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There are feet and elbows and squeals and shrieks, followed by laughing—lots of laughing—thumps and grunts. I watch, waiting for my youngest to smack his head on the coffee table or my oldest to sit a little too long on the middle one’s chest, worried that it’s not really fun until someone gets hurt.


I don’t know if it is amusement, amazement or annoyance I feel as I watch their dad in the middle of it all, tossing them around, spinning them and flipping them, altogether keeping the energy at a frenzy, sweating and panting right along. And I wonder who is having more fun?

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To a mom, all the noise and pummeling can be more than a little bit alarming. But lots of research suggests that regular roughhousing sessions make for happier, more successful children.

In fact, in Top Dog, a book about the science of winning and losing, authors Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman argue that roughhousing can give your kids a competitive edge and help them learn to thrive in an increasingly dog-eat-dog world.

We know intuitively that something magical is going on when dad gets down on the floor and lets little ones give it to him. Even if we are more than a little uneasy with all the activity, somehow we know the special give and take that goes on is fundamental to how our kids relate to him.

But are we aware of how that relationship affects how our kids see the world and themselves in it, or that roughhousing can help protect against childhood depression?

Maybe if we understand that roughhousing is a good way for kids to release aggression, or that it teaches our kids how to set boundaries, we can relax and enjoy watching the show.

As moms, every fiber of our being has been devoted to nourishing, nurturing and protecting our babies from before that first beautiful cry was heard to those first wobbly steps and beyond. The journey has brought us closer and made us more connected and in tune with our children than we could have ever imagined.

The first few years, our children’s development requires more from us, with dads as active participants who, for the most part, follow our lead. But by nature, there comes a time and place where dads’ involvement and subsequent bond grows independently and quite importantly.

"A mother’s bond is established in infancy, and researchers believe that dad's bond is expressed a little later, when the father serves as a secure base allowing the child to explore and take risks," says University of Georgia researcher Geoffrey Brown, lead author of a 2012 study in the Journal of Family Psychology on fundamental questions about how fathers bond with children.

What is roughhousing?

Roughhousing is essentially mutual, aggressive, interactive, high-trust play in which no one is actually getting hurt. Kids feel more relaxed, connected, and happy after roughhousing. This is critical in establishing a deep and lasting bond with dads that lays the foundation for the part of their development that helps them function successfully in the world and pave the way for future generations’ success and happiness by properly socializing kids to be good parents themselves. The good news is that roughhousing comes in many shapes and sizes, so dads who are more adverse to the extreme physicality of many forms can easily find others that suit their style better.

Recent research has shown that roughhousing serves an evolutionary purpose. Unlike many other animals, humans need their fathers well beyond just the act of making the baby. Based on research by MacDonald and Parke, fathers play key roles in optimum development of psychological and emotional traits like empathy, emotional control and the ability to navigate complex social relationships.

"Perhaps out of worry for their kids' future financial security, dads across human cultures mostly focus on preparing children to compete within society. They give advice, encourage academic success and stress achievement," says David Geary of the University of Missouri and author of Male, Female: Evolution of Human Sex Differences.

By roughousing, dads "rile them up, almost to the point that they are going to snap, and then calm them down," explains Geary. "This pattern teaches kids to control their emotions—a trait that garners them popularity among superiors and peers," he said. "As adults, they are more likely to form secure relationships, achieve stable social standing and become able parents. In this sense, a father who takes care of his children also gives his grandchildren a leg up."

Science supports the need for this kind of activity.

"We know quite a lot about how important fathers are in general for a child's development," says Richard Fletcher, the leader of the Fathers and Families Research Program at the University of Newcastle in Australia (UON), in an interview on ABC News.

Though all the rolling around and noise on the floor may look like theres just a lot of fun being had, Fletcher and UON researchers believe that the most important aspect of roughhousing is that it gives children "a sense of achievement when they 'defeat' a more powerful adult, building their self-confidence and concentration."

In their study, researchers watched film of 30 dads roughhousing with their kids. "When you look at fathers and their young children playing, you can see that for the child, it's not just a game. They obviously enjoy it and they're giggling, but when you watch the video, you can see that child is concentrating really hard. I think the excitement is related to the achievement that's involved," Fletcher says. "It's not about a spoiled child not wanting to lose, I think that child is really striving for the achievement of succeeding."

