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My baby doesn’t sleep through the night—please stop asking me if he does

If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me, "So are you sleeping much?" or "Does he sleep through the night?" I would be living in a mansion in Beverly Hills and I would definitely have a night nurse.

But, sadly, I don't get any kind of compensation when I get that question (a lot). It honestly seems like I get it almost every single day, whether by a curious stranger or a well-intentioned family member or friend, and my answer is always more of a laugh than an actual answer, because… well, I wish!

I wish he was sleeping "through the night" even if sleeping "through the night" just meant six straight hours. That would be amazing! But my baby is not one of those babies that began sleeping through the night at six weeks old. And who am I kidding, a three hour stretch of sleep would be great!

But that's not our reality right now, so the "night nurse" is my amazing husband and I and we are still waking up every two, give or take, hours at night to feed or console our 6-month-old.

So let's go over the usual checklist of questions we hear and ask ourselves:

Do you have the room pitch black, you ask? Yup.

Do you have a sound machine? Yup.

Do you swaddle? Yup. (And now with his arms out since he is older.)

Have you sleep-trained? Have you tried Baby Wise? Cry It Out? Ferberizing? PUPD?

Have you tried putting him down when he's sleepy but not asleep?

Have you waited to see what happens when he wakes up before you pick him up?

Yes, and yes again; and he cries. Then we have to suck his snot with the snot sucker. And administer gripe water//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=farmhousemama-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B00E3Y0N5G because his crying caused him to develop the worst case of hiccups known to babies. Then that wakes him up completely.

So we're back to rocking and swaying and singing him to sleep.

And I'm back to thinking...I could really use that night nurse.

Even though I am beyond tired, the truth is I don't mind my baby needing to nurse every two to three hours at night because he must need the calories or maybe he just wants an extra snuggle session.

When he was a few weeks old, he wasn't gaining weight like he should have been so the doctor had us waking him up every couple of hours to nurse. During the day if he was napping and it had been three hours since his last feeding, we would wake him up from his nap to get his tummy full.

Once his weight was increasing at a healthy rate, we let him wake us up when he needed to nurse. He consistently started waking up every three hours at night, with a four hour stretch when he first went to bed. Of course, we usually didn't go to bed when he did because we would have dishes to do or laundry to put away. Or we'd finally get a second to have a conversation together while maintaining focus and eye contact.

But those longer four-hour stretches were still a treat! Then, due to the four month sleep regression, teething, or only God knows why, his sleep stretches greatly diminished when he was about four months old. And there we were—back to waking up every two hours. Like most new parents, we never stopped feeling the sleep deprivation effects even with the longer sleep stretches, but they worsened once he went back to waking every two hours.

I have spent countless hours on Google and Pinterest trying to figure out why my baby won't sleep longer stretches. I kept thinking there must be a reason, an answer, a solution. And while I didn't find a magical potion or combination to get my baby to sleep, what I did find out was: We are not alone!

Not all babies sleep through the night by six months. I have found it quite common to find stories about babies not even sleeping through the night by age one.

What works for one baby may not work for every baby. And that's okay.

Not all parents will feel comfortable with the sleep training that involves letting their baby cry. And that's okay.

Not every baby even responds to sleep training well. And that's okay, too.

The biggest thing that gave me hope was hearing that my baby will sleep through the night when he is ready. There is not one cookie cutter solution to fix his sleep patterns. There is nothing wrong with him. We have not failed at sleep training him. We did and continue to do what we believe is best for our son and his health.

Did we cause him to create this sleep schedule where he wakes up at least six times during the night? Maybe we did but how will we ever really know?

Is he using nursing or his daddy's cuddles to soothe himself back to sleep? Probably. But as he's nursing for the third time in the middle of the night, and I'm seeing double of everything on my phone trying to stay awake, I remember that this will not last forever. He will not always want our snuggles to fall back asleep.

Even though I look forward to him sleeping through the night or even five hours in a row, I know I will miss him needing me so often. He will sleep through the night eventually and I have that to look forward to, but right now I will enjoy his midnight snuggles.

The truth is, even if I did get a dollar every time someone asked me how we were sleeping, I still wouldn't hire a night nurse.

