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17 fascinating ways mamas parent differently around the world 🌎

Motherly

Spoiler alert: There is no right way to parent your kids—and that's even more evident when you see all the different traditions and customs from parents around the world. At the end of the day, mama will always know what's best for her family.

We asked #TeamMotherly to share their parenting customs from where they live and found that there is always more than one way to do things.

From sleeping routines and feeding to maternity leave and hospital costs, every country has its own way of welcoming babies into the world. Here's what they had to say.

"In Sweden, we get 480 days parental leave split between the parents. You can travel on the bus for free with a stroller, kids are outside no matter the weather, fathers are just as involved as mothers in the upbringing, public breastfeeding is normal even in non-child focused restaurants, co-sleeping is considered as normal, putting your kid to daycare does not cost a fortune, parents have the right to work max 75% of their normal work-time until child turns 8-years-old, kids start eating fish from a very early age (6 months onwards)."—Judit T. Kalo, Sweden

"In India, babies and toddlers co-sleep with parents, unlike many other countries, where kids are given separate rooms to sleep from the very beginning. Indians believe co-sleeping induces attachment, greater affection and patience and is needed for the initial bonding between parents n the new born."—Lili Rizvi, India

"In Finland, our parental leave is nine months, after that you can get child home care allowance if a child under 3-years-old is looked after at home. I'm a stay-at-home mom with two kids and I'm so thankful for being able to spend their first years with them, seeing every little thing they learn."—Sinna Katila, Finland

"In Pakistan the new mom goes to her parents home with the new baby spending the first 40 days. As she's new to motherhood, her mother and family members help the new mom with the baby. Also a lot of protein intake is encouraged and food rich in protein is cooked for the mother's fast healing."—Sarah Zohair Shahid, Pakistan

"In Canada, maternity leave is 12 months, which can be split between both parents if wanted. I feel like that time made such a difference for me to establish great sleeping patterns with my child and really bond well. A tax benefit is also paid monthly which some put in savings for a future college fund for the child, it varies and is calculated based on income."—Melissa Leu Hughes, Canada

"Many people in Denmark don't mind leaving the stroller with their sleeping child in it outside a shop or cafe/restaurant or when napping at home in the yard or court yard of their apartment building as long as they can see it and have a monitor in it."—Sarah Broe, Denmark

"Russian babies nap outside, even in winter (properly bundled of course). Extra dose of fresh frosty air. Water (as a drink) is introduced at the age of 3-months-old as opposed to 6-months-old in the USA."—Sasha Durkee, Russia

"In the Netherlands, lots of moms and dads transport their children in special cargo bikes ('bakfietsen'). Nowadays they're even equipped with car seat adaptors so even very young babies can enjoy the bike rides. We have special bike lanes throughout the entire country, and cycling is a very common means of transport here. 🙂I'm sure that to foreigners we look like a bunch of lunatics, but it's a cultural thing."—Anne Jongedijk, Netherlands

"In Uzbekistan, newborn babies aren't allowed to be taken outdoors for 40 days after they are born. People try not to visit them in these 40 days and even if they do, they should come to visit during the day before it is dark outside."—Shohista Yodgorova, Uzbekistan

"In Vietnam, new babies are advised not to be taken outside until 3-months-old. New moms are advised to avoid sunlight and wind, even taking showers. When the baby is one month old, there will be an important anniversary where the parents make prayer to their ancestors, the 13 fairies taking care of the baby with the hope that the baby will be blessed and healthy."—Xuan Ngueyn, Vietnam

"In Mexico, newly born girls' ears are pierced by the doctor receiving the baby the moment they are born. Only at the parents request, of course."—Elda Erika, Mexico

"I'm from Argentina and the differences between sleep routines comparing to the USA are amazing! In Argentina, kids are around you until about 10 p.m. and nap time is voluntary. It was the biggest difference I noticed between both countries once I had kids."—Amalita GB, Argentina

"In Kerala, India we give our kids a speckle of a freshly ground paste of copper, gold, shell, sandalwood, nutmeg and few other herbs for the first three years. It is supposed to build immunity, concentration and digestive ability."—Aparna Vinod, India

"In Uganda, grandparents will help you bathe the baby for the first few months as they welcome you into motherhood."—Anne Gift, Uganda