What it does to your child’s brain

There is a lot of science to reinforce the value of roughhousing. A lot of it can be tied to one salient fact: Roughhousing releases brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF).

Based on research by the Child Mental Health Centre’s Margot Sutherland, when kids roughhouse, the brain recognizes this as a small stressor. As heart rate increases, the brain thinks they are fighting or fleeing some danger. To protect the brain from stress, BDNF is released, which repairs and protects the brain while improving it’s learning and memory capabilities. Stimulating neuron growth in the cortex-amygdala, cerebellum and hippocampus regions of the brain, BDNF is vitally important and responsible for the development of memory, higher learning and advanced behavior, such as language and logic–skills necessary for academic success. This growth underpins a myriad of benefits for our kids.

Why we roughhouse

Some parents worry that roughhousing teaches kids to be violent and impulsive. In their book, The Art of Roughhousing, Anthony DeBenedet and Larry Cohen claim instead that roughhousing “makes kids smart, emotionally intelligent, lovable and likable, ethical, physically fit, and joyful.”

Other studies have indicated that kids who aren’t allowed to roughhouse can develop inappropriate responses to aggression, imagining threats where none exist, according to research by Daniel Paquette, a Professor of Psychoeducation at the University of Montreal.

"Parent-child roughhousing enables kids to explore aggression within the context of an emotional bond. By practicing aggression in a safe environment as a kid, they learn to be comfortable with it and take more risks as an adult, whether it’s by standing up to a bullying colleague or asking for a raise. In particular, fathers play a critical role in helping kids develop these skills," he says.

In Paquette’s surveys of children’s behavior for the University of Montreal, kid-initiated roughhousing peaks at around three or four, but continues until about age 10. During that time, Psychologist Anthony Pellegrini has found that "the amount of roughhousing children engage in predicts their achievement in first grade better than their kindergarten test scores do."

Roughhousing is a fun and safe place to teach your kids that failure is often just a temporary state and that victory goes to the person who is resilient, sticks to it and learns from his mistakes.

As a parent, resilience and grit are two of the best things you can help your kids develop. "Since resilience is a key in developing children’s intelligence, resilient kids tend to see failure more as a challenge to overcome rather than an event that defines them. This sort of intellectual resilience helps ensure your children bounce back from bad grades and gives them the grit to keep trying until they’ve mastered a topic," says Pellegrini. The ability to bounce back from failures helps your kids face challenges and reach their full potential, living happier lives as adults.

Though on its surface it appears rather brutish, roughhousing is really quite sophisticated, requiring the coordination of three aspects of human intelligence: physical, social and cognitive. When in concert, these aspects provide the sweet notes of our kids’ lives, but when out of balance can make for some sad music.

10 ways kids benefit from roughhousing

1. It rewires the brain, making kids smarter.

Roughhousing requires our kids to adapt quickly to unpredictable situations. In his book, Wild Justice, evolutionary biologist, Marc Bekoff, says, "The unpredictable nature of roughhousing actually rewires a child’s brain by increasing the connections between neurons in the cerebral cortex, which in turn contributes to behavioral flexibility. Learning how to cope with sudden changes while roughhousing trains your kiddos to cope with unexpected bumps in the road when they’re out in the real world."

2. It teaches children about taking turns and cooperation.

Roughhousing teaches kids the concept of leadership and negotiation. Physical games require the give-and-take of negotiation to establish the rules upon which everyone needs to agree in order for all to have fun. This is excellent preparation for both professional success and committed relationships.

Roughhousing also requires taking turns with the dominant role. Whether you’re the wrestler or the wrestlee, everyone has to take turns in for the fun to continue. Kids don’t want to keep playing if they are constantly on the losing side.

3. It toughens kids up.

Occasional scuffs and scrapes are a byproduct of roughhousing and are bound to happen. Rather than coddle, dads tend to distract their kids from the pain with humor or some other task.

In a study of 32 subjects in the Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics, researchers found that many fathers walk a fine line during roughousing between safety and risk, allowing children to get minor injuries without endangering them. Learning to deal with and manage minor discomforts while roughhousing can help kids handle the stresses they’ll encounter at school and work.

