How did your friendships change after you became a mom?
It's a big fear for many people when they're pregnant: Will my non-mom friends still want to hang when I become a parent? Will we have anything in common anymore? Will they still call, text or visit me?
Clearly, Amy Schumer is navigating those concerns right now while adjusting to her new #momlife, because her friend Jennifer Lawrence (who doesn't have kids) is struggling with the transition, too.
Schumer shared the evidence in her Instagram Stories, proving JLaw has a sense of humor about the whole thing
It looks like Lawrence got confused about what was happening on The Handmaid's Tale and needed Schumer's help ASAP, as apparently not understanding a TV plot constitutes "an emergency" in their friendship. (We totally understand).
"Amy!!! What did she do on season 1 to deserve being in the gallows on season 2? I can't remember where I left off. Are you asleep bc of the baby??? Are you asleep before 11? Is this bc of the baby? Don't make me resent the baby."
When Schumer didn't text back instantly, Lawrence took it to a whole other level.
She continues: "Wow, Ur really asleep before 11. I'll be damned."
"Everybody keeping their cool about me having a baby," Schumer captioned a screenshot of the text exchange.
The thing is, people do freak out a big when someone close to them has a baby. It happens, but it doesn't have to ruin a friendship (although maybe chill on the late night texts).
People do change, but relationships can evolve, too.
When people have babies pretty much everything in their life shifts. Priorities, free time, and even what you like to do for fun changes (as Schumer noted on Instagram she actually has a hard time watching The Handmaid's Tale now that she's a mom due to the heavy content—and that happens to a lot of parents as Motherly co-founder Liz Tenety mentions in the latest episode of The Motherly Podcast, Sponsored by Prudential).
But that doesn't mean that someone who doesn't have a baby and someone who does don't have anything in common anymore.
Parents are still people, and we are still the people we were before we had kids. Friendships can endure, and it is beautiful when they do.
According to therapist Rachel Bowers, some moms feel most connected to their pre-mom selves then hang with friends who aren't parents. It's good for us!
Friendships can survive and thrive after motherhood
Bowers says many moms preemptively assume their friends without kids won't want to chill anymore but that isn't always true. "They may be worried about inviting you places and making you feel disappointed when you can't come or even not wanting to 'bother' you since you have a new baby," says Bowers, but as mom of three Colleen Temple wrote for Motherly, moms often crave those invites from child-free friends and having to say no is better than not getting the invite at all.
It's a complicated situation, but Bowers suggests open communication can make a huge difference. If you're the Amy Schumer, tell your JLaw that you appreciate the text, and if you're not getting them, tell her that her friendship is still important to you even though you have a baby now. And if it doesn't work out, know that that doesn't mean you're not worthy of friendship/
"It's important to remember that some friendships just won't make the transition, and that is okay," says Bowers.
Sometimes parenthood makes us drift apart from some people, but if you prioritize relationships that are important to you it totally doesn't have to. Having some girls time away from the baby is good for mamas, so Schumer should go have a movie night with JLaw (but maybe watch something that hurts a mama heart less than The Handmaid's Tale?.)
You might also like:
- It's science: 'Girls weekends' boost mental health
- To my child-free friends—I might have to say 'no,' but please still invite me
- 5 types of friends that every mom needs