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Parenting has evolved in the past few decades, as it should. Gone are the days when young children were expected to perform manual labor before and after school, and the theory that “children should be seen not heard” is a thing of the past (for the most part).

We’ve learned a lot over time. We’ve learned that spanking causes long term damage, and that yelling isn’t much better. Changes in parenting style can be a very good thing for our children.

Parenting has never been an “easy” gig. Every generation has their own set of stressors, and the obstacles faced by parents today are different that those faced by their own parents. Food allergies are a significant source of stress for some, the pushing down of academics and decline in play change the structure of childhood and childhood stress is on the rise, to name a few.


We can dissect the negatives and find reasons to make parents feel inadequate and guilty or we can focus on the positive.

We can take a look at what modern parenting is getting right and build upon that.

The so-called “mommy wars” and parent shaming are old news. If we want to raise a generation of kind, capable and responsible children, we need to figure out what we’re doing right and do more of that.

Here are five things modern parents are getting right:

1. We care about feelings.

We know that all kids are different and that all kids experience shifts in emotions. We know that’s okay to feel sad, mad, anxious or overly excited and that expressing a wide range of emotions is good for the soul. We know that stuffing feelings leads to anger and resentment but that working through feelings leads to self confidence and empathy.

We are teaching our kids to identify and process their big feelings, and we are teaching them how to cope when the chips are down so that they don’t feel like they’ll break every time they bend. That’s huge. That, alone, is a big improvement in parenting.

Not sure how to teach feelings identification and coping skills? Grab a copy of The Happy Kid Handbook. Feeling frazzled by tantrums (a healthy expression of emotions, but completely exhausting for parents) with the under five crowd? There’s a Taming Tantrums app for that.

2. We’re willing to learn.

People often reference the shelves full of parenting books as a bad thing. While I do feel like the instant access to information can leave parents in a state of learned helplessness (dissecting every cry by way of Google isn’t necessary), I actually see parenting books as a positive development.

We all have our own parenting styles and no one book works for every family. The wonderful part of the parenting book section, however, is that it empowers parents to seek help when they need it. Books give us the opportunity to think about what’s working and what’s not. Books help us view our unique parenting situations through a different lens.

Modern parents are not afraid to learn new things. We seek advice from friends, siblings, neighbors, books and trusted parenting websites. We sift through the information provided and consider change. Black and white thinking isn’t good for our kids, but considering the shades of grey is.

3. We connect with our kids.

While fear of being tagged a “helicopter parent” is real, what I see in my practice and out in the world is a generation of parents connecting with their kids.

We play with them. We read with them. We take an interest in them. We shoot hoops with them. And we work hard to open the lines of communication so that they know they can come to us when life gets complicated.

A close parent-child relationship provides the foundation for healthy communication and emotional development as kids grow. Modern parents know this and they aren’t afraid to put in the time to make this a priority.

4. We’re not afraid to fail.

Parenting mistakes are part of being a parent. We don’t always get it right, but we do know that talking with our kids about that and apologizing when we make mistakes is important. We also have a sense of humor about it. We don’t sweep our mistakes under the carpet—we joke with our friends and wait for that coveted parent-of-the-year award to arrive at our doorsteps!

Parenting is hard. Connecting with other parents and laughing about the ups and downs helps us release our emotions about this gig, and that makes for better overall parenting.

5. We stand up for ourselves.

Alyssa Milano is one of many voices of reason in the world of breastfeeding advocacy (who knew we would one day need advocacy for feeding our children?). What the non-stop debate about public breastfeeding has taught us (other than the fact that pop stars can show their parts but moms should hide theirs at all costs) is that opinions about parenting are powerful and often polarizing.

While I do wish that moms will simply choose a “mom and let mom” philosophy (we don’t have to agree but we can respect one another), I’m glad to see that parents are finding their voices. When parents don’t speak up, they internalize their emotions. Those emotions will spill out at another time.

When parents remain calm and stand up for themselves (be it breastfeeding uncovered or pacifier use in the toddler crowd), they send an important message to their kids: We all have to take a stand sometimes. Never be afraid to be you.

There’s always room for improvement in life. That’s why we all make resolutions on January 1st. But the best way inspire positive growth is to start by focusing on what’s going well. Modern parents are making positive changes. Let’s celebrate that and go from there.