4. It teaches kids to take risks.

Beckoff states that roughhousing is good for learning because "it provides an opportunity for making mistakes without fear of punishment." And because "fathers play a particularly important role in the development of children's openness to the world," writes Paquette, "they also tend to encourage children to take risks, while at the same time ensuring [their] safety and security, thus permitting children to learn to be braver in unfamiliar situations, as well as to stand up for themselves."

5. It helps kids manage aggression.

Some parents fear that roughhousing will lead to aggression and that we should always be “safe” with our children. While this is a concern, studies perfomed at the University of Regensburg in Germany suggest that it actually has the opposite effect.

Children who roughhouse at home are less violent, presumably because they feel a strong connection with their fathers and because they learn the difference between healthy roughhousing and aggression. As psychologist John Snarey says in his research-turned-book, How Fathers Care for the Next Generation, "Children who roughhouse with their fathers... quickly learn that biting, kicking, and other forms of physical violence are not acceptable."

Girls have aggressive feelings, too, and few know how to deal with them. Roughhousing provides the same benefits to them as it does to boys. Occasionally, roughhousing can lead to tears—play may have activated feelings that needed to come out, and they are coming out in tears rather than laughter and body slams. It turns out that roughhousing can help "mean girls" access their feelings more directly, which cuts down on the meanness.

7. It increases social and emotional intelligence.

“The ability to differentiate between play and aggression translates into other social skills that require people to read and interpret social cues,” says Pellegrini. Kids need to learn when to stop. In a report published in Behavioral Neuroscience, Jennifer Mascaro and her colleagues at Emory University state that, "rough play mimics aggressive actions, and requires accurate reading of social cues to determine when the rough and tumble tickling or fighting has gone too far, or if someone is feeling hurt. That requires evaluating other people’s emotional state and determining when the feelings pass the threshold from fun and play to fear and anger."

Play expert and founder of The National Institute for Play, Dr. Stuart Brown, says that the “lack of experience with [roughhousing] hampers the normal give-and-take necessary for social mastery and has been linked with poor control of violent impulses later in life. When kids roughhouse they learn to tell the difference between play and actual aggression," making them more well-liked, compared to kids who have a hard time separating the two.

Moreover, kids learn how to regain self-control, which makes them more confident in their emotional lives.

8. It teaches kids about boundaries, ethics and morality.

When we roughhouse with our kids, they learn the difference between right and wrong and about the appropriate use of strength and power. Roughhousing also teaches children about setting limits and boundaries while being safe when they play with others.

In nature, self-handicapping is one of the most amazing illustrations of moral behavior in animal play. "When we roughhouse with our kids, we model for them how someone bigger and stronger holds back. We teach them self-control, fairness, and empathy. We let them win, which gives them confidence and demonstrates that winning isn’t everything and you don’t need to dominate all the time," say DeBenedet and Cohen.

According to Bekoff, this is moral behavior because the larger the animal cares more about both players having fun together than it does about winning. Kids learn that actual strength is showing compassion to those weaker than you.

9. It makes kids physically active and can protect them from depression.

"Being active, getting sweaty and roughhousing offer more than just physical health benefits. They also protect against depression," says Tonje Zahl, a Ph.D. candidate at the Norwegian University of Science and Technology (NTNU), and first author of the article on the study findings which were recently published in the February 2017 issue of Pediatrics.

Her new study supports that this kind of physical activity protects against depression. The researchers at the NTNU examined just under 800 children when they were six years old and conducted follow-up examinations with about 700 of them when they were eight and ten years old to see if they could find a correlation between physical activity and symptoms of depression. They found that the more the kids engaged in activity that caused them to sweat and pant, the less incidence there was of depression.

10. Roughhousing builds a better bond.

The rough play fathers engage in is just as important as the gentle mothering that mothers do. Roughhousing offers dads a chance to show physically their affection to their kids in a fun and playful manner. Throwing kids up in the air and catching them, or swinging them upside-down, builds kids’ trust in you—by taking part in somewhat risky activities with you, your kids learn that they can trust you to keep them safe. And as dads tumble around with kids, the closeness and physical activity release the parenting hormone, oxytocin, which boosts feelings of bonding and closeness.

