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Ah, the French. From their capsule wardrobes to their take on everything from toast to kissing, it seems like they always know a little something before we do. Which is why I was excited to read Bringing Up Bebe, former Wall Street Journal writer Pamela Druckerman’s très popular guide to “the wisdom of French parenting.”


It actually ended up being one of my favorite parenting books I read while pregnant, and I went on to adopt many of the philosophies mentioned in the book. Plus, Druckerman has a conversational writing style that will make you think she’s a friend relating her years abroad over a cup of cappuccino.

But in case you don’t have time to deep-dive into the full book, here is a brief overview of the book’s main points.

The premise:

Druckerman is an American journalist living in Paris with her British husband. When she finds herself pregnant, she becomes increasingly aware of the behaviors of French children and parents around her—specifically the fact that the children seem to be extremely well behaved, rarely throw tantrums, sleep through the night from two months on, and eat just about everything on their extremely diverse plates.

While she initially has a hard time pinpointing what it is French parents seem to be getting right (even her local friends deny following any particular parenting philosophy), careful observation and a bit of research eventually lead Druckerman to compile an outline of the French cadre, or framework of parenting.

"The Pause"

From the moment babies are born, French parents don’t immediately spring up at their little ones’ first cries. After a brief (or sometimes longer as the child gets older) pause, they will then move in to tend to their babies’ needs.

By waiting a beat before responding to cries—a term Druckerman affectionately dubs “La Pause,” French parents come to learn their babies’ natural rhythms and encourage self-soothing, which aids in longer sleep cycles (AKA, full nights of rest from two to four months on).

“To believe in The Pause, or in letting an older baby cry it out, you have to believe that a baby is a person who’s capable of learning things (in this case, how to sleep) and coping with some frustration,” Druckerman explains.

Delay gratification

Similar to La Pause, the French believe that children need patience to fully appreciate good experiences in life. Druckerman cites Walter Mischel’s marshmallow experiment from the ‘60s and ‘70s, in which children were presented with a marshmallow and told they could eat it now, or wait five minutes and then be given two marshmallows.

The children who were able to delay gratification were later found to be better at impulse control and more successful later in life.

Rather than giving in to every caprice, or whim their children present, French parents typically hold their ground—even during the rare tantrum. “French parents don’t worry that they’re going to damage their kids by frustrating them. To the contrary, they think their kids will be damaged if they can’t cope with frustration.”

French parents are often heard telling their children to “sois sage,” literally translated “be wise” or “be good.” “When I tell Bean to be sage...I’m asking her to use good judgment and to be aware and respectful of other people,” Druckerman writes. “I’m implying that she has a certain wisdom about the situation and that she’s in command of herself. And I’m suggesting that I trust her.”

The nature of the child

Many of the French parenting philosophies stem from the idea that children are constantly being trained to be adults. Rather than signing their kids up for lessons to push them to succeed or hiring tutors to try to quickly move children from one developmental stage to the next, the French luxuriate in the wonder of childhood.

They believe experiences should be used to awaken a child’s senses, particularly a thirst for discovery and exploration.

They believe in communicating with children like adults, explaining choices and expectations even to babies, but always having clearly established limits.

Children are likewise expected to learn to function within the framework their parents have laid out, and there’s a strong emphasis on manners and social codes (for example, children are regularly prodded to say “bonjour” to the adults they meet).

Autonomy of the mother

French mothers are seen as women first. They are expected to maintain a strong sense of self in all aspects of life, from the sexual (“perineal reeducation,” or expert-led sessions to strengthen the pelvic floor area, are not uncommon) to the intellectual.

Couples are encouraged to prioritize each other over the children, not out of selfishness, but rather because the French believe it is best for the whole family.

As part of their protected sense of self, many French mothers work, and few breastfeed past the first three months—all with none of the guilt that often plagues American mothers. (In fact, subsidized daycares or creches are extremely popular and encouraged as an excellent way to socialize and awaken the sense of children while mothers work—some mothers apply to a creche as early as from their sixth month of pregnancy!)

Rather than spend every moment solely focused on their children, French women are encouraged to celebrate themselves as well. “Guilt is a trap...the perfect mother does not exist,” Druckerman explains.

La cuisine

The French have many thoughts on food, and it’s considered a crucial part of their culture and society. “You just have to taste it” is a common rule in many homes. Druckerman praises the diverse palates of the children—they’re rarely picky because they are exposed to a wide variety of fruits and vegetables (never bland baby cereal) from the start.

“The point isn’t that every kid will like everything. It’s that he’ll give each food a chance.” The children rarely snack between meals and the whole family always eats the same meal. Another great tip? The French often serve their children’s meals in courses, beginning with a vegetable dish while little bellies are at their hungriest.

