Menu

The rollercoaster of emotions that is quarantining with kids

Even if someone has it worse, your pain during this pandemic is valid.

your pain during this pandemic is valid

Wow. So this is what a global pandemic feels like, eh? Not sure I ever thought about what it'd be like, actually, but I'm pretty sure if I did, it probably would have involved less stress and less quarantine snacks.

But maybe I missed the memo on what pandemic behavior is *supposed* to look like?

Anyway, let's first get one thing out of the way: if you are sick, know someone who is sick, have lost your job or are worrying about losing your job during all of this, my love goes out to you and I'm so sorry.

Now the second thing I need to get out of the way is this: I do not find comparative suffering helpful. Your suffering is valid, my suffering is valid. It's not a competition.

Comparing whether I have a right to be scared or angry or happy or stressed or any other feeling, against what someone else is going through during all of this, is useless. At best, it's unhelpful to what we're actually experiencing and feeling and then only adds guilt on top of all of those feelings when we say things like, "Well, they have it much worse, so I shouldn't feel bad."

Do not misinterpret this to mean I think you should not practice a boatload of gratitude every chance you get. Comparative suffering is very different from gratitude.

Gratitude is incredibly helpful at any given time, especially during a global pandemic. Right now, my energy level is low with all I'm trying to keep up with at home. So trying to figure out whether I deserve to feel exactly how I'm feeling about my given situation because someone else might be more worthy of that feeling because their life is more stressful or busy or whatever— is a really poor use of whatever energy I have left.

We are all worthy of our feelings. It is possible to have good feelings like empathy, gratitude and joy at the same time you're having heavier feelings like sadness, loneliness or grief. That's how humans work.

So, let's stop comparing whether we should be feeling a certain way about all of this and just embrace that we are, quite simply, feeling a lot.

For example: on any given day, I feel frustrated, exhausted, anxious, stressed and agitated with my family. On that same day, I may also feel true joy, peace, gratitude, relief, and deep love towards my family.

I love that I'm getting to spend so much time with my kids. And also? It's too much together time.

I love that I have a job flexible enough for me to work remotely. I'm incredibly grateful my husband and I still have our jobs. And also? I am jealous of my co-workers who don't have two little kids who can't be left to themselves.

I am working an average of maybe three hours a day—on a "good" day—instead of seven. And they're fragmented hours with a distracted and tired mind. The work hasn't lessened, but my time to do the work has. And so, feelings.

I love that we're all, thank goodness, healthy. And also? Every time one of us coughs, I formulate a contingency plan for quarantining the coughing family member if it keeps up. (Like any rational person, obviously.)

I love that the scariness of the world hasn't seeped into the psyches of our kids (from what we can tell). And also? I'm nervous about what this is doing to all of our psyches.

I love that our calendars are completely empty for the first time in (literally) forever. And also? We miss our stuff. Our people. Our routines.

I love that we still have the ability to connect with our family and friends via technology. And also? It's not the same. It just isn't.

Nothing is the same.

For the first week or so, I was upbeat about this whole thing—look on the bright side, find the silver lining, keep laughing. And I still embrace that mentality, but I also can't ignore the other stuff that has all become part of our "new normal."

Like the fact that my partner and I have probably snapped at each other more in the last two weeks than we have in the last six months. Because we're both more tired and stressed than we've ever been. We're trying to find that elusive time with each other when all we have is time with each other—except, not really. Because it's interrupted, distracted time at the end of the day when we barely have enough energy to brush our teeth, let alone have a conversation about anything meaningful.

We've found moments, although fleeting, to check-in with one another about how we're both feeling and to talk about what we need from each other to get through the day. We've been able to laugh at the fact that we're eating as if we're about to hibernate for a prolonged winter and we've resigned to the fact that we're both a bit on edge.

We're all feeling things. Little feelings and big feelings. We're bored yet there's not enough time in these never-ending days that blend together. We're grateful and we're scared. We're relieved and we're anxious. We're happy and we're sad.

We're feeling things while parenting and coupling and working and cleaning and organizing and entertaining and schooling. It's not easy and that's okay.

And if you learn anything from this, then tomorrow, I hope you spend whatever quiet time you do carve out for yourself to go and sit in a parked car in your driveway so that your kids and husband can't find you eating chocolate chips out of your hoodie pocket and sipping on your favorite beverage.

Like the hero you are.

You've got this, mama. One day, one moment, one quarantine snack at a time.

My village lives far away—but my Target baby registry helped them support me from afar

Virtual support was the next best thing to in-person hugs

They say you shouldn't make too many major life transitions at once. But when I was becoming a mama for the first time nearly five years ago, my husband and I also moved to a new town where we didn't know a soul, bought our first house and changed jobs.