"In Malaysia, most Chinese mamas will have a confinement lady to help out in the postnatal period immediately after birth (usually for a month or two). There are some old-fashioned rules, like no washing hair for a month and no cold food and drinks are allowed for the mommies."—Christina Chin, Malaysia

"In the UK, brining my child into the world cost me not one penny, thanks to the NHS. I was lucky enough to have no complications and had a room to myself and my husband and two staff on hand when I needed them (early labour they were with someone else who needed them more!). I am incredibly lucky and grateful for the experience I had."—Michelle Zin, United Kindgom

"In Japan, a baby name is to be decided within two weeks from birth, and once it is decided we place a piece of paper with the babies name written usually under a little shinto shrine at home."—Maiko Takahata Suzuki, Japan

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These viral birth photos are helping parents picture life in the womb

Seeing your baby for the first time is an amazing experience for any parent. For most parents, the months preceding this meeting were probably spent imagining what the baby was experiencing inside the womb, trying to paint a realistic picture on top of that two-dimensional black and white ultrasound photo.

But thanks to Brazillian birth photographer Janaina Oliveira and a baby boy named Noah, parents around the world are now better able to imagine what their baby's world looked like between the ultrasound picture and their first breath.

While most babies are born without their amniotic sac intact, Noah entered the world (via C-section), still cocooned inside his. This is known as an en caul birth, and while it wasn't the first Oliveira has captured through her lens, it is likely now the most famous of her photographs.

After she posted Noah's birth photos to Instagram, Oliveira's photos went viral, making headlines around the world.

This slideshow is amazing.

In a Facebook post, Noah's mom Monyck Valasco explains that she had a tough pregnancy with Noah, and is so grateful that he did not arrive too early.

Noah is now something of a celebrity in his hometown of Vila Velha, Brazil, but local media reports he was actually one of three en caul babies born at the Praia da Costa Hospital in just one month. Birth photographer Janaina Oliveira actually captured all three en caul births on camera. Little Matais arrived before Noah, and baby Laura came afterward, both en caul.

These photographs are as breathtaking as the babies featured in them and remind mothers around the world that our bodies were once someone's whole world. And now they are ours.

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Serena Williams' husband says taking parental leave was among the most important decisions he's ever made

Alexis Ohanian has made a lot of important decisions in his life. The decision to co-found Reddit is a pretty big one. So was marrying Serena Williams. But right up there with changing internet culture and making a commitment to his partner, the venture capitalist lists taking time off after his daughter's birth as a significant, life-changing choice.

"My understanding of showing up and being present for my wife was taken to a whole new level when Olympia was born. I was able to take 16 weeks of paid leave from Reddit, and it was one of the most important decisions I've made," Ohanian says in an essay for Glamour.

A nearly four-month parental leave is something too few American mothers, let alone fathers, get to take. Even when fathers work for companies that offer generous parental leave packages, they often don't use the benefit for fear of being sidelined or seen as uncommitted. A recent survey by Talking Talent found fathers typically use only 32% of the time available to them.

In his essay, Ohanian recognizes that he is privileged in a way most parents aren't.

"It helped that I was a founder and didn't have to worry about what people might say about my 'commitment' to the company, but it was incredible to be able to spend quality time with Olympia. And it was perhaps even more meaningful to be there for my wife and to adjust to this new life we created together—especially after all the complications she had during and after the birth," he explains.

(The GOAT's husband is making the same points that we at Motherly make all the time.)

He continues: "There is a lot of research about the benefits of taking leave, not only for the cognitive and emotional development of the child but for the couple. However, many fathers in this country are not afforded the privilege of parental leave. And even when they are, there is often a stigma that prevents them from doing so. I see taking leave as one of the most fundamental ways to 'show up' for your partner and your family, and I cherished all 16 weeks I was able to take."

👏👏👏

By first taking his leave and then speaking out about the ways in which it benefited his family, Ohanian is using his privileged position to de-stigmatize fathers taking leave, and advocate for more robust parental leave policies for all parents, and his influence doesn't end there. He's trying to show the world that parents shouldn't have to cut off the parent part of themselves in order to be successful in their careers.

He says that when his parental leave finished he transitioned from being a full-time dad to a "business dad."