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Here are some our favorite "just because" gifts to give our hardworking mama friends.

New Mother face + body care duo

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This correcting oil and stretch mark minimizer is perfect for the pregnant mama looking to keep her pregnancy glow. The correcting oil brightens the skin while reducing dark spots, and the stretch mark minimizer works to smooth her ever-growing belly.

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Allover roller

esker allover roller

This jade roller goes beyond your typical face roller and can be used anywhere on the body. It works to increase stimulation and reduce puffiness and is perfect for applying any oils to the face or body. Plus, it feels like a mini spa treatment.

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Kombucha making kit

farmsteady kombucha making kit

What could be a more perfect gift for the health-obsessed friend? This kombucha making kit comes with everything you need to brew your own homemade green tea kombucha. They'll think this is the tastiest gift ever.

$45

Laetitia lipstick

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This red lipstick is perfect for your makeup enthusiast bestie who is looking to spruce up her life in quarantine. Crafted in the United States, these bee and vegan-friendly and cruelty-free lipsticks are created to flatter all complexions. Cupid and Psyche Beauty makes finding the perfect red lip way too easy!

$23

Jigsaw puzzle

inner piecec jigsaw puzzle

Mamas need to destress now more than ever during quarantine. This adorable jigsaw puzzle is perfect for the mama who needs a brain break! The 500-piece puzzle designed by artist Ray Oranges features an abstract gradient design that fits a standard frame when completed. Bonus: It's printed on recycled paper and the company donates $1 from every puzzle sold to youth mindfulness programs.

$30

Matilda's Bloombox

matilda's bloombox

If we have to be stuck inside, we might as well have some gorgeous florals to brighten up the space. Matilda's Bloombox locally sources blooms, delivers them to her door and provides simple tips on how to arrange it into a beautiful bouquet.

$39

'I Am Enough' bracelet

I Am Enough bracelet

Let this dainty bracelet serve as a constant reminder to your bestie that she is enough. She'll wear this on her wrist and read this daily oath to herself, "I Am Enough."

$35

Glow assorted teas

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This tea gift box set covers the entire spectrum of flavors from sweet to spicy. Individually packaged in beautiful tins, your gal pal will feel like a queen sipping her morning tea. Originally $40, this set is currently on sale for just $24. We'll take two, please.

$24

Find your voice journal

find your voice journal

Journaling is a great way to ease anxiety and will slow your bestie's racing mind before bed. This gift is perfect for first time journalists and includes prompts, daily quotes and coloring pages to help her unlock her potential and find her voice.

$22

Premium frother

shore magic premium frother

This gift is fitting for your latte-sipping bestie who can't go a day without her coffee. All she has to do is add two scoops of collagen to her favorite drink, and she'll have a perfectly foamy drink ready in seconds. Skipping the drive-thru line has never been so easy!

$25

Bath soak infusion kit

maude bath soak infusion kit

Say hello to hydration! She'll be feeling smooth and relaxed as ever after a long bath soaking in these salts. This vegan + cruelty-free set incorporates dead sea salt and dehydrated coconut milk powder for an ultra hydrating experience.

$32

Tiny Tags 'mama' necklace

Tiny Tags 'mama' necklace

It's a hard-earned title she answers to a hundred times per day. Whether she's new to the club or a seasoned professional, this delicate script 'mama' necklace is guaranteed to be a perfect fit.

$105

Superfood honey

Beekeeper's Naturals B.Powered honey

With a lack of sleep and jam-packed days, getting through the afternoon can be a real challenge. Send her a powerful pick-me-up in the form of a therapeutic blend of royal jelly, bee pollen, propolis and raw honey. It makes the ideal companion for tea, smoothies, yogurt or even on its on.

$17

Calming midnight mask with melatonin

Who doesn't deserve a reminder to pamper themself every once in awhile? Even better, this mask does all its work at night while you're sleeping with no extra effort needed. It's an amazing plant-powered antioxidant-packed mask that has melatonin, wild dandelion leaf and hyaluronic acid to rehydrate, repair and reset facial skin. It's so good, you might want to gift it to yourself. We won't tell, mama.

$68

We independently select and share the products we love—and may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.

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