To put it mildly, we didn't heed that advice. Luckily, our family and friends still made it feel like such a magical time for us by supporting our every move (literal and otherwise) from afar. They showered us with love through a virtual baby shower (expectant parents nowadays can relate!) featuring the unwrapping of gifts they were able to ship straight to me from my Target registry.

Here's one piece of advice I did take: I registered at Target so I could take advantage of the retailer's benefits for registrants, which include a welcome kit valued over $100, a universal registry function and more. Fast-forward a few years and Target has made the registration perks even better for expectant parents: As of August 2020, they've added a Year of Exclusive Deals, which gives users who also sign up for Target Circle a full year of savings after baby is born on all those new mama essentials, from formula to diapers and beyond.

Honestly, even without the significant perks of a free welcome kit with more than $100 in coupons, additional 15% off coupons to complete the registry and a full year of free returns, registering at Target wasn't a hard sell for me: Even though the experience of shopping for baby items was new, shopping with Target felt like returning home to me… and the comfort of that was such a gift.

And of course, Target's registry plays a vital role right now, as expectant parents everywhere are being forced to cancel in-person baby showers and navigate early parenthood without the help of a hands-on village. A registry like this represents a safe way for communities to come through for new parents. If you're anything like me (or any of the other mamas here at Motherly), you certainly have emotional ties and fond memories associated with Target.

What to register for at Target was also an easy talking point as I began to connect with moms in my new community. I will always remember going on a registry-building spree with my next door neighbor, who had young children of her own. As we walked the aisles of Target back in 2015, she suggested items to add… and we laid the foundation for what has since become one of my most cherished friendships.

Even as I made connections in my new hometown, I was nervous that expecting my first baby wouldn't feel as special as if I were near family and friends. But my loved ones exceeded all expectations by adding the most thoughtful notes to gifts. They hosted a beautiful virtual baby shower and even encouraged me to keep the registry going after my baby made his debut and new needs arose.

In the years since, "community" has taken on a wonderfully complex new meaning for me… and, in these times of social distancing, for the rest of the world. I've come to cherish my newfound friends in our local community alongside those long-time friends who are scattered around the county and my virtual mama friends.

Now, as my friends' families grow, I'm so grateful that I can show them the same love and support I felt during my first pregnancy. I sing the praises of Target's baby registry—especially in light of the pandemic, since I know mamas can do everything from a distance thanks to Target's website and the added benefit of getting trusted reviews and helpful registry checklists.

And now that I'm on the gift-buying side of the equation, I've found new joy in picking thoughtful gifts for my friends. (Because goodness knows Target has something for everyone!)

For my friend who is a fellow runner, I teamed up with a few others to give the jogging stroller she had on her registry.

For my friend who is a bookworm, I helped her start her baby's library with a few books that are also well-loved in our home.

For other friends, I've bundled together complete "sets" with everything they need for bathing or feeding their children.

I know from my own experience that, yes, the registry purchases are so appreciated, but the thoughtfulness and the support they represent means even more. Because although my village may have been distant, the support they showed me was the next best thing to in-person hugs.

Start your own Target Baby Registry here to experience a Year of Benefits including a Year of Exclusive Deals through Target Circle to enjoy for a full year following your baby's arrival, a year of free returns, two 15% off completion coupons and a free welcome kit ($100 value).

This article was sponsored by Target. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

Our Partners

These kids dishes don’t look like kids dishes

And that's exactly why my toddler loves them. ❤️

My 4.5-year-old is, let's say, spirited in his opinions. He very clearly knows what he wants and doesn't want (oh to have the confidence of a stubborn preschooler!). And what he doesn't want right now is anything that looks too babyish. "That's for babies," he'll say if I give him anything with primary colors or looks too miniature. He doesn't want the baby fork and spoon, he wants what grown-ups use. He doesn't want the baby plastic cups and plates, he wants the glass and ceramic ones.

Well, you can see where this is going.

I had to find something that would satisfy his "not a baby" opinions but still not shatter to pieces if he accidentally drops it on the floor. I had to find him something that's made for kids but doesn't feel made for kids.

Keep reading Show less
Shop

10 photos to take on baby’s first day that you'll cherish forever

You'll obsess over these newborn baby pictures.

Bethany Menzel: Instagram + Blog

As you're preparing for baby's birth, we bet you're dreaming of all of the amazing photos you'll take of your precious new babe. As a professional photographer and mama, I have some tips for newborn photos you'll want to capture.

Here are the 10 photos you will want to take on baby's first day.

Keep reading Show less
Life