Originally published by Katie Hurley on The Huffington Post.

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As a former beauty editor, I pride myself in housing the best skincare products in my bathroom. Walk in and you're sure to be greeted with purifying masks, micellar water, retinol ceramide capsules and Vitamin C serums. What can I say? Old habits die hard. But when I had my son, I was hesitant to use products on him. I wanted to keep his baby-soft skin for as long as possible, without tainting it with harsh chemicals.

Eventually, I acquiesced and began using leading brands on his sensitive skin. I immediately regretted it. His skin became dry and itchy and regardless of what I used on him, it never seemed to get better. I found myself asking, "Why don't beauty brands care about baby skin as much as they care about adult skin?"

When I had my daughter in May, I knew I had to take a different approach for her skin. Instead of using popular brands that are loaded with petroleum and parabens, I opted for cleaner products. These days I'm all about skincare that contains super-fruits (like pomegranate sterols, which are brimming with antioxidants) and sulfate-free cleansers that contain glycolipids that won't over-dry her skin. And, so far, Pipette gets it right.

What's in it

At first glance, the collection of shampoo, wipes, balm, oil and lotion looks like your typical baby line—I swear cute colors and a clean look gets me everytime—but there's one major difference: All products are environmentally friendly and cruelty-free, with ingredients derived from plants or nontoxic synthetic sources. Also, at the core of Pipette's formula is squalane, which is basically a powerhouse moisturizing ingredient that babies make in utero that helps protect their skin for the first few hours after birth. And, thanks to research, we know that squalane isn't an irritant, and is best for those with sensitive skin. Finally, a brand really considered my baby's dry skin.

Off the bat, I was most interested in the baby balm because let's be honest, can you ever have too much protection down there? After applying, I noticed it quickly absorbed into her delicate skin. No rash. No irritation. No annoyed baby. Mama was happy. It's also worth noting there wasn't any white residue left on her bottom that usually requires several wipes to remove.

Why it's different

I love that Pipette doesn't smell like an artificial baby—you, know that powdery, musky note that never actually smells like a newborn. It's fragrance free, which means I can continue to smell my daughter's natural scent that's seriously out of this world. I also enjoy that the products are lightweight, making her skin (and my fingers) feel super smooth and soft even hours after application.

The bottom line

Caring for a baby's sensitive skin isn't easy. There's so much to think about, but Pipette makes it easier for mamas who don't want to compromise on safety or sustainability. I'm obsessed, and I plan to start using the entire collection on my toddler as well. What can I say, old habits indeed die hard.

This article was sponsored by Pipette. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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Military families give up so much for their country, particularly when they have small children at home. Those of us who have never witnessed this kind of sacrifice first-hand could use a reminder of it once in a while, which is just one of the reasons we're so happy to see the beautiful photoshoot Mary Chevalier arranged for her husband's return home from Afghanistan.

The photoshoot was extra special because while James Chevalier was serving a nine-month deployment, Mary gave birth to their second son, Caspian.

Getting ready to meet Dad

"During the laboring and birthing process of Caspian, I was surrounded by family, but that did not fill the void of not having my husband by my side," Mary told InsideEdition.com. "He was able to video chat during the labor and birth, but for both of us, it was not enough."

While James had yet to meet Caspian, their 3-year-old son, Gage, missed his dad a whole lot, so this homecoming was going to be a big deal for him too. That's why Mary arranged for her wedding photographer, Brittany Watson, to be with them for their reunion in Atlanta.

Gage was so happy to see his Dad 

"[He] had no idea he was going to be getting to see his daddy that day," Watson wrote on Facebook. "The family met at the Southeastern Railway Museum for Gage to go on a special train ride... little did he know, he'd be doing it with daddy!"

Watson did a beautiful job capturing the high emotions of every single family member, from Gage's surprise, to the delight on baby Caspian's face. It's no wonder her Facebook post went viral last week.

"Caspian is natural, a very happy baby, but both James and I felt like Caspian knew who his father was almost immediately," Mary told Inside Edition. "He was easily comforted by me husband right off the bat and seemed to have an instant connection. It was very emotional."