“It’s me who decides”

This is probably my favorite takeaway from the entire book: French parents always consider themselves the authority over their children.

The child isn’t treated like the king, determining what you eat, where you vacation, etc., and parents often boast about how strict they are.” They believe that children can achieve these goals only if they respect boundaries and have self-control,” Druckerman explains.

But don’t worry, the French definition of “strict” isn’t as rigid as you might think. French parents typically mean that they are strict about certain things and pretty relaxed about everything else. It all goes back to the cadre, a firm frame surrounding a lot of freedom.

Autonomy for children too

The French would never be described as helicopter parents. They don’t obsess over worst-case scenarios or attempt to control children in the hopes of keeping them safe. They’re okay with kids having their own lives (and even secrets) within the safety of their cadre because this ultimately teaches them how to be adults.

They also don’t make a habit of over-praising children, preferring to give praise when it is earned. As Druckerman writes, “What they conclude is that some praise is good for a child, but that if you praise her too much, you’re not letting her live her life.”

Certainly this won’t be the parfait approach for every parent, but the most important thing is to find a parenting style that works best for your family. C’est la vie!

You can check out Druckerman's Bringing up Bebe here!

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With two babies in tow, getting out the door often becomes doubly challenging. From the extra things to carry to the extra space needed in your backseat, it can be easy to feel daunted at the prospect of a day out. But before you resign yourself to life indoors, try incorporating these five genius products from Nuna to get you and the littles out the door. (Because Vitamin D is important, mama!)

1. A brilliant double stroller

You've got more to carry—and this stroller gets it. The DEMI™ grow stroller from Nuna easily converts from a single ride to a double stroller thanks to a few easy-to-install accessories. And with 23 potential configurations, you're ready to hit the road no matter what life throws at you.

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2. A light car seat

Lugging a heavy car seat is the last thing a mama of two needs to have on her hands. Instead, pick up the PIPA™ lite, a safe, svelte design that weighs in at just 5.3 pounds (not counting the canopy or insert)—that's less than the average newborn! When you need to transition from car to stroller, this little beauty works seamlessly with Nuna's DEMI™ grow.

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The thing new moms of multiples really need to get out the door? A little peace of mind. The PIPA™ base features a steel stability leg for maximum security that helps to minimize forward rotation during impact by up to 90% (compared to non-stability leg systems) and 5-second installation for busy mamas.

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5. A crib that travels

Getting a new baby on a nap schedule—while still getting out of the house—is hard. But with the SENA™ aire mini, you can have a crib ready no matter where your day takes you. It folds down and pops up easily for sleepovers at grandma's or unexpected naps at your friend's house, and the 360-degree ventilation ensures a comfortable sleep.

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With 5 essentials that are as flexible as you need to be, the only thing we're left asking is, where are you going to go, mama?

This article was sponsored by Nuna. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.


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Baby stuff comes in such cute prints these days. Gone are the days when everything was pink and blue and covered in ducks or teddy bears. Today's baby gear features stylish prints that appeal to mom.

That's why it's totally understandable how a mama could mistake a car seat cover for a cute midi skirt. It happened to Lori Farrell, and when she shared her mishap on Facebook she went viral before she was even home from work. Fellow moms can totally see the humor in Farrell's mishap, and thankfully, so can she.

As for how a car seat cover could be mistaken for a skirt—it's pretty simple, Farrell tells Motherly.

"A friend of mine had given me a huge lot of baby stuff, from clothes to baby carriers to a rocker and blankets and when I pulled it out I was not sure what it was," she explains. "I debated it but washed it anyway then decided because of the way it pulled on the side it must be a maternity skirt."

Farrell still wasn't 100% sure if she was right by the time she headed out the door to work, but she rocked the ambiguous attire anyway.

"When I got to work I googled the brand and realized not only do they not sell clothing but it was a car seat cover."

The brand, Itzy Ritzy, finds the whole thing pretty funny too, sharing Farell's viral moment to its official Instagram.

It may be a car seat cover, but that print looks really good on this mama.

And if you want to copy Farell's style, the Itzy Ritzy 4-in-1 Nursing Cover, Car Seat Cover, Shopping Cart Cover and Infinity Scarf (and skirt!) is available on Amazon for $24.94.

Motherly is your daily #momlife manual; we are here to help you easily find the best, most beautiful products for your life that actually work. We share what we love—and we may receive a commission if you choose to buy.You've got this.

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Daycare for infants is expensive across the country, and California has one of the worst states for parents seeking care for a baby. Putting an infant in daycare in California costs $2,914 more than in-state tuition for four years of college, according to the Economic Policy Institute.

