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We can't control the challenges our children will face in life, but that doesn't mean we can't prepare them. One of the most powerful gifts we can give our kids is resilience—the ability to overcome the inevitable obstacles headed their way.

Helping kids develop resilience means they will be able to recover from setbacks, rather than wallowing in them. Unfortunately, there are a lot of well-meaning things parents say that can inadvertently hinder this developing skill.

Avoid these 10 phrases to help your child develop resilience:

1. "You're fine."

While "you're fine," may seem like just the kind of phrase to encourage grit and resilience, it's actually sending the message that kids can't trust what they're feeling. This is another version of "suck it up."

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Instead, try validating your child's emotions, while using your tone and body language to send the message that you believe they will be okay. If your child falls and scrapes their knee, you can empathize and check on them without acting like it's an emergency. Don't run over and swoop them off their feet while crying tears of your own. Walk over calmly and take a look at the scrape, asking if they are okay.

This approach lets your child know that while, yes, they are hurt, their feelings are okay and they will recover.

2. "Let me fix it."

Whether it's because we're in a hurry or because it's so hard to watch our children struggle, it's easy to want to fix their problems. This doesn't mean you can't help and support them, just try not to take over.

If they're having trouble tying their shoes, it feels easier to simply do it for them than to stand by and see if they really need a little help. If they are struggling with a friend, you might want to talk to the other child's parent and try to fix things behind the scenes than let your child navigate the situation. But doing these things will only hurt in the long run.

Offer the minimum amount of help they need to be successful. Instead of simply tying their shoe for them, try offering verbal support, saying something like "now make a bunny ear." If they're still struggling, offer to tie one shoe for them and let them try the other shoe.

Watch your child to see how much they can handle. You want to challenge them, but not overwhelm them. There will of course be times when you don't have time to let your child do something for themselves, and that's fine too. Maybe there's no time for your child to tie their own shoes in the morning before school, but they can practice on the weekends. As they become more capable, they can do more and more for themselves.

3. "That's easy, you can do it."

While this little phrase might seem encouraging, telling a child something that seems challenging is easy will only take away their desire to try. Instead of telling them a task is easy, try "I know that's hard, but I think you can do it." This emphasizes their ability to overcome hard things.

4. "You might fall."

It's not fun to watch our kids fall and get hurt, but when you see your child doing something that makes you uncomfortable, try to assess the situation.

Are they likely to get injured, or just get a little bump or a bruise? Is there a way you can spot your child to protect them without them noticing? By constantly telling our children to be careful, or that they might fall, we are sending the message that they are not safe.

Every parent has to use their judgement and own comfort level with risk. If you see your toddler starting to climb up a slide and a big kid is at the top about to go down, you will likely want to stop them so they don't get kicked. But if you see your toddler climbing a ladder on the playscape for the first time, try simply being there to catch them if they fall, without letting them see your fear.

What you're comfortable with will likely change with your child's age, but it's important for them to learn to assess risk for themselves so that they can determine when they really aren't safe, and when it's okay to take a little risk to try something new.

5. "I give up."

Perhaps the most important tool for teaching resilience is modeling. Does your child see you give up easily or get upset when you try something new, or do they see you staying calm in the face of challenges? It's important to let your child see you struggle, and let them see that it's okay.

Try learning a new skill together so that they can see that this sometimes frustrating process is not just for kids, that everyone faces struggles when learning something new.

6."Calm down."

We want to teach our kids how to calm themselves down when they're upset, but saying "calm down" isn't the way to do this. Try saying, "let's take a deep breath together" instead. Or even look your child in the eyes and take a few deep, calming breaths yourself.

We can gradually equip our kids with specific techniques to regulate their emotions. This might mean practicing deep breathing together, or asking for a hug or hugging a favorite stuffed animal. It might mean stepping outside to take a break from a situation and experience the calming effects of nature.

Help your child develop these tools when they're not too upset to hear you. Eventually they will learn to turn to them when it feels like things are in crisis.

7. "I packed all your things for you!"

Making life too easy for our kids robs them of the chance to face the minor challenges and discomforts that help to naturally develop resilience.

You can help your child gradually take over the responsibility for these tasks. For a 3-year-old, you might remind them to carry their lunchbox and backpack to the car in the morning, instead of carrying their things for them.

