A modern lifestyle brand redefining motherhood

Try these 3 mindful parenting tips next time you feel upset, mama

“You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.”—Dr. Bruce Banner


Remember the story of The Incredible Hulk? Scientist Bruce Banner accidentally exposes himself to lethal doses of gamma rays, and his DNA is restructured. Afterward, in times of anger or extreme stress, the otherwise mild-mannered doctor morphs into a raging green monster known as The Incredible Hulk.

Dr. Banner desperately tries to control his rage and prevent the transformations so he won’t harm others; unfortunately, he fails. In the 82 episodes of the original television series, Dr. Banner transforms into the Hulk in every single one.

As a parent, you may relate to the struggle of containing your anger—I know I have.

I’ve been a longtime advocate of conscious, mindful, connected, positive parenting. That’s why I never imagined in a million years I would feel the urge to yell at children—until I had my own.

I realized no matter how deep my beliefs ran or how powerful my love for my offspring, the messy reality of kids pushing boundaries, the exhaustion of working while parenting, the bewilderment of seemingly out-of-the-blue tantrums, the countless attempts to tame reckless behavior, the shock of a child yelling at you because you gave him a different colored plate to eat on than usual...well, it can lead to some Bruce-cum-Hulk moments including chronic yelling.

You may recognize that once the anger seeps in and the yell creeps up to your throat, it’s a battle to keep the scream from pouring out. And after you yell?

Of course, you feel awful, maybe even ashamed; you vow it will never happen again; however, somehow, much sooner than anticipated, your inner hulk rears its ugly head again.

I want you to know that if you yell at your kids, you’re not alone. In fact, research shows almost 100% of us have been there. If you want to stop yelling at your kids, it is possible. I’m both a reformed yeller and a researcher, and I want to share some tips to help you get started.

When you feel the urge to yell, begin by being mindful of what you think, feel, and do.

1. Think

Angry self-talk often precedes a fit of hollers. In other words, when a situation triggers anger, thoughts usually race through our mind before we yell. I call these thoughts FAAT thoughts or First Automatic Angry Thoughts. The following are some sample FAAT thoughts:

  • Low resilience: “You’re whining again? I can’t cope with this!”
  • Shoulds: “How dare you throw your food! You should be behaving better than this!”
  • Condemnation: “You’re not letting me sleep! You’re being so needy!”
  • Situational assessment: “This is the absolute worst possible thing that could be happening! Why is this happening?”
  • Feeling thoughts: “I feel so angry I could scream!”
  • Pointing fingers: “It’s all your fault!”
  • Power/Control: “I’m going to show you the consequences of this behavior! You have to listen and respond appropriately to me, I’m the parent here!”

It’s easy to recognize FAAT thoughts because when your nervous system is at peace (i.e., you’re calm) you would rarely think or say those thoughts out loud. If you do say or scream them out loud when you’re angry, you usually end up regretting them or telling the object of your anger that you didn’t mean what you said.

Try this: When you feel a yell creeping up in your throat, observe your FAAT thoughts. Pretend the thoughts are trains passing overhead. Allow them to pass without trying to change them. Feel free to point at and label them FAAT thoughts. Eventually, after a couple of minutes, the thoughts will pass and you will have the opportunity to transform them into more conscious thoughts.

Alternatively, you can write out your FAAT thoughts as you’re having them. If writing feels challenging, you can record the thoughts into your phone or recording device. Listening to your first automatic angry thoughts can be a great learning experience.

2. Feel

Many of us were not taught explicitly how to feel our feelings. Often with the best of intentions, we were taught to calm down, relax, or somehow distract ourselves when angry. These techniques can lead to quashing important feelings that need to be processed.

In lieu of numbing the anger, try to notice and name the sensory experience. Noticing and naming angry feelings while they are happening brings your language center in the prefrontal cortex online; this, in turn, tames your emotional brain and gives you a better chance at reining in the yell.

Researchers in Finland did an interesting study asking people to map out where they feel emotions in their body. As you can see in the following image, anger often rests in the upper body. Where does your anger show up?

Try this: When you feel yourself about to yell, notice and name where in your body you feel angry. The following are some examples of noticing and naming your feelings:

I feel angry in my chest right now.

I feel a lump in my throat.

I feel tightness in my stomach.

3. Do

Remember, when Dr. Bruce Banner got angry, he felt powerless to turn into the Hulk, harming others with his rage. If you practice the first two steps above (in either order), you will come to the third: “Do” feeling more like you have a choice in how you react.

When you practice being mindful of your thoughts and feelings in the midst of anger, you are acknowledging and validating the inner Hulk...without acting or doing anything with the rage.

