My daughters are growing up—and it’s almost too bittersweet to handle

Witnessing your children become independent people is exciting, terrifying and sad all at the same time.

My daughters are growing up—and it’s almost too bittersweet to handle

The signs are everywhere.

A couple of months ago, I went to one of those crazy PTA resales. I’ve been to these events numerous times since my eldest daughter, Elizabeth, was born four and half years ago, but this was the first time I’d ventured to one of the “big kid” sales, the ones with items for children ages five and up.

As I strolled around, on the hunt for the usual princess toys and cute little outfits emblazoned with glittery hearts and phrases like “Daddy’s Little Girl,” I realized something: everything seemed unfamiliar and I felt out of place.


The more tables I stopped at, the stranger the experience became. I was surrounded, not with my old standby brands like Carter’s and Gymboree, but with Justice and labels I’d never heard of. To me, the clothing on display was not sweet or anything that I would want my daughters to wear. It all just seemed garish and—dare I say it—sexualized. And I couldn’t find Anna or Elsa or Sophia the First anywhere; they had apparently been replaced by the mature looking Bratz dolls who seemed to be sneering at me from every angle.

I left the sale feeling disheartened, but I couldn’t quite identify why. I went about my day, and then, during some idle moment later on, the reason behind my discomfort hit me like a Mack truck: My daughters aren’t babies anymore, and the idea of them growing up and changing scares the heck out of me.

It keeps happening, too. It seems like every time I turn around, the universe is sending me subtle reminders that my girls are getting bigger.

Like when I haul yet another load of toys that my daughters no longer play with or clothing they have outgrown to Goodwill. Or the fact that, once our 3-year-old, Maggie, completes potty training this summer, we will be out of diapers for good. And at places like story time and the nature center, my girls are beginning to look like the “big kids” compared with the babies there, toddling around on their newfound sea legs while their bleary-eyed mothers chase after them with bottles and binkies.

Believe me, I find it to be as equally irksome as you probably do when some well-intentioned stranger—almost always an older woman—in line behind me at the supermarket tells me to “Enjoy it, they grow up so fast.” Yeah, easy for her to say; she didn’t just have to quell the thirteenth tantrum of the morning because–and this is not an exaggeration–one of your kids is livid that the other one looked at them for too long. Seriously, this is legit grounds for a meltdown of epic proportions in our household.

The early years, man… I know. They are not exactly the most fun on certain days. I think that most of us parents, at some point or another, have wished the time would go faster so that the constant and exhausting demands of toddlerhood would lesson and the ease and convenience of older child self-sufficiency could take over.

I get it. I watch as my neighbors’ older children play outside by themselves and attend sleepovers and prepare their own meals, and I’d be lying if I said I’m not envious. That I don’t think to myself, for the love of God, “When will that be us?”
But lately, as my daughters’ shoes continue to magically shrink, and I watch as Elizabeth triumphantly pumps her legs and swings all by herself with no assistance from me or my husband, I can’t help but wonder…

What am I giving up to be less needed?

I know that by trading in the seemingly incessant cries, shrieks and whines of toddlerdom, the inevitable back talk and eye rolls of the hormonal teen years loom menacingly in the not so distant future. And while some days all I crave are five minutes alone without someone crawling all over me demanding hugs and kisses and attention, I am also painfully cognizant of the fact that the days are fast approaching when the last thing my girls will want to do is show me affection, because what would the cool kids think?

When will I go from being their world, the very essence of their tiny beings, like I am now, to playing second fiddle to their friends and significant others?

Stephen King once said, “Time takes it all, whether you want it to or not.” As someone who has lost a child, I wholeheartedly agree with this statement. After Elizabeth’s twin sister, Hannah, passed away at three weeks of age, I spiraled into a dark period of postpartum depression and anxiety that left me crippled with the inability to bond with my surviving daughter and wishing that she had never been born.

I spent that first year of her life desperately wishing the time away and longing for the day when that needy little blob would be out of my hair and I could return to those glorious days of freedom B.C.: before children.
They say to be careful what you wish for.

Every time that my girls learn something new or accomplish something by themselves that used to require my help, yes, it feels like a small victory. But to me, those moments also signify the unstoppable freight train of time that has no mercy. Day by day and year by year, my children are becoming more independent and fearlessly plunging forward in their own unique journeys through this life, and while it’s exciting to witness, it is also terrifying and too bittersweet to adequately put into words.

I only get one shot at this parenting thing, and I think I speak for a lot of fellow parents when I say that I feel like I’m messing it up all the time. Like, every day. Honestly, I’m just making it all up as I go along and hoping for the best. And maybe that’s OK.

I just don’t want to look back and regret not breathing in every beautiful moment of this crazy stage of life and appreciating who my daughters are and where they are at in this exact moment, tantrums and hair pulling and all.

This is what I know: My children will grow and learn and mature and become even more amazing versions of what they already are, and I will be there for them every step of the way. I also know that, one day, I will be that lady in the store, gazing longingly at the harried looking mother in front of me who is juggling several young children while she loads boxes of cereal and fruit snacks on the checkout counter, pining for my own chaotic days of caring for little ones. And I will become the very cliché that I swore I would not, and I will gently tell her to enjoy it. Because time does, inevitably, take it all.

Maybe it sounds a little cheesy or overdramatic, but when I came home that day from the resale, I hugged my daughters a little tighter, with everything that I had, and I didn’t want to let them go. I know that incredible moments are coming in my parenting journey, and I look forward to them.

But, for now, I want to hold on to my babies just a little longer.