For a 6-year-old, it might look like creating a checklist together of all of the things they need to remember in the morning, but putting them in charge of going through the checklist.

A 9-year-old might be able to take full responsibility for remembering their things, but this of course depends on the child.

Gradually increasing their level of responsibility will help them be successful. We love our children so of course we want them to be comfortable and happy and to have a great day every day, but in the end, it's more important to equip them with the tools they need for the not so good days.

8. "That's too hard for you."

Children try to do things that they may not be ready for all the time. They might reach for a 1,000 piece puzzle, they might want to help you with a "grown-up task" like building a new shelf or fixing something on the car.

It's easy to tell kids that something is too hard for them, or that they're not ready to do something, but try steering them to a more age-appropriate task instead. You might say, "It takes a lot of practice to get ready for a 1,000 piece puzzle, why don't we try the new 100 piece one you got for your birthday together?" Or, "I can't let you use my power tools, but let me show you how to use a hammer and you can practice on this piece of wood."

Saying these phrases directs children toward something they can be successful with, without sending the message they we think they're incapable.

9. "Not like that!"

Take note of how often you find yourself saying some variation of "not like that!" to your child. It's so tempting to stop them when we see them doing something wrong like holding their fork in such a way that spaghetti is about to fall all over their shirt or putting their shoes on the wrong feet.

But why not let them drop the spaghetti, then let them clean it up? Why not let them wear their shoes on the wrong feet so that they have a feeling of accomplishment rather than incompetence?

It's okay if things aren't done perfectly, it's okay if our kids have to stop and clean up a mess.

In these instances, sit with your child while they clean it up, helping if necessary. You can then show them a more effective way to complete a task. You might say, "Can I show you a trick? If you hold your plate with two hands, you won't drop it next time."

10. "You figure it out."

While we want to send the message that we believe our children are competent, this doesn't mean they're on their own. On the contrary, children will be more likely to feel like they can try something new and face a challenge if they know they have support.

Instead of sending them off on their own to face a tough situation, let them know that you're in it together. Say something like, "Let's sit down and come up with a solution together."

Involve them in the process, but let them know you're there to help too.

Resilience is a tough quality to teach because it involves watching our kids struggle, even watching them fail. This can be a hard thing for parents to do, but remind yourself that you're not making your child struggle, you're letting them struggle.

You are allowing them to face every day challenges so that when the big challenges come, your child will know that they can face the challenge and be okay.

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As a former beauty editor, I pride myself in housing the best skincare products in my bathroom. Walk in and you're sure to be greeted with purifying masks, micellar water, retinol ceramide capsules and Vitamin C serums. What can I say? Old habits die hard. But when I had my son, I was hesitant to use products on him. I wanted to keep his baby-soft skin for as long as possible, without tainting it with harsh chemicals.

Eventually, I acquiesced and began using leading brands on his sensitive skin. I immediately regretted it. His skin became dry and itchy and regardless of what I used on him, it never seemed to get better. I found myself asking, "Why don't beauty brands care about baby skin as much as they care about adult skin?"

When I had my daughter in May, I knew I had to take a different approach for her skin. Instead of using popular brands that are loaded with petroleum and parabens, I opted for cleaner products. These days I'm all about skincare that contains super-fruits (like pomegranate sterols, which are brimming with antioxidants) and sulfate-free cleansers that contain glycolipids that won't over-dry her skin. And, so far, Pipette gets it right.

What's in it

At first glance, the collection of shampoo, wipes, balm, oil and lotion looks like your typical baby line—I swear cute colors and a clean look gets me everytime—but there's one major difference: All products are environmentally friendly and cruelty-free, with ingredients derived from plants or nontoxic synthetic sources. Also, at the core of Pipette's formula is squalane, which is basically a powerhouse moisturizing ingredient that babies make in utero that helps protect their skin for the first few hours after birth. And, thanks to research, we know that squalane isn't an irritant, and is best for those with sensitive skin. Finally, a brand really considered my baby's dry skin.

Off the bat, I was most interested in the baby balm because let's be honest, can you ever have too much protection down there? After applying, I noticed it quickly absorbed into her delicate skin. No rash. No irritation. No annoyed baby. Mama was happy. It's also worth noting there wasn't any white residue left on her bottom that usually requires several wipes to remove.