Try this: The next time you are triggered by your child, spouse, friend, circumstance, or something unbeknownst to you, observe your FAAT thoughts until they pass, notice and name where you feel your anger, and then do nothing. There is power in the choice not to react.

This article was originally published on PsychCentral.

Who said motherhood doesn't come with a manual?

Subscribe to get inspiration and super helpful ideas to rock your #momlife. Motherhood looks amazing on you.

Already a subscriber? Log in here.

Jessica Simpson celebrated her baby shower this weekend (after getting a cupping treatment for her very swollen pregnancy feet) and her theme and IG captions have fans thinking this was not just a shower, but a baby name announcement as well.

Simpson (who is expecting her third child with former NFL player Eric Johnson) captioned two photos of her shower as "💚 Birdie's Nest 💚". The photographs show Simpson and her family standing under a neon sign spelling out the same thing.

While Simpson didn't explicitly state that she was naming her child Birdie, the numerous references to the name in her shower photos and IG stories have the internet convinced that she's picking the same name Busy Philips chose for her now 10-year-old daughter.

The name Birdie isn't in the top 1000 baby names according to the Social Security Administration, but It has been seeing a resurgence in recent years, according to name nerds and trend watchers.

"Birdie feels like a sassy but sweet, down-to-earth yet unusual name," Pamela Redmond Satran of Nameberry told Town and Country back in 2017. "It's also just old enough to be right on time."

Simpson's older kids are called Maxwell and Ace, which both have a vintage feel, so if Birdie really is her choice, the three old-school names make a nice sibling set.

Whether Birdie is the official name or just a cute nickname Simpson is playing around with, we get the appeal and bet she can't wait for her little one to arrive (and her feet to go back to normal!)

You might also like:

Mamas, if you hire a cleaning service to tackle the toddler fingerprints on your windows, or shop at the neighborhood grocery store even when the deals are better across town, don't feel guilty. A new study by the University of British Columbia and Harvard Business School shows money buys happiness if it's used to give you more time. And that, in turn could be better for the whole family.

Keep reading... Show less

As if we needed another reason to shop at Target, our favorite store is offering some great deals for mamas who need products for baby. Mom life can be expensive and we love any chance at saving a few bucks. If you need to stock up on baby care items, like diapers and wipes, now is the time.

Right now, if you spend $100 on select diapers, wipes, formula, you'll get a $20 gift card with pickup or Target Restock. Other purchases will get you $5 gift cards during this promotion:

  • $20 gift card when you spend $100 or more on select diapers, wipes, formula, and food items using in store Order Pickup, Drive Up or Target Restock
  • $5 gift card when you buy 3 select beauty care items
  • $5 gift card when you buy 2 select household essentials items using in store Order Pickup, Drive Up or Target Restock
  • $5 gift card when you buy 2 select Iams, Pedigree, Crave & Nutro dog and cat food or Fresh Step cat litter items using in store Order Pickup
  • $5 gift card when you buy 3 select feminine care items using in store Order Pickup, Drive Up or Target Restock

All of these promotions will only run through 11:59 pm PT on Saturday, January 19, 2019 so make sure to stock up before they're gone!

Because the deals only apply to select products and certain colors, just be sure to read the fine print before checking out.

Target's website notes the "offer is valid using in store Order Pickup, Drive Up or Target Restock when available".

The gift cards will be delivered after you have picked up your order or your Target Restock order has shipped.

We won't tell anyone if you use those gift cards exclusively for yourself. 😉 So, get to shopping, mama!

You might also like:

This month isn't just the start of a new year, but the start of a new life for those due in 2019. If you're expecting a baby this year you've got plenty of celebrity company, mama.

Here are some fellow mamas-to-be expecting in 2019:

Alexa and Carlos PenaVega 

The Spy Kids actress and mom to 2-year-old Ocean will soon have to get herself a double stroller because PenaVega and her husband Carlos are expecting again.

"Holy Moly!!! Guys!!! We are having another baby!!!!" captioned an Instagram post. "Do we wake Ocean up and tell him??!! Beyond blessed and excited to continue growing this family!!! Get ready for a whole new set of adventures!!!"

Over on Carlos' IG the proud dad made a good point: " This year we will officially be able to say we have 'kids!' Our minds are blown," he write.

Jessa Duggar and Ben Seewald

In January Counting On Jessa Seewald (formerly Jessa Duggar) announced via Instagram that she is pregnant with her third child with husband Ben Seewald.

We love that she was able to make the announcement in her own time, not worrying about speculation about her midsection. She's been over that for a while.

[Update: January 18, added PenaVega]

You might also like:

Motherly provides information of a general nature and is designed for educational purposes only. This site does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.Your use of the site indicates your agreement to be bound by our  Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. Information on our advertising guidelines can be found here.