Motherhood is: Wishing I could freeze time

No matter how bittersweet it can feel, watching you grow and change daily is a reminder of how incredibly lucky I am to have you. We were never meant to live in this moment forever despite how many times we'd like to.

Motherhood is: Wishing I could freeze time

Dear sweet baby,

I can't even begin to quantify the moments I have wanted to freeze since you have been born. The smell of your newborn head. The feel of your tiny body perfectly snuggled on my chest. The first time you smiled. The first time you laughed. Our first Christmas together. Our first vacation. All of it.

When you become a new parent, you're surrounded by a chorus of "enjoy every second, it goes so fast" from knowing parents and grandparents who've felt it go by in a blink of an eye. In fact, I've even said it more times than I can count. And we are all right, it goes by so bitterly fast. But the passing of time, I am thankful for it.

No matter how bittersweet it can feel, watching you grow and change daily is a reminder of how incredibly lucky I am to have you. We were never meant to live in this moment forever despite how many times we'd like to.

You were never meant to only stay in my arms.

While I will forever feel the imprint of the days you explored the world the safety within my reach, you were meant to walk, and run, and discover for yourself. You were created to touch, see and feel—your curiosity for the world will open your eyes to so many beautiful things. My arms will always be outstretched to hold you, but a mother also has to know when it's okay to let her baby go.

I was never meant to be your entire world.

This is hard for me to say, as I relish this stage more than anything I have ever experienced. From the nine months I carried you to the special relationship we have already developed, we have a bond that I hope nothing—not even the passage time—can break.

But your world will open to more people too, and it won't always just be the two of us and Daddy. I wish for you life-long friendships. I pray you'll find the love of your life and have fulfilling relationships. I hope you get to travel the world and meet people of every race, ethnicity and background. Your heart is already so bold and loving—I would be selfish to keep it to myself.

I was never meant to be your only voice.

Baby girl, I will protect you and fight for you every day of my life. My heart is mighty for you and it always will be. And while I am your voice now, it is my responsibility to give you strength in yours. The world is changing, and my hope for you is that you use your voice to lead with integrity and to speak with compassion and empathy.

I hope you always have the courage to speak up and the wisdom to know when to listen. Even though your vocabulary consists of three words right now, your words will one day have the power to speak life into other people and I'll strive to show you how.

I was meant to be your mother.

And you were meant meant to be my daughter and to thrive and grow, to dream and desire, and to love and adventure. Yes, it goes by fast. Faster than I could've ever fathomed, but the alternative is something I don't ever wish to imagine.

We are privileged to experience the passage of time, even when it seems like we can barely grasp it. There are mothers, and women who'd love nothing more than to be a mother, who wish they could watch their beautiful babies grow. We are lucky to do this together. I tell myself this when I feel the pang of each passing stage. I hope you'll always find the strength to show gratitude for the passage of time throughout your life too.

One day you will look in mirror and see your first gray hair or signs of lines around your eyes. Tell yourself that you are lucky, for they are signs that you have lived.

One day you will say goodbye to people you love dearly, and in the pain I hope you find gratitude for the time, no matter how limited, to love someone so much it hurts. You are lucky.

Time may be a thief, but it is also a joyous gift. The greatest gift in my life is the joy of time with you.

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Products that solve your biggest breastfeeding challenges

Including a battle plan for clogged ducts!

When expecting a baby, there is a lot you can test-run in advance: Take that stroller around the block. Go for a spin with the car seat secured in place. Learn how to use the baby carrier with help from a doll. But breastfeeding? It's not exactly possible to practice before baby's arrival.

The absence of a trial makes it all the more important to prepare in other ways for breastfeeding success—and it can be as simple as adding a few of our lactation aiding favorites to your registry.

MilkBliss chocolate chip soft baked lactation cookies

MilkBliss lactation cookies

Studies have shown the top reason women stop breastfeeding within the first year is because they are concerned about their milk supply being enough to nourish baby. Consider MilkBliss Lactation Cookies to be your secret weapon. Not only are they wholesome and delicious, but they were formulated specifically for breastfeeding moms based on the science of galactagogues—also known as milk boosters. They also come in peanut butter and wild blueberry flavors.


Evereden multi-purpose healing balm

Evereden multipurpose healing balm

Also up there on the list of reasons women stop breastfeeding: the toll the early days can take on nipples. Made from just five ingredients, this all natural healing balm is ideal for soothing chafed nipples, making for a much more comfortable experience for mama as her body adjusts to the needs of a breastfeeding baby.


Lansinoh milk storage bags

Lansinoh milk storage bags

For a breastfeeding mama, there are few things more precious and valuable than the milk she worked so hard to pump—and it's the stuff of nightmares to imagine it spilling out in the fridge. With these double-sealed milk storage bags, you can be assured your breastmilk is safe and sound until baby needs it.


Belly Bandit bandita nursing bra

Belly Bandit bandita nursing bra

Nursing a baby is a 24/7 job, which calls for some wardrobe modifications. Because Belly Bandit specializes in making things more comfortable for the postpartum mama, they've truly thought of every detail—from the breathable fabric to the clips that can be easily opened with one hand.


boob-ease soothing therapy pillows

Boob Ease soothing therapy pillows

For nursing moms, duct can quickly become a four-letter word when you suspect it's getting clogged. By keeping these soothing breast pillows in your breastfeeding arsenal, you can immediately go on the defense against plugged milk ducts by heating the pads in the microwave or cooling them in the freezer.


Belly Bandit perfect nursing tee

Belly Bandit perfect nursing tee

A unfortunate reality of nursing is that it can really seem to limit the wardrobe options when you have to think about providing easy, discrete access. But by adding functional basics to your closet, you can feel confident and prepared for breastfeeding on the go.


Bebe au Lait premium cotton nursing cover

Bebe au Lait cotton nursing cover

Nursing in public isn't every mama's cup of tea. But babies can't always wait until you've found a private place to get down to business if that's your preference. That's where a nursing cover comes in handy. This one is made from premium cotton and features a patented neckline that allows for airflow and eye contact even while you're covered.


Lactation Lab basic breastmilk testing kit

Lactation Lab breastmilk testing kit

Curious to learn more about the liquid gold you're making, mama? The testing kit from Lactation Labs analyzes your breast milk for basic nutritional content like calories and protein, as well as vitamins, fatty acids and environmental toxins to help boost your breastfeeding confidence.


We independently select and share the products we love—and may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this


This incredibly soft comforter from Sunday Citizen is like sleeping on a cloud

My only complaint? I've slept through my alarm twice.

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I've always been a down comforter sort of girl, but after a week of testing the ridiculously plush and aptly named Snug Comforter from Sunday Citizen, a brand that's run by "curators of soft, seekers of chill" who "believe in comfort over everything," it's safe to say I've been converted.

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Artist and teacher Catie Atkinson at Spirit y Sol recently shared a beautiful drawing of a new mom crying on a couch—leaking breasts, newborn baby, pile of laundry and what we can only assume is cold coffee, included. Everything about the image is so real and raw to me—from the soft stomach to the nursing bra and the juxtaposition of the happy wallpaper to the palpable vulnerability of the mother—I can almost feel the couch underneath me. I can feel the exhaustion deep in this woman's bones.

My heart feels the ache of loneliness right alongside hers. Because I remember. I remember the confusion and uncertainty and love and messy beauty of the fourth trimester so well. After all, it's etched in our minds and bodies forever.

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