Why it's different

I love that Pipette doesn't smell like an artificial baby—you, know that powdery, musky note that never actually smells like a newborn. It's fragrance free, which means I can continue to smell my daughter's natural scent that's seriously out of this world. I also enjoy that the products are lightweight, making her skin (and my fingers) feel super smooth and soft even hours after application.

The bottom line

Caring for a baby's sensitive skin isn't easy. There's so much to think about, but Pipette makes it easier for mamas who don't want to compromise on safety or sustainability. I'm obsessed, and I plan to start using the entire collection on my toddler as well. What can I say, old habits indeed die hard.

This article was sponsored by Pipette. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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Parents everywhere are feeling for Hamilton star Miguel Cervantes and his wife, Kelly, who just said goodbye to their daughter, three-year-old Adelaide. She died on Saturday, October 12.

Adelaide had been battling epilepsy prior to her death. Miguel and Kelly, who also share 7-year-old son Jackson, documented their daughter's life via Instagram, where they frequently shared updates on the little girl's condition.

But this week, they are sharing news of her death. "The machines are off. Her bed is empty. The quiet is deafening. Adelaide left us early Saturday. She went peacefully in her mother's arms, surrounded by love. Finally, she is free from pain + seizures but leaves our hearts shattered. We love you so much Adelaideybug and forever after," both Miguel and Kelly write alongside a photo of the girl's empty bed.

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Miguel, who played the title role in Chicago's production of the musical Hamilton, opened up about his daughter's diagnosis to the Chicago Tribune back in 2016. According to the report, Adelaide suffered around a dozen seizures every day. The seizures began when the little girl was just 7 months old.

Adelaide's mother, Kelly, documented the little girl's heartbreaking battle on her blog. Just a few weeks ago, she wrote her daughter a heartfelt letter. "You will not be getting better this time. The skills you have lost will not be regained. I am so sorry that your body has betrayed you in this way. It is not fair and it really, really, really sucks," Kelly writes."...As we make this transition I will be trying to understand what you want and need to keep you as comfortable as possible. Please forgive the extra pictures and videos I'll be taking, I know I'll want to hold on to all the memories I can. It's the things I can't capture that I will miss the most: the way you smell, and not just after a bath, but your sweet, "just you" smell. The feel of your forever baby soft skin and how tightly you squeeze my fingers even still. The way your hair feels when I run my fingers through it trying to comfort you and the weight of your body against mine in those rare moments when you let me snuggle you."

Our hearts are with this beautiful child's family.

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This new family would like you to know they "don't have to match!"

When we saw Sadie Sampson's story of how her baby boy Ezra came into her life, we just had to know more about this loving new mother and her husband, Jarvis.

Their journey to parenthood was slow and then happened practically overnight. The couple went through a complicated fertility journey and had come to terms with the idea that pregnancy and parenthood would not be in their future.

But everything changes when Sadie got a random text message from a friend: "Would you guys foster/adopt a child?"

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To understand their story you have to go back to the beginning of their story. After getting married in 2017, the Texas couple was determined to have a baby. When Sadie didn't get pregnant she sought medical help, and doctors were quick to suggest her weight was the issue.

" 'Lose weight, and you'll get pregnant right away,' said every doctor I saw," Sampson wrote on Love What Matters. "I had tried to lose weight on my own for so long without success, so I started seeking out other options. In February 2019, I underwent gastric bypass surgery."

Sampson has been chronicling her weight loss since then on her Instagram page. Jarvis joined her, getting his surgery this summer. But still, she couldn't get pregnant.

A week after deciding she was going to put her dreams of parenthood aside, Sampson heard from a good friend of hers who had a random question for her.

"Well, a friend of mine, and her boyfriend are considering foster care or adoption for their son," the friend said. "I told them that I thought you guys would be a great fit."

The Sampsons said yes. They were even prepared to be only temporary foster parents for the baby, who was born prematurely. Just over a week after that phone call, a caseworker informed them that the birth mother would like them to adopt.

"We went from not having any children, to the possibility of fostering one, to, 'You guys are parents!,' overnight," Sampson wrote.

Her whole family had been away on a cruise while this was happening, and returned the day before the adoption took place.