In This Article

    Sunday Citizen

    I live in the Northeast and when I woke up this morning, my house was freezing. It had been in the mid 40's overnight and we haven't turned the heat on yet. Suddenly, my normal duvet felt too thin. The socks on my bare feet too non-existent. Winter is coming, and I'd been drinking rosés still pretending it was summer.

    I couldn't put it off any longer. It was time to do my annual tradition of winterizing my home—and I don't mean making sure my pipes and walls have enough insulation (though obviously that's important too). I mean the act of evaluating every room and wondering if it has enough hygge to it.

    If you've never heard of hygge, it's a Danish word that means a quality of coziness or contentment. And what better time to make sure you have moments of hygge all throughout your house than right now? As far as I'm concerned it's the only way to get through these dark winter months (even more so during a pandemic.)

    So I went room by room (yes, even my 4-year-old's room) and swapped in, layered or added in these 13 products to get us ready for winter:

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    They transition seamlessly for indoor play.

    With fall in full swing, most parents are fresh out of boxes to check on their "Fun Concierge" hit list. It's also the point of diminishing returns on investing in outside-only toys. So with that in mind, we've rounded up some of our favorite toys that are not only built to last but will easily make the transition from outdoor to indoor play. Even better, they're Montessori-friendly and largely open-ended so your kids can get a ton of use out of them.

    From sunny backyard afternoons to rainy mornings stuck inside, these toys are sure to keep little ones engaged and entertained.

    Wooden doll stroller

    Janod wooden doll stroller

    Take their charges on a stroll around the block with this classic doll stroller. With the same versatility they're used to in their own ride, this heirloom quality carriage allows their doll or stuffy to face them or face the world.


    Detective set

    Plan Toys detective set

    This set has everything your little detective needs to solve whatever mystery they might encounter: an eye glasses, walkie-talkie, camera, a red lens, a periscope and a bag. Neighborhood watch? Watch out.


    Sand play set

    Plan Toys sand set

    Whether you're hitting the beach or the backyard sandbox, this adorable wooden sand set is ready for action. Each scoop has an embossed pattern that's perfect for sand stamping. They're also totally suitable for water play in the wild or the bathtub.


    Water play set

    Plan Toys water play set

    Filled with sand or water, this tabletop sized activity set keeps little ones busy, quiet and happy. (A mama's ideal trifecta 😉). It's big enough to satisfy their play needs but not so big it's going to flood your floors if you bring the fun inside on a rainy day.


    Mini golf set

    Plan Toys mini golf set

    Fore! This mini golf set is lawn and living room ready. Set up a backyard competition or incorporate into homeschooling brain breaks that shift focus and build concentration.


    Vintage scooter balance bike

    Janod retro scooter balance bike

    Pedals are so 2010. Balance bikes are the way to go for learning to ride a bike while skipping the training wheels stage altogether. This impossibly cool retro scooter-style is built to cruise the neighborhood or open indoor space as they're learning.


    Wooden rocking pegasus

    plan toys wooden rocking pegasus

    Your little will be ready to take flight on this fun pegasus. It gently rocks back and forth, but doesn't skimp on safety—its winged saddle, footrests and backrest ensure kids won't fall off whether they're rocking inside or outside.


    Croquet set

    Plan Toys croquet set

    The cutest croquet set we've ever seen! With adorable animal face wooden balls and a canvas bag for easy clean up, it's also crafted to stick around awhile. Round after round, it's great for teaching kiddos math and problem-solving skills as well.


    Wooden digital camera

    fathers factory wooden digital camera

    Kids get the chance to assemble the camera on their own then can adventure anywhere to capture the best moments. With two detachable magnetic lenses, four built-in filters and video recorder, your little photographer can tap into their creativity from summertime to the holidays.


    Wooden bulldozer toy

    plan toys wooden bulldozer toy

    Whether they're digging up sand in the backyad or picking up toys inside, kids can get as creative as they want picking up and moving things around. Even better? Its wooden structure means it's not an eye sore to look at wherever your digger drops it.


    Pull-along hippo

    janod toys pull along hippo toy

    There's just something so fun about a classic pull-along toy and we love that they seamlessly transition between indoor and outdoor play. Crafted from solid cherry and beechwood, it's tough enough to endure outdoor spaces your toddler takes it on.


    Baby forest fox ride-on

    janod toys baby fox ride on

    Toddlers will love zooming around on this fox ride-on, and it's a great transition toy into traditional balance bikes. If you take it for a driveway adventure, simply use a damp cloth to wipe down the wheels before bringing back inside.


    Balance board

    Plan Toys balance board

    Balance boards are a fabulous way to get the wiggles out. This one comes with a rope attachment, making it suitable for even the youngest wigglers. From practicing their balance and building core strength to working on skills that translate to skateboarding and snowboarding, it's a year-round physical activity that's easy to bring inside and use between Zoom classes, too!


    Meadow ring toss game

    Plan Toys meadow ring toss game

    Besides offering a fantastic opportunity to hone focus, coordination, determination and taking turns, lawn games are just plain fun. Set them up close together for the littles and spread them out when Mom and Dad get in on the action. With their low profile and rope rings, they're great for indoors as well.


    We independently select and share the products we love—and may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.


    Mama, all I see is you

    A love letter from your baby.


    I can't see past you right now, I'm so small and everything's a little blurry.

    All I see is you.

    When you feel alone, like the walls are closing in, remember I'm here too. I know your world has changed and the days feel a little lonely. But they aren't lonely for me.

    You are my everything.

    When you feel like you don't know what you're doing, you're making it look easy to me. Even though we're still getting to know each other, you know me better than anyone.

    I trust you.

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