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Is breast always best? Breast milk is undoubtedly the ideal nourishment for an infant and baby. Many women plan to breastfeed their babies, and for the lucky, breastfeeding is a rewarding and easy experience that facilitates bonding and nurturance. However, for some moms, the act of breastfeeding can range from difficult, to taxing and painful, to absolutely impossible, and the inability to attain this goal can supercede the joys in having a newborn. Our culture often focuses on breastfeeding at the expense of a new mother’s mental health and wellness, too often forgetting that filling baby’s belly is ultimately all that matters.

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Here are four reasons why I, as a doctor, think that you don’t always need to breastfeed.

1. Breastfeeding was originally a necessity due to unsafe bottle-feeding, an issue that no longer exists in the Western World. Breast milk was considered the optimal baby nutrition in the 18th and 19th centuries. Mortality rates were incredibly high for bottle-fed babies due to factors such as poor bottle sanitation procedures, unpasteurized animal milks, and malnutrition.

The early 20th century saw a profound reduction in infant mortality owing largely to the introduction of glass bottles and the subsequent release of Liebig’s formula, the first artificial formula considered a reasonable alternative to breast milk. By the 1940s, the general consensus among pediatricians and the overarching opinion of the American Medical Association (AMA) was that formula was a safe alternative to breast milk.

Rates of breastfeeding declined steadily until the late 1960s into the 1970s. People viewed breastfeeding as an uncultured practice maintained by the uneducated and those unable to afford formula. Many viewed the practice as ‘disgusting.’

Since that time, though, public support for breastfeeding has swung back into the pro camp, partly driven by recommendations to breastfeed from the American Academy of Pediatrics and other health organizations. Healthcare professionals believe that breast milk, which caters to babies’ needs as they grow, provides the healthiest, most adequate nutrition for infants, which can provide immunity against various illnesses and infections. What’s more, more recent studies have shown a correlation between breastfed babies and lower rates of SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome). Support for breastfeeding has increased so much over the past 20 years that in some circles there is currently almost a blind enchantment with the practice. Formula advocacy is not about replacing breast milk, but instead reasserting the idea that health of mom and baby is ultimately what is most important; the drumbeat of breastfeeding advocacy sometimes obliterates this message.

2. Using a bottle can help with postpartum self-preservation. A lot of overwhelmed women who feel they are failing at breastfeeding and thus at motherhood turn up at my practice after consulting friends, social media, and lactation consultants. Instead of concern and helpful guidance, these mothers are greeted with criticism and a myopic focus on the “breast is best” narrative; and the messaging is not subtle.

One of my patients who tried to calm her fussy infant with a pacifier during a breastfeeding information session was called out as a ‘bad example.’ She was told she was being lazy and was ultimately ejected from the event. Nipple confusion is typically cited as the reason why pacifiers should be avoided, yet multiple studies have failed to find causality between pacifier use and reduced rates of breastfeeding. Pacifiers may actually confer safety benefits as they have been linked with a decreased risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS).

Knowing that she was at particularly high risk for postpartum psychosis, a pregnant, bipolar patient of mine painstakingly mapped out a plan to fulfill her dual goals of breastfeeding while remaining emotionally well: she would breastfeed by day and have baby receive a bottle at night while she optimized sleep. Unfortunately, after baby arrived via a complicated C-section birth, she was shamed for her nighttime formula request and was woken every two hours to nurse her new baby. After barely sleeping for three days, she was discharged feeling broken and scared and subsequently developed the very postpartum psychosis she had hoped to avoid.

Some women who don’t have issues nursing can also develop exhaustion and end up struggling as time goes. They are engrossed in an all-consuming breastfeeding schedule -- day in, day -- and oftentimes, nursing their babies become a chore rather than an anticipated bonding time. This can lead to a sense of disconnection, resentment towards partners, and even anxiety and depression.

In any of these cases, bottle feeding, whether it be with breastmilk or formula, could help tremendously in preserving not just your sanity, but also your appreciation and love for this new journey you just embarked on.

3. Formula is not only safe, it can save your baby’s life. Breast milk is the optimal source of nutrition for an infant, yet there are a wide variety of modern formula options that are very similar to breastmilk in terms of nutrients, and sometimes opting out of breastfeeding can actually be protective.

