Menu

Pregnancy After Miscarriage

Getting pregnant after a miscarriage is an emotional rollercoaster ride.

Pregnancy After Miscarriage

This month, I received a sobering reminder that it'd been one year since my miscarriage.

Usually, my Facebook memories oscillate between semi-embarrassing college posts and photos of my two children. But when last year's announcement that we had lost our baby at 12 weeks popped up, I sort of went numb. I couldn't bring myself to reread it, let alone the hundred plus comments that followed.

I sat there not reading but no longer scrolling through my newsfeed, holding my pregnant belly; and as I felt the kicks of the baby who will soon be joining our family, I thought about just how much can change in a year.

FEATURED VIDEO

It took a year to get pregnant with my daughter, our first child. I peed on so many sticks that year, praying for a plus sign, only to start my period an hour later. Each time was more devastating than the last. And then, after twelve months of trying, I got a plus sign.

My pregnancy wasn’t easy. I suffered from Hyperemesis Gravidarum, à la Kate Middleton. I was hospitalized for dehydration and had to take anti-nausea medicine well into my third trimester just to keep some food and water down. The labor and delivery wasn’t much prettier, but 23 hours later, I was holding my beautiful little girl.

Not long after she turned one, my husband and I found out we were pregnant again. Sickness ensued. This pregnancy seemed much harder. It turns out that running after a one-year-old while trying to swallow your vomit is pretty gross. And yet, I cherished those nine months more than I had the first time. No longer a rookie parent, my heart ached in loving anticipation for this second blessing coming my way. My son was born 4 days before my daughter’s second birthday. So much can change in a year.

The summer after my son turned one, we took a family trip. Somehow in a hotel room with two napping toddlers, my husband and I found a way to get frisky. A few weeks later, that plus sign popped up once more - but this time it was met with surprise, and right on schedule a few weeks later, extreme morning sickness.

As much as this third baby was unexpected, I quickly became attached and enjoyed making plans for our party of five. Unable to hide my nausea, I let family, friends and work know about our growing family.

It was at my first doctor’s appointment at 12 weeks, that we learned there was no longer a heartbeat. Even with my husband by my side, I have never felt so alone.

For months after the miscarriage, I wouldn't even talk about having another baby. The idea of putting my body through another pregnancy to end up without a baby again was too much to consider.

A family of four we were meant to be, I told myself. I would try to convince myself that I shouldn’t feel so devastated because I was fortunate enough to have my two babies at home. I constantly reminded myself again of how lucky I was. The truth is, my pep-talks weren’t working, and the months that followed didn’t get any easier. A friend and neighbor’s growing belly was a constant reminder of what I was no longer meant to have.

As my precious lost baby’s due date approached, my emotions were unpredictable and almost unbearable. The whole experience had been so personal, and while my husband offered boundless support, I continued to feel incredibly alone. My kids celebrated their second and fourth birthdays just weeks after we were supposed to welcome baby number three. I thought I had gained closure after the due date had passed, until two months later we were shocked to learn we were pregnant again.

I should have been thrilled! Elated! Or, at the very least, I should have felt something, right? Yet from the moment I found out I was pregnant, I’ve felt completely detached. I have no doubt that this has been my heart's way of protecting itself. What if something goes wrong again? If I'm not emotionally attached, surely it won’t hurt so badly.

Just like clockwork, I started throwing up at 6 weeks. Other than the fact that I struggled to keep food down all summer, I nearly forgot that another baby was coming.

At my first doctor’s appointment, it took the nurse forever to find a heartbeat, and I didn’t even flinch. How had I become so cold and shut off? Was I a bad mom? When was I actually going to care about this baby? And then a few weeks ago, I started feeling those familiar flutters. The flutters grew into movements. The movements grew into kicks and elbows that I can not only feel, but witness as this baby grows inside of me.

My mind is now beginning to ease. My heart is filling. And - thank goodness - my expanding stomach is no longer nauseated. By the beginning of 2017, we will welcome a new baby into our family. Unlike with my first two, this time we decided not to find out the gender. The truth is, it really doesn’t matter. We are ready to become our party of five. And I can finally say I’m excited for all of the changes that will come with the new year.

Lauren Golden is a wife, mom, owner of TFM Media and blogger at TheFreeMama.com. As a perpetual pursuer of a healthy work/family balance, she is passionate about working moms and writes for a community who want to be a kick-butt career women and PTA presidents {okay, maybe not president}. Lauren lives in Texas with her entrepreneur hubby, two toddlers and one on the way.

In This Article

    Why right now is the best time for a drivable getaway

    Flexible schedules mean more vacation options. 🙌

    Looking back now, last winter feels like a lifetime ago. At the time, my husband and I were eagerly planning our summer vacation just as we've done in years past. You know how the next part goes: COVID-19 came into the picture and changed our plans not only for vacationing, but for so much else in life.