"I'm fortunate to be my own boss, which comes with the freedoms of doing things like bringing my daughter into the office, or working remotely from virtually anywhere Serena competes. My partners at Initialized are used to seeing Olympia jump on camera—along with her doll Qai Qai—or hearing her babbling on a call. I tell them with pride, 'Olympia's at work today!' And I'll post some photos on Instagram or Twitter so my followers can see it too," Ohanian explains.

"The more we normalize this, on social media and in real life, the better, because I know this kind of dynamic makes a lot of men uncomfortable (and selfishly I want Olympia to hear me talking about start-ups!)," he says.

This is the future of family-friendly work culture. Take it from a guy who created an entire internet culture.

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7 ways to manage your anxiety during pregnancy—from moms who have been there

Trigger warning: Some of these responses describe a women's experiences with child loss.

Anxiety is one of those concepts you can never truly grasp until you face it yourself. And, each person's anxiety can announce itself in different ways—for some, it's postpartum anger, while for others, it's an overwhelming feeling of worry about a pregnancy. This can be especially prevalent if you're at high risk, concerned about telling your boss or undergoing medical issues. If you suffer from anxiety, know you're not alone in this mama. In fact, women are twice as likely to develop an anxiety disorder than men.

These mamas shared how they manage and cope with their anxiety on Chairman Mom:

1. Hypnobirthing class

"I took a hynobirthing class at a nearby parents resource center—it was phenomenal. The class changed my emotional forecast for both the pregnancy and delivery. I uncovered a calm existence that lived dormant inside a very anxious body. For quick help at my fingertips, I love the Headspace app. My favorite quote pops up on the screen before I tap to complete a meditation 'Rather than the mind leading the breath, allow the breath to lead the mind. Keep glowing!'" —Jenny

2. Journaling

"It took my husband and I three years to have our IVF miracle baby after a devastating miscarriage last summer. I was wracked with anxiety for the entire duration of my pregnancy and it got worse as I got closer to his due date. The one thing that helped me was to journal. I wrote to the baby constantly about every step of the process and was very raw and real about the emotions I was experiencing each step of the way."—Anonymous

3. Set some ground rules

"[While I was on strict bedrest for 10 weeks] I tried to set ground rules for myself—I 'indulged' in worst case scenario/message board/Googling for exactly 30 minutes each day, and had to fill the rest of the bedrest time with other positive activities. I controlled for the factors I could, and just tried to chill out about everything else. Easier said than done, but I forced myself to breath deeply and try to limit the physical effects of my anxiety."—Milo

4. Therapy

"I feel like this could be my answer for many questions, but I say get to therapy. Anxiety can be a normal part of parenthood and it's a good idea to take the time before baby comes to build your tool kit and to feel like, even though it is full of unknowns, you have prepared your heart for the wild ride that is motherhood. I am an anxious person by nature, a worrier, a big feeler— learning that this is okay and that I can use it to my advantage has been empowering beyond measure. You are not alone and you will get through this. Hugs to you. If you are an "action person" and can't/won't get into therapy right now, this workbook has a lot of good, practical exercises."—Stratton

5. Reading this book

"I found a book called Finding Calm for the Expectant Mom useful. The major anxiety reducer for me during pregnancy was walking, because it was the only time I didn't feel sick early on and then later it was the only time the baby wasn't kicking me (which is supremely comforting and yet not). I found going with a mid-wife rather than a doctor helped alleviate a lot of anxiety. In Ontario (Canada) this is covered by OHIP (provincial health insurance). Midwives have way more time and patience. All appointments are booked for 30 minutes, so you never feel rushed."—Sian

6. Find a super knowledgeable OB

"I'm currently pregnant (second trimester) with two complications one of which can cause stillbirth. I found the best way to reduce anxiety was finding a super knowledgeable OB that I could talk to about treatments and milestones. Ask them about what kind of monitoring they'll do for you in the third trimester (NST/BPPs). Talk about contingency plans. I also found a doula that has been wonderful to talk with about the process of birth and the potential of NICU time and emergency c-sections (both not that uncommon with other women that have the same condition I do.) I whole heartedly recommend finding a therapist that you can talk with about your fears and anxieties. Look for ones who specialize in new moms. If there are any support groups for mamas with your high risk condition I also urge you to seek them out. Setting a limit for how much time you spend there is also extremely wise. And know that there are women who will experience loss in those groups. That doesn't mean you will." —Anonymous

