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My son was 6 months old when I found out I was pregnant again—and I was devastated

How dare I feel this way when other women yearned for biological children?

My son was 6 months old when I found out I was pregnant again—and I was devastated

When the two lines popped up on the third dollar store pregnancy test I took that morning, I prayed that it was wrong, that I was seeing things. Well, technically I was. I was seeing two clear lines that could only mean one thing: I was pregnant.

My mind felt like it was stuffed with cotton and simultaneously like it was about to explode. I wasn't even a year postpartum after having my first child and here I was, pregnant again.

I knew surprises like these happened but the thing was, my first baby was a miracle and this second baby wasn't supposed to be possible. On top of my infertility issues, my husband and I decided to be extra careful with condoms and birth control. Despite having one fallopian tube and doing everything in the world trying to prevent a baby, that test wasn't lying and I was completely and utterly devastated.

I had just lost most of my baby weight. I had just started to get my life back on track. I started to have a semblance of freedom as a mother of a 6-month-old who was eating solids and not breastfeeding around the clock anymore. I was even thinking about going back to work. And in the blink of an eye, it was all gone.

How dare I feel this way when other women yearned for biological children?

How dare I feel this way when other women would literally do anything to see those two lines on a stick?

How dare I consider all of my options when I had a safe home, relationship, finances?

The guilt of those ugly thoughts hit me immediately.

Then the next thing I knew I was in the hospital bleeding with a possible miscarriage and I knew at that moment that I could never let go of my child. Despite not being ready psychologically for another baby I was going to do my best.

But the guilt never stopped, even after he was born.

When you have only one child, you can tend to their every need at the drop of a hat, but when you have two it requires a lot more planning and patience.

I knew that when the baby was born my toddler was going to miss out. That my baby was going to miss out. That my husband was going to miss out. And ultimately that I was going to miss out.

I hated that my second child never got to snuggle alone with me for the first year of his life. That he cried more because I had to feed his brother, change diapers, or put him down for a nap and just couldn't focus on him 100% of the time.

I hate how he gets his toys stolen from him, that his brother sometimes hits him, and that I didn't make it to a full year of breastfeeding with him.

But if I look past all those little everyday things and focus on the big picture, I love that he has an older brother to hug him after he falls.

I love that he gets tickled by his bubby and they giggle as they run around the house.

I love that he learned how to climb up and down the stairs in our house and talk faster because he wants to keep up with his older brother.

I love when he hands his brother food and they—finally—share nicely.

I love that my oldest asks for my youngest when he's taking a nap.

I love that this was possible thanks to a change of plans by fate.

My youngest may not get all the attention his brother got as a newborn but he is still growing up to be a strong, smart, independent little man like his older brother. And most importantly, there is more love to go around for all of us.

I would have never imagined that they would willingly kiss one another, or that they would tackle each other with hugs and try to have tickle fights for fun. Nor did I think it was possible for my husband and me to love another tiny human just as much as our first child, and somehow our hearts fill up with more love every single day.

Now, having more than one child may not be for everyone but after everything we went through, I am glad it happened to me. I wouldn't have it any other way.

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They transition seamlessly for indoor play.

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From sunny backyard afternoons to rainy mornings stuck inside, these toys are sure to keep little ones engaged and entertained.

Meadow ring toss game

Plan Toys meadow ring toss game

Besides offering a fantastic opportunity to hone focus, coordination, determination and taking turns, lawn games are just plain fun. Set them up close together for the littles and spread them out when Mom and Dad get in on the action. With their low profile and rope rings, they're great for indoors as well.

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Balance board

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Detective set

Plan Toys detective setDetective Set

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$40

Wooden doll stroller

Janod wooden doll strollerWooden Doll Stroller

Take their charges on a stroll around the block with this classic doll stroller. With the same versatility they're used to in their own ride, this heirloom quality carriage allows their doll or stuffy to face them or face the world.

$120

Sand play set

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Whether you're hitting the beach or the backyard sandbox, this adorable wooden sand set is ready for action. Each scoop has an embossed pattern that's perfect for sand stamping. They're also totally suitable for water play in the wild or the bathtub.

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Water play set

Plan Toys water play set

Filled with sand or water, this tabletop sized activity set keeps little ones busy, quiet and happy. (A mama's ideal trifecta 😉). It's big enough to satisfy their play needs but not so big it's going to flood your floors if you bring the fun inside on a rainy day.

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Mini golf set

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Fore! This mini golf set is lawn and living room ready. Set up a backyard competition or incorporate into homeschooling brain breaks that shift focus and build concentration.

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Vintage scooter balance bike

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Pedals are so 2010. Balance bikes are the way to go for learning to ride a bike while skipping the training wheels stage altogether. This impossibly cool retro scooter-style is built to cruise the neighborhood or open indoor space as they're learning.

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Wooden rocking pegasus

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Your little will be ready to take flight on this fun pegasus. It gently rocks back and forth, but doesn't skimp on safety—its winged saddle, footrests and backrest ensure kids won't fall off whether they're rocking inside or outside.

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Croquet set

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The cutest croquet set we've ever seen! With adorable animal face wooden balls and a canvas bag for easy clean up, it's also crafted to stick around awhile. Round after round, it's great for teaching kiddos math and problem-solving skills as well.

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Wooden digital camera

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Kids get the chance to assemble the camera on their own then can adventure anywhere to capture the best moments. With two detachable magnetic lenses, four built-in filters and video recorder, your little photographer can tap into their creativity from summertime to the holidays.

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Wooden bulldozer toy

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Whether they're digging up sand in the backyad or picking up toys inside, kids can get as creative as they want picking up and moving things around. Even better? Its wooden structure means it's not an eye sore to look at wherever your digger drops it.

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Pull-along hippo

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There's just something so fun about a classic pull-along toy and we love that they seamlessly transition between indoor and outdoor play. Crafted from solid cherry and beechwood, it's tough enough to endure outdoor spaces your toddler takes it on.

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Baby forest fox ride-on

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Toddlers will love zooming around on this fox ride-on, and it's a great transition toy into traditional balance bikes. If you take it for a driveway adventure, simply use a damp cloth to wipe down the wheels before bringing back inside.

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