    In the time since then, we've gained a truly valuable new perspective on what matters—and realized we don't have to look so far to make beautiful memories with our kids. By exploring getaways within driving distance of our home, we've developed a new appreciation for the ability to "pack up the car and go."

    Of course, that isn't to say that travel is the carefree adventure it once was. With COVID-19 still a very big part of the equation, we've become much more diligent about planning trips that allow for social distancing and exceed cleanliness standards. That's why we've exclusively turned to Vrbo, which helps us find nearby accommodations that meet our new criteria. Better yet?

    Thanks to the money we've saved by skipping air travel and our remote-friendly work schedules, we're able to continue with the trips throughout the fall.

    Here are a few more reasons we believe it's a great time for drivable getaways.

    Flexible schedules allow us to mix work + play.

    After months of lockdown, my family was definitely itching for a change of scenery as the summer began. By looking at drivable destinations with a fresh set of eyes—and some helpful accommodation-finding filters on Vrbo—we were able to find private houses that meet our needs. (Like comfortably fitting our family of five without anyone having to sleep on a pull-out couch!)

    With space to spread out and feel like a home away from home, we quickly realized that we didn't need to limit our getaways to the weekends—instead we could take a "Flexcation," a trip that allows us to mix work and play. Thanks to the ability to work remotely and our kids' distance-learning schedule for the fall, we're planning a mid-week trip next month that will allow us to explore a new destination after clocking out for the day.

    We’re embracing off-season deals.

    With Labor Day no longer marking the end of our vacationing season, we're able to take advantage of nearby getaways that mark down their rates during the off season. For us in the Mountain West, that means visiting ski-town destinations when the leaves are falling rather than the snow. By saving money on that front, we're able to splurge a bit with our accommodations—so you can bet I search for houses that include a private hot tub for soaking in while enjoying the mountain views!

    Vacationing is a way to give back.

    If we've learned one thing this year, it's that life can change pretty quickly. That's given us a new appreciation for generous cancellation policies and transparent cleaning guidelines when booking trips. By seeing both of these things front and center in Vrbo listings along with reviews from fellow travelers, I feel confident when I hit the "book now" button.

    Beyond that, I know that booking a trip through Vrbo isn't only a gift to my family. On the other side of the transaction, there are vacation home owners and property managers who appreciate the income during these uncertain times. What's more, taking getaways allows us to support our local economy—even if it's just by ordering new takeout food to enjoy from our home away from home.

    While "looking ahead" doesn't feel as easy as it once did, I am confident that there will be a lot of drivable getaways in our future.

    This article was sponsored by Vrbo. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

    Our Partners

    Every week, we stock the Motherly Shop with innovative and fresh products from brands we feel good about. We want to be certain you don't miss anything, so to keep you in the loop, we're providing a cheat sheet.

    So, what's new this week?

    Happiest Baby: Baby sleep solutions designed by the experts

    Created by renowned pediatrician, baby sleep expert and (as some might say) lifesaver Dr. Harvey Karp, Happiest Baby has been helping new parents understand and nurture their infants for close to two decades. Building on the success of his celebrated books and video The Happiest Baby on the Block and The Happiest Toddler on the Block he's developed groundbreaking, science-based product solutions that conquer a new parent's top stressor—exhaustion.

    WSEL Bags: Dad-designed diaper bags that think of everything

    WSEL stands for work smart, enjoy life—an ethos we couldn't agree with more. Founded by a stay at home dad who struggled to find a diaper bag that he not only wanted to use, but one that would last far beyond the baby years, these premium, adventure-ready backpacks are ideal for everything from errands to week-long getaways.

    Codex Beauty: Exceptionally effective sustainable skin care

    Codex Beauty's line of sustainable plant-based skin care blends the science of plant biology with biotech innovations, to create clinically proven, state-of-the-art products for all skin types. They're all vegan, EWG and Leaping Bunny verified and created in collaboration with Herbal Scientist Tracy Ryan who uses concepts dating back to the 8th century leveraging plants like sea buckthorn and calendula flower. Not only are we totally crushing on the innovative formulas that are in the packaging but we're in love with the sustainable sugarcane-derived tubes as well.

    Not sure where to start? Here's what we're adding to our cart:

    Keep reading Show less
    Shop

    Mama, all I see is you

    A love letter from your baby.

    Mama,

    I can't see past you right now, I'm so small and everything's a little blurry.

    All I see is you.

    When you feel alone, like the walls are closing in, remember I'm here too. I know your world has changed and the days feel a little lonely. But they aren't lonely for me.

    You are my everything.

    When you feel like you don't know what you're doing, you're making it look easy to me. Even though we're still getting to know each other, you know me better than anyone.

    I trust you.

    Keep reading Show less
    Life