It’s not just for dads and sons

Just as fathers can be super midnight soothers, mothers can be awesome roughhousers. This is especially important, since not all children have fathers. "If a mom does it, the child will learn the same thing," says Catherine Tamis-LeMonda, a professor of developmental psychology at New York University. And moms who roughhouse with their kids give them a whole new set of behaviors to figure out and learn from.

All kids need loving physical contact, and both boys and girls need to get it from their fathers. In roughhousing, dads and kids get the endorphin rush of athletics as well as the oxytocin rush of a good hug, benefitting both the same way that the release of oxytocin does when a child is being comforted or is nursing.

Importantly, DeBenedet says roughhousing can benefit both genders, often in different ways. “For boys, it’s a way to learn physical interaction that isn’t violent or sexual. For girls, it’s finding a way to make sure their voice is heard.”

So, what can you do to remain sane while watching all of this go down?

  • Be aware of the surroundings Keep your kids away from areas where they can get hurt. Also, keep in mind that a child’s joints are prone to injury when roughhousing.
  • Watch for and respect clues Ensure that roughhousing has not gone too far and that everyone is still having fun.
  • Don’t roughhouse right before bed Kids need some time right before bed to relax and ramp things down so they can get into sleep mode.
  • Remember that roughhousing is for girls, too While boys are naturally prone to engage in roughhousing, make sure you don’t leave girls out of the fun. Studies show that girls who roughhouse with their fathers are more confident than girls who don’t. And some studies even indicate that roughhousing can prevent your little angel from being a mean girl that psychologically terrorizes other girls.

The Art of Roughhousing recommends specific things you can do with your kids while roughhousing, along with helpful illustrations showing you how to do them. Also, you can visit the website for additional roughhousing ideas.

In the end, roughhousing may be alarming but is truly necessary for proper development to take place—all that tumbling and tackling helps develop strength, flexibility and complex motor learning, in addition to concentration, cardiovascular fitness, and coordination. Additionally, tossing kids in the air and spinning them around provides early vestibular stimulation (the input that your body receives when you experience movement or gravity), which is important for balance and may be a building block for future athleticism.

And there is one more surprising bonus: Roughhousing makes parenting easier by providing a positive outlet for big feelings so they don’t get worked out in more problematic ways. If we use roughhousing to improve communication and to impart values that influence our children’s attitude at home, with peers and at school, we can learn how they react to success, failures and obstacles, and we can build a special bond to guide them through troubled times. We lay the groundwork to better our present mutual relationships and those relationships of generations to follow.

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Creating your baby registry is one of the most exciting getting-ready-for-baby tasks a mama takes part in (other than, you know, growing a life). But even though sorting through adorably teeny this and itsy bitsy that can be loads of fun, that doesn't change the fact that there are SO many products from which to choose—not to mention slight variations in version for each. And how do parents know if you even need that *very specific* item to begin with, since each baby's likes are so different? It helps to have an expert guiding you through the what's-actually-worth-it process, whether it's veteran parents in your life who will likely offer up suggestions, or stores like buybuy BABY that handpick the must-have options and make registry building super easy for you.

From strollers to car seats and swings (because you'll definitely be needing a swing at some point), here are our top picks for first-time parents of the items you'll be glad you put on your baby registry, trust us.

UPPAbaby VISTA stroller

UPPAbaby VISTA stroller

The best recommendation is the one from someone you trust and if you ask around, it won't take long for you to learn that UPPAbaby® is one of the most beloved stroller brands by new and seasoned moms alike. The VISTA is their crème de la crème, and it comes with all sorts of high quality features (think an ultra-sturdy frame and all-wheel suspension to help absorb all those bumps on the road) that will keep your babe comfortable no matter where your walk takes you. Plus, it comes in a bunch of great colors and transitions to a double as your family grows.

$959.99

Chicco KeyFit 30 infant car seat

ChiccoKeyFitcarseat

When it comes to keeping your little one safe, a car seat is probably the most important piece of gear you'll buy. While you'll hopefully never need to test it out, the KeyFit® seat keeps your little peanut extra secure with things like side impact protection—plus, thanks to handy bubble indicators, installing it correctly doesn't require a rocket scientist[JS9] . It's all about making your life easier while helping you breathe easier, too!