Paying north of $1,000 for daycare each month is an incredible burden, especially on single-parent families. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services defines affordable childcare as costing no more than 10% of a family's income—by that definition, less than 29% of families in California can afford infant care. Some single parents spend half their income on day care. It is an incredible burden on working parents.

But that burden may soon get lighter. CBS Sacramento reports California may put between $25 and $35 million into child care programs to make day care more affordable for parents with kids under 3 years old.

Assembly Bill 452, introduced this week, could see $10 million dollars funneled into Early Head Start (which currently gets no money from the state but does get federal funding) and tens of millions more would be spent on childcare for kids under three.

The bill seeks to rectify a broken childcare system. Right now, only about 14% of eligible infants and toddlers are enrolled in subsidized programs in California, and in 2017, only 7% of eligible children younger than three years of age accessed Early Head Start.

An influx of between $25 to $35 million dollars could see more spaces open up for kids under three, as Bill 452, if passed, would see the creation of "grants to develop childcare facilities that serve children from birth to three years of age."

This piece of proposed legislation comes weeks after California's governor announced an ambitious plan for paid parental leave, and as another bill, AB 123, seeks to strengthen the state's pre-kindergarten program.

Right now, it is difficult for some working parents to make a life in California, but by investing in families, the state's lawmakers could change that and change California's future for the better.

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When a mama gets married, in most cases she wants her children to be part of her big day. Photographers are used to hearing bride-to-be moms request lots of pictures of their big day, but when wedding photographer Laura Schaefer of Fire and Gold Photography heard her client Dalton Mort planned to wear her 2-year-old daughter Ellora instead of a veil, she was thrilled.

A fellow mama who understands the benefits of baby-wearing, Schaefer was keen to capture the photos Mort requested. "When I asked Dalton about what some of her 'must get' shots would be for her wedding, she specifically asked for ones of her wearing Ellie, kneeling and praying in the church before the tabernacle," Schaefer tells Motherly.

She got those shots and so many more, and now Mort's toddler-wearing wedding day pics are going viral.

"Dalton wore Ellie down the aisle and nursed her to sleep during the readings," Schaefer wrote on her blog, explaining that Ellie then slept through the whole wedding mass.

"As a fellow mother of an active toddler, this is a HUGE win! Dalton told me after that she was SO grateful that Ellie slept the whole time because she was able to focus and really pray through the Mass," Schaefer explains.

Dalton was able to concentrate on her wedding day because she made her baby girl a part of it (and that obviously tired Ellie right out).

Ellie was part of the commitment and family Dalton if forging with her husband, Jimmy Joe. "There is no better behaved toddler than a sleeping toddler, and she was still involved, even though I ended up unwrapping her to nurse her. I held her in my arms while my husband and I said our vows. It was really special for us," Dalton told POPSUGAR.

This is a wedding trend we are totally here for!

Congrats to Dalton and Jimmy Joe (and to Ellie)! 🎉

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The internet is freaking out about how Peppa Pig is changing the way toddlers speak, but parents don't need to be too worried.

As Romper first reported, plenty of American parents have noticed that preschoolers are picking up a bit of a British accent thanks to Peppa. Romper's Janet Manley calls it "the Peppa effect," noting that her daughter started calling her "Mummy" after an in-flight Peppa marathon.


Plenty of other parents report sharing Manley's experience, but the British accent is not likely to stick, experts say.

Toronto-based speech and language pathologist Melissa James says this isn't a new thing—kids have always been testing out the accents they hear on TV and in the real world, long before Peppa oinked her way into our Netflix queues.

"Kids have this amazing ability to pick up language," James told Global News. "Their brains are ripe for the learning of language and it's a special window of opportunity that adults don't possess."

Global News reports that back in the day there were concerns about Dora The Explorer potentially teaching kids Spanish words before the kids had learned the English counterparts, and over in the U.K., parents have noticed British babies picking up American accents from TV, too.

But it's not a bad thing, James explains. When an American adult hears "Mummy" their brain translates it to "Mommy," but little kids don't yet make as concrete a connection. "When a child, two, three or four, is watching a show with a British accent and hears [words] for the first time, they are mapping out the speech and sound for that word in the British way."

So if your baby is oinking at you, calling you "Mummy" or testing out a new pronunciation of "toh-mah-toe," know that this is totally natural, and they're not going to end up with a life-long British pig accent.

As Dr, Susannah Levi, associate professor of communicative sciences and disorders at New York University, tells The Guardian, "it's really unlikely that they'd be acquiring an entire second dialect from just watching a TV show."

It sure is cute though.

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