The moment this dad had been waiting for 

If we're sobbing just looking at the photos, we can't even imagine what it was like in real life.

"We are all so blessed and take so much for granted," Watson wrote. "I cannot contain the joy I feel in my heart when I look at these images, and I hope you feel it too!"

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During both of my pregnancies, I was under the care of an amazing midwife. Every time I went to her office for check-ups, I was mesmerized by the wall of photos participating in what may be the most painfully magical moment of a woman's life: giving birth. But there was a painting that always drew my attention: a woman dressed in orange, holding her newborn baby with a face that could be described as clueless. The line above the canvas read, "Now what?"

I felt like the woman in the painting as I kissed my mother goodbye when my daughter was born. She came from my native Colombia to stay with us for three months. When she left, I realized that my husband had been working as usual during those first 90 days of our new life. My baby was born on a Friday and on Monday he was back at the office. (No parental leave policy for him.)


Now what? I thought. The quote "It takes a village to raise a child" suddenly started to hit home, literally.

After a few years in Miami, I had some friends, but it truly didn't feel like I had a village. Some were not mothers yet, most of them worked full-time and others didn't live close by. My nomad life left my best friends spread out in different places in the world. I found myself signing up for "mommy and me" classes in search of new mothers, immigrants like me, alone like me.

It seemed like a utopian dream to think about when my grandmothers became mothers. Both of them had 6 and 10 children and they were able to stay sane (or maybe not? I don't know). But at least they had family around—people cooking, offering help. There was a sense of community.

My mother and father grew up in "the village." Big families with so many children that the older siblings ended up taking care of the little ones; aunts were like second mothers and neighbors became family.

When I was about to give birth to my second baby, my sister had just had her baby girl back in Colombia. Once, she called me crying because her maternity leave was almost over. My parents live close to her, so that was a bonus. Hiring a nanny back there is more affordable. But even seeing the positive aspects of it, I wished I could have been there for her, to be each other's village.

The younger me didn't realize that when I took a plane to leave my country in search of new experiences 19 years ago, I was giving up the chance to have my loved ones close by when I became a mother. And when I say close by, I mean as in no planes involved.

It hasn't been easy, but after two kids and plenty of mommy and me classes and random conversations that became true connections, I can say I have a mini-village, a small collection of solitudes coming together to lean on each other. But for some reason, it doesn't truly feel like one of those described in the old books where women gathered to knit while breastfeeding and all the children become like siblings.

Life gets in the way, and everyone gets sucked into their own worlds. In the absence of a true village, we feel the pressure to be and do everything that once was done by a group of people. We often lose perspective of priorities because we are taking care of everything at the same time. Starting to feel sick causes anxiety and even fear because it means so many things need to happen in order for mom—especially if single—to lay down and recover while the children are taken care of. And when the children get sick, that could mean losing money for a working mother or father, because the truth is that most corporations are not designed to nurture families.

In the absence of that model of a village I long for, we tend to rely on social media to have a sense of community and feel supported. We may feel that since we are capable of doing so much—working and stay at home moms equally—perhaps we don't need help. Or quite the opposite: mom guilt kicks in and feelings of not being enough torment our night sleep. Depression and anxiety can enter the picture and just thinking about the amount of energy and time that takes to create true connections, we may often curl up in our little cocoon with our children and partners—if they are present—when they come home.

Now what? was my thought this week while driving back and forth to the pediatrician with my sick son. I can't get the virus, I have to be strong, my daughter can't get ill, my husband needs to be healthy for his work trip next week, we all need to be well for my son's fifth birthday. And so, it goes on. I texted one of my mom friends just to rant. She rants back because her son is also sick. She sent me a heart and an "I'm here if you need to talk."

I am grateful to have talked to her at that random postpartum circle when I first became a mother. She's a Latina immigrant like me and feels exactly like me. I will do it more, get out of my comfort zone and have—sometimes—awkward conversations so I can keep growing my own little village.

It may not look like the one I'd imagined, but still may allow me to be vulnerable even through a text message.

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Halloween is around the corner, but if you are like me you are still trying to figure out what to dress your family (especially the little ones), so here are some cute ideas inspired by famous characters. There's something for everyone—from cartoon lovers to ideas for the entire family!

Here are some adorable character costumes for your family:

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