$199.99

4moms mamaRoo classic infant seat

4momsmamaRooswing

All hail the infant swing 🙌. Whether your cute new bundle is generally calm or has more of a defiant streak, chances are there'll be a time when you need some hands-free soothing. Enter the mamaRoo, a beyond useful swing that looks as cozy as it is. Strap the nugget in, choose one of five distinct motion patterns, and let yourself enjoy that moment of solitude on the couch (without leaving baby unsupervised, of course).

$219.19

HALO Bassinest premier series swivel sleeper

HALOsleeper

Being a new mom is all about snuggles and, if we're being honest, surviving those sleepless nights. And since the American Association of Pediatrics' current recommendation is to have your baby sleep in your room for at least the first 6 months of life anyway, why not have your little one spend his or her early nights snoozing in a bedside bassinet to save some time in the middle of the night? The HALO Bassinest is designed to nuzzle right up next to your bed, too, so you won't even have to get out from under the comforter during those 3am feedings.

Graco Table2Table premier fold 7-in1 convertible high chair

Gracohighchair

Spoiler alert: Your little babe is going to grow up fast. While it may seem like they'll be in that just-learning-how-to-eat phase forever, they'll outgrow the full-fledged high chair in a blink. While you can definitely buy a variety of different seating apparatuses for them, you can also buy one that'll last with your growing baby. With seven different configurations ranging from an infant reclining high chair to a toddler table and little chair, this is the only one you'll ever need.

$169.99

Fisher-Price 4-in-1 sling 'n seat bath tub

Fisher-Pricebath

Bath time is arguably one of the cutest elements of parenthood. So rather than concentrating on holding your slippery little baby safely in the sink while also, you know, washing them, do yourself a favor and invest in an infant tub with an adjustable sling. It'll help make the bonding time fun of bath time more secure so you can focus on enjoying those beautiful sudsy moments.

$39.99

Hatch Baby Rest sound machine night light + time-to-rise

HatchBabyRestsoundmachine

Technology has brought us a lot of advantages, but one of the best? The ability to comfort your little one without ever leaving bed. The Hatch Baby Rest offers sound- and light-control from your smartphone so you can use the power of noise to help them back to sleep if they fuss in the middle of the night without requiring you to drag your tired self out of bed. Plus, when the toddler years come around, it doubles as a time-to-rise clock so that ball of energy knows when it's appropriate to barrel into your room.

$59.99

Fridababy baby basics kit

fridababybasics

Fridababy has made a name for itself with its cheeky (but incredibly practical) products like the congestion-fighting NoseFrida® and the less-than-pleasant Windi. With this basics bundle, you can get four of their most popular—for nose, behind, scalp and nails—in one convenient package. It's not glamorous, mamas, but it's parenting at its finest.

$39.99

Graco 4Ever all-in-one convertible car seat

Gracocarseat

Whether or not you choose to purchase an infant car seat for the first months, you will eventually need a convertible car seat as your kiddo gets bigger, and the best options will grow with them. The Graco® 4Ever All-in-1 accommodates children up to 40 pounds facing backwards and up to 65 pounds facing forward. Plus, it can be used as a booster seat up through the age of 10. One less thing to buy until then, mama!

Skip*Hop explore + more 3-stage activity center

Skip*Hopactivitycenter

Insider parenting tip: Invest in a few great toys that serve as a great way to help your baby learn and explore and stay safe (read: unable to crawl away when you turn your head for a split second). An activity center serves both of those purposes—keeps them entertained and contained fabulously. Even better, the SKIP*HOP® Explore & More 3-Stage has an extra-long shelf life as it converts to an activity table when they outgrow the harness. Plus, there's a snack bowl attachment, and as every mama knows, snacks mean victory.

$129.99

This article was sponsored by buybuy BABY. Thank you for supporting the brands that support mamas and Motherly.

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With the start of a new year, it's important to reflect back on the prior year, assess what went well, what didn't and decide where you want to go next. It takes a lot of mental toughness, self-love and discipline to create the life you want. Simply coasting along on cruise control reacting to life can lead to a victim mentality and stagnation.

In doing so, you don't have to swear yourself to resolutions and feel like a failure if you don't achieve them. Just think about the life you want to create and take small steps.