"My mom was very confused at first," Sampson told Motherly. "But once I was able to explain everything we stood in the kitchen and jumped up and down and then ran into the living room and told everyone else."

Because this was happening privately, they needed only a lawyer and no agency involved in the paperwork. They were able to greet baby Ezra in the NICU just an hour after he became theirs.

"The first time I saw him it was so hard for me to grasp the fact that he was mine," Sampson told us. "It took a while for me to realize that he is my son and I am his mom."

Ezra is the name his birth parents, who are white, had chosen for him. "When Jarvis and I looked up the meaning, which is 'helper,' we couldn't think of a better fit."


Sadie and Jarvis posed for photos proudly proclaiming their adoption story. "Not Showing Still Glowing" reads Sadie's shirt, while Jarvis' tee says, "Families Don't Have to Match #Adoption." Friends and followers on Instagram helped the new family, buying baby supplies on their registry and donating funds for their final adoption process. Now, social media is where they're sharing all the typical milestones of new parenthood.

"We had one plan and God changed the game completely," she wrote on Instagram. "Ezra has given us a larger purpose and we've learned so much from him in the short two weeks he's been with us. Families DON'T have to match! They are built on LOVE!"

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As an ESPN anchor Kevin Negandhi talks to a lot of pro athletes. But as a parent he knows that sometimes raising kids is as hard as training for the big leagues (seriously, science proves that kids energy levels surpass endurance athletes' and parents are running after those kids).

Negandhi knows what it's like to be face-to-face with athletes that so many people idolize, but he also knows that a parent can be more influential than any big league idol, and that's why he's working with Dove Men+Care SPORTCARE to put real dads in the spotlight.

"We have a platform to showcase what they do as everyday athletes, but also as everyday men, everyday fathers," says Negandhi, who has three kids himself. He tells Motherly he tries to make sure he's active with his kids—playing sports with them so that they understand the importance of staying active—but also staying active with the kids when the touch football ends and the real parenting endurance test begins. Like many modern fathers, Negandhi is committed to doing more childcare than his own father did.

"My mom did everything in our house," he tells Motherly. "My dad worked, but my mom worked as well. And she did everything. She raised us. But at the same time she showed me another side. And many times growing up I said, 'How can I be different than my father?'"

Being involved with his kids and doing more of the unpaid work in his household than his own dad did is how Negandhi is doing it, and he's taking time to showcase three fellow dads who—while sharing their names with professional athletes—certainly don't get as much credit as the pros.

That is actually something of a problem in media right now. According to a recent survey by Dove Men+Care, 70% of men wish regular guys who are athletes (but not professionals) got more attention in sports media. Because as much as winning the Superbowl or making it to the major leagues should be celebrated, being a dad who is physically active and active in raising his kids should be celebrated, too.

Research shows that when kids grow up seeing dads exercise they are healthier, and while these three men happen to share their names with famous athletes, they don't get the same glory. So Negandhi and Dove Men+Care are giving these hard working dads some recognition.

Alvin Suarez

Alvin Suarez is teaching his kids that having a disability doesn't disqualify you from being an athlete. As a visually-impaired person, Alvin isn't the standard athlete we see represented in media. He plays Goalball, a sport that relies on keen ear-hand coordination, and he is certainly a keen father, chasing after his twin girls.

Alvin says the difference between sports and fatherhood is that you can train for sports, while parenthood takes you by surprise. "I try to be a good role model for my daughters and I want everyone to know that everyone has potential and that there is no such thing as a nobody."

Alvin has won championships as a Goalball player, but says holding his daughters in his arms for the first time was like winning a medal but multiplied by a million.

Sean Williams

Sean Williams is committed to his community and his kids. He uses physical fitness to connect with his kids and to, literally, save lives. A volunteer firefighter, Sean keeps fit so that he can use his body and energy to maximum impact. He isn't just changing the lives of people impacted by fires, but also his fellow dads.

The founder of The Dad Gang, an organization committed to celebrating and telling the real story of black fatherhood, Sean has created a space for dads to connect with their children and each other while staying active.

"One of the challenges we put out on social media is where you do pushups with our kids on our backs and that merges fatherhood and fitness," he explains.

If there was a Super Bowl for community service, Sean would be wearing the ring.