A 2018 study out of UCSF found that supplementing with formula in the first few days of life does not harm baby. Instead for babies who had lost significant weight after birth, providing formula reduced rates of hospital readmission compared with babies exclusively breastfed. In rare cases, a bottle of formula can literally be lifesaving. Furthermore, supplementing with formula does not lead to premature weaning, as is often suggested by breast-is-best adherents, and it does not change baby’s gut flora.

Study after study shows that mom’s mental health is intimately bound to baby’s short- and long-term health and welfare. Consistent data indicates that maternal depression is associated with impaired child cognitive and neuro-development, behavior problems in preschool and beyond, and depression in the teen years.

If breastfeeding is for whatever reason detrimental to mom’s mental health, then bottle feeding is a reasonable alternative. Medical evidence and common sense favor this approach, so it’s a mystery as to why our culture continues to shame moms who opt out of breastfeeding.

4. Happy (and Fed Baby), Happy Mommy. Breastfeeding isn’t always an option for everyone; and in some case, it may even be discouraged. The crux of it is that there is no right or wrong answer - the best way to feed your baby is to do what works: breastfeed, bottle feed, do it all - just don’t beat yourself up or feel like a failure.

Whether the breast glands work or not has absolutely nothing to do with whether someone is a loving, kind and engaged mother. The ability to breastfeed has become a litmus test by which one’s worth and value as a new mom is measured, and this is ridiculous.

It’s time to move beyond the politics of breastfeeding and respect each parent’s decision for how they feed their baby. Babies need to be fed -- the mode is not as important as the love provided while doing so. Being a mom is a long journey with countless opportunities to nourish and support your child -- this is only the first.

Dr. Snyder is a reproductive and perinatal psychiatrist with a unique approach that combines integrative medicine-based treatments. She maintains a private practice in Manhattan and specializes in women’s mental health. Dr. Snyder graduated with a BS from Emory University in Neuroscience & Behavioral Biology. She is a frequent lecturer on the subject of Women's Mental Health and Wellness, and has received extensive medical training in Reproductive Psychiatry from New York University, Beth Israel Medical Center, and Payne Whitney Women’s Program at New York Presbyterian Hospital – Weill Cornell Medical Center. She is also an executive board member for Postpartum Support International. Her weekly radio show, "MD for Moms," can be heard anytime on her website. Dr. Snyder’s Huffington Post parenting blog shares the "MD for Moms" moniker. Dr. Snyder resides in NYC and the North Fork with her husband and three awesome children. In her free time you can find Dr. Snyder training for a marathon, skiing or gardening. For more information, you can check out her website, on Twitter, or on Facebook.

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If you had asked me a few years ago what I thought my biggest accomplishment was, I probably would have rattled off a bunch of career-related successes and financial wins. Or even something about my worldly travels. I was full of money-driven, "success" driven goals. I had it all mapped out.

I was ticking off items on my list thinking the more I did the happier I would become.

But, my sweet child, in the short three and a half years I've been a mama, 1,352 days to be exact, I have realized something. Something you need to know.

No matter what, nothing I do in life will ever be as great as being your mom.

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My accomplishments aren't measured in dollars, they are measured in hugs and kisses. And every time we say "I love you."

My accomplishments aren't measured by other people's praise, they are defined by the fact that I love you and will never stop.

My accomplishments are defined by the truth that I am with you no matter what. By the truth that I will be your biggest fan. Your protector. Your teacher. Your friend. Your confidant.

My accomplishments are defined by the truth that I will always be proud of you. That I will love you unconditionally, always and forever.

Yes, there are times when I achieve some pretty awesome things in life outside of being your mother. Moments I celebrate. Some are money-driven, some are career-driven, others are just things I've wanted to achieve and set out to do so. Am I proud of those things? Sure I am. I want to be an example to you that you can achieve anything you want to in this life. The world really is your oyster. Those moments though, never even come close to how proud I am to be your mom.

You see my child, no amount of money in the world can buy me the feeling of your little arms wrapped tight around me. The feeling of utter happiness I feel when I see you happy. No amount of money can buy the special bond we have.

My greatest accomplishment will always be you.

I won't lie, it isn't always easy. Sometimes, there are moments of exhaustion. Moments of frustration. Moments of tears. Moments where I desperately needed some 'me' time. But I will always choose you.

