Confession: I think I internet too much

If I’m being completely honest, I think I internet too much.

I say this because sometimes I find myself mindlessly scrolling through Facebook or Instagram or some app on my phone like I am some sort of zombie. When I finally snap out of it, I wonder to myself— “What the heck am I doing? There is literally no point to anything I am doing right this second.”

Sometimes I’m “relaxing” at night after the kids are asleep watching a show on our television with my laptop opened on doing work stuff and my phone in my hand scrolling social media or texting somebody. And I all of the sudden realize—

“Wait. I’m not relaxing at all. I am fully engaged in many things.”

Sometimes I’m trying to find a document or a site on my desktop or browser and it takes me so long to find it because I have 75 tabs open and my laptop is running as slow as molasses and I want to snap my laptop and also want to close all the tabs but I can’t close all the tabs because my brain won’t remember all the things that are in all the tabs. So I stop myself from having a meltdown and think to myself—

“Take a minute and walk away. You need your laptop for work. You cannot snap it. Settle down, woman.”

Sometimes I’m playing with my kids or we’re chatting and I interrupt this time because I need to write back to an email or answer a text from a friend so I don’t forget or to take a picture on my phone. And, honestly, I understand and am okay with the fact that there will be times when I am working but my children are around me playing and I need to be engaged in technology. But when I am trying to be intentional about spending time with my kids, I do not need to be multitasking. I’ve realized—

“I can be fully engaged with both—at different times, but not at the same time.”

Because there’s so much internetting and social media-ing and texting and alerting and notifying and emailing—and sometimes I just feel like I need a break. My brain needs a break. My eyes need a break.

There are too many distractions.

There is too much noise.

There are reasons why I get sucked into the black hole that is the world wide web, though. And I’ll tell you why.

It’s because I am an introverted person who likes to share my story by writing and posting on social media and I’m also a work-from-home stay-at-home mom and it’s sometimes lonely with just me and my two kids and I like to connect with the outside world and sometimes it’s easier to fill that void through the internet versus getting everyone ready to go to the park to chit chat with people I don’t know.

So, in my defense, there are (pretty) valid reasons I get sucked onto the web. For my job, for recipes for dinner, for googling random parenting questions I have, for connecting with friends and sometimes just for my entertainment/out of boredom.

But then there are days like today when I realize sometimes I go overboard with entering into this other universe. And it scares me because it seems to happen so mindlessly. I know I need to be more intentional about how much time I am dedicating to technology throughout the day. ?

Without technology, I wouldn’t have a job. I wouldn’t be able to call my mom and have a face-to-face conversation with her whenever I want. I wouldn’t be able to find out who sings the song playing on the radio right away. I wouldn’t be able to access important information and news in real-time.

Technology definitely has a purpose in my life. It will always have a place in my life. But I know I don’t have to be connected to the internet at all times of the day. It’s not healthy.

This all may sound simple and obvious and maybe even borderline millennial-mom-ridiculous, but in a world where a lot of us are connected all the time means it’s good to take the time to reflect on this stuff be intentional about figuring out some sort of a balance.

And like anything in life…admitting there’s a problem is the first step. ?

So, I’ve decided I’m going to slow down. To realize what I am doing in the moment.

I’ve put all my social media tabs in one folder on my phone that says, “Do you really have time for this right now?”I finally picked up the book I started a couple of months ago to read this afternoon. I added five books to my reading list. I made a pact with myself to silence my phone and stop looking at it once I get into bed.

I want to use technology when I have a purpose to, and I want to be intentional about the times when I am simply enjoying my surroundings without a red notification dot in sight. ?