Chris Paul

A Marine Corps veteran, Chris needs a ton of energy to keep up with his blended family. It started out as an "all-girl Brady Bunch" he explains, as his wife and he had six daughters between them, but they've since added a boy to the family which now included seven kids. .

He's basically got his own sports team at home so it makes sense that Chris is super committed to staying fit for them. The Marine turned realtor takes time to help other dads in his community stay fit and knows when to draw boundaries to protect his time with his kids.

He's got some good endurance, but he's not going to work 15 hours a day when his kids are waiting at home for him. Chris says in former times dads were often passive figures in their kids' lives as the child rearing was done by others.

Like the other men, he's changing that. "I'm an active participant and I want to make sure that I can contribute to my children's lives."

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Back in 2017 when we learned Beyoncé was starring in a new remake of The Lion King I was thrilled. My son (my only child) was almost 2 years old and I told my partner I wanted The Lion King to be our son's first movie theatre experience. Going to see the original Lion King in a movie theatre was a big deal to me as a kid and I wanted to recreate that experience for my son.

Flash forward to July 2019 and The Lion King is in theaters—but my son and I are not. Turns out I really overestimated how long 3-year-olds can sit still. While my son loves watching 1994's Lion King at home (he always stands on the couch and lifts his stuffed animals to the sky during "Circle of Life") he's just not quite subdued enough for the cinema yet.

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So we have been waiting to see The Lion King at home, and now we finally can! October 11 marks the film's digital home video release, and the Blu-ray hits stores on October 22.

Rob Legato, a VFX supervisor on the film, tells Motherly that "the visuals are so well preserved on 4K and newer television sets that it is literally the mini theatre experience and you're not missing much by seeing it at home."

Basically, the digital version is going to be just as awesome as seeing it in theaters, except that we will be able to pause for potty breaks and my kiddo can stand on his seat pretending to be Rafiki without blocking anyone's view.

The movie is, of course, incredible, but so are the animals it's based on. Screening the movie at home is an amazing way to start conversations with your kids about the various animals in the film as they are of course more similar to the real animals they are based on then their animated counterparts were in 1994.

The filmmakers went to Africa to research the animals they were bringing to life and they also spent a ton of time at the Harambe Wildlife Reserve inside Disney's Animal Kingdom in Orlando, Florida watching various species to try to make their movements as realistic as possible. There, 34 species live on 110 acres and the filmmakers got to watch them closely, making this film incredibly detailed.

Some of the animal experts who work with these animals on a daily basis say that when they watch The Lion King, they can actually tell which characters are based on which of the animals they know in real life.

"This film presented a really wonderful and unique opportunity to bring the production crew to the animals here at Disney's Animal Kingdom. They spent about 6 weeks here collecting reference footage of the animals here and we partnered really closely with the animal care teams at Disney's Animal Kingdom to make sure that all of the filming that we were doing, the impact to the animals was minimized," says Jon Ross of Disney's Animals in TV and Film department

The film crew watched the animals from a distance, which is something families can also do at Disney's Animal Kingdom by taking the Kilimanjaro Safari or staying in Jambo House at the Animal Kingdom Lodge, where giraffes and other animals can be seen right from hotel balconies.

But the work Disney is doing with the animals is more than a tourist attraction. The company is serious about conservation and protecting the animal species featured in the park and in its films. "Tied to the Lion King film we launched the Protect the Pride initiative," Claire Martin of Disney's Conservation & Partnerships team tells Motherly. "We realized that we'd lost half of the world's lions since the first Lion King film debuted and we want to turn that around, so we're working with the Wildlife Conservation Network's Lion Recovery Fund to help their vision to double the amount of lions in the wild by 2050," she explains.

Marin suggests that parents watching The Lion King with their kids can use the film to talk to their children about conservation issues and continue the education long after the end credits roll. "We encourage people to learn more, visit the website, get involved and learn more about how they can make an impact on lions and other wildlife across Africa," says Martin.

Through the website, parents can even download an activity packet (you can print it and make your kids a cool book) with all kinds of information and cool activities and to help kids feed their lion obsession in an educational way even when screen time is over.

The Lion King is available to stream now and will be on Blu-ray October 22 (with even more educational features about the animals!)

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