Sometimes it makes me feel a little guilty.
Do I wish that I could take my girls back to their first days? No.
I loved my girls being babies, absolutely. And I was fortunate to not have any unusual hardships when they were small. They hardly got sick, ate well, slept all night and didn’t fuss too much. They were sweet and cuddly. Plus, you can scoop babies up and cover them with kisses anytime you’d like. And, every little new thing they do seems like the greatest thing ever.
My youngest is only four so I can’t completely understand what it’s like for your children to be grown and to miss those days. I’m sure people will say I haven’t stepped far enough away from it all to truly get where they are coming from, but, there is one thing I do know for sure.
My bigger girls are pretty great too.
My 4-year-old is quirky and fun. She loves to dance for no reason at all. She thinks dinosaurs are the coolest thing ever and she loves to help me cook and even loves to sweep and dust. Plus, she loves to cuddle in her bed each night for a bedtime story and even tries to “read” to me.
She draws me pictures and writes “Mom” on them with a big heart. She tells me all the things she loves about me. And, she gives me hugs without ever asking because she “just loves me so so much.”
My 12-year-old is brilliant and laugh-out-loud hilarious. She loves going shopping with me and will even occasionally go see a movie with me. We like to lay out together in the backyard and listen to music in the sunshine. Or, we go to the park and practice tennis together.
It may not be as special, but she still lets me know she loves me by unloading the dishwasher without asking or by offering to play a game with her little sister. Plus, she texts me from the bus that she loves me each morning, so that’s still pretty cool too.
I can trust my girls to entertain themselves while I get stuff done around the house. Plus, they clean up their own messes, put away their own laundry, and, for the most part, get to the toilet before they throw up.
Don’t get me wrong. I love babies. I loved that time and I wouldn’t trade that for anything. But, do I wish they were babies again? Absolutely not. Because I think my big girls are so loving and fun in their own ways and I wouldn’t wish away this time with them for anything.
Plus, I know there are so many great things to come, too. I think so many people forget it’s okay to be excited about that.
It’s okay to celebrate accomplishments instead of crying over change.
It’s okay to appreciate new ways of affection instead of missing endless cuddles.
And it’s okay to accept growth instead of fearing it.
I will always cherish the time I had with my girls as babies. And, all the stages that have come since. Everything is special in its own way, but I embrace the change.
I don’t miss having babies. And I’m okay with that.