I know some people will not see motherhood as an accomplishment. That it is just something you do as part of life. But they don't see you like I do. Some people might wonder why I gave up a successful career to be home with you. But they don't know you like I do. They don't know that I was chosen to be your mama. That we were destined to be together. They don't know what an honor it is to be your mama.

So, my sweet child here is the truth.

You are my life's work.

You are my legacy in this world.

You, my child, are my greatest accomplishment and always will be.

[This article was previously published here.]

Life

Aside from hygienic reasons, there's something about a bath that's soothing, inviting and relaxing. Even little ones can enjoy the benefits of self-care but they often need a little bit of entertainment while they're getting cleaned. Because they are so small and constantly putting anything in their mouths, it's important to use toys that are just as safe as they are entertaining.

We gathered a few best practices from the American Academy of Pediatrics for safe bath time with infants and kids and our favorite products to keep our littles having fun in the water:

  • Use a safe, sturdy tub. Baby bathtubs can be "bucket style" for sitting upright, slanted for support, inflatable, folding and spa-style.
  • Be aware of bumps, edges and slings. Consider avoiding tubs with slings and pay close attention to any bumps or edges that pose a risk.
  • Never leave a child alone in a bathtub. Children can drown in 1 or 2 inches of water so make sure you're not stepping away from the bathroom or leaving babies in the care of another child.
  • Check water temperature. Lower the temperature of your water heater to no more than 120 degrees Fahrenheit to avoid burns.

Here are our favorite safe bath toys for infants and toddlers. And of course, always check (and double check) toy labels for age guidelines and hazard warnings:

Green Toys tide pool bath set

Green Toys tide pool bath set

This 7-piece bath set includes a starfish, scallop, abalone, snail, squid and jellyfish, as well as a seaweed-patterned storage bag that are packaged using recyclable materials and printed with environmentally responsible inks. Each piece is designed to pour water in a different way—scoop up water with the abalone and create a cascading waterfall with the holes along the edge, or fill the jellyfish and watch the water run down and out each of the legs.

$12.77

B&H baby thermometer

B&H baby thermometer

Ever wonder if your baby is too hot or too cold during bath time? This high and low temperature alarm includes an accurate thermometer that flashes and beeps when water is at a non-optimal temperature. It also doubles as a bath toy that complies with the Consumer Product Safety Commission's toys safety standards, so you don't have to worry if the thermometer will produce chemical reactions in water. Genius!

$16.99

Sophie la girafe so pure bath toy

Sophie la girafe so pure bath toy

Babies can have fun chewing away this Sophie bath toy because it's made of 100% natural rubber from the rubber tree's sap. The rubber ring is also easy to grip so little ones can have full confidence splashing and playing around. And don't worry, water can't get inside the toy so bacteria and mold won't form.

$23.93

Skip Hop bath puzzle

Skip Hop bath puzzle

A puzzle and bath book in one? Yes, we'll take it! The pages float in water and stick to bath tiles so you're child will be entertained the entire time they're in the water. We love that the handy stroller ring keeps it all together when they're done.

$8.00

Green Toys my first tugboat

Green Toys my first tugboat

This cool tugboat toy is safe for the earth as well as your child. It's made with 100% recycled plastic milk containers, which helps save energy and reduce greenhouse gas emissions, and is free from BPA, PVC and phthalates. It also features a wide spout which will help them scoop and pour water while exploring in the water.

$11.91

Boon marco light-up bath toy

Boon marco light-up bath toy

If you have older kids and are less concerned with them putting toys in their mouth, your kid might enjoy Marco. Put Marco in water and watch him float while the color-changing light activates. It's BPA-free, too.

$11.99

Skip Hop light up bath toy

Skip Hop light up bath toy

Featuring water-activated multicolor lights, this soft and squeezable bath toy is sure to make a splash with any child in your life. Choose from a dinosaur or unicorn with the phthalate-free materials.

$4.50

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This year's flu season has been making headlines, and there's a lot of (perfectly understandable) concern among parents about flu prevention and treatment.

The flu vaccine is the single best way to prevent your child from catching the flu. Other ways to prevent the flu from taking hold in your family include washing hands frequently, avoiding close contact with those who are sick, avoiding touching your eyes, mouth and nose, and staying in good overall health—getting plenty of sleep, eating a nutritious diet and exercising regularly.