7. Yoga, working out + meditation

"[After a miscarriage] what I've learned is that all that worrying didn't make a difference. It didn't make me feel any more prepared or okay once I lost the baby. And it limited how much I enjoyed those three months that I was pregnant. Next time I'm not going to read anything or Google anything or read any odds. I'm just going to take everyday as a gift. I know that's easier said than done. Yoga, working out, meditation. Being around people who don't know because then you can't talk about it or obsess about it. Warm baths, tea. Just be super super nice to yourself. Don't worry about what you should be eating or shouldn't be eating, etc."—Anonymous

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The newborn months require intense mental and physical stamina—but you'll make it through

Having a new baby is incredibly hard. And beautiful and fulfilling and rewarding, of course—but definitely, definitely hard.

Especially the nights.

Watching the last rays of sunlight disappear would make my heart race. My 3-week-old baby didn't sleep for more than an hour and a half at a time and had zero regard for what time it was.

She was so tiny and helpless—and it was my responsibility to keep her safe and fed and healthy. For me, that was easier during the day. Because at night, it felt unfair knowing my husband and toddler were fast asleep a few rooms over.

The minute our newborn would wake, I would spring to action. Bottle, breast, pacing the floor, bouncing on an exercise ball, loud shushing into her tiny ear—I would do whatever it would take to get her to quiet down so she wouldn't wake the rest of the house.

The evenings also started to feel very isolating. It's hardly appropriate to call your mom or friend or sister at 1 a.m. when your baby starts spitting up a curdled milk mixture so hard it comes out of her nose. And even if I did call anyway, it wouldn't matter because they wouldn't answer because they'd be sleeping.

I was used to anticipating a lack of sleep each night, which was terrifying. I felt such dread knowing I would only get a collective two and a half hours of sleep before my toddler would wake up at 5:30 a.m, ready for his morning dance party.

Fear would strike me at night, too. An incapacitating, all-consuming fear that something might happen to my sweet baby girl while she was lying peacefully in her safe crib, in her baby-proofed nursery. I often wondered how I was even supposed to sleep with such intense worry on my mind.

I would stare for hours into the pitch black night, half of me thankful my baby was healthy, the other half of me terrified something would happen to her.

I'd feel irrational in the late hours of the night (or more likely, the wee, wee hours of the early morning) often reacting with full-on annoyance because as soon as she'd started to fall asleep I'd think, this is it—I can finally get some rest, only for her to wake up a few minutes later. I'd snap, "Seriously? All you do is eat!" at my tiny baby, which would automatically trigger intense guilt over what felt like such an uncontrolled emotional response.

"It gets better" and "sleep when the baby sleeps" are two sentiments I hope never to hear again in my life because—does it get better? Well, yes it does. Children don't usually turn into adults who only sleep for 90 minutes at a time. And sleeping when the baby sleeps sounds good in theory but it's impractical. Plus, neither statement helps at 3 a.m., TBH.

I went to extreme measures to quell my anxiety. I sent my husband to Walmart in the middle of a tropical depression to buy a rock 'n play. Then I sent him back when he returned with the version that didn't vibrate. I put a $300 Owlet monitor on a credit card. I used Amazon one-day shipping to obtain a copy of Dr. Harvey Karp's The Happiest Baby on the Block.

I eventually found there's no magic solution to aid in this season of parenting. It helps to find a community of women going through the same struggles. Prioritizing self-care and spending time connecting with your significant other are also healthy ways of dealing.

But I'm going to level with you—for the first three months of my baby's life, I didn't have time to seek out a support group, wash my hair or converse about one meaningful thing with my spouse.

I was in survival mode and the only thing that helped me was time passing and binge watching Downton Abbey.

And walks around the block. And coffee.

If you loved the newborn stage and came through it with fond memories—I applaud you.

If you gave it all you had and emerged on the other side with a baby who (mainly) sleeps through the night and is somewhat happy, most of the time—you deserve a standing ovation.

You managed to prevail in a time that required intense mental and physical stamina, and you nailed it. Great job, mama.

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