Menu

Montessori at home: 6 phrases to say when your child constantly asks, 'Why?'

1. "Let's revisit his questions when we're eating dinner together."

what to say when your child asks why

I want my child to be curious, to be a relentless learner, a constant seeker of new information. As a teacher, it's one of the things I want most.

He, as well as other toddlers, have a tendency to begin the onslaught of "whys" when I'm trying to focus on driving through a tricky traffic situation, or trying to cook dinner while his little sister is crying and demanding to be held. I don't think this is a coincidence. Asking "why" is something children do when they're curious, but it's also a simple way they can engage, start a conversation.

So how do we protect and encourage our children's beautiful curiosity without losing our patience from the constant barrage of questions?

Here are six phrases to say when your child constantly asks, "why?":

1. "Let's revisit his questions when we're eating dinner together."

My toddler now knows that when I'm making dinner, it's not a good time for "why questions." Does this mean he never does it? No, of course not. But I have explained that this is a busy time when a lot is going on and that it stresses me out to try to answer a lot of questions while cooking.

When he begins to ask "why," I remind him of the boundary and offer him other ways to engage like helping me chop vegetables.

Think about the boundaries you want to set and explain them to your child at a neutral time. You will likely have to repeat the new rule many, many times, but eventually your child will internalize it.

2. "Why?"

One of the most effective responses to "why?" is in fact, asking "why?"

Here's an example:

Child: "Why do birds eat berries?"

Parent: "Why do birds eat berries?"

Child: "Probably because they're tasty."

Sometimes a child asks "why?" simply because they want to talk about something, to discuss their own theory. They don't always need a direct answer. Responding with a question gives your child a chance to try out an explanation and helps develop their critical thinking skills.

Here's an example: If they're wildly off base, you can always offer your own explanation too.

Child: "Why are giraffes so tall?"

Parent: "Why are giraffes so tall?"

Child: "Probably so they can win at basketball."

Parent: "Hmm. I bet it helps them reach the leaves high up on trees too. Giraffes love to eat leaves."

3. "That's an interesting question, I'm going to write that down so we can think about it some more later."

If you can tell your child is really curious about something but you don't have the answer or don't have time to explain at the moment, write their question down. Even young children who can't read or write yet recognize that when you write something down, it's important to you. Just be sure to answer the questions on a rainy day.

4. "I don't know."

Don't feel like you need to have all of the answers. "I don't know" is a perfectly acceptable response.

Show your child how to look in a book or ask an expert or search the internet for an answer. Show them how to find a book on a certain topic at the library. You don't have to do this every time, but researching together can be a wonderful way to promote a love of learning.

5. "Wow! That's a pretty cool bike. Remember we had so much fun riding it last weekend?"

Young children are still learning conversation skills, and being inquisitive helps them learn. When your child asks, "Why is my bike red?" they might really just be inviting you to have a conversation about their bike.

If your child is asking a question that doesn't seem like a real question, try interpreting it as a conversation starter. Respond by talking about their bike in general, maybe recalling how they had such a fun ride last weekend or how they went with you to pick it out on their birthday.

6. "I recognize that you want my attention right now. I'm working on the computer and I know that's hard for you."

This brief acknowledgement can help reset a toddler whose mood is rapidly deteriorating. Even if it doesn't satisfy them, they at least know that you recognize how they are feeling.

Try saying something like, "I see you want my attention right now. I'm working on the computer and I know that's hard for you. Let's take a hug break, and we can talk more about your questions as soon as I'm done."

Yes, I admit that I sometimes find the constant string of "whys" really difficult. But at the same time, I hope they never disappear. I want my child to retain that sense of wonder and curiosity about the world. I want him to ask "why?" instead of blindly accepting the way things are. I know I have to be careful not to stifle this when I'm feeling frazzled.

If you're feeling this way, too, pause and consider the reason your toddler is asking "why?" at the moment. Knowing whether it's curiosity, attention seeking or simply an attempt to push your buttons will help you decide how to respond.

