sleep schedules

“Didn’t stick to a nap schedule. Almost eight years in, my firstborn is still a terrible sleeper.” — u/feedyrsoul

Related: Parents swear by this surprising sleep trick for babies—but does it actually work?

Tip: Focus on consistency over rigidity. A calming bedtime routine and age-appropriate wake windows go a long way.

8. Saying goodbye to the pressure of homemade everything

“I refused to give my first store bought food like fruit puree… With my second 😂 I’m like here you go strawberry and tomato smoothie.” — u/MyLifeForAiurDT

Related: 3 baby food hacks recommended by a registered dietitian

Tip: Many store-bought options are just as nutritious. Choose what works best for your time, budget, and energy.

9. Rethinking screen time

“I’m pretty laid back about a lot of things but I would have never introduced video games or YouTube to my kids if I could get a re-do.” — u/Valuable-Life3297

Related: Study shows parents need to ‘practice what they preach’ when it comes to kids’ screen time

Tip: Use screen time intentionally. Co-view content when possible and keep open conversations going about what your child sees and feels.

10. Forgiving your first-time self

“The baby book past the first six months.” — u/Ralph–Hinkley

Related: The invisible labor of motherhood is real—and it’s exhausting

Tip: Let go of the pressure to document every moment. Your love doesn’t live in a baby book—it lives in your presence.

There are so many things I wish I could go back and tell the version of me who became a mother for the first time. But I’ve also come to believe she did the best she could with what she knew. And with each baby, we evolve. Not just in how we parent, but in how we see ourselves.

If you’re parenting your second, or your fifth, and doing things differently this time—know that you’re not failing. You’re growing. And your kids are lucky to have a parent who is willing to do that. What’s one thing you’re doing differently this time around—and why does it feel right for your family now?