Here's how to get mentally fit for the new year so you can move forward successfully:

1. Clear clutter.

Look at your surroundings. If you have junk drawers galore, a messy car, countertops and cabinets that are full of stuff you don't even use, it's time to clear the clutter. Cluttered spaces reflect a cluttered mind. If you want to wipe the slate clean to allow room for new people and circumstances that serve you, you must get your mind clear. Many of my patients who describe themselves as anxious, stressed or even depressed say they feel better when they start clearing up their physical space.

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2. Eat mind-boosting foods.

Mental fitness also has to do with how well our minds work. A loss of memory or the ability to concentrate or focus can easily shift with an improved diet. Research finds that along with other benefits, foods rich in Omega-3, such as some fish and nuts, as well as those full of antioxidants can help protect the brain from memory decline. Eating more fish such as salmon and add fruits such as blackberries and blueberries to your diet can help. The good news is that brain-boosting foods include delicious options such as chocolate, guacamole (avocados) and sunflower seeds.

3. Color

The adult coloring book bandwagon is a good one to jump on because coloring requires a total focus on the present. The repetitive motion of coloring provides relief from stress and anxiety by entering a meditative state. Not everyone can sit still and breathe for 15 minutes per day, but they certainly can color. It's absolutely a fun way to achieve mindfulness and shake off the day.

4. Apologize + forgive.

A fast way to mental fitness is forgiveness. Carrying around resentments and guilt wears us down and can lead to serious illnesses such as cancer or stroke. If you experienced a tough break-up, divorce or perhaps the political climate led to arguments and lost friends, reach out, apologize and seek forgiveness to help you move on.

Remember, forgiveness doesn't mean you condone hurtful behavior. Forgiveness frees you and the other person, making it easier to move forward.

5. Learn something new.

Challenge your brain by doing something new: Learn a new language, cook a new recipe, try your hand at painting or explore doing Tai Chi. Pick something you think would be interesting or useful to learn and try it. The more we can activate the cognitive functions of our brains the better our short and long-term memory and hand-eye coordination will be.

6. Plan + prepare more meals at home

Instead of committing to a strict diet, incorporate more home-cooked meals into your repertoire. Research shows that food made at home has less fat, calories and sugar than meals eaten out, even if you're not specifically trying to prepare and eat healthier meals.

7. Set a goal to make one new friend a month

As we get older we tend to get stagnant with our friendships and not reach beyond our formed circles anymore. Make an effort to engage the person you always see at your spin class or pass every day in the hallway at your co-working space. Bringing new people into the fold can add spice and variety to your life.

8. Do something that scares you

No, this does not mean putting your life at risk. If public speaking has been a thorn in your side, take a class in it, and then put your lessons to use. If you would love to try snow skiing but have been too timid, take a lesson. Has the travel bug bit you but you don't have a companion? Throw a dart at a map and travel (safety first!) wherever the dart lands. It does not matter what you do, however big or small as long as you try something previously out of your comfort zone. One completed victory will give rise to another.

Life

A healthy baby.

Isn't that what we all want? It's a common response to the question every expecting mother gets asked: Do you want a boy or a girl?

"It doesn't matter as long as the baby is healthy."

But what if that doesn't happen? What if something doesn't go quite right?

I'll admit that sentence came out of my mouth when I was pregnant with both boys. I didn't care if it was a boy or girl as long as the baby was healthy and could thrive. While our first was born by emergency C-section, after a little while they handed me a "perfectly healthy baby." We were thrilled, what a relief! And then along came our tiny fighter.

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He wasn't and isn't healthy. He falls under the 'not healthy' category. Your child may fall under that as well.

What if instead of newborn cuddles you got a photo to look at while your baby is fighting for their life?

What if instead of that beautifully planned out sibling meet, they "meet" over FaceTime?

What if instead of hearing their sweet, peaceful breathing and see that sweet gassy smile you hear monitors, nurses, doctors and see tubes, wires, and machines?

When we throw that sentence around, it makes it seem that unhealthy babies and children are worth less, aren't as special, harder to love.

They are still loved.

They are still valuable.

They are still beautiful.

They are still precious.

You are their mom/dad, and for a reason. They are not defective, they're different and different is okay.

No, they're not a burden.

Their little heart may be broken, but that broken heart will fill yours with more than you ever imagined was possible.