You might also like:

This is how we’re defining success this school year

Hint: It's not related to grades.

In the ever-moving lives of parents and children, opportunities to slow down and reflect on priorities can be hard to come by. But, a new school year scheduled to begin in the midst of a global pandemic offers the chance to reflect on how we should all think about measures of success. For both parents and kids, that may mean putting a fresh emphasis on optimism, creativity and curiosity.

Throughout recent decades "school success" became entangled with "academic achievement," with cases of anxiety among school children dramatically increasing in the past few generations. Then, almost overnight, the American school system was turned on its head in the spring of 2020. As we look ahead to a new school year that will look like no year past, more is being asked of teachers, students and parents, such as acclimating to distance learning, collaborating with peers from afar and aiming to maintain consistency with schooling amidst general instability due to COVID.

Despite the inherent challenges, there is also an overdue opportunity to redefine success during the school year by finding fresh ways to keep students and their parents involved in the learning process.

"I always encourage my son to try at least one difficult thing every school year," says Arushi Garg, parenting blogger and mom of a 4 year old. "This challenges him but also allows me to remind him to be optimistic! Lots of things in life are hard, and it's important we learn to be positive during difficult times. Fostering a sense of optimism allows kids to push beyond what they thought possible, like biking without training wheels or reading above their grade level."

Here are a few mantras to keep in mind this school year...

Quality learning matters more than quantifying learning

After focusing on standardized measures of academic success for so long, the learning environment this next school year may involve more independent, remote learning. Some parents are considering this an exciting opportunity for their children to assume a bigger role in what they are learning—and parents are also getting on board by supporting their children's education with engaging, positive learning materials like Highlights Magazine.

As a working mom, Garg also appreciates that Highlights Magazine can help engage her son while she's also working. She says, "He sits next to me and solves puzzles in the magazine or practices his writing from the workbook."

Keeping an open mind as "school" looks different

Whether children are of preschool age or in the midst of high school, "going to school" is bound to look different this year. Naturally, this may require some adjustment as kids become accustomed to new guidelines. Although many parents may wish to shelter our kids from challenges, others believe optimism can be fostered through adversity when everyone is committed to adapting to new experiences.

"Honestly, I am yet to figure out when I will be comfortable sending [my son] back [to school]," says Garg. In the meantime, she's helping her son remain connected with friends who also read Highlights Magazine by encouraging the kids to talk about what they are learning on video calls.

Following children's cues about what interests them

For Garg, her biggest hope for this school year is that her son will create "success" for himself by embracing new learning possibilities with positivity.

"Encouraging my son to try new things has given him a chance to prove that he can do anything," she says. "He takes his previous success as an example now and feels he can fail multiple times before he succeeds."

There's no denying that this school year will be far from the norm. But, perhaps, we can create a new, better way of defining our children's success in school because of it.

This article was sponsored by Highlights. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

Our Partners

This oil completely changed my skin this summer

And I'm never going back to lotion.

For all the sweating and swimming I do in the summer, it seems illogical for my skin to be as parched as ever. But your mid-thirties (and 2020 in general) don't really seem to follow any rule book, so here we are.

A couple of months ago, I was on the lookout for a moisturizer that would not only keep my legs from looking like an ashy mess, but also truly nourish and benefit my skin. I've developed a deep interest in skin care for my face over the past few years and decided it's high time to extend that degree of consideration to the rest of my body. (After all, there's more of it, right?)

It's not that I'm too concerned with aging, but let's be real. If there's something that can be done to slow the Wrinkle Express, I'm going to give it a go. I also wanted to find something natural that wouldn't turn into a goopy mess the second I started sweating.

Enter: Esker's Firming Body Oil.

Keep reading Show less
popular

In Montessori schools, parents are periodically invited to observe their children at work in the classroom. I have heard many parents express shock to see their 3- or 4-year-old putting away their own work when they finish—without even being asked!

"You should see his room at home!" or, "I ask him to put his toys away every day, and it's a battle every single time" were frequent comments.

Keep reading Show less
Learn + Play