But what if, despite your best efforts, your child comes down with the flu? It can be hard to watch children suffer with flu symptoms such as chills, fever, aches, cough and congestion. That's why parents need a helpful, complete, scannable-at-2-am-in-panic-mode rundown of what to do for the flu, when to call the doctor and how to help little ones feel better.

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Here's what to do when you think your child has the flu:

1. How do I know if my child has the flu?

Symptoms of influenza tend to come on suddenly, and include:

  • Fever (100.4 degrees Fahrenheit or greater)
  • Headache
  • Muscle pains
  • Cough
  • Hives
  • Congestion
  • Runny nose

So how do you know whether it's a cold or the flu? Symptoms of the common cold may be similar to the flu, but generally are milder and include cough, congestion, runny nose and sore throat. RSV, or respiratory cold virus, is a separate condition that can cause cold-like symptoms in older children, but may cause a more severe lung disease in infants called bronchiolitis. Your best bet is to call your pediatrician for a diagnosis.

2. What should I do if my child has the flu?

The best treatment for most flu infections is what doctors call "supportive care:" encouraging fluid intake, giving fever-reducing medication such as children's acetaminophen or ibuprofen, and getting plenty of rest.

Children who are at higher risk of complications from the flu or whose symptoms started within the past 48 hours may also receive treatment with an antiviral medication. Talk with your primary care provider about your options.

3. What medicines are safe for my child to take for the flu?

Fever-reducing medications, including ibuprofen and acetaminophen, can generally be given to children with the flu with your pediatrician's okay. Children should not receive aspirin. Be sure to follow dosing directions for your child's age and weight.

4. What are home remedies for flu symptoms in kids?

Flu treatment is all about comfort care for symptoms—rest, fluids, fever-reducer, repeat. Keep children with the flu home from school, preschool or daycare, keep them comfortable in bed (or snuggled up on the couch), and offer fluids—and plenty of sympathy.

5. Should I try to make my child with the flu eat, or drink?

Keeping kids hydrated while they're sick with the flu is important. Encourage small, frequent sips of liquids and soup to keep up with hydration. But don't worry about forcing your child to eat a hearty meal: As your child's infection resolves, their appetite will return.

6. When should I call the doctor for my child's flu?

Parents should always call their pediatrician if they're worried, of course, and if your child has a chronic medical condition that may be worsened by the flu, call your doctor right away. Here are symptoms that warrant an immediate call to your care provider:

  • Fast breathing
  • Signs of dehydration including decreased urine output
  • Fever and cough which improved at first but have worsened
  • Fever above 103 degrees, or any fever in a child under 3 months of age

Serious signs that warrant a trip to the emergency room or a 911 call, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC):

  • Labored breathing
  • Blue discoloration of the lips or face
  • Difficulty in awakening
  • Severe muscle pains
  • Seizure activity

7. How long will my child's flu last?

Most kids with the flu run a fever for 3 or 4 days with aches and chills. But the worst symptoms tend to be over within 4 days or so, with gradual improvement in respiratory symptoms after the fever resolves.

8. When is it safe for my child to go back to school or daycare after having the flu?

Most daycares and schools have specific guidelines, such as 24 hours without a fever. Children with the flu are usually contagious for 5 to 7 days after the first onset of symptoms, and are at their most contagious when their fever peaks during the first 3 days. In general, children should stay home until they're fever-free for 24 hours and respiratory symptoms have improved.

Watching your child suffer with the flu can be hard, but knowing steps you can take to help your little one feel better fast can help. Hang in there—even flu season can't last forever.

Learn + Play

If you haven't bought an Instant Pot yet, what are you waiting for, mama? It's one of those holy grail items that, once used, you're not sure how you ever lived without it. In fact, it was one of the most-purchased items from Motherly mamas last year and was life-changing for one of our editors when she finally caved and tried it out for her family.

Whether you're a chef who loves to make gourmet meals or a mama who hates cooking and needs more time in the day, it's one of those products that works for everyone.

And, the Instant Pot is on super sale today on Amazon—just $56.99.

Instant Pot 6-quart

instant pot sale

Why does it have such a cult following? Because it cuts down on cooking time and you can cook just about anything in it. It acts as a pressure cooker, slow cooker, rice cooker, steamer and warmer all in one. And the smart one-touch program makes cooking ribs, soups and desserts so much easier.

The 6-quart size cooks for up to six people, making it the perfect size for your family, and is 29% off today.

$56.99

We independently select and share the products we love—and may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.

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