They can give hope to someone who is looking for a miracle.

They may make a medical staff's day, brighten up the dark hospital room.

No one asks for "not healthy" but sometimes that's the card that gets played. We all want "healthy." Truth is, we can't all have that. A lot of us will have babies that fight, struggle and teach us more about life than we thought we could learn from such a small person.

Some children will fight, win and thrive. Some will fight for a long time and their struggle will be more long term. Some will fight and unfortunately, lose their battle.

But trust me, those kids are loved.

Having a healthy baby is not everything. It's something, it's important and we all want our children to be healthy. There's nothing wrong with longing for a healthy baby. It's our natural instinct. No one is saying that when that sentence leaves our mouth it means you won't love this child if they're not healthy.

But just remember, next time you say, "As long as the baby is healthy" ask yourself, "What if the baby is not?"

This article was previously published here.

Life

There are so many things to do this time of year and for most of us, gift wrapping is one of them. Some people love doing it and devote whole rooms in their homes to the art of wrapping and others just wrap as fast as they can and move onto the next box.

If you're in the second category you may have worried about how your presents are perceived by their receivers, but we have good news: No one cares if you are a sloppy wrapper, in fact, they kind of love it. This is according to a new study from the University of Nevada which found imperfectly wrapped gifts are more pleasing to receive than flawlessly wrapped presents.

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Sloppy gift wrapping makes people happy so stop making yourself feel guilty about it.

"When we receive a gift from a friend, we use the wrapping as a cue about the gift inside and form expectations," says Jessica Rixom, an assistant professor of marketing at the University of Nevada, Reno. "If it's wrapped neatly, we set high expectations, and it's hard for the gift to live up to those expectations."

According to Rixom and her colleagues, giving a friend or family member a sloppily wrapped gift is a good idea and will actually make them like the present more...but if you're giving a gift to someone you don't know well the wrapping should be neater. When we get gifts from acquaintances we perceive the wrap job as an indication of how important the giver thinks of relationship is. The researchers say we should take relationship closeness into account when deciding how much time to spend wrapping a gift. The more time you spend with someone, the less time you have to spend on the present.

"It may be wise to go the extra mile with wrapping when giving a gift to an acquaintance," says Rixom.

So if you're giving a gift to the new mom you just met at the playgroup, do a good job on the wrapping this year and by next year she may be your BFF (and then you can wrap her present in a hurry and she'll love it).

News

Whether you can believe it or not, the holidays are practically here and it's time to kick holiday shopping into overdrive. Maybe you have a white elephant gift exchange coming up, or need to grab something small for your coworker. We have everything you need to win over your friends, family and even that person in your office who has everything. And because the holidays wouldn't be special without smiles from little ones, we have the perfect gifts for them, too. Don't stress mama, you got this.

Here are the funniest and cutest gifts our team loves for under $25:

L’Occitane scented soap duo

L\u2019Occitane scented soap duo

Tired of that boring hand soap in your powder room? Add an elegant twist to your guest bathroom with this tried-and-true soap duo that smells like sweet fruit. It also feels great on the skin and isn't overdrying.

$24.00

Homebody onesie

Homebody onesie

Yes, babies have tons of onesies around the house, but do they have one that truly states exactly who they are? No one knows home life better than a newborn and this eco-friendly onesie celebrates that.

$23

Ozeri Nouveaux II electric wine opener

Ozeri Nouveaux II electric wine opener

For the mama who likes to host, this wine opener opens up to 60 bottles on a single charge, all with the single push of a button. Plus, it illuminates with a soft blue light when in use and while recharging so you can never lose it among your mountain of kitchen appliances.

$16.64

Rodeo veggie lunch box

Rodeo veggie lunch box

The Rodeo's insulated interior makes cleaning effortless, and its convenient front pocket provides easy access to snacks, because we all know that kids LOVE snacks more than life itself. Plus, the multi-colors make it easy to accessorize all their fall and winter looks.

$24.99

More Coffee, Less Judgement ceramic mug

More Coffee, Less Judgement ceramic mug

Join any mommy group on Facebook and you're bound to see someone judging a mama for the craziest things. It's annoying, and frankly so uncalled for. Gift the mama friends in your life a mug that reminds them to enjoy more coffee and less judgment. It's also the perfect gift for your coffee-loving coworker.

$15

Spin Master Games baa baa bubbles

Spin Master Games baa baa bubbles

Make it easy for little ones to be entertained all day. Simply feed the Bubbles the sheep treats when you play and her wool made of real bubbles grows. But be careful: If Bubbles is allergic to what she eats, she'll sneeze, blasting her bubbles and you'll lose your tile.

$9.99

Good Day kitchen towel

Good Day kitchen towel

Life has its fair share of challenges, but it's not all doom and gloom. This kitchen towel offers a simple (yet very important) reminder to look on the bright side and have a good day, even when your morning routine feels out of hand.

$10

Fisher-price s'more fun campfire

Fisher-price s'more fun campfire

If you're looking for gifts for the kid obsessed with make-believe, look no further. Let them pretend to roast S'mores with artificial wood sticks, marshmallows, chocolate and graham crackers. Bonus: The gift-ready package is also perfect for storage, so that's one less thing you have to worry about.

$16.75

Warmies slippers

Warmies slippers

Typically you don't go to drugstores to find comfortable slippers, but these heated slippers are a cut above the rest because they combine soothing warmth with aromatherapy. When heated, the dried French lavender inside releases a relaxing aroma that's perfect for helping you unwind after a long day with the family.

$14.99

Elmer’s Color Changing slime kit

Elmer\u2019s Color Changing slime kit

Slime is one of those gifts that never gets old. Who can resist the gooey, slimy texture that sparks creativity? What makes this set so fun is that when you shine the included UV light on the slime, it changes colors. It also comes with a glue slime activator that eliminates the need for lens solution and baking soda.

$9.98

Empowered Women canvas tote bag

Empowered Women canvas tote bag

An empowered tote is something your bestie will adore but never wants to spend the money on. We like this one because it has an interior pocket (with a zipper!) to house tiny items that seem to get lost and keeps the inside organized. Also, the 18" x 15" size is the perfect size—it's not too small or too bulky.

$20

Tiger Tribe detective set

Looking for new toys for car rides and quiet-time play? Let your little ones use their best detective skills to solve a variety of crimes while learning the essentials of observation, investigation, lateral thinking, code cracking and fingerprint analysis.

$12.99

Nostalgia grilled cheese sandwich toaster

Nostalgia grilled cheese sandwich toaster

Who doesn't love the perfect grilled cheese? We're not here to debate you on this, but a grilled cheese that's soft, yet crunchy on the sides, and slightly gooey is the best winter lunch. These toasting baskets hold the sandwich in place while it cooks so you never have to worry about flipping it at the right moment. There are also adjustable heat settings to customize your toast—in case you like yours a bit more on the burnt side.

$19.99

Olababy silicone steambowl

Olababy silicone steambowl

This bowl is made from toxin-free, food-grade silicone that acts as both a steamer and serving bowl, combined into one. And as one Amazon reviewer noted, it stands up to everything, including both baby and toddler teeth. We're obsessed!

$11.98

The Astrology of You and Me book

The Astrology of You and Me book

Newsflash: you're not going to like everyone, and everyone may not like you. But, we still have to tolerate each other and this book teaches you how to live peacefully with those around you—no matter their sign. And even if the giftee isn't into astrology, creative minds will still love the beautiful illustrations throughout.

$24.99

WeeFarers original baby sunglasses

WeeFarers original baby sunglasses

Here's one for the stylish kid who always looks so well put together. These chic, bendable frames include FDA-approved impact-resistant lenses so kids can drop them practically anywhere and they won't break or crack. Bonus: there's a guaranteed free replacement for one year if they are lost or broken! Genius!

$24.99

Glossier Balm Dotcom lip salve

Glossier Balm Dotcom lip salve

Dry skin is so real, and when you're in the thick of the winter you need something that's formulated with heavy-duty moisturizers like castor oil, beeswax, and lanolin. Users will love that it leaves lips looking smooth and hydrated, not shiny and tacky.

$12

Tocca crema veloce holiday

Tocca crema veloce holiday

What happens when you combine scents of sophisticated fruits and florals? You end up with a trio hand soaps that leave your skin beautifully fragrant. We love that each tube is small enough to fit into a diaper bag or clutch while